So there's a tornado warning until 11 this morning, which, combined with the lukewarm temperature and dark sky, is making me a little nervous. Knowing my luck, the bastard will touch down in the driveway and mash my car up...lol.

I turn 17 on Thursday....I know, big f***ing deal, right? That's how I feel in a way, but I also feel kinda weird about it. It's my last year as a minor, and I feel like I can't wait to get the hell out of my dad's house. Not that we aren't getting along better, because we are. Actually, we're doing ALOT better, and I'm going with him to Florence, SC today to pick something up. We're leaving in a little bit.

It's just that I feel like he doesn't need me around to make his life a living hell, even though I'm trying hard not to. He just up and quit his job a couple weeks ago and went into business for himself, and my stepmom and cousin are doing a lot to help him out. The thing is, he wants me to quit my job and work for him, but I don't want to. I haven't given him an answer, but I plan to tell him today on our road trip. I hope it won't make him mad at me or change things between us, but I think I'd be really dissapointed in myself if I left the golf course.

I'm thinking that I might stay at the golf course and help my dad out when I can. He said he'd pay me more to work for him than I'm making now, but I don't think I could take his money. I'd only be willing to help him out if it were for free, just because he's my dad and anything he does to make money benefits me anyway. I know he pays my cousin, but James is 21 and has his own place and things. I can understand that, but as long as I live at home, I don't think I can take his money.

At the same time, I don't want to quit my job. Not just because of the money, but because, in a stupid sort of way, I feel like it's the most important thing I've ever done in my life. I make really good money, and I feel like I'm in charge of myself (which I basically am, even though I have a supervisor). I like working on things, and I'm learning a lot about wiring and hydraulics. I think I'm going to try to take some electrician courses when I get into college, and some Process Controller courses too. Since it's doubtful that I'll be getting into William and Mary, I have to start thinking about ODU for now. Maybe at some point, if I get good enough grades at ODU, I can look at going to W&M, but for now, I don't see it happening with my grades as bad as they are this year.

So anyway, yeah, that's what's been going on in a nutshell. My lovelife has been moving in two speeds...slow and stop. Me and Taylor have been taking things one day at a time, but I can't be bothered with his dumbness. I haven't smoked any pot in three weeks, and my goal is to never smoke it again. It seems like he's just picking up the slack for me, and he's missing a crapload of school. I still love him and we hang out all the time, but as far as being boyfriends, I think we're over. But I'm okay with that, and he's getting over it too. I'll always be here for him, and as soon as he decides to get himself together, I'll help him anyway he needs me too. But I have to think about myself, too. I hope that doesn't make me selfish, but even if it does, I have to be that way.