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Please stay.

rich_e

Entry posted by rich_e

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So lately I've been kind of emotional, and I haven't pinned it to anything. I'm controlling my emotions in the sense that only one or two people even know that things are affecting me the way they are. I've done a pretty good job of putting on a smile and not letting it affect my performance at work or my mood around my friends. Whenever I get home, though, I just feel like I want to eat a pint of ice cream and watch Will & Grace and not think about anything else (which I of course haven't done repeatedly, or not, say, yesterday or anything).

 

I'm starting to realize why I'm so sensitive lately. It's getting close. He's leaving in 26 days. I just don't know what to do. When I first found out he was leaving, I was hurt. He knew this, but I never got to tell him why. We had a talk, but it was just him saying that he didn't want me to be upset with him and that he would still come down and visit, and that he didn't want to leave, but it's something that he had to do.

 

I don't want him to go. Since he told me he's leaving, our relationship hasn't been the same. We don't talk on the phone, we don't hang out, I don't know what's going on in his life. We see each other at work, but it's not the same since I'm constantly being observed. I feel like I've already lost him, and I kind of have the feeling that he was trying to distance himself to make things easier when he left. I understand the reasoning, but I still think it was selfish of him. Shouldn't he want to hang out as much as possible before he left? The way he's been acting has just made me question our whole friendship.

 

These last couple of days, he's kind of been acting like he did before. He's being playful at work, and he's leaving me comments on myspace and whatnot. I'm not really responding, though. It just feels weird. It feels like it's too little too late. I guess because I've been so upset for so long, I've come to expect some grand gesture to prove that he's still a good guy and he still values our friendship. I know it's not coming.

 

I want to tell him not to leave, but I know that's not what he needs. It just feels like I'm screaming under my breath. I miss him. The old him, the one that didn't act like a careless, immature, inconsiderate prick. I want to slap him to his senses, but I don't know how. I guess there's really not much I can do at this point. :(

2 Comments

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AFriendlyFace

Hey Richie,

 

:hug:

 

I'm sorry you're going through all this :(

 

I know about friends moving and it definitely blows! When my two very close friends moved away last May I spent days before, on the day of, and after breaking into tears randomly. And now I'm faced with another very close friend moving away in 2-3 months :(

 

It definitely sucks, but I think what it comes down to is whether or not they're happy and whether or not it's the best thing for them to do. You said he feels like he needs to go. Is this a general desire to see the world? Is he getting a new job or going to a new school? If those are the sort of things, then yeah it definitely sucks but it really might be something wonderful for him.

 

If it's something cruddier like having to move to take care of family or something like that, then it's definitely not going to be as "good" for him, but it's probably just as important, or maybe more so. In any case, chances are he's got a good reason.

 

I've also been on the moving away side a couple of times. It's tough and it completely screws with your way of thinking. You might not bother to get to know people better because you think you'll be gone soon, you might sorta keep thinking of all the things you'll miss like someone's birthday, or in my case I had a pregnant friend and I knew I'd never get to see the baby :( , and in general everything just takes on a different perspective. Sometimes there is a temptation to distance yourself. It doesn't necessarily mean you don't care about the people. In fact it might mean that you care about them so much you don't think you can get through it.

 

I guess what I'm saying is I know how hard it is for you, and I know how hard it is for him. (or at least I can sorta guess on both accounts) All I can say is that you've got the right idea. You should cherish the time you've got left together. Try not to spend it fighting, or avoiding each other, or focusing on anything but the good times you've had together.

 

Also, you're probably thinking there's no way you'll stay in touch, or that it just won't be the same or whatever. Well it won't be exactly the same, but that doesn't mean it can't still be really good. I have a much better and emotionally closer relationship with one of the friends I left behind two years ago. With another we have a surprisingly similar relationship to that which we've always had. As for my two friends that moved away, I stayed in touch with them two, and it actually looks like they might end up moving back.

 

Point is if you want to stay close you will...regardless of distance.

 

:hug:

 

I hope you feel better and I hope you get a chance to enjoy the time you have left together in the same city. And when he does leave...well eat a pint of ice cream and watch Will and Grace ;)

 

-Kevin

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rich_e
Hey Richie,

 

:hug:

 

I'm sorry you're going through all this :(

 

I know about friends moving and it definitely blows! When my two very close friends moved away last May I spent days before, on the day of, and after breaking into tears randomly. And now I'm faced with another very close friend moving away in 2-3 months :(

 

It definitely sucks, but I think what it comes down to is whether or not they're happy and whether or not it's the best thing for them to do. You said he feels like he needs to go. Is this a general desire to see the world? Is he getting a new job or going to a new school? If those are the sort of things, then yeah it definitely sucks but it really might be something wonderful for him.

 

If it's something cruddier like having to move to take care of family or something like that, then it's definitely not going to be as "good" for him, but it's probably just as important, or maybe more so. In any case, chances are he's got a good reason.

 

I've also been on the moving away side a couple of times. It's tough and it completely screws with your way of thinking. You might not bother to get to know people better because you think you'll be gone soon, you might sorta keep thinking of all the things you'll miss like someone's birthday, or in my case I had a pregnant friend and I knew I'd never get to see the baby :( , and in general everything just takes on a different perspective. Sometimes there is a temptation to distance yourself. It doesn't necessarily mean you don't care about the people. In fact it might mean that you care about them so much you don't think you can get through it.

 

I guess what I'm saying is I know how hard it is for you, and I know how hard it is for him. (or at least I can sorta guess on both accounts) All I can say is that you've got the right idea. You should cherish the time you've got left together. Try not to spend it fighting, or avoiding each other, or focusing on anything but the good times you've had together.

 

Also, you're probably thinking there's no way you'll stay in touch, or that it just won't be the same or whatever. Well it won't be exactly the same, but that doesn't mean it can't still be really good. I have a much better and emotionally closer relationship with one of the friends I left behind two years ago. With another we have a surprisingly similar relationship to that which we've always had. As for my two friends that moved away, I stayed in touch with them two, and it actually looks like they might end up moving back.

 

Point is if you want to stay close you will...regardless of distance.

 

:hug:

 

I hope you feel better and I hope you get a chance to enjoy the time you have left together in the same city. And when he does leave...well eat a pint of ice cream and watch Will and Grace ;)

 

-Kevin

 

You pretty much hit it spot on, he's leaving for family. And the past couple of weeks, I've kind of come to understand it from his point of view. I'm at the stage where it's too hard for me. I can't spend more than a couple of moments around him without feeling like I might breakdown, so I don't. I'm not sure if he has been acting like this cause we really were good friends and he thought it would be too hard to say goodbye, or if he just feels like we're not friends anymore. I don't think either of them would make me feel better.

 

He's brought up a goodbye party, but he didn't really invite me. It was kind of just mentioned, and with everyone else it was "plan to spend the night" or "we're gonna have so much fun", but for me it was "i'm going to have a going away party on the 4th, kind of a collective goodbye." I know that that was his invitation, but it really didn't feel like one. I don't want to go.

 

Grrr, I know, I know... I have to. You're completely right, I have to put aside my stupid feelings and realize that he's the one that's leaving. It's my turn to just play the role of a friend. Bah, I hate it when you're right about these type of things. :P

 

Thanks for the response, Kev. :hug:

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