Sperm Donor to Lesbian couple sued for child support

[Demetz]

December 2, 2007 -- A sperm donor who sent gifts signed "Dad" to his biological son has been slapped with a child-support order, 18 years after helping his friend get pregnant.

 

The Nassau County man donated his sperm to a work colleague, and included his name on the child's birth certificate, saying it would give the boy an identity, courts documents revealed.

 

He then blurred the lines between donor and full-time father by sending money, presents and cards signed "Dad" and "Daddy," and having phone chats with the now college-bound teen.

 

But the man's goodwill backfired: A court ruling says he is now liable for financial support of the 18-year-old, who lives with his mother in Oregon.

 

"It really is no good deed goes unpunished," said the man's lawyer, Deborah Kelly of Potrush and Daab in Garden City.

 

"When people do things they think are being done with good intentions and there is an agreement and one of the party reneges on the agreement, it is certainly disconcerting."

 

She said the time lapse was "unusual."

 

"He was assured that he would have no responsibility on his part and of course 18 years has elapsed where there hasn't been responsibility," she said.

 

"He did not anticipate this would happen now, when the child is almost an adult, that the mother would come forward for child support."

 

She said her client had requested a DNA test, "because we have no concrete evidence he is the father."

 

Nassau County Family Court judge Ellen Greenberg ruled Nov. 16 against a paternity test, saying it would have a traumatic effect on the child.

 

The child signed an affidavit stating that he has "never known anyone other than [the man] to be his father," according to court documents.

 

If payments were to go ahead, the child support would be determined based on the mother's earning capacity; the reported income of her partner, who is also a doctor; and the father's income.

 

Because of privacy concerns, all parties remain unnamed.

 

The mother is identified in court papers as P.D., the alleged father as S.K., and their son as K.K.

 

The donor was a married doctor at a Nassau County hospital when he donated his sperm to a hospital resident and her female partner in the late 1980s.

 

At the time of the boy's birth in 1989, the man orally agreed he would not have any rights or benefits in the child's upbringing.

 

The father said he had contact with the child from his birth until 1993, when the lesbian couple and his son moved to Oregon, according to court documents.

 

From then the contact dropped to seven phone calls in the past 15 years and one meeting for a few hours three years ago.

 

Calls by The Post to the mother's attorney, Jeffrey Herbst, were not returned.

 

About 1 million American children are the product of sperm donors - the majority of them being anonymous fathers - with 30,000 more born each year.

 

Court rulings over parental rights from artificial insemination remain murky. Similar cases across the country have varied.

 

The Washington State Court of Appeals ruled in 2004 that a donor isn't bound to pay child support, unless he and the mother have a signed contract.

 

But earlier this year, a Pennsylvania judge held a sperm donor liable for support, noting he had spent thousands of dollars on toys and clothing for two children that he helped a lesbian couple conceive.

 

http://www.nypost.com/seven/12022007/news/...onor_901096.htm

 

As much as I might like to support our friends and counterparts in the opposite sex, this just seems so wrong to me. This man helps them have a child, agrees to cede all custody and rights to the child, plays a limited part in the child's life (come on, the kid's going to wonder who his father is and since the father was a friend of the mother there's no reason for him to have just disappeared) and then after 18 years she slaps him with a child support suit? Obviously she and her partner who were both doctors were perfectly capable of raising the child financially and the child wasn't short a parent: he still had two presumably loving parents throughout his life with a third parent who also loved him but respected his mothers wishes to raise him without interference. The only reason I can see for suing this man for child support 18 years after the fact is because if they'd done it before he would have had every right to sue for at least partial custody. In a sense he had that right all along but didn't do it because she was a friend... or so he thought. Considering the child is almost an adult, the only point I can see to suing for child support is pure greed and I can not understand how the court could rule against this man.

[The Reaper]

cough*greedy bitches*cough

 

 

 

sorry, i really have to get that cough checked out

[Benji]

http://www.nypost.com/seven/12022007/news/...onor_901096.htm

 

As much as I might like to support our friends and counterparts in the opposite sex, this just seems so wrong to me. This man helps them have a child, agrees to cede all custody and rights to the child, plays a limited part in the child's life (come on, the kid's going to wonder who his father is and since the father was a friend of the mother there's no reason for him to have just disappeared) and then after 18 years she slaps him with a child support suit? Obviously she and her partner who were both doctors were perfectly capable of raising the child financially and the child wasn't short a parent: he still had two presumably loving parents throughout his life with a third parent who also loved him but respected his mothers wishes to raise him without interference. The only reason I can see for suing this man for child support 18 years after the fact is because if they'd done it before he would have had every right to sue for at least partial custody. In a sense he had that right all along but didn't do it because she was a friend... or so he thought. Considering the child is almost an adult, the only point I can see to suing for child support is pure greed and I can not understand how the court could rule against this man.

 

 

...........I hope this "couple" isn't seeking support from GLBT groups in their area, Hell I don't see how any group can support them this is simple greed!

[Benji]

......What he said!! Edited December 4, 2007 by Benji

[rknapp]

...and people wonder why some guys enjoy being gay.

 

 

LMAO j/k.

[Graeme]

I'm struck by the fact that the same situation was reported in the The Sydney Morning Herald today, but for some people in Britian. In that case, he only became liable when the lesbian couple split up. He's also fighting it.

 

As a side point, why is he requested to pay child support for an 18 year old? Is the son legally an adult and no longer a child?

[Benji]

I'm struck by the fact that the same situation was reported in the The Sydney Morning Herald today, but for some people in Britian. In that case, he only became liable when the lesbian couple split up. He's also fighting it.

 

As a side point, why is he requested to pay child support for an 18 year old? Is the son legally an adult and no longer a child?

 

 

..........The B_tch is seeking back child support for the last 18 years!

Edited December 5, 2007 by Benji

[Graeme]

..........The B_tch is seeking back child support for the last 18 years!

If that's the case, then I hope it gets thrown out. The statute of limitations is well and truly past, and they can't claim special circumstances because they couldn't contact him. If they haven't asked for support for 18 years, the judge should be asking some questions about why not.

[Benji]

If that's the case, then I hope it gets thrown out. The statute of limitations is well and truly past, and they can't claim special circumstances because they couldn't contact him. If they haven't asked for support for 18 years, the judge should be asking some questions about why not.

 

 

....No, it was a mutual agreement between them that they would raise the child by themselves. The father however kept in contact with gifts and phone calls, I guess he should have consulted a lawyer firs over this arrangement and getting it in writting.

His good deed went punished.

[Lugh]

what's funny is a simple court document could have saved all this trouble... the termination of parental rights... then he could not have sued for cutstody, they would not have feared it and moved across the country, and they could not have ever gotten any child support from him. I'm glad I have one.... er four.

[Benji]

what's funny is a simple court document could have saved all this trouble... the termination of parental rights... then he could not have sued for cutstody, they would not have feared it and moved across the country, and they could not have ever gotten any child support from him. I'm glad I have one.... er four.

 

 

:wacko: .........four!!!!!!!!!! :wacko:

[CoLeYy]

This lady is deff greedy... and the child is 18

doesnt child support end at the age of 18 anyways?

how can you possibly sue for it ?

[Benji]

This lady is deff greedy... and the child is 18

doesnt child support end at the age of 18 anyways?

how can you possibly sue for it ?

 

 

..........The B_tch is seeking back child support for the last 18 years! (read article in 1st post)

[CoLeYy]

yeah i just dont get what is going through this crazy lady's head..

if you had a sperm donor why the hell would you ask for that

i mean most sperm donors just give it in and never even hear about the kids.

forget about gettin child support from a sperm donor .

and the guy said he still sent money and spoke to the child on the phone

thats more then what any other sperm donor would do.

why cant she be greatfull that she got a guy who wanted to know what his child was like?

urghhh

this is why us girls get bad names for being greedy -.-

[Benji]

yeah i just dont get what is going through this crazy lady's head..

if you had a sperm donor why the hell would you ask for that

i mean most sperm donors just give it in and never even hear about the kids.

forget about gettin child support from a sperm donor .

and the guy said he still sent money and spoke to the child on the phone

thats more then what any other sperm donor would do.

why cant she be greatfull that she got a guy who wanted to know what his child was like?

urghhh

this is why us girls get bad names for being greedy -.-

 

 

......But being a lady that you are. Please don't lump yourself with that "ilk"

[CoLeYy]

ilk?

[Hylas]

kind.

 

greed. its everywhere. just because those b*****s probably need drug money, doesn't mean all girls are like that.

 

heck. everyone has the potential to do that. it's our capacity to resist it that makes us the good guys. heh

 

i just hope this doesn't throw gay child rearing into more bad light. :S

 

and whats up with stupid judges? LOL

[adblue]

Hold on, gang. We don't know the whole story here.

 

He waived rights, verbally, but yet put his name on the birth certificate and remained in contact with gifts and calls. (Hey, laudable, I think.)

 

The child's moms moved and dropped contact. (Was that their choice or was the man becoming demanding or controlling in some way? We don't have any indication he was, but maybe they thought so.)

 

Now the moms are seeking back-pay in child support? Hmm. That doesn't make sense or support the idea that he could've been a problem for them.

 

I would tend to say the sperm donor is right. However --

 

In a way, both sides are trying to have their cake and eat it too.

 

The moms want back-pay in child support. After the child is 18 and in college. Sorry, that's really not the time to ask for it. They were in contact with him for years.

 

The sperm donor or biological dad isn't faultless. He gave his name on the birth certificate. He stayed in contact and gave presents. Didn't he give other support for the child? Didn't the moms accept those things? Even though he verbally waived rights, he still (admirably) wanted contact to give the child a sense of fulfillment. -- So why *not* contribute fully to the child's support? (Alright, the moms are a couple and the sperm donor is married. Even so, why not help raise his biological child, if he was still going to be in contact? It's a gray area, but you can see what my choice would be. If I fathered a child, I'd want to be involved in his or her life, if possible.)

 

I don't at all dispute that the man had good intentions, in staying in contact and giving gifts. That's great for the child and him. It just seems a shame not to extend that to partial custody and support, if the relationships were amicable among all of them.

 

So now, here's junior (young guy or girl) in college, and his mothers are fighting his sperm donor biological father over money. He hasn't had contact with the dad in years. -- It's going to tear up the now-adult child. I hope he or she gives them all a piece of his (her) mind.

 

I sure hope the judge does.