blessings are they important ?

[Menzoberranzen]

I happen to agree with that. There's a certain point in which a couple may decide that their intention is a long-term commitment, sometimes for the remainder of their lives. Indeed, a couple like that needs the blessing of both sets of parents.

 

Nobody 'needs' the bleesings of parents. My first serious, long-term relationship was with a guy whose parents hated me, and we managed just fine.

 

Parents need to learn when to let go of their children, and children need to learn that they have to make their own decisions. I think that in the end, any reasonable parent will give their 'blessing' simply because that's what the child wants, but I do not think it is or should be a prerequisite for a successful relationship.

 

Menzo

[YaP]

I happen to agree with that. There's a certain point in which a couple may decide that their intention is a long-term commitment, sometimes for the remainder of their lives. Indeed, a couple like that needs the blessing of both sets of parents.

 

 

I voted "no" on both. Although i think it doesn't hurt to have the blessing of parents and friends, its not something I - or the relationships I have - depend on. Thats something purely between my partner and me. Even if it is a long-term commitment, I don't see the need for the blessing of the parents. Of course it would be nice to have it, but it wouldn't be the end of the relationship if they don't give their blessing.

Edited February 27, 2008 by YaP

[Tiff]

I voted "no" on both. Although i think it doesn't hurt to have the blessing of parents and friends, its not something I - or the relationships I have - depend on. Thats something purely between my partner and me. Even if it is a long-term commitment, I don't see the need for the blessing of the parents. Of course it would be nice to have it, but it wouldn't be the end of the relationship if they don't give their blessing.

I think blessings are important and it would help alleviate a lot of strain and tension at family gatherings or holiday functions, but at the end of the day, it comes down to you and your significant other. How strong your bond is and if both parties can continue the relationship even if parents or friends don't approve or give their blessing. I for one, would be mad pissed at myself if I let someone I truly loved get away because of someone else's opinions. I mean, if you want to be happy and be with the one that matters, then ignore everyone else and focus on what's important.

 

Sometimes ignoring parents and family members is hard because for most of us, they tend to get in our face, but if they really cared about you and your happiness, they might not give their blessing, but they'd try hard to be civil and agreeable. Well, I'd hope. I'm not so sure about my family. :wacko:

[FrenchCanadian]

I happen to agree with that. There's a certain point in which a couple may decide that their intention is a long-term commitment, sometimes for the remainder of their lives. Indeed, a couple like that needs the blessing of both sets of parents.

 

Well, one could go,, I love him, if you don't like him, or at least if you're not nice to him, you won't see me around.

 

I think blessings are important and it would help alleviate a lot of strain and tension at family gatherings or holiday functions, but at the end of the day, it comes down to you and your significant other. How strong your bond is and if both parties can continue the relationship even if parents or friends don't approve or give their blessing. I for one, would be mad pissed at myself if I let someone I truly loved get away because of someone else's opinions. I mean, if you want to be happy and be with the one that matters, then ignore everyone else and focus on what's important.

 

Sometimes ignoring parents and family members is hard because for most of us, they tend to get in our face, but if they really cared about you and your happiness, they might not give their blessing, but they'd try hard to be civil and agreeable. Well, I'd hope. I'm not so sure about my family. :wacko:

 

 

At one point, yes, family is important, but if they like you enough if you give an ultimatum, either you're nice to him or i'm gone, they should come around with some time.. either that or they're not good parents

[Graeme]

Nobody 'needs' the bleesings of parents.

I agree.

 

The original question was on the subject of whether blessings were important, not if they were needed.

 

I know of one ardent feminist who got married and changed her name. Why, if she was such a feminist, did she do that? Because she didn't like her father and didn't want his name. She was perfectly happy to take her husband's name instead. She didn't need, nor wanted, her father's blessing on their relationship. She couldn't care less what he thought -- he was out of her life and she didn't want him back in it.

 

In the more general case, however, a significant other is being added to an existing group of relationships (either family or friends) and life is simpler if the existing members of that group accept the new person. "Blessing" may be too strong a word to use in some cases -- simply accepting the new person in the group is enough, though welcoming them is better. However, even if that doesn't happen, there is also a new group being created -- initially of two people, though others may be added to it in the future (my group is up to four though it'll be years before it expands further). The new group exists in its own right and while the other groups may influence it, it is hopefully strong enough to stand on its own.

 

This is why I believe getting the acceptance (blessing) of family and friends is important, but not critical.

[AFriendlyFace]

I think blessings are important and it would help alleviate a lot of strain and tension at family gatherings or holiday functions, but at the end of the day, it comes down to you and your significant other. How strong your bond is and if both parties can continue the relationship even if parents or friends don't approve or give their blessing. I for one, would be mad pissed at myself if I let someone I truly loved get away because of someone else's opinions. I mean, if you want to be happy and be with the one that matters, then ignore everyone else and focus on what's important.

 

Sometimes ignoring parents and family members is hard because for most of us, they tend to get in our face, but if they really cared about you and your happiness, they might not give their blessing, but they'd try hard to be civil and agreeable. Well, I'd hope. I'm not so sure about my family. :wacko:

Well said Tiff (And Graeme, though I apparently forgot to quote)

 

I think you're quite right that there's a big difference between "needing" something and nevertheless having it be useful and important.

 

I'm sure we're all in agreement that having the "blessing" of family and friends is - if not needed or even important - at least "useful" and "nice".

Edited February 27, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[BeaStKid]

Well for what it's worth, Beasty, anyone who makes you happy will have my blessings

 

-Kevin

Why, thank you Kevin...

 

And I'm sure, with the right prodding, even my parents would bless him/her...

[Benji]

Why, thank you Kevin...

 

And I'm sure, with the right prodding, even my parents would bless him/her...

 

 

.....Hopefully you won't need a cattle prod!

[BeaStKid]

.....Hopefully you won't need a cattle prod!

hopefully...

[rknapp]

Blessings are and aren't important. Parents are important only in that children often look up to their parents for advice. Friends are less important for a variety of reasons. Example, if Kevvers was to get a boyfriend and one of his friends wants to be with this new guy, then there is a greater risk that this friend would not support the relationship. A true friend would support the relationship in spite of their feelings, but it would be understandable if they didn't. Another example is maybe the friend doesn't trust the boyfriend out some sixth sense. Again, the true friend would support the relationship, but it would be understandable if they didn't.

 

Now, this isn't true all of the time. The friend might not approve because they don't like seeing Kevvers kissing a boy, in which case they are not a real friend and are disposable. HOWEVER, parents are indispensable and, being that they raised you from day one to day whenever-you-moved out, their opinion(s) tend to have a lot weight. They still aren't of relationship-ending importance (the mother-in-law of death!), but they certainly carry more weight than friends do. Personally, I think the weight of a friend's opinion is directly related to the length of time of the friendship as well as to their values. The closer their values are to yours, the longer you have been friends with them, and the greater the chemistry between you and your lover, the higher the friends opinion will be.

 

Apologies to Kevvers if he gets offended for being my guinea pig.

[AFriendlyFace]

Example, if Kevvers was to get a boyfriend and one of his friends wants to be with this new guy, then there is a greater risk that this friend would not support the relationship. A true friend would support the relationship in spite of their feelings, but it would be understandable if they didn't.

I agree! I remember thinking that when it happened to me....

 

Apologies to Kevvers if he gets offended for being my guinea pig.

No worries, Robbie, you can feel free to experiment with me.

 

Anyway good points

[rknapp]

No worries, Robbie, you can feel free to experiment with me.

DAMN YOU! I was able to keep my mind out of the gutter all day, and then you posted that!

[AFriendlyFace]

DAMN YOU! I was able to keep my mind out of the gutter all day, and then you posted that!

What?!?

 

Anyway, keep your mind out of the gutter all day and it's apt to dry up

[moonwolf]

ok I used the word blessing when I could have used approval or something in my choice of word. I just felt it would get more attention and at the time it fitted.

 

Is having the blessing from my friends important ? actually yes.. while not critical it is good to know what my friends might think about him since I do need to know if I can bring him around or if i need to work it out or something... I mean finding a middle ground somewhere

 

having the blessing from my parents ? from my dad it doesn't matter what he thinks.. I'm really not close to him so really it doesn'tmatter if he approves or not...

My mom though I would be really glad she approves.. though I do think if she sees that I'm happy and the other guy is making sure that I stay that way then there's no way she could be against it

 

having the approval from my friends partner and parents partner though for me it's really necessary.. guess it's really because I'm one huge softie who's kinda old style

[Benji]

ok I used the word blessing when I could have used approval or something in my choice of word. I just felt it would get more attention and at the time it fitted.

 

Is having the blessing from my friends important ? actually yes.. while not critical it is good to know what my friends might think about him since I do need to know if I can bring him around or if i need to work it out or something... I mean finding a middle ground somewhere

 

having the blessing from my parents ? from my dad it doesn't matter what he thinks.. I'm really not close to him so really it doesn'tmatter if he approves or not...

My mom though I would be really glad she approves.. though I do think if she sees that I'm happy and the other guy is making sure that I stay that way then there's no way she could be against it

 

having the approval from my friends partner and parents partner though for me it's really necessary.. guess it's really because I'm one huge softie who's kinda old style

 

 

........Having the approval, blessings from your family, extended partners family and friends would be idealistic, but I don't think it is necessary, yes it may complicate matters. I guess what would be foremost importance is the partners approval.

[AFriendlyFace]

ok I used the word blessing when I could have used approval or something in my choice of word. I just felt it would get more attention and at the time it fitted.

 

Is having the blessing from my friends important ? actually yes.. while not critical it is good to know what my friends might think about him since I do need to know if I can bring him around or if i need to work it out or something... I mean finding a middle ground somewhere

 

having the blessing from my parents ? from my dad it doesn't matter what he thinks.. I'm really not close to him so really it doesn'tmatter if he approves or not...

My mom though I would be really glad she approves.. though I do think if she sees that I'm happy and the other guy is making sure that I stay that way then there's no way she could be against it

 

having the approval from my friends partner and parents partner though for me it's really necessary.. guess it's really because I'm one huge softie who's kinda old style

 

I think that makes a great deal of sense!