[Corvus] Mike and Winston

[kitten]

Hey Corvus!!

 

First of all, this story succeeded in doing what all good stories need to do. It got me invollved. It got me involved so quickly that although I intended to read just a couple of chapters before dinner, I ended up reading the whole thing in one sitting.

 

You're great at creating 'atmosphere' and at providing the reader with graphic mental pictures. The people and places very realistic, almost gritty, and you efficiently conveyed the general seediness of the start of M & W's relationship.

 

One of the things that most impressed me was the integrity with which you followed through the story so realistically. Having created realistic characters there was no way that the story could have ended in any other way than it did. Well done!

 

At this rate I expect that you will soon be a hosted author.

 

Oh, and... Nice vocabulary. it's VERY rare for me to encounter an unfamiliar word. You managed it with 'segue'!

 

Some minor (trivial) comments...

 

Maybe this is just a matter of style and maybe a difference between US and UK,, but personally I find that reading usually flows easier if you use contractions (e.g. wasn't rather than was not; hadn't rather than had not). This has an additional advantage that when you want to emphasise something like a negative you can use the uncontracted form - e.g. "he definitely did not want to be there".

 

Also, I'm not accustomed to they way hyphens are used so often in this story e.g. to link sentences and phrases or used where I might expect ellipses.

 

Kit