A Blot on the Landscape

[DeanUK]

BLOT on the LANDSCAPE

 

 

 

 

People say I'm lucky where I reside

 

Rolling hills and ancient trees frame my view.

 

Cows sleepily make milk in grasslands wide,

 

Spider webs glint with jewels of morning dew.

 

 

 

 

Air clean, no noise of cars, pollution free;

 

Swift silver streams, diamond studded dancing.

 

A rolling vista, multi-hued I see

 

Sparse spread cosy homes the scene enhance.

 

 

 

 

I love this land, as boy I roamed it free

 

On foot, by bike, adventures in my mind.

 

To swim a river, climb a massive tree;

 

To fight and vanquish demons of all kinds.

 

 

 

 

But now in vain I look for solace there.

 

I look for secret places where I can hide.

 

In circles wander; try to loose my care,

 

But this demon I can't fight, it's inside.

 

 

 

 

In countryside so peaceful, I know well,

 

I walk for miles, never loose my way.

 

But all the time I take my living hell

 

That growing cancer telling me I'M GAY!

 

 

 

 

No lepers bell, but hatred all the same,

 

Afraid to say; afraid to live a lie.

 

Those secret places where I played a game

 

Now serve again, this time a place to die.

 

 

 

 

Where is the boy who laughed and dragons slew,

 

Who loved his life, met hope with open arms?

 

Now hates himself, fears living if they knew

 

A dirty secret replaced a boyish charm.

 

 

 

 

Not normal, pervert, shouldn't be allowed

 

A place in hell reserved for those who dare.

 

On Earth alone, yes even in a crowd

 

Perhaps it's time he took his place down there.

 

 

[Nephylim]

I hope it's got better. That is such a lonely poem. It's incredibly poignant and bleak. I so hope that the boyish charm was found again and the demon was conquered like the dragons.

[Toast]

Thanks for your poem. The title and it's following description a kind of testimony in a personal search for awareness and acceptance.

[Gregoire]

This is beautiful to me. It's heart-wrenching, but glorious. It depicts the loss of childhood that comes with acceptance of your differences. This is not end of the storm, nor the calm before, this is a snapshot from right in the thick of it. I read "Their Eyes Were Watching God" in high school and this quote stuck with me:

 

"The wind came back with triple fury, and put out the light for the last time. They sat in company with the others in other shanties, their eyes straining against crude walls and their souls asking if He meant to measure their puny might against His. They seemed to be staring at the dark, but their eyes were watching God."

 

This is the quote from which the novel receives its title, and the one thing that I took from the book, above all else. There is something truly awe-inspiring about that moment in which we truly know fear. When things were going pretty badly for me a little while back and I was in Colorado, you could count on a summer storm to be on time, every time. And I would go out there, every day and I was endure nature's fury, because I knew that as horrible as it was some days, it would only last a short time and then pass.

 

We weather most storms and come out, for the most part, intact, but it would be foolish to believe that we are immune to them. We should be thankful that we weren't struck down by lightning. And for that reason, one day when things are so much better, maybe even now, you can look back at this moment of darkness and realize that you survived that storm and many more and you can see just how far you've come.

 

So, uh, yeah...that's my two cents. Maybe if you rub 'em together hard enough, you'll get a dollar.