Rust

[thatboyChase]

The downfall of the cosmos.

 

Rust

 

Discuss here please.

 

I know I already posted a thread about this story but I'm way to lazy to find it. Plus I re-named the whole thing. I plan to finish this. I hope people enjoy reading deeply into the meanings of things found in and around Rust. Special thanks to PlugInMatty for editing.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Very cool idea - lots going on in a few chapters. Lots still unexplained so that's cool.

 

Couple quick comments - feel free to tell me to piss off if you like - there were a few points where I wasn't sure who was speaking I was trying to make them in my head but forgot. I eventually got it [so maybe its me who is slow rather than how it was written? not sure] but for future chapters just keep that in mind.

 

You definitely need to finish it now that your restarted it.

 

Andy

[broseph]

I'm loving the world of Rust. The only word I can think to describe it is lush, which seems a bit inappropriate as it's a dystopian desert world, but still...lush. I like to imagine it as like Menzoberranzan (from the Legend of Drizzt) meets Dune. My only complaint is that I'd like to see more description of the city, but since I'm having such fun creating it in my own head, that's not exactly a big concern for me right now. This has the makings for a great sci-fi/fantasy epic. Hope to see more. Definitely looking forward to seeing the development of the Alexi character. He seemed so flat at first, but he's filling out rather nicely now.

[Caedus]

I'm going to have to re-read this to make sure I didn't miss anything, but it's definitely worth it considering how you've managed to construct this dystopic,gritty society of violence and the need for power in a desert world. I have all these questions about the origins of the Dredgers in the Openness and Collin's dreams and their possible connection to past civilizations, or even the Saracellum and the dangerous experiments Nikolai and his ilk conduct to understand Magic. But I don't have enough data to make my own theories on those topics. One thing I suspect though is that the City that this current civilization of sits on likely predates them to even older ones. How do you explain the Saracellum's existence otherwise? In any event, I like immersing myself in Rust I can't wait for your future chapters.

[thatboyChase]

Couple quick comments - feel free to tell me to piss off if you like - there were a few points where I wasn't sure who was speaking I was trying to make them in my head but forgot. I eventually got it [so maybe its me who is slow rather than how it was written? not sure] but for future chapters just keep that in mind.

 

I guess that could be so. For me dialogue is back and forth (I guess that's the point isn't it? LOL). I like to think of my characters dialogue as if I was speaking myself. I say something, you say something, there is no in between. I don't note who is speaking all the time for I guess my own reasons, I don't like saying "Chase said" over and over again because I feel it kills the mood or the flow of the paragraph, what have you, that is being read. Take it like this:

 

I will always let you know who is speaking, however if there is no indication on the next line its usually the person they are speaking to. Maybe its a mishap in my writing, but I feel it works out and makes the dialogue incredibly real. I also try to look at it from a cinematic point of view, what if it was a movie or a TV show. I can't really explain it worse any other way.

 

I'm loving the world of Rust. The only word I can think to describe it is lush, which seems a bit inappropriate as it's a dystopian desert world, but still...lush. I like to imagine it as like Menzoberranzan (from the Legend of Drizzt) meets Dune. My only complaint is that I'd like to see more description of the city, but since I'm having such fun creating it in my own head, that's not exactly a big concern for me right now. This has the makings for a great sci-fi/fantasy epic. Hope to see more. Definitely looking forward to seeing the development of the Alexi character. He seemed so flat at first, but he's filling out rather nicely now.

 

Not to say that I stole it, cause I didn't, but Narbondel was an inspiration for The Saracellum. Narbondel is completely different as it dictates the time in Menzoberranzan, in the Undrendark. I really like the "House" idea. Which is re-hashed in lots of fantasy/sci-fi. War of the Spider Queen for instance, or anything concerning RA Salvatore's dark elves. I guess Harry Potter can take that cake too.

 

I'm going to have to re-read this to make sure I didn't miss anything, but it's definitely worth it considering how you've managed to construct this dystopic,gritty society of violence and the need for power in a desert world. I have all these questions about the origins of the Dredgers in the Openness and Collin's dreams and their possible connection to past civilizations, or even the Saracellum and the dangerous experiments Nikolai and his ilk conduct to understand Magic. But I don't have enough data to make my own theories on those topics. One thing I suspect though is that the City that this current civilization of sits on likely predates them to even older ones. How do you explain the Saracellum's existence otherwise? In any event, I like immersing myself in Rust I can't wait for your future chapters

 

In this story I'm adding things that I want the reader to wonder about, so its clearly working. Think of it as an investigation. The Dredgers are brought from outside the city by experienced "teams" like was said in the beginning chapters. Where do they come from? Who really are they really? Do they understand the language spoken in Rust. What is the language spoken in Rust? They are clearly slaves of some kind, Chase is that a commentary (=P ? ) You can assume that the Saracellum was built to protect the "last font of magic". I really like having magic in my stories but not using it in the traditional sense (wands, wizards etc). Sure it involves flashing lights and what not, but there is something deeper. A connection through magic that requires a sense of discipline and practice, and if you cannot attain that you will go mad, maybe you'll come to find out later in the story. Your comment on past civilizations will be answered perhaps, stay tuned!

 

I'm currently working on chapter 4 now. Sadly its monday and the week of classes has begun. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it alot.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

I also try to look at it from a cinematic point of view, what if it was a movie or a TV show.

 

 

Chase,

 

You are not the first person who has said this that I have read but can I challenge you a bit on this and take the opposite side. Writing is NOT cinematic and shouldn't be thought of in the same way. In video no one needs to be told Chase smiled, or walked away or grabbed the vodka bottle or fired the gun - etc. We can see it. When you read, you need the writer to explain all this and do it in a way that is not boring. No one wants to read, 'Andy said,' 'Chase replied,' Andy answered' after every sentence but rarely do two people stand face to face and do nothing more than say a few sentences back and forth. There is always SOMETHING they are doing; glaring, laughing, smiling, snorting, picking their nose, pointing, walking away, staring out the window - you get the idea.

 

Staccato back and forth is not much better than all the 'he saids' following each line of dialogue.

 

All that said - this wasn't a big issue in RUST - it happened MAYBE twice if that. I only pointed it out because at one point I really had trouble figuring out who was speaking. Today I just am responding because it is intellectually interesting to me to see how others write. So take this post not as a reflection on your work but just general discourse on an idea you raised.

 

Andy

[thatboyChase]

The next chapter is live, read it here

 

Any comments, suggestions, etc are welcome.

[Cadoimond]

Very interesting story. Eager to read more.