"Mean Streak" By Darion

[Agincourt]

This thread is for discussion of the story Mean Streak by Darion.

 

There may be spoilers so be warned if you read on without having read the story first.

 

I don't have much commentary on the story, as it is unfinished and there is obviously a lot more to go. But there are a number of problems with craft I would point out.

 

I wasn't crazy about the constant Holden-Caulfield-like commentary that peppered the story. It's not so much that the observations weren't germane; it's just that piling the information on like that disrupted the flow of the story.

 

I was distracted by the shifts from third person to first person.

 

In Chapter Three, Reese worries about how to tell his mother that he's gay, but in the most recent chapter he says that she knows he is gay.

 

I was confused that Reese's mother is named Chantel Mendez but he is named Reese Jenkins.

 

The father (Mike) just seems like an unmitigated jerk, but his behavior is kind of inexplicable, and he has no real dimension.

 

All in all, it seems like a story in significant need of editing, for consistency if nothing else. I can't really tell what the story is about since it is still in its early stages. It appears as though it will follow a fairly conventional path of "boy meets boy," and I'm not sure what real challenges the lead character (Reese) faces other than a general predisposition to needless angst. Since his mother's last name is Mendez, I assume there won't be any problems with Reese (whose ethnicity is unspecified) hanging out with a Latino boy like Diego. And so far everything with Diego seems to be working out. His friend Jason is being protective and supportive, with only the faintest hint of possible jealousy. I'm waiting to see what, if any, central conflict will emerge in the story.

 

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