Born

[dimi_joey]

HI DragonFire,

 

The reasons I would not have chosen to be gay in a do-over is a long, complicated story. The Reader's Digest versions, however, is that one of the reasons is, I always wanted children. Also, I have been out fighting for gay rights for decades, I've been beaten, shot at, evicted from apartments, fired from jobs, arrested, and had both arms broken, but continued to stand up against stupidity and homophobes. One of the lesser reasons, though not inconsequential, is that in my family upon marrying and then upon becoming a parent, each person inherits a significant amount of money. (Note: significant.) I'm sure many people will read this and eliminate everything except that one fact. That one fact, however, is NOT the main reason. The inheritance represents a whole list of ideas.

 

Being treated equally is my focus. In my family, I would have been treated just like anyone else - if I had been str8. As it turned out, I made a comfortable living, my siblings frittered away their money, and I ended up raising my 6 nieces and nephews. So I sort of got it all anyway! The last point that I think about is that, I have had several husbands, each of whom has turned out to be somewhat....disappointing. Now, if I had been straight, the likelihood of having many wives behaving as badly as the men, is reduced by a large margin. (One husband cheated on me, got AIDS, and died. Statistically, women are less likely to cheat and more likely to WANT to make their marriage work.)

 

I grew up in the early sixties, which means, growing up gay was extremely difficult. It has caused more trouble than I am willing to put into print, here. I could insert a million sob stories about taking care of AIDS patients during the 80s. My life has not been an easy or a very happy one. I'm just looking at how green the grass seems to be on the other side of the fence.

 

I've worked so diligently at living an honorable life, while all around me, I saw people doing things that were ridiculously dis-honorable. I have never cheated on a spouse. I have tried to give my kids as comfortable a life as I could. Hell, I've never smoked a cigarette or had a drink in my entire life! (And forget drugs - never even came close to those.) I've owned several businesses and gave many of my friends and family members jobs that paid well. I've tried to be generous and share whatever I have. It just seemed like the right thing to do. But I kept ending up with guys that couldn't or wouldn't be faithful, and that led to all sorts of trouble that I just didn't want or need.

 

Living an honorable life is something I take VERY VERY seriously. Call me old-fashioned, but I want a partner that IS faithful, not just SAYS he is. I also want my partner to be clean and sober. I'm not requiring that he is a dried up teetotaler, but I've had enough of alcoholism, thank you. I'm not amazing and I don't stand out in a crowd; I'm just an average shlub. I'm not asking for a superman, just an honorable man. Honor seems to be beyond most people today. It makes me very sad. It doesn't seem that difficult to me.

 

I'm the genealogist in my family. I can trace three of my four grandparent's ancestry back to the early 1500s, one to 975 A.D...! I have included many in-law trees as well. In my family tree, I have over 60,000 names with birth and death dates. The average lifespan among those 60,000 names is less than 65 years. My dad had 8 brothers and 1 sister, none of them saw their 65th birthday. My mother had 1 brother and 1 sister. Her brother died at 57. My youngest brother has already died. I'm in my mid-fifties and in seriously shitty condition. I doubt very much that I will see my 60th birthday. I've been retired for several years, trying to make the most of life while I can.

 

The greatest part of my life has been the last few years. I can't stand up long and I can't sit down for long. I can't walk very far and I can't get down on the floor to play with the grandchildren anymore. My back is a mess, I have several crushed discs along with a degenerative bone disease - it causes constant pain. So my life is in its last chapter and it hasn't been a fairy-tale by any stretch of the imagination. I've had some great and wondrous adventures, but those days are overshadowed, sadly, by the trauma and drama.

 

Perhaps, just perhaps, if I had been straight, my life would have been happier. Hope dies hard. I've tried to make a good life and it actually has been pretty good, ...as long as I did not have a partner. I am at peace with myself, my past, my friends, and my family. Should I have another heart attack and not survive it, that's ok. My only regret would be that I never finished writing my damn fantasy trilogy.

 

I make jokes about my tombstone. I've told the kids that I want it to say, FINALLY, he gets to play with his dragon!

 

 

You've done so much that's admirable .

And I totally understand why you would choose the other way if you had the option to.

 

 

[dimi_joey]

I always dreamed that I would have many "after lives" after this one.

So I wouldn't change anything about this life, and I would like do experiments with my other lives, would be good if I can actually design them

From bigger things like race, family background, country of birth, to small details like which programs in University I would apply for

I think several things I would never change is I'll always want to be male and I want to feel the attraction to boys, I don't care if I'm also attracted to girls, but I feel if I'm not attracted to guys, I would be missing out.

[West Coast Dude]

I always dreamed that I would have many "after lives" after this one.

So I wouldn't change anything about this life, and I would like do experiments with my other lives, would be good if I can actually design them

From bigger things like race, family background, country of birth, to small details like which programs in University I would apply for

I think several things I would never change is I'll always want to be male and I want to feel the attraction to boys, I don't care if I'm also attracted to girls, but I feel if I'm not attracted to guys, I would be missing out.

 

If I had 9 lives like a cat, I'd try a different career each time, not sure if I'd want to have 9 different guys in each one. Let me think about that

[Tipdin]

Well I hope so, I mean in Canada we have many rights and marriage. But let's keep our fingers crossed that this never under goes change

 

There are many reasons that I really like Canada, among them the fact that gays can get married. Your society is designed better and politicians seem to be much wiser and more well behaved than those in America - but being better behaved wouldn't take much compared to our fools!

Edited May 2, 2011 by Tipdin

[West Coast Dude]

There are many reasons that I really like Canada, among them the fact that gays can get married. Your society is designed better and politicians seem to be much wiser and more well behaved than those in America - but being better behaved wouldn't take much compared to our fools!

 

Well I think we just have a different set of circumstances and agenda. We're a pretty tolerant people!

[sandboy]

Ooh, nice question! Would I change anything if I were to be born again? The question is also recursive... because if you'd really change your outset in life, would your new self go back to change anything?

 

My own outlook is that my own counterfactual wishes don't matter in any real way when they pertain the past. So, no I wouldn't change anything. I know far too well I'd have other wishes about being different then.

[John Galaor]

I was very moved with your story.

 

HI DragonFire,

 

The reasons I would not have chosen to be gay in a do-over is a long, complicated story. The Reader's Digest versions, however, is that one of the reasons is, I always wanted children. Also, I have been out fighting for gay rights for decades, I've been beaten, shot at, evicted from apartments, fired from jobs, arrested, and had both arms broken, but continued to stand up against stupidity and homophobes. One of the lesser reasons, though not inconsequential, is that in my family upon marrying and then upon becoming a parent, each person inherits a significant amount of money. (Note: significant.) I'm sure many people will read this and eliminate everything except that one fact. That one fact, however, is NOT the main reason. The inheritance represents a whole list of ideas.

 

Being treated equally is my focus. In my family, I would have been treated just like anyone else - if I had been str8. As it turned out, I made a comfortable living, my siblings frittered away their money, and I ended up raising my 6 nieces and nephews. So I sort of got it all anyway! The last point that I think about is that, I have had several husbands, each of whom has turned out to be somewhat....disappointing. Now, if I had been straight, the likelihood of having many wives behaving as badly as the men, is reduced by a large margin. (One husband cheated on me, got AIDS, and died. Statistically, women are less likely to cheat and more likely to WANT to make their marriage work.)

 

I grew up in the early sixties, which means, growing up gay was extremely difficult. It has caused more trouble than I am willing to put into print, here. I could insert a million sob stories about taking care of AIDS patients during the 80s. My life has not been an easy or a very happy one. I'm just looking at how green the grass seems to be on the other side of the fence.

 

I've worked so diligently at living an honorable life, while all around me, I saw people doing things that were ridiculously dis-honorable. I have never cheated on a spouse. I have tried to give my kids as comfortable a life as I could. Hell, I've never smoked a cigarette or had a drink in my entire life! (And forget drugs - never even came close to those.) I've owned several businesses and gave many of my friends and family members jobs that paid well. I've tried to be generous and share whatever I have. It just seemed like the right thing to do. But I kept ending up with guys that couldn't or wouldn't be faithful, and that led to all sorts of trouble that I just didn't want or need.

 

Living an honorable life is something I take VERY VERY seriously. Call me old-fashioned, but I want a partner that IS faithful, not just SAYS he is. I also want my partner to be clean and sober. I'm not requiring that he is a dried up teetotaler, but I've had enough of alcoholism, thank you. I'm not amazing and I don't stand out in a crowd; I'm just an average shlub. I'm not asking for a superman, just an honorable man. Honor seems to be beyond most people today. It makes me very sad. It doesn't seem that difficult to me.

 

I'm the genealogist in my family. I can trace three of my four grandparent's ancestry back to the early 1500s, one to 975 A.D...! I have included many in-law trees as well. In my family tree, I have over 60,000 names with birth and death dates. The average lifespan among those 60,000 names is less than 65 years. My dad had 8 brothers and 1 sister, none of them saw their 65th birthday. My mother had 1 brother and 1 sister. Her brother died at 57. My youngest brother has already died. I'm in my mid-fifties and in seriously shitty condition. I doubt very much that I will see my 60th birthday. I've been retired for several years, trying to make the most of life while I can.

 

The greatest part of my life has been the last few years. I can't stand up long and I can't sit down for long. I can't walk very far and I can't get down on the floor to play with the grandchildren anymore. My back is a mess, I have several crushed discs along with a degenerative bone disease - it causes constant pain. So my life is in its last chapter and it hasn't been a fairy-tale by any stretch of the imagination. I've had some great and wondrous adventures, but those days are overshadowed, sadly, by the trauma and drama.

 

Perhaps, just perhaps, if I had been straight, my life would have been happier. Hope dies hard. I've tried to make a good life and it actually has been pretty good, ...as long as I did not have a partner. I am at peace with myself, my past, my friends, and my family. Should I have another heart attack and not survive it, that's ok. My only regret would be that I never finished writing my damn fantasy trilogy.

 

I make jokes about my tombstone. I've told the kids that I want it to say, FINALLY, he gets to play with his dragon!

 

[BeysJoshersLepton V2]

Tipdin I can fully understand your reasoning especially in regard to wanting children, I do want to be a father and I know its not going to be as straight forward (pun intented) as it could be. If I am honest with myself and I was born 50/60 years ago I dont think I could of been on the front lines of fighting for gay rights and certainly wouldn't be who I am today. Its easier for me to take up the torch so to speak with the ground work done now, feel confident to say who I am to anyone and speak about gay rights & current inequalities we still face. Its vital to remember the forerunners who have allowed it all though so thank you, your story well realy got to me.

[Tipdin]

Tipdin I can fully understand your reasoning especially in regard to wanting children, I do want to be a father and I know its not going to be as straight forward (pun intented) as it could be. If I am honest with myself and I was born 50/60 years ago I dont think I could of been on the front lines of fighting for gay rights and certainly wouldn't be who I am today. Its easier for me to take up the torch so to speak with the ground work done now, feel confident to say who I am to anyone and speak about gay rights & current inequalities we still face. Its vital to remember the forerunners who have allowed it all though so thank you, your story well realy got to me.

 

Thanks for your comments! (To others who sent me comments as well.)

 

I spent a week in a coma after a suicide attempt when I was 20 years old. I had to find or invent reasons to wake up every day. I finally decided that we are all here for a reason. We may never know the reason that we're here, but we're here because we NEED to be in order for some labyrinthian plan to happen. We may be the one that someone else is inspired by, or pissed off by to the point that they do something that in turn leads to another action. Each of us MUST be here and whatever happens MUST happen in order for something else to happen that NEEDS to happen.

 

I guess I needed to have a rather 'sucky' life in order to be here for my nieces and nephews. Perhaps I had to make my own money rather than inherit it so that I could set a good example. Perhaps I've never had a good partner so I would understand what betrayal and loneliness felt like in order to have a deeper understanding of what honor is all about. Perhaps my permanent state of naiveté had to be in place so that I could relate well to children in order to gain their trust, thus become a person of influence.

 

You see how it works? Perhaps THIS had to be so that THAT could be. Perhaps I need such a circular, silly philosophy so that this note becomes what inspires someone else to write their great America novel about an old man with the innocence of a child. Every action, good or bad happens for a reason. So I don't regret what I've done, nor do I think that I don't have choices or responsibility to try doing the right thing. Perhaps every action is predetermined, I don't know and it doesn't really matter, my responsibilities remain the same regardless.

 

TREAT SELF, OTHERS, AND THE EARTH WITH THE KIND OF TENDER CARE THAT ENSURES WELL-BEING.

 

I cannot judge others, as I am not perfect. I cannot treat others poorly, as they may be the ones I rely on later. I must treat everyone with gentle care that ensures their well being - in that way I hopefully inspire as well as show them respect.

 

Everything happens for a reason. I was born gay. I NEEDED to be born gay for some reason. If I had been straight, I would never have been in a position to take care of my nieces and nephews - or right this note!

 

Many have faulted me on this philosophy, but it has worked for me. It altered the way I see the world and how I relate to it. I have lived my life ALWAYS trying to remember that every action I make may be JUST the action that someone else was waiting for or needing. There is an ancient philosophy that says all things are connected - I never REALLY understood that until this very second.

 

Perhaps I had to write this to clarify that philosophy in my own head. So that means that YOU had to be here to write to me so that I could respond and thus obtain a better understanding. See? It works.

[Tomas]

Tipdin, there no need for you to explain your philosophy. It's part of who you are. But, then again, maybe your speaking out will cause someone else to take a closer look at their own philosophy and make changes that leads them to a better life. It maybe that you, being who you are and what you have suffered will be a guide for your nieces and nephews in learning to make the right choices in their lives.

 

In another story universe, there is a theme which moves quietly through the universe... "Sometimes bad things need to happen, so that good things can." That seems to almost be a personification of what you have been through in your life.

 

Even though I have never met you and only know you through your posts here on GA, I for one am glad that you are here and maybe, just maybe that is how it is meant to be.

 

Take Care

Tomas

 

[West Coast Dude]

 

In another story universe, there is a theme which moves quietly through the universe... "Sometimes bad things need to happen, so that good things can." That seems to almost be a personification of what you have been through in your life.

Take Care

Tomas

 

 

I lived my life by that principal but only bad shit happened over and over again So I just figured I'm cursed. I believe in Karma and doing the golden rule, did it to the best of my ability never helped me

[Tipdin]

Tipdin, there no need for you to explain your philosophy. It's part of who you are. But, then again, maybe your speaking out will cause someone else to take a closer look at their own philosophy and make changes that leads them to a better life. It maybe that you, being who you are and what you have suffered will be a guide for your nieces and nephews in learning to make the right choices in their lives.

 

In another story universe, there is a theme which moves quietly through the universe... "Sometimes bad things need to happen, so that good things can." That seems to almost be a personification of what you have been through in your life.

 

Even though I have never met you and only know you through your posts here on GA, I for one am glad that you are here and maybe, just maybe that is how it is meant to be.

 

Take Care

Tomas

Thank you.

[Hamen Cheese]

I wish I wasn't born with a beer belly (I swear it was there from the beginning).

[Tipdin]

I lived my life by that principal but only bad shit happened over and over again So I just figured I'm cursed. I believe in Karma and doing the golden rule, did it to the best of my ability never helped me

 

I understand.. ! We're both cursed, I guess. I have never been a religious person, but the one prayer I have prayed is that what goes around really DOES come around! But it seems as if the dopes, jerks and a-holes in my life keep getting rewarded while I clean up their messes.

 

However...

 

I still say that everything that actually happens MUST happen for a reason. I'm a one-man clean up crew for the idiots in my life ...for a reason. Damned if I know why, but there it is. For some reason it NEEDS to be this way until is stops being this way. I've worked darn hard to change it - and have to a degree, but it took forty years to do it!

 

Shakespeare knew what he was talking about when he said all the world is a stage and we are merely players.

 

...I need a new agent.

[West Coast Dude]

I wish I wasn't born with a beer belly (I swear it was there from the beginning).

 

Just do lots of cardio and stop drinking beer, it will burn off in no time

 

I understand.. ! We're both cursed, I guess. I have never been a religious person, but the one prayer I have prayed is that what goes around really DOES come around! But it seems as if the dopes, jerks and a-holes in my life keep getting rewarded while I clean up their messes.

 

However...

 

I still say that everything that actually happens MUST happen for a reason. I'm a one-man clean up crew for the idiots in my life ...for a reason. Damned if I know why, but there it is. For some reason it NEEDS to be this way until is stops being this way. I've worked darn hard to change it - and have to a degree, but it took forty years to do it!

 

Shakespeare knew what he was talking about when he said all the world is a stage and we are merely players.

 

...I need a new agent.

 

I think I am stuck with dating idiots yet, tsssk the ones who are not worth it want it to go on forever, and the gems it doesn't work out at least yet. But people say I'm still young.

[Hamen Cheese]

Just do lots of cardio and stop drinking beer, it will burn off in no time

 

Nah. I don't really have a beer belly. I actually don't like beer. Just thought it would be funny.

[DragonMando]

If I could go back and nix the transgender state, I'd have done that. However, I probably would leave my pansexuality in place... I'd also try to implant a bit more...developed? sense of humour, and make myself more naturally outgoing.

Edited May 4, 2011 by DragonMando

[babyjace_2142]

I would like to be straight if will be born again