COMSIE REVIEW: "Birthrights" By LemonFresh

[Comicality]

At long last, I'm attempting to continue my story reviews online! I've definitely been writing an awful lot lately, but I have also been READING other stories whenever I get the chance. And as feedback is an artist's greatest reward, I definitely want to continue being a part of that! So I will definitely try to keep posting more from week to week for the rest of the Summer! Cool? Be sure to check back from time to time for more!

 

This week, I'm starting with a brand new story, only two chapters in so far, but it's already shaping up to be something truly EPIC in concept alone! The name of the story is "Birthrights", and the author is Lemonfresh. You can find his stories here on GA:

 

http://www.gayauthors.org/story/lemonfresh/birthrights

 

I was already impressed by his very first series, "Derailed", and this new offering has definitely shown some growth in his writing. Which is amazing, seeing as he's not even out of high school yet. He's definitely one to watch for if you're looking for well written stories with an action packed sci fi twist to them. So check him out!

 

"Birthrights" begins by dropping you right in the middle of a hostile takeover, with one emperor conquering an entire kingdom and mowing down anything and everything in his path. There's no hesitation in thrusting you right into the heart of this chaos, and pulling you into the urgency of the moment. Two long time friends, Lord Cyrus and Captain Croswell, are noblemen fleeing the city in its final stand against the invading army. But they are carrying a very important set of items with them. Twin boy infants...destined to be the true future kings of their fallen kingdom.

 

With their half mechanical friend, Thatcher, the men do all they can to help get the young princes out of the city and secretly take them to safety before anyone is able to figure out who they are. Such information can be extremely dangerous, as Emperor Voran is having all the twin children in the area slaughtered to prevent being dethroned when they come of age.

 

Skip ahead to the boys' adolescent years, where they have been separated at birth and have no knowledge of their destiny, or each other...the story begins to set the stage for a truly epic saga that I'm sure will get more amazing with every chapter.

 

A few things that I really loved was the characters that I've met so far. The writing is really visual, so it's easy to get a really clear vision of the people involved. I really like Thatcher, and I think that Milo (one of the young princes) and his boyfriend, Lucas, are a really cute couple. I'm intrigued by Lucas. Very genuine character and an interesting read. I like him already.

 

Hehehe, and I got a kick out of the mention of a certain 'sky pirate', Robin Hood, figure in the story too! LOL! ((Hugz))

 

A few suggestions that I would make...

 

In the beginning, I was a little lost as to when and where to place the stuff was going on. Although I loved the idea of the story starting off in such an explosive way, I think I was slightly distracted by trying to envision the world they were in at first. Because it seemed like present day...then it seemed futuristic, then the mention of empires and princes gave me more of a Medieval feel. Like I said, all is explained later, but a firm hold on the setting earlier on might make it easier to be drawn in as fast as the story wants you to be.

 

I'd also love to see a bit more detail in the first chapter, with them trying to make their way through the city. Which would be extremely hard, with the explosions and the fighting and the destruction, Even harder with two crying infants! I personally think there's a few opportunities to get into the gritty reality of a city under siege during those moments. So filling those in would make it even more awesome.

 

I'd definitely like to see where this story goes next. There's a wide open canvas for a really magnificent story here. I'd love to see the princes reunited! What would they be like? How would they differ in personality, being raised in two completely different settings, by two different mentors? How will they react to finding out who they really are? How will Lucas respond? How will they go about keeping their secrets safe? And what happens if they're discovered? All very interesting questions that I am really looking forward to in the near future! So check out the story, and when you get a chance, let Lemonfresh know what you think! Cool?

 

Just from the first to chapters alone....this could be the next 'Star Wars'! Enjoy!