Microagression

[Zolia Lily]

I read an article about something called "microagression" that I'd never even heard of before recently - and it lead me to this site.

http://microaggressions.tumblr.com/

I find this really really interesting. SO many times i have brushed comments off while thinking 'they didn't mean that' or 'i'm overreacting' or 'it's just a joke', but seeing it all laid out this way makes me realise how damaging casual remarks can be.

Some of them, though, are so very very very very very very VERY casual. It made me angry and sad to read them, but it also made me really scared that I've probably said things similarly hurtful or damaging without thought in the past too.

 

I think everyone has probably been a victim of this sort of thing at some point in there lives - and i think the general community here at GA perhaps more so than others.

 

I have a story i used to tell a lot - my sister used to make this joke that i'm a lesbian because i wear jeans over my Doc Martens (that's all it takes, apparently... I'm afraid that my sister's agressiveness isn't even the "micro" kind. And it probably hasn't even OCCURRED to her that what she says is more than words.) and while she thinks it's funny, i don't really mind. I like wearing my Docs that way. However, maybe a few years ago my sister told me that she'd made that joke once and her friends had all beleived i was a lesbian for around three years. I kind of thought it was funny that they'd beleived my sister on the basis of SHOES of all things, and told my friends all about it for a laugh... and realised AFTERWARDS that maybe that was insensitive and possibly hurtful to the gay guy in the group. I spoke to him about it, and while he was really good about it, i can't help but think how EASY it is to say things which hurt people without even intending to.

 

This has really made me stop and think - more than anything else i've come across in quite some time - and i thought i'd share it with you all.

 

I've even sent it to my sister....

[Cia]

I grew up with a stepmother who made hurtful, yet seemingly innocous, comments into an art form. I'm very aware of those little things that get said that are casual at first glance, but can really sting. I'll be the first to admit to not having a filter, but I try never to insult a person based on their appearance or anything like that. I can't say as I've not hurt people's feelings unmeaning to, though. Thinking before you speak is never bad advice.

[Arpeggio]

A girl who lived in Africa joined our class in school. She’s white. I’m black. Our teacher says to me, “Welcome!” I say, “I’m from Michigan.”

 

Lolz, that's from a movie.

 

Cool project though. O_o

Edited March 21, 2012 by Arpeggio

[Nephylim]

I had one of those mothers Cia. I'm working with a couple of experts too. I take some responsibility for that because I don't tell them how much their words hurt and I know they aren't trying to be hurtful and, superficially it's only light banter.

 

They don't realise how comments like... is your arse glued to that chair...HURTS when I'm in so much pain I really CAN'T get up off the chair.

 

On the other hand, I'm very playful and quite sarcastic and I don't think before I speak. As Cia, I never try to hurt anyone and am absolutely gutted when I do hurt someone, but I don't have a very good filter eitehr

[Ashi]

My dad is like that. When he can't win an argument, he said I am abnormally serious, nobody thinks like that, or stop making things up on top of your head, when I was explaining some fact (he still argues with me that fungus is a plant, because he would say, "So you think fungus is an animal?", which I never say it is, but that's just his tactics, it's always either/or, there is no room for him that fungus could just be fungus....).

 

And Nephylim brought a good point. I think we all hurt someone unintentionally, but when someone hurt you and still don't feel regretful even after you've told them those words are hurtful, then there is something wrong.

 

There was one topic we covered in general psychology and the instructor simply assume everyone would feel guilty when they did something wrong. I know very well some "normal" people don't feel guilty for what they do, and therefore using "guilt" as a weapon to curb people's behavior, as some of those psychiatrist been using may not work as well as they think, and not to mention it's very manipulative....

[velefried]

It's sad. Makes me realize how much of a crap I am to people I hold societal privilege over. That's why I always, always try to poke fun at myself rather than other people. That way I'm saying "I'm trying to be funny but refuse to take advantage of things about you."

[ashessnow]

I actually wrote a paper on racism and microaggressions were part of it. Fascinating stuff.

[JamesSavik]

I am more into Macro-aggression. If I have a problem with you, you'll know it.

 

The passive-aggressive petty sniping we see entirely too much makes me tired and cranky.

 

I blame Jerry Springer.

[ashessnow]

I just submitted something that happened to me today. So thanks for letting me know about this website!

 

The passive-aggressive petty sniping we see entirely too much makes me tired and cranky.

 

What do you mean, exactly?

[VictoryPanda]

I've noticed that I do this so much in my life without meaning to do it. I always have had this habit of speaking before thinking and never watched what I said in hopes that other people would just wouldn't be butt-hurt about it. But looking on some of the things I say to certain people like days or months later, I always feel terrible. Everyone knows me as being extremely nice and funny, and I'm never angry or mean really... but I can't help but feel bad after like 90% of the stuff I say.