SSDD

[Jkeeletupelo]

Not sure if this is appropriate here or not, but I hate most other social media and I have to vent because I feel incredibly likely to do something stupid otherwise. I have spoken publicly about this several times on this site over the years, so here goes.

I started using hard drugs at age thirteen. That's right. Thirteen. And I've never really stopped. I've switched my DOC from one thing to another, and I've had bouts of sobriety, but I have never stopped completely. Cocaine and heroin each killed me twice before I finally walked away (2006 and 2009 respectively), but this last one. This last hurdle to jump or whatever metaphor you want to use, is fucking killing me for trying to quit. I've been in bed for two weeks, unable to eat, unable to really sleep, with a laundry list of symptoms that I know are really just one thing - my body trying to detox from years of daily meth use.

Until very recently I have had a good job, had no problems paying all my bill and for my dope, and there has been no problem. When I decided I'd had enough, though, everything fell apart. My body rebelled against me in ways I never thought possible. My entire life fell apart of the course of six months. Literally, six months. And here I am, at 6:40 am on a shitty, rainy Saturday morning, unable to sleep, because my brain has decided it wants to get high. And it's the last thing in the world I want to do. I'd literally rather die than smoke this bowl, or do this shit or whatever form this insidious little beast takes. But I don't know if I'm strong enough. And all of the people id normally reach out to have died.

I know this site is mostly meant for teens, so maybe the admins can find a place to put it where it will make a difference. Kids, if you are experimenting with drugs, STOP. if you're already using regularly, STOP NOW. Don't wake up one morning and be forty six, and unable to see how to make it through one more painful fucking day. 

Anyway. I hope my struggle helps someone. I'll let you know how it goes. 

 

JK

 

[Bill W]

I hope you have the strength to do what needs to be done to finally break free of everything you've been addicted to.  It's painful enough to reach mid-life and your body refuses to do the things you were capable of when you were younger, or even a few years before, but I'm sure it's considerably more difficult to deal with this crisis when other issues get in the way.  

My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope you're successful this time around. 

Edited February 10 by Bill W

[Zombie]

11 hours ago, Jkeeletupelo said:

I hope my struggle helps someone. I'll let you know how it goes.

I have no experience of drug use so I cannot begin to understand what you and your body are going through, but know that others on this site care about you and your daily ordeal with drugs.

Please keep us updated.