Y_B

Somehow on a site full of queers, I find it hard to believe nobody is addicted to shopping ; )

We just got an influx of nice looking folks, if I do say so myself.

Qualities I look for change with time and changed dramatically after I started dating my guy. I don't know about other people but I think that beyond what's the right kinda qualities we look for, we look for the right balance of all qualities. There are universal qualities everybody look for and avoid, and it turns out that almost everybody has a bit of every quality. So what makes a person different from another is the right kinda proportions and no one is good at everything. Since there's no only 1 combination I like, I can't ever describe my ideal mate, especially when my taste changes like I said above.

Your poll makes it impossible to vote "no" Now, onto the topic....I guess "coming out" means different things to different people. I think of it as implying that you've allowed the people who matter in your life to know that you're not straight....and I don't plan on making that happen, at least not on a large scale and absolutely not on a full scale. Something that's always bothered me is that amongst lgbt, coming out is made to be this universal next-step-up kinda thing that needs to be achieved I don't see it that way. This is private and it doesn't make me feel guilty or unhappy to not disclose of that fact. Contrarily, I live with the satisfaction of knowing that I'm closeted. A few people know but they're long distance friends/acquaintances and I don't mind. They and GA provide me enough outlet. And of course...I know that all this will lead to some problems later on but I'll cross that bridge when it gets there.

Sandwich shop.... Ballin.......... ; ) (I'm only half-teasing)

They're continuing again? Cool!

That's pretty effing awesome. Thanks for sharing

Your friend's right in a way. I'm gonna take you out of the equation and just use the word in a general sense... It's not that 'you' don't have the capacity or aptitude to understand something, but this is one of those things that reading about just doesn't cover shit. Not that I've been treated poorly in my life in overt ways or have felt mortally threatened, but some things some people will just never have to worry or think about, and in modern day US, Caucasians are them.

The internet is a great medium for enriching your life and meeting new people but it should under no circumstances act as a replacement for your "real" life. It only complements it. With that being said....I found that you can get to know someone really well through the virtual medium but there's something about a person's true essence that doesn't transcribe itself cyberly, especially text. When you're IMing with someone, you don't get to see their expressions, notice body language, quirks, emphasis, etc and those little things are important.

Singling one part of the college experience out isn't fair. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts and speaking from personal experiences, I wouldn't leave out anything I do. To answer the questions. Yes and no. Nothing has intrinsic value, you take from something what you want from it and decide whether or not it was worth your time. College has a lot more to offer than to strictly teach you materials that you will most likely not use. The importance of education isn't specific facts or knowledge but to think. The professor who is able to get his students to regurgitate the textbook has fails whereas the professor who taught his students to think succeeds. Of course, no one can force one to do something he or she has no intention or aptitude of doing but the opportunity is there. College is all about opportunities, taken or passed. To me, it's not an experience that can be found anywhere else or most enjoyed at any other time than young adulthood. I'm sorry, GDIs can argue all they want, but the fraternity life is not a waste of time/money and my time with mine is much appreciated. Mike can vouch. In any case, the whole experience of college is priceless to me and I gladly pay for the expenses I cover.

Yeeeeaaaa so passengers shouldn't be able to text or talk either.....or in cases of emergency... Seriously?

I used to during the worst moments of my teenage angst. But then I realized that I don't only live for myself and that stopped all thoughts and attempts to take my own life onward. I have family who love me, I have friends who enjoy their time with me, I have people who rely on me and look up to me, so taking my own life is not only taking something from myself but a lot from all the people in my life. I can't do that.

DM, what you experienced is what you have experienced. You can't objectively speak for mainstream life out of your own negativity. I don't know how mainstream I am but I don't consciously make the effort the either fit in or be unique. I am me and I've liked what society has to offer just fine. We are given choices in life, and how we decide on things inevitably will change how our lives play out. Do what you want to do and be what you want to be, but live with the consequences, positive or negative. Know that society has a sense of normality and plays by it. Whether or not you insist on rebelling against it is not right nor wrong in an objective manner. However, because you live in society and operates within it's boundaries, it is wise to sometimes reassess what is worth it and what is not....and I'm not talking about a high school level of popularity but substantial matters like being able to advance in your career smoothly or just find and hold a job.

Thanks, you said that much better than I woulda. Very Freudian

I don't think anyone would choose to be disliked in general on purpose, but then again, many people just don't care. They do what they do because they feel that way inside like you said and want to act on it regardless of how well received it is. All that, of course, operates under the assumption that every single androgynous fashion model we can refer to identify innately as androgynous. The people you left out are the ones who don't but do what they do anyways. It's not far fetched to believe that there are sets of both people. It doesn't take a strictly androgynous man to dress feminine anymore than it takes strictly a gay man to f**k around with a guy, which all boils down to what Amelia pointed out and that it's difficult to discern who is what. If a straight guy (and for the sake of this post, let's say he's actually straight) insists on engaging in sexual activities with men just outta interest and freedom of expression, wouldn't that seem a bit....odd? Similarly if a man identifies masculinely but dresses androgynously just out of interest, doesn't that also seem odd? In one of my previous posts, I said that either way the end results just don't appeal to me. Whether someone chose to live in an androgynous manner or are innately androgynous in identity, both roads ultimately led to the same place, and I'm sorry to say I just don't like that place. I understand the correlation you are making in how androgynous people can't choose how they feel anymore than a gay person can, but that doesn't salvage them from being disliked by me. But going back to what I said early, I do wanna make a little adjustment on what you've focused in on and it is that I've held a double standard when I tried to blame androgynous men on fanning the flame of negativity because I believed they choose to be that way. I wanna make clear that this applies strictly to those who do NOT identify androgynously but dress in that manner anyways. Those are the guys who fan the flames and those are the ones I mainly had the distaste for.

You make good points. But as far as your first sentence goes, who is to say that I or they are wrong? Of course, we being in the group that negativity centers in, it is easy to take a stand for ourselves and say "no, we aren't wrong, you are" but in the grand scheme of all things, is there really right and wrong? Since nobody can be let to decide, it seems we best try to "tolerate" as much diversity as possible to minimize offense, and that is the direction in which the world is moving towards but to tolerate does not come with the prerequisite of to enjoy, that's only a facade that people who find satisfaction in political correctness enjoy. Sure, I admit that it is not unfair to impose a double standard but my prejudice works in a way that doesn't follow a linear logic and I know that. The juxtaposition of androgynous people dressing in an androgynous manner and gay men choosing to act of their affections are not entirely on the same level for the reason that affections are not for 3rd parties to witness while fashion is partly for that purpose. When you put on some clothes, do not some small part of your conscious or subconscious wonder if this looks good from an outside perspective? This can lead to another discussion on what fashion really is but that's not the focus here.

That is a very good question, and of course the answer is no, there's no way to tell the difference. However, either way doesn't make the end result appealing enough to me that giving my benefit of the doubt would make a difference. Sorry

It's not, and it is. I'm not referring to someone's innate androgynous identity, but for the sake of those pictures, androgynous fashion and androgynous modeling. I don't mean to throw the term around lightly. It may be more accurate to say that when I say androgynous lifestyle, I mean learned femininity in men.

Without getting philosophical, I think you know what I'm talking about with what you put in bold. My model for gender roles is, as I've laid out, my model. It's not superior or inferior to yours but my own. If I thought like you, I'd be you. We have different ideals and different tastes, we're not arguing a matter of fact. Also, the difference between intolerance for homosexuality and my dislike for androgynous lifestyles is that one of these is out of our control, while the other isn't. The negativity towards gays stem from the misinformed idea that people who are gay choose to be gay. Those guys in this post had every choice in the world in how they wanna represent themselves visibly.

I don't wanna get too much into it. Afterall this isn't the soapbox and knowing how I've been snappy and irritable these few days, I'll prolly get piled on. However, when I write something, I'm not asking for agreeableness, I don't expect people to like what I have to say and I'm not making factual statements. These are just what things mean me. In short, androgyny is f**king stupid, and I mean the lifestyle, not nature. If you're a man, be a man. It's not that I identify or wanna identify men to body-building idiots who like guns and big trucks, but the pictures from this post trigger my gag reflex. You show one of these to any guy out there and most likely you'll get the response of "what a fag" or "typical gay dude"....I'm sorry if I feel sick to my stomach that people can make the effort to reinforce those negativities by actually making themselves look like girls. I'm sorry I take pride in what I consider a man should be in this world and try to defend it. If someone wants to be like that or more specifically to this post, dress like that, that's fine, it's your life, and I'm not gonna tell you it's "wrong' anymore than I can tell a pecan it's wrong, but I'm damn well not gonna like either and can't believe we share the Y chromosome. It doesn't have to make sense to you. (I feel better now)

I agree with Tet. But I'm gonna add that even though these people as people have done me no wrong what's so ever, they're insulting to me. (I wanted to say more, but since this site is so freakin sensitive when someone talks about people, I'm gonna stop there.)

It means you're a Michael Mooreist

Yea I know how that feels. Careful how to tread the waters though, one of the things I learned is that unless you know the other person is interested, you don't really wanna go forward on those feelings, or at least show them, but sometimes that's not a bad thing, but it's hard to know when's a good time...depends on if you're risky or risk averse when handling situations like that. In reverse, a friend of mine told me how she really felt about me recently and while it was flattering at first, it's making me uncomfortable now. I let her know I was flattered but wasn't interested and while she seemed ok with just being friends at first, she's been having a hard time keeping friendship and romantic feelings separate. I can't say she's wrong or at fault for it, but I don't know what to do to let her know sorry I'm not interested. From the perspective of the friend (me), she pretty much has 2 options. Find out how to move on and just be friends or slowly lose me because she's pushing me away.

I wonder if there's a distinction between hiding someone and having to hide someone for different purposes. What I mean is, when you date someone and he or she hides you as if they're ashamed of you, that's pretty bad. In the case described above where they even have another relationship and only uses you to satisfy their closeted needs is just plain wrong. However, my last relationship touched on the borders of this a bit and it was always something that bother both him and I, but I'm not sure if it was a mistake or anyone's fault. I'm closeted and haven't been comfortable enough to really put a foot out yet. My guy was open, but not in an overt way, he just didn't hide it like I made the effort to. He and I both know that one of the reasons for me being this way is because my parents are open homo-dislikes. I love them to death and it's been tough on me over the years, so I kept my mouth shut and blinds down. As a result a lot of what I do is behind their backs and my friends' backs, including dating my guy. At first it wasn't a problem, but slowly it became apparent that he didn't understand what it's like to be closeted and wasn't at all patient or understanding. Sad to say, he pretty much pushed me halfway out and while it made me extremely uncomfortable, I dealt with it because it was for him. Was I hiding him? Yes. Was he a secret? Yes, but not in a malevolent way. I just didn't know any other way. One could argue that unless I come out, I'll never be ready for a relationship, but I don't believe that, and that's too much pressure. I don't know if I made a mistake in thinking that our situation was manageable or if the mistake was to think I was ever ready for a relationship or anything. The worst feeling is not knowing what's wrong.

Nahh, but I use to be a pretty good swimmer. I didn't carry the same momentum once I got in college and I kinda regret that cuz it's something I love(d) to do and wasn't too bad at. I was a IMer, so I.....wait, I'm getting off topic.