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WVSailor

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About WVSailor

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  • Age in Years
    41
  • Location
    Southern WV
  1. Hoping you have a wonderful Birthday!

  2. <snicker> Well, they say that people that have dogs start resembling there pets after a while..... heh Yeah, I'm being a bit smarmy.... but.... you are right. I know you didn't say it! It'll just take some TIME!
  3. Nah, you aren't being out of line, or even insensitive. I appreciate you expression of condolence. I absolutely CHERISH those good (and bad, like when we fought) memories that I have. The things, that I see, hear, or even feel. It's the visual image I get occasionally when I picture her just after she died, laying on her bed. I don't know if you've ever seen anyone right after they have died. It's not a pretty sight and I don't have the words to describe what it looks like. I'm sure it's different for each person that dies. Mom had lost most of her body mass. Prior to her illness, she weighed 125 pounds. In July, when she was having problems retaining fluid, her weight shot up to 189 pounds, within a month, she was down to 115 pounds. She came home and was "on hospice". She lost the ability to swallow/eat. No fluid intake, no nutrition, nothing. The only reason she was able to take morphine & ativan was they were absorbed through the skin of her mouth. She literally WASTED away right before my (and my Dad's) eyes. When she did die, I would guess that she may have weight close to 70 pounds, if that. There was nothing left of her except skin & bones. No muscle mass at all. Her skin was draped over her bones like a thin wet cotton sheet over a skeleton... you get the picture I'm sure. That is not something I care to remember. I'll always remember my Mom when she was in her prime of life, but picturing in my mind's eye what became of her after she died... it's that image that I wish I could forget, because it sometimes clouds the "living" picture(s) I have of her. I cannot even begin to understand how it was for you to grow up and not have your Mom's presence in your life. I am so sorry that you didn't get to experience that. But at least you did, as you said, have the stories and pictures. Many are not lucky enough to have even that. I certainly count my blessings that I was adopted at 4 days old and had a wonderful "almost" 42 years of life with my Mom. After finding my biological family at age 38, and hearing the stories from my older biological sister, I don't think I could have survived. My biological mother is a recovering alcoholic, all of her husbands (yes, PLURAL) were alcoholics/drug users and most were physically/emotionally abusive to her (biological mother), my older, and two younger sisters. I was certainly BLESSED to have the loving home that I have! Cherish those memories that you do have, even if they have been creating by stories & pictures. I will certainly cherish those that I have of my Mom.
  4. Excellent! I'd love to hear what you think that happened to everyone in a future "Epilogue" of sorts. I'm certainly going to check out the rest of your stories!
  5. Tomorrow will be the two month anniversary of my Mom's death. I'm familiar with the stages, or steps, of the grief process, but it still doesn't seem to get any easier as each day goes by. "It'll get easier with time." If I hear that again I think I'll scream! Somehow at the moment that just doesn't seem to be the case at all. I keep noticing things, remembering things, HEARING things that remind me of her. If I do it, then I'm sure my Dad is also. We seem to have cornered the local market on Puffs & Kleenex at least. We're spending a lot of time crying, but unfortunately, and I guess it's a "male thing", Dad & I are doing are grieving separately. He spends his time upstairs, I spend mine downstairs in "The Cave" or "The Dungeon" as Mom affectionately called my room. The time we spend crying seems to be getting less and less, so I guess we're dealing with it slowly but surely. I think the hardest thing right now is that when I lay down to go to sleep, I see my Mom in her last moments of life, and then her face after she died. I'll be the first person to admit, it creeps me the F*&^ out! Even sitting here, typing this, I'm remembering that picture <shudder>. I guess the next question is, would I, if I could, change anything? No, probably not. Even now, with the insecurities (What could I have done, if anything, better?), the nightmares, etc., I don't think I would change anything at all. She was home, where she wanted to be, with those that loved her, when she died. Even at the very end, she struggled, she fought tooth and nail, to hold on. The hardest thing about that entire situation isn't the visage that I have of her body after she died, it isn't the pain that I know she was in towards the end. It was having to tell her that it was ok for her to let go, that I would take care of Daddy, and we would be ok. I so wanted to be a selfish a$$hole and beg her to hold on, to keep fighting, that she could make it, even if I knew for a fact that it wasn't the case. Now, it's time to get on with "living", or at least trying to. I've quit taking IT classes. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do with my live at this point. I'm considering taking a class and getting my CDL (commercial drivers license) and hitting the road. It's a 4 week class and it seems like it would be interesting. A friend of mine (that's an author on another site) is a trucker, and he's invited me to spend a couple of weeks with him while he's on the road. I'm seriously going to do that before I take the class. The only hold-up right now are my teeth. I know, I know, it sounds odd, but I haven't been to a dentist in several years. I broke a tooth back when Mom first got ill (November 2005) and I still haven't gotten it fixed. Of course, now there are a couple of other problems. Popcorn has done my teeth in! It's my favorite "comfort food" and I've eaten quite a bit of it since Mom died. I need to invest in pop corn and Puffs/Kleenex! My appointment with the dentist isn't until February 15. Soooo, at least I have until then to scrape together the money to pay the guy. I know it's going to probably be $$expensive$$. I don't know if he's going to have to (probably) pull several, if not quite a few, of my upper and lower teeth. If that's the case, maybe I'll just tell him to yank them all and get a full upper and lower plate. It's inevitable with my genetics anyway. My biological mother had upper and lower plates at 35, my older biological sister had her upper plate by 38, both my maternal biological maternal grandparents had upper and lower plates by their mid-40's. We just have poor dental "structure". The receptionist is supposed to call me if there's any appointments prior to that (if they have any cancellations). So, it's just a matter of time now.
  6. Sunday will be the 2 week anniversary of my Mom's death. To say that's it's been difficult... well, that would be an understatement. Add on top of it I'm beginning to understand what my Mom told me years ago. My Dad is a selfish asshole. In the two weeks since Mom died, not ONCE has he asked how I'm doing or how I'm coping with things. Not once has he offered me a hug. Not once has he said a simple "Thank you". I've taken care of the arrangements that were necessary for the funeral, I made sure his suit was ready, his shirt pressed, his shoes shined. I'm still cooking, cleaning, taking care of the house, his laundry, the dishes... I'm sure everyone knows what it takes to keep a household running. Oh, and I've been given the task of taking care of the household bills... I have the checkbook. I guess the straw that broke the camels back earlier today was when he barged into my room (and no, he didn't knock) started ranting and raving because the telephone bill came in and was showing it was past due. I'll admit that I was late sending the payment in, but duh! I did have other things on my mind. It was due the day my Mom died and I wrote and mailed the check the day after (it cleared the bank 3 days ago). "I've had good credit for years and here you are going and ruining for me, not once have the bills been late..." and on and on and on. I just sat at my desk looking at him. I asked him if he wanted the checkbook back? "If you aren't capable..." That's when I lost it..... Yup. I snapped. Big time. But I didn't really yell... at least not at that point. "Well Dad, geez, let's think about what's happened in the past month shall we?" Yup, I'm a smartass. "Mom died 2 weeks ago this Sunday. The telephone bill was due the day she died. I wrote and mailed the check the day after. What happened leading up to that you ask? Hmmm... do I really need to remind you what was going on? I'm going to anyway...." At least I was calm at that point. The anger and frustration didn't hit until he had all ready gone upstairs. I yelled for him and he came to the top of the stairs and I then let him have it with both barrels. "You know what Dad? You're are a selfish bastard!! Not once since Mom died have you asked me how I was doing. Not once have you offered to even give me a hug!!!!! You lost your wife yes, but I lost my Mother too don't forget, this isn't about you at all you asshole, this is about Mom. Don't take your frustration and grief out on me, I'm doing the best I can. If you want someone else...." Do I regret saying what I did? No, not at this point in time. Who knows, maybe I will later. But not now. I'm still pissed. Right after that, I logged into the banks website, printed out the CANCELED check for the phone bill and handed it to him. I went to my room. About 4:30, I went up, made dinner. He was in his room with the door shut. I knocked and told him dinner was ready and that's the last I've said to him. It's been several hours, he's had plenty of time to apologize, but he has yet to do so. Do I think he will, not likely. He probably doesn't think he's done anything wrong. Oh, and he's a cheap bastard on top of that. I picked out a bronze urn for Mom's cremains. It was about $800. He didn't want it. "It's to expensive." he picked out a solid-oak box. It was less than $300. Then there was the "memorial jewelry". He wanted a piece until he saw how much it was. Once again, "It's to expensive." Mom's total funeral expenses were less than $2000, and that's with the oak box. She has (or had, since we filed the claims) $10,000 in life insurance. There's over $30,000 in the bank (I know I keep the books). Speaking of funeral expenses.... get this, at one point, Dad wanted cremated, his ashes placed with Mom's and then wanted them to be scattered where he grew up. Not a problem. Now, he's changed his mind. He doesn't want cremated. He wants buried. Knowing his pretentious ass he'll want an expensive coffin the way I feel right now, he'll be lucky if he gets a pine box.... Only the best for Dad. He wouldn't want the neighbors (or his family) thinking badly of him. He wants a full-blown funeral service. I can see it now. Probably close to $12,000 if not closer to $20,000. Even though it sounds like it's about the $money$, it's not. I'm pissed and hurt because I just feel that he thinks he's better than my Mom, thus... well, you get the picture. In any case.... I've run out of steam at this point in time. I'll miss you Mom. In loving memory... Leola Collier Adams July 2, 1926 November 19, 2006
  7. WVSailor

    Mom Update

    I just wanted to thank everyone for their positive thoughts, well wishes and prayers. My Mother passed away this afternoon at 3:45.
  8. WVSailor

    Mom Update

    I'd like to thank everyone for their well-wishes, positive thoughts, and prayers. I'll try to post when she does pass away. Again, Thank you.
  9. WVSailor

    Mom Update

    We were just informed today by Hospice that my Mom has 3 days to 1 week to live. Please keep my family in your prayers. Thank you and May your God or Goddess Bless you
  10. Well... according to Dad's urologist, there's a 95% chance it's cancer. Exploring options and, as I type this waiting on a call-back from Hospice to see if they have someone that can be here while I go to the hospital with Dad when he has a renal scan on Wednesday. The doc told dad they would probably have to remove the kidney (pending the results of the renal scan) as soon as possible. There's isn't anyplace locally that can do it laproscopically, so it's major surgery. Dad could go out of state according to the doc, but he's not very receptive to that notion. <sigh> Time to do some research... 10/23/2006 6:05PM Eastern Have you ever been so pissed at a doctor that you could just KICK THEIR A$$???? It's instances like this that I'm glad 1) I have internet access and 2) I have a cousin that's a doctor. Why do I want to kick the urologists a$$ you ask? Other than giving my Dad the scare of a lifetime? Yes, it still could very well be cancer, but from what I've read *(and what I've been told)* you CAN NOT give a definitave diagnosis on the tests that they have completed thus far. He's only had a CT Scan (with dye) and a ultrasound of his kidney. He DOES have a history of cysts on his kidney(s) so it could very well just be a cyst. Would you believe that this same physician in 2001 tried to get my Dad to have exploratory surgery when he was first diagnosed with cysts and then a RADICAL AD-NEPHRECTOMY? I am so calling a nephrologist and oncologist tomorrow to arrange for a second opinion.... GRRRRRRRR.....
  11. If I had, I'd have nurses in here full time taking care of my Mom and Dad.... plus maybe a cute "houseboy" or two!
  12. Ok... well.... Thanks to the room monitor (like a baby monitor...) I just over heard a comment/question from my Mom to my Dad.... "Did Jimmy rob a bank?" ROFL Ahhh... out of the mouth of those with Alzheimer's....
  13. Well, the suspense will finally be over this afternoon. Dad will get the results of the CAT Scan (with dye) on his right kidney from his urologist at 3:00. We'll finally have an idea as to what the "mass" is and will be able to plan our next course of action. To say he's "flipping out" would be an understatement. I've tried to tell him that there's no need to worry until we know for sure exactly what it is, but he certainly won't listen to what I have to say. Since everything that's happened with my mother, I've really started taking "one day at a time, one moment at a time" to heart. You can't fret about the future, you really don't have any idea what it holds, and you really should live in the moment as much as you can because you never know if you're going to have the next. On the "Mom Front", things aren't going as well as I expected. She's more confused than ever, speaking to people that have been long dead, and has even had several conversations with "Satan". Hey, I asked with whom she was speaking and she told me, "The Devil was here...". So, my life gets more and more interesting by the hour. She'll ask me for a cup or coffee or a glass of milk, I'll get it and then she'll ask what it is, and tell me that she didn't wan't it.... So, don't know where I'm going, don't know what I'm doing, but I'll just keep plugging along. I'd like to express my thanks to the authors on the site. They have been providing me with a much needed escape from my reality.
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