I have to say that I loved this. I have read all the twilight books and seen some of the Harry Potter movies. I never liked Bella so this was perfect lol. Plus, when I saw Robert Pattison and Daniel Radcliff in that Harry Potter movie I was like OMG! Chick boner! However, you do have a ton of typos and grammitical errors that really distract from the storry (now I know how people who read my un-edited work feel ). Nevertheless, I liked your work. I would suggest reading back and correcting a few things or ask someone to edit it though.
Smiles,
Holly