fyi: im not american
Are you not basing a lot of this on generalisations?
eg; the idea that a city may be more accepting than a small town, yet a town in a state that allows same-sex marriage etc could well be more accepting than a city in a state that either disallows it or explicitly makes it unavailable.
Hasnt Walmart destroyed small town america?
Also, what of the childs needs, that you wont know about until theyre born, or even later?
They may have a disability, & the resources available are likely to be greater in a city.
In terms of education, things change over time.
They wouldnt be starting school for 4/5 years, & middle-school for 11 years. Schools could, & do, radically change in those time periods.
A small town may have no choice of schools, whereas a city does.
Personally, I think for a small child, town/countryside is a good environment to grow up in, then as they become teenagers, the extra resources & variety of a city are better for them.
I suppose the ideal is somewhere between the two, a town with good transport links to a city, or a city with easy access to countryside etc.