Dark
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Oh, I so enjoyed this! I loved the reversal in time and then the follow-up. It was so beautiful to see you backtrack Aaron's choices and show the result. It's a very positive story which can't have been easy with everything in your life the past year.
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I find your story very interesting! I like how you've let us readers come to know the characters in such a grueling, gradual way. It's very charming, as is the summer-like feeling hovering in the background. I sense a storm approaching! Do you have an editor? There are some rough parts, especially the pre-beta chapters. You should have your beta look into those. The intrigue and sub-plots have me looking forward to what's coming next!
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Writing Tip: Working With Your Beta Reader
Dark commented on Renee Stevens's blog entry in Writing World
I'm glad folks are finding this information helpful/informative. Many people talk about the benefits of a beta, but seldom is there proof ... so, voila! BTW, the beta comments above are from 2 different people. I wanted to include several different examples and those two stories (of those already posted on site) had the most to choose from. A to all the betas out there! and an extra special for the two featured here. -
Story Review Featured Story: Red's Rescue
Dark commented on Renee Stevens's blog entry in Gay Authors News
You know we love you, Lugh, even when we hate you. -
I appreciate your comments. What goes unsaid is sometimes more important than what is said, so thanks for the encouragement!
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Excellent!
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Thanks, N3. I remember that paragraph being longer is all. It's a bit hard to see now for the non-techie folk.
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I'm glad you enjoyed it, Cia! This story changed a lot between its different versions, but it's wonderful to hear how the important parts remained intact. ... and of course it's personally enjoyable when a reader says they couldn't help but read on.
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I think it's the unfamiliarity with the naming structure that makes it so difficult to follow, and believe me I worked and worked on this chapter to make it smoother. It was here when I really considered throwing out the 'alien' feel to it, but in the end I couldn't let it go. When I wrote it, the names were "good guy" and "bad guy." Maybe that will help keep them straight.
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Both my betas enjoyed this chapter very much, also. It was the one to survive editing almost completely intact. The ending scene had to reconcile the love between the characters, something each knew was there but weren't acting on for various reasons. How wonderful that I was able to provoke the reaction from you I was so hoping for!
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I had hoped that the technology bits would entice rather than overwhelm. So glad to find that to be true. And I'm even more overjoyed that the beginning was a lure considering the first comments I got back from my betas! hehe, I'm sure right now they're eager to say 'I told you so!'
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That scene with Gus was hard for me, being built from personal experience. That disappointment from taking a medical risk and finding out the payoff is not what you imagined fueled much of the emotions behind Gus's character. Weaving in Dee and Gus's past was one of the hardest parts during the writing. I'm glad I was able to surprise you a time or two.
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Tobacco, water, and caffeine. Having lived in socal for the past 10 years makes me re-think water usage and the other two are luxuries. It would make sense that in a space colony, space in the greenhouses would be allocated to food items first, especially when they're worried about sustaining their population. I'm glad to see another non-sci-fi fan enjoy my story. I was really hoping that the characters and story would appeal to different genres.
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Excellent! It's good to know I didn't let anime-lovers down. In my head, it's all very futuristic and drawn in the Japanese animation style, with all the dramatic flair their voice actors have. Subtitles for me, please! The voice overs for English-speakers are weird, imo. LOL.
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I'm not sure which scene you're referring to. I didn't use any Japanese or slang there. Possibly, this is where Gus's uncle is piecing together the same thing that has occurred to Dee, that Gus's memories are being deliberately interfered with. Few people on Mars would have the resources or influence to do that and even fewer would have reason to even conceive of the idea. I wanted to try and create suspicion without saying it outright, because that's more fun.
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This came from a long-winded narrative on how the bacta is manufactured and used. I cut it from the beginning of the story ages ago. Even though nanotechnology is involved, you're right that it no longer makes sense in the current context. Not sure how that got missed; thanks for pointing it out.
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Yikes! My head is still spinning. The creepiness just .... well, it creeps up on you. I think it works amazingly well in one long chapter.
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Intriguing and engaging! I loved seeing how Caleb reconciled his past with his future.
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I'm glad you found it interesting. Thanks for the kind words.
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Thanks.
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hehehe, thank you!
