rknapp

Poor soul... you must be terminally ill, then!

Okay it's fixed. Yeesh! Stress makes the muscles under my eyes twitch. It happened all the time in the month before I graduated from high school.

*gasp* A girl??? Playing with Kevin's pogo stick??? I just can't picture it... partly because I could never look Kevin in the eye if I did LOL. I have kissed two girls who are not family. I have received [expletive deleted] from a guy (third base). That's the extent of my sex life.

Awwww... that's so cute Jacky-poo! You think I give a flying f**K what you think... poor delusional Pennsyltuckian...

If that was me, there would be a puddle between those feet.

Why is that?

"The seed has been sewn" and "Time to make a splash" are separate from each other, and I wasn't sure if it was "sewn" or "sown", but it's meant to say that the seed of my coming out has been planted and watered, and I should be fully out of the closet by the end of the year, with the exception of my high school friends and extended family. Once I decide that I don't care if two of those friends know and that I don't care what my extended family thinks, I'll be completely out. One of the two friends is extremely homophobic, but my interest in him as a friend has plummeted recently, and the other one is a bit cynical... she supports gay marriage, but only because it's a nice "population control" device. *sigh* In two years I'll be graduating and moving either to somewhere near DC, or in Colorado... most likely Colorado. By that time, I won't give a flying f**K what anyone thinks lol.

I'm slightly claustrophobic, but only if I feel trapped. Can be an elevator like Drewbie said, can be a straight jacket, a bed that's literally tucked in or rolled up in a blanket, or in a windowless room where I can't see the door. That sort of stuff. I also am deathly afraid of heights. I don't mind living off the ground (IE, two story house, or a high rise), but I have to keep railings at an arms length. I prefer living on the second floor of something because then I can keep my windows open and not have to worry about someone climbing through it and stealing my expensive computer and other such electronics.

Me? I'm an angel! So what if the halo is crooked...

The only reason that I'm not panting and/or drooling is because I would catch hell for it from a certain someone...

Yeah I figured that it was best to do it face to face... that way if she reacts negatively and runs and tries to cry wolf I can trip her, summon the powers of the gods to walk on water and walk out the middle of the pool and hold her head under the water until the bubbles stop... What? Okay that wouldn't happen, but I'm confident that she would keep it a secret from our parents regardless... We're the standard feuding siblings, but we do it jokingly to aggravate our mother. I've held secrets for her, so she'll definitely hold this one for me until I'm ready to tell our parents. On a side note, I tested my mom last night. The results were inconclusive. My dad went to Toronto yesterday for a meeting today and I mentioned that I know a few guys up that way (in Canada) and that one of them has a husband (yeah, I used Jack Frost, lol). I also said that I couldn't remember if it was Ontario or Quebec that has gay marriage. She didn't say anything. I do know this though: She likes "gay shows" like Will and Grace, but she doesn't agree with the way gay men have sex, calling it unnatural. That's exactly what she said to me several years ago when she and I used to watch W&G. She didn't put any negative connotation to it, though. She's also known more than one gay man in her lifetime and had nothing but good things to say of them and of their relationships to other men, including a make-up guy who used to work at our Macy's store. He moved to Queens not too long ago and she still things that that's hilariously coincidental. *sigh* I'll be seeing Erin in a little over three weeks.

Well we'll find out when I tell her then. I'm feeling more and more like I should just call her and get it over with. Is that a bad idea? Is it better to do it face-to-face?

Good! Then we'll have no problems! I didn't spend all that time in art class for nothing! [yes, I know what you're talking about, lol]

Thanks, and don't worry -- you'll just wake up one morning with pretty pictures drawn all over your face and Sharpes strewn over the bed.

Aw, you guys are so sweet... You haven't met my sister. Let me tell you all a little story... There was a time when my father was in Boston on a business trip. I believe this might have been on 9/11 because he had to drive from Boston to our house in New Jersey to get home. Either that or he'd taken his own plane and it broke down, but the point he he had to rent a car and drive from New England to North Jersey. He described how he was going to make the trip, mentioning Connecticut. My sister's response was, and I'm really quoting her here, "Dad, Connecticut is below Washington D.C.!" I'll give you all a moment to let that soak in. *twiddles thumbs, rolls on the balls of his feet, checks his watch, hums a little to himself, checks his watch again* Like I said, the woman is book smart... she got straight As almost her entire life and she's entering her second year of graduate school next month (this time includes six years of college before graduate school). You put her on the street with nothing but the clothes on her back and she'll die. I sincerely doubt she'll take those clues and put them together. In fact, I get the feeling that when I say to her, "I'm gay," she'll say to me, "Of course you're happy, you're in Florida!" At which point I'll have to clarify and tell her that the person I am in love with has a penis and that I could never love someone the way I love him if they have a vagina.

We'll see...

9 times out of 10 they wouldn't know Chinese if it hit them in the face, so you could get way with just making a bunch of noises and they would be none the wiser LOL. Maybe get a friend to make noises with you and appear to know what you're saying hahaha.

She's book smart, not street smart lol.

Cool! Good luck with your future together, man!

She was just being a jerk, hence the comment that I would need to sell my body to science. She's actually a total putz. I gave her all five seasons of QAF and her comment to me having that was, "How ironic!" When I told her that I was in the GSA at my old school she said, "Just because?" I imagine she'll be shocked at first, then she'll think about it and start putting things together... like the fact that I haven't had a girlfriend since the 7th grade (and that one whore doesn't count in my book); the fact that I haven't asked out my friend Trish, who I would be married to right now if I wasn't gay; QAF + GSA, etc. EDIT: I almost have the urge to just get it over with and tell her now... the suspense is getting to me lol. My hours at work have been severely cut due to payroll shortage, so I don't have that occupy my time with much anymore. I'm tempted to IM or call her right now and do it...

Thanks guys! She flies down there to meet up with us on the 14th if my dad remembers to buy the tickets, so it's a little under a month off.

I told John and some others that I would start coming out soon, beginning with my sister when I see her on our family vacation in Florida in a month. I instant messaged her a little while ago and we had this conversation: R: there's something I need to tell you when we're there, but I want to do it face to face and out of earshot of mom and dad... E: dont tell me you got knocked up R: lol no E: cuz if you did you need to sell yourself to science R: lol E: getting out of earshot of them shouldnt be too hard E: wait til they pass out at 7 and go to a bar R: haha R: well it can't be public either E: ok then out of earshot of them and outside the hotel somewhere E: you sure are a suspensful sob R: okay... it's just something very private and I need you to keep an open mind about it E: hahaha like my mind could BE anymore open R: and it has to do with that folder I was afraid of losing, so if I like your reaction, then I might tell you about that too E: you;ve seen the people i associate with R: yeah, I know R: doesn't mean I won't be paranoid though E: unless you tell me that you're becoming a born again christian, i doubt it will be a problem E: or jehovah's witness R: oh god no, on both counts E: if you do, i am feeding you to grandma herbert's bird R: honestly I don't think you would react negatively, but society has me paranoid E: society does that E: which is why im glad i'm in anthropology :-) they purposefully bend the norms R: lol I'll take a scotch... in a Big Gulp... If she reacts well, then I'll ask her how she thinks our parents would react, and act accordingly when the time is right. To give you an idea of her personality, the conversation then turned to piercings. She wants to get a lip ring, another eyebrow ring, and is gauging one of her lobes to 10mm.

This happened in Italy?? For some reason I thought Italy was very progressive... I mean they have John Cabot University right there in Roma lol!

It's their loss. Makes me kinda wish my parents would drive to Knoxville after all to pick up my sister, and THEN drive to Florida in three weeks, that way we could skip that craptastic state all together.

Yeah, sometimes I think Lola might one day tell me to get my own damn directions with the way I go off course some times. Lola is my Garmin Nuvi 200W. I picked Lola not because of the movie "RV", but because I can say it in a sexy voice to freak out my passengers... like "It's time I introduce you to... *pulls GPS out of glove box* Lola." Hahaha I love it. I don't think Lola is literate though, since she's the base model. I don't need her to read books, because my eyes need to be on the road, not her. My uncle runs a body shop and his comment was, "ever since those GPS units came out, business has been GREAT!" lol. I also don't need her to play MP3s. My cars audio system is easily worth $1500 (not including satellite service, installation of everything was free, and no I didn't actually spend that much, thank you eBay!), so I would much rather use that to play MP3s than a dinky little GPS.