Drew Payne

@lomax61, I wanted to show Chris maturing in his relationship with Ryan, as he starts to deal with the damage done to him. Ryan isn't attracted to him but their friendship is something good, and Chris now has the maturity to accept it. This is a far more stable character than he was in the first part of this story. The four main characters fire-bombing The Release Trust's head office is a wonderful idea (Certainly makes me happy) but is out of character for them, and Nina would put her registration at risk. For the sequel, I want to write about the politics of the ex-gay movements, which would be a rather dark look. I've wanted to write about this for quite a while and returning to this story has shown me that Chris, and the other characters here, are the right ones to write it through, with some new characters. Just, God knows when I'll get the chance to do it but I now have a schedule of things I want/need to write and that is firmly on the list.

Any long journey always starts with small steps. But Ryan as a "serendipitous dinner guest"? Kay and Nina set the dinner up for Chris to meet Ryan. Kay saw Chris's reaction to meeting the (Very screwed up) Ex-gay Lenny at Pride. She saw the effect that had on Chris. This was all set up to help Chris, as good friends do.

Thank you. This part is a very important part of the story. I had to give Chris a way out of his mess. Just to leave the story as a list of how screwed up Chris was would be so unsatisfying, and for me, untruthful. I had to give him an escape-ladder, and someone to push him up it.

Thank you so much for that. I was worried people would want a happy ending here, Chris and Ryan getting together, but for me that wasn't an honest ending. Chris is still screwed up, though he is being to put himself back together again with the help of his therapist, but he's just not ready for a relationship here. And Ryan isn't into him in that way. Since publishing this story here, my mind has been working on an idea for a sequel to it. I want to explore the political side of the ex-gay movement.

There are so many people out there who don't get what they deserve, who get a lot better than they deserve. I really want to believe in natural justice but I really don't know.

Wait until you read the next/final part.

As the great Professor River Song said: "Spoilers sweetie, spoilers." As for wants and needs. If everyone knew the difference between them, what would we have to write about?

Thank you. It was thirty(+) years ago and I had a wonderful therapist who helped to put me back together again. Then I met my husband. I wrote this story, and Keeping the Faith, because I wanted people to know how harmful those ex-gay groups are, and stories are my way of doing that. Thank you.

Thanks for your feedback, and wow you got all the things I was aiming for. That endless and often misguided search for love, in all the wrong places. I wanted to get that down/depression of a failed attempt to connect. I don't want to give too much away, I don't give the reader an easy ride with this story, but sometimes the things we need are not always the things we tell ourselves we want.

Ryan was already waiting for me, and he’d picked one of the outside tables. We always met up at the same coffee shop, and if I got there first, I’d choose a table inside, but if Ryan got there first, he’d always pick one of the tables outside on the square of pavement in front of the coffee shop. I went right up to the table and sat down opposite him. “Hello, Chris, I’ve ordered you a coffee and muffin,” Ryan said. “Thanks,” I said. “How did it go today?” “Not bad. It’s still

The journey of a lifetime starts with one train ticket. Owen, nineteen and single, is finally making his journey to coming out, but this is far more difficult and complicated than the train journey he has to take from his small home town to London, the only place where he feels he can come out. What has led him to such an extreme move and what will he find when he arrives?

“Welcome to Hell!” Kay said as she opened her front door to me. “What’s the matter?” I said as I followed her inside the flat. “Nina’s in the kitchen, and she’s turned into Gordon-Fucking-Ramsey all over some stupid pudding. I told her we won’t want pudding with the amount of stuff she’s already cooked, but she has to be Ms-Fucking-Perfectionist-Lesbian,” Kay said. “Is it going to be all right?” “There’s only the four of us—you, me, Nina and Ryan—so it should be okay.” I foll

Please don't apologise, I am amazed you feel so much for a character I've created, and the reaction I was hoping for in readers. I wanted to put this section in to show how damaged people can pass on that damage when they don't take ownership of who they are. Just because you have been damaged doesn't mean you will always be the victim in your screwed up relationships. Chris is a victim of what has happened to him but he is also passing on the harm. (P.S. Chris does find the backbone to finally end this relationship.)

I love the sound of your church, that sounds like real Christianity to me. I have met some wonderful Christians, people who have dedicated their lives to caring for others and it doesn't matter who for, and then I've meant far too many people for whom their Christianity is a power trip, and "I'm better than you because I'm going to heaven!" power trip. The shameful thing is that I've met far more from the second type than the first type.

I agree with you 100% percent but all I want to say is, "Spoilers Sweety, spoilers." There are two more chapters to post. Wait and see.

I'm so glad that you're getting the themes I wanted to write about here.

Thank you, I always worry about my writing. Your feedback is very welcome.

But Chris is staying with Will because he's afraid of being alone, he's afraid of being that stereotype of the sad and lonely homosexual that he had drummed into him as an Evangelical Christian. This is just another example of how screwed up he is. He's pathetically damaged and it's harming so much of his life. Re-writing this story made painful reading for me.

I don't know about being abusive but this is certainly an unhealthy relationship. I wanted to show, in this one, that Chris is a screw-up in a relationship where the other guy wants him, yet the other guy is completely unsuitable for him and Chris can't find the skills to face that.

Thank you for such wonderful feedback. I agree so much. We have achieved so many advances and yet homophobia is still alive and well.

I could feel my phone buzz in the inside pocket of my jacket; it could only be Will, but I left the phone in my pocket. I opened my flat’s front door and pushed my way inside. To my relief both Pip and Harry, my flatmates, were out. I wasn’t in the mood for being confronted by their happiness as a couple. I walked straight into my bedroom; I took my jacket off and took my phone out. I was right; it was another text from Will. “Looking forward to seeing you tonight. Luv, Will.” I drop

In one word, shame. Chris is deeply ashamed of what happened to him, he hasn't told his closest friend what has fully happened to him. How can he go to an LBGT organisation for help? Here he is stuck in a horrible circle of wanting a boyfriend to make his life better and chase away the damage done to him, yet he's so screwed up that he can't manage a relationship. The way he describes the abuse that he suffered shows how little insight he has into his situation.

Thank you so much for saying this, I completely agree. I'm a healthcare professional and I could write thousands-upon-thousands of words about how dangerous and damaging these ex-gay cults are. That is why I wrote this story, I wanted to write about how difficult it is to live with the aftermath of this type of abuse. I am also a survivor of an ex-gay cult, and I feel I need to expose the damage they do.

Oh dear, wait until you read the other parts. I'm afraid it has to take a lot more to help Chris. The other parts of this story will explain why and how he is so screwed up.

That's what I wanted. I wanted him to be unable to deny his true nature, his sexuality, and hopefully finally face-up to himself; but, as you say, at least he has an older brother who can help.