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Rndmrunner

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  1. Rndmrunner
    love the new story. Once again, I appreciate that you don't just jump into plot but introduce the characters and give the reader a chance to get acquainted with them.
  2. Rndmrunner
    I really loved this story.I had a great story arc and characters i could believe in. It is a very focused work that moved me and didn't ever risk becoming a soap. Thanks so much. I am looking forward to future stories
  3. Rndmrunner
    At summer camp we played a game called Killorian (sp?). It was basically played in shallow beach water and was a no holds barred game of water rugby. It was assumed that the water would break your fall. You know it s all fun and games till someone gets hurt,but that never stopped us
  4. Rndmrunner
    I know what you mean. My partner and i were driving in the car and talking and our then 5 year old wanter to get our attention. I guess we were not being attentive to her because the next thing we hear is "Ladies!!" And then there was silence.... Suffice to say it got our attention
  5. Rndmrunner

    The epilogue

    Rndmrunner commented on Andy78's story chapter in The epilogue

    a great story. I like that it is not the standard fare and at the same time doesn't rely on any gimmicks. Really sold writing!! thanks
  6. Rndmrunner

    Chapter 1

    Rndmrunner commented on Andy78's story chapter in Chapter 1

    I'm impressed, particularly as your are English and Steinbeck wrote in a unique american voice specific to him and his time. You do not quite capture the lyrical cadence in Steinbeck's narration and dialogue that matches the land and the people in it. With Steinbeck I can hear the words in my head and the tenor of the voices speaking the dialogue. I guess that is what makes it so lasting. Have you read Travels with Charlie?
  7. Rndmrunner
    I really want to commend you on this chapter. Sorry to disagree with Rebelhost85 but Zach does not have attachment issues (abandonment issues maybe) and i am really impressed at how you portray him adjusting to living with Noah and Scott. It is too easy to write about huge life changing issues and have the characters fully resolved with the changes by the end of the chapter. I am so glad that you are able to show how Zach would have insecurities and fears as he further attaches to his father and to Scott having been neglected by his mother. The story is richer for showing how the boys cope and grow as they work it out with each other and with Zach. Thank you
  8. Rndmrunner
    Okay, this chapter just has everything. Your characters are so well formed that my chest is pounding along with Bay's and i feel the shame and the pain he is experiencing, not to mention the gravel. Just loving this story!!
  9. Rndmrunner
    Good job writing Zach. You captured the literalness of a 4 year old. Ironically Zach may start acting up as he gets more secure around Scott and if he sees more of Noah. Right now his situation doesn't allow him to misbehave for fear of consequences. I really like his addition to the story.
  10. Rndmrunner
    Sasha, i am really enjoying how Bay's past is catching up to his present and you show us his conflicts without just telling us about them. Great chapter, great story and thank you for posting frequently and not leaving us waiting
  11. Rndmrunner

    Kiss and Tell

    Rndmrunner commented on K.C.'s story chapter in Kiss and Tell

    Well we are going to see what kind of nursemaid Michael makes. Asher should have some fun at his expense. Hope all goes well for your own surgery KC. It sounds like you are about as good a patient as Asher is (a patient who is not patient). Hope you have lots of love and support at the hospital and back at home.
  12. Rndmrunner
    That wasn't so much a cliff as a leap over a chasm. I guess love is never easy. But poor Ash has to go and get shot for Michael to cut through the fog. I hope we get some backstory on the shooting. I hate that i now have to wait another week for the nextinstallment.
  13. Rndmrunner
    great chapter. I loved the way Bay acted, not his best moment, but really well written and honest. Your characters have character which makes them interesting
  14. Rndmrunner
    a beautiful story. I love that they have a child in the end. I am biased as we have a 10 year old. you write exceptionally well with an easy style and rich characters. I missedAunt Shelby in the last chapter. I was wondering if she andWilton would get together but that may be too much symmetry.
  15. Rndmrunner

    Chapter 3

    Rndmrunner commented on Sasha Distan's story chapter in Chapter 3

    Nicely nuanced story. The characters are great and believable. Great family dynamics on both sides
  16. Rndmrunner

    Blind Date

    Rndmrunner commented on K.C.'s story chapter in Blind Date

    Talk about embracing your inner cliffhanger. We barely got safely down from last weeks cliff and whoops, slide, and here we are dangling again. Oh the slow sweet torture. You are a total control freak!
  17. Rndmrunner
    Yes, didn't see that coming but sort of glad it did. The plot has not been predictable so far and i wouldn't want that to change. that said, the outburst is reasonable given the characters to date. It would be a pretty short and mundane story if Michael simply curbs his drinking, comes out and finds true love with Ash. That only happens on gay fictions sites
  18. Rndmrunner
    Another wonderful chapter. Just to be clear though, even if it doesn't occur in the last paragraph, this was still a major cliffhanger. I'm glad i came to this story late and don't have to stew in the suspense. I'll just start the next chapter.
  19. Rndmrunner
    just luvin the story. I like what is happening with the coach and JT but it was weakened by having the coach's perspective provided rapidly by the narrator. It makes it all seem a little too easy. Neither JT nor the coach are particularly challenged by the situation but just move forward smoothly. It seems that JT's biggest problems will be at home and that knowledge would likely make it harder for him to move forward.
  20. Rndmrunner

    Chapter 13 Dreams

    Rndmrunner commented on Enoch's story chapter in Chapter 13 Dreams

    Another great chapter. I like how you wove the dream into the background about Andy's mother form the last chapter. I guess he has inherited a little something from her. He's a little too young to be a granny though
  21. Rndmrunner
    Anothergreat chapter. A nice balance between the serious issues and a little humour to ease and contrast the tension. One small critique: "the you had me at hello" is a great line but its not yours and sounds hackneyed when it is not Rene Zellweger saying the line but Joey.
  22. Rndmrunner
    a very poignant chapter. Definitely hard to read but none of it gratuitous. I like the way you have introduced a number of significant issues but have not forced things by dealing with them all simultaneously. Joey's abuse takes center stage and Andy's actions which telegraph his feelings for joey to his father are allowed to be dealt with later. This type of nuance which works for the believability of the plot and contributes to the effectiveness of the story is what sets this writing apart from the norm. Thanks and keep it coming.
  23. Rndmrunner
    great chapter, As before i really like the pacing. You are giving me a chance to get to know the characters and the localle before the plot explodes. I think i just heard the first explosion!
  24. Rndmrunner
    i love the story. It has a great pace that is developing while letting me get to know the characters. Is good to see that both the mail characters have some dark corners to be mined as the plot proceeds. Thanks KC
  25. Rndmrunner

    Chapter 17

    Rndmrunner commented on JacobMillerTex's story chapter in Chapter 17

    sorry, this plot has lost all credibility. Too bad, the characters are good.
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