Thorn Wilde

There’s one more thing I feel like I ought to say as well. I wrote this post using my own lived experiences, but this isn’t really about me. It’s easy to say fuck those guys and they don’t matter; they don’t, not to my life. But there’s a bigger, wider problem here. A bigger picture. These attitudes are a problem. I’m thirty, and this shit upsets me like this. Imagine how it affects someone younger and more vulnerable, someone in their teens struggling to understand their own identity. Imagine how much it hurts to essentially be told that what they feel isn’t real. It eats away at the insecurities that are already there. I probably seem like I’m whining by harping on about this stuff, but as much as I feel these things myself, it’s not about me. I think these are conversations we need to be having, especially when it comes to bisexual and trans erasure within our own community, because that’s where it’s at its most destructive. We need to be aware and pay attention and comment when we see it rather than just letting it pass because we think, who cares what those assholes say? That’s why I keep writing about this. Not for sympathy or support (though I appreciate all of you deeply for giving me that as well), but because it’s a real problem, and it’s harmful

Aww, the fluff!! What a sweet ending! Thank you for this lovely story, Laura. It’s been a pleasure to read!

Thank you. I’m aware of that series, and I know what you mean about labels. That said, I think categorising people is natural to humans. We make sense of the world that way. Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try not to do that, but it makes it difficult. Perhaps a step on the way might be to accept the labels people put on themselves rather that lumping them into our own categories with our own labels. Give people the right to identify themselves. Would be nice to live in a world where none of it matters, but we don’t live in that world yet.

Been doing some editing on my anthology story. So tired now, though. Think I’m gonna try gaming for a little bit... Enjoy your Sunday, everyone!

Thank you. And I would love to call you friend. Parker, that’s beautiful. Thank you!

I love you too!

I think there are many things from the scriptures of many different religions that are applicable regardless of if you believe in them or not.

Oh wow, that’s freezing! We’re hovering round -10 here, so not too bad, but cold enough, imo. Stay warm, my friend!

Thank you, tim, for being your wonderful self!

Yeah, doing our best. Hope you’re doing okay today!

This came from an article about the 2005 book Born Gay, and was shared in a thread in the Tech and Science Geeks club a few days ago. In attempting to prove that being gay is genetic, the authors found it necessary to suggest that bisexuality does not exist. I can understand that. If people are genetically either gay or straight, phenomenons like bisexuality become hard to explain. Easier to just pretend they don’t exist and omit them from the equation so you can more easily prove what you’re trying to prove. Of course, that’s pretty shitty science. As for these ‘physiological studies’, they were clearly not performed on me or anyone I know, and the idea that bisexuals are just sluts with super high libidos who will fuck everything is not only utter bullshit, but deeply harmful in perpetuating stereotypes that we in the bisexual community have been trying really, really hard to get rid of. (Not that there’s anything at all wrong with being a slut who will fuck everything; you do you.) Is my attraction to men and women exactly equal? No, not all the time, and I’m attracted to different things in different genders as well. Women are in general more aestetically pleasing than men, in my opinion. But then I do also really like dick. (Yes, can I have a non-op mtf enby with a side of sexual dominance, please? Thanks!) None of this takes away from the fact that I am in fact attracted to both men and women, and to people who are both or neither. If you were to measure my arousal levels while watching gay, straight, lesbian, and transgender porn, assuming it’s good porn you’d get a pretty strong physiological response from all of it. Anyway, this isn’t really the point of this blogpost. I wrote a post five years ago on biphobia, monosexism, and pansexuality. The point is erasure. The point is that there are people, probably even people on this site, who don’t believe that I exist. I mean, that I, Thorn Wilde, writer and wacky weirdo, exist is indesputable (or is it? Maybe I’m a robot from the future). But my identity, the person I claim to be, is not real, according to some. I guess I’m either lying or crazy. I carry two labels that experience a great degree of erasure. I’m bisexual (or pansexual, in my case these are one and the same), and I’m gender non-binary or genderqueer, which falls under the T in LGBT. I currently consider myself to be trans masculine. I wrote about this not too long ago, too. The more I try to embrace these parts of myself, the more I feel like people try to erase me. I wish I could say that it was all straight people, but as evidenced by the beginning of this post, this is not the case. Both gay and straight people often do not want to acknowledge the existence of bisexuality. We’re just undecided and haven’t picked a team yet, or we are, as previously mentioned, sluts who fuck indiscriminately. Not saying some of us aren’t, just saying #NotAllBisexuals. As for being non-binary, it gets even more complicated. You’ve got your angry TERF lesbians saying that being butch or dressing like a man doesn’t make you not a woman (which is perfectly true, but they’ve missed the point), you’ve got the general population largely ignoring actual scientific proof by saying, ‘Only two genders!’, which is demonstrably false, and you’ve even got some trans people who feel that the rejection of gender as binary erases their gender identities (which it doesn’t; saying that gender isn’t binary isn’t the same as saying that the categories man and woman don’t exist). The more visible I become, the harder it gets. A few days ago I had some asshat on facebook tell me that nothing about me was masculine and that if I wanted to be a man I should act like a man. (I told him that if acting like a man meant being a reactionary fuckwad, I didn’t know a lot of men.) And even though I don’t require other people’s validation of my gender, it still hurts. Just like it hurt when people I thought were my friends said I only said I was genderqueer because I wanted attention. I wish I could say this shit is just annoying and doesn’t get to me, that I could just shake it off and move on, but the reality is that it’s painful. And it makes you question everything. Am I really non-binary? Is it really a thing? Am I actually trans? I don’t want to transition medically. Does that mean I’m just pretending? Am I allowed to think of myself as trans even though I’m genderfluid? Am I really bi? I’ve only ever had one girlfriend and I’ve only had sex with, like, two or three girls depending on your definition of sex, vs. four long term boyfriends and a handful of fuck-buddies and one-night-stands. Am I making this up? Am I a fraud? An impostor? And I can’t even tell my emotional brain and my rational brain apart here, because all this is new territory. There are a couple of things I do know: I know that I loved my ex-girlfriend and I’ve loved all my boyfriends, and I totally dug having sex with all of them. And I know that wearing my binder and men’s clothes and going out feeling like there are people who won’t look at me and immediately think ‘girl!’ feels amazing. And I know that being called ‘he’ makes me happy and makes me feel good about myself. These are my truths, and they’ll remain true no matter how much the world tries to erase me. Edited to add: There’s one more thing I feel like I ought to say as well. I wrote this post using my own lived experiences, but this isn’t really about me. It’s easy to say fuck those guys and they don’t matter; they don’t, not to my life. But there’s a bigger, wider problem here. A bigger picture. These attitudes are a problem. I’m thirty, and this shit upsets me like this. Imagine how it affects someone younger and more vulnerable, someone in their teens struggling to understand their own identity. Imagine how much it hurts to essentially be told that what they feel isn’t real. It eats away at the insecurities that are already there. I probably seem like I’m whining by harping on about this stuff, but as much as I feel these things myself, it’s not about me. I think these are conversations we need to be having, especially when it comes to bisexual and trans erasure within our own community, because that’s where it’s at its most destructive. We need to be aware and pay attention and comment when we see it rather than just letting it pass because we think, who cares what those assholes say? That’s why I keep writing about this. Not for sympathy or support (though I appreciate all of you deeply for giving me that as well), but because it’s a real problem, and it’s harmful

Morning, DiC! Happy Sunday! Feeling worse this morning. Throat’s really sore and my nose is super stuffy. Boyfriend’s feeling a little bit better, but is still pretty miserable. What a fine pair we make, lol!

Sleepy times over here. Boyfriend’s already snoozing. Hope you’ve all had an excellent Saturday! Night!

Well done! Enjoy Skyrim.

...and there I think the fever’s coming on. My tonsils have been taking the brunt of the infection until now which means sore throat but otherwise fine, but now I’m feeling that telltale dry warmth in my face and round my eyes which tends to indicate a fever in my case. And I was so hoping I might be able to avoid it... Sigh.

Home from dinner. Poor boyfriend’s cough is pretty bad. Cold air outside probably didn’t help... he’s having a rest and I’m gonna game for a bit.

*pops in* I would just like to say, ham is awesome, Ravenswood is good wine, and I like tea. *buggers off*

That sounds like no fun at all. No system is perfect. There are definitely better ways of doing it than Canada, though... Of course, it’s a matter of prioritising as well. Not just where does the money come from, but also where does the money go.

Nvm, hadn’t checked since last night. It’s there now.

Well, you guys aren’t wrong, though at the moment we’re mostly just coughing on each other, lol! Can’t wait until we both get over this cold ... so we can have some real fun. Wow, that’s ... insane, actually. That’s not how our system works at all. You never pay more than like 350NOK (which is, what, $50 maybe? I dunno) for anything. I go to the doctor, that’s what it costs. I go to the emergency room, that’s what it costs. And once I’ve spent a certain amount on medical bills and meds, I don’t have to pay anything more for the rest of the year. This at an average income tax rate of 36%. I knew we were privileged over here, but ... I’m sorry they’re making you jump through hoops. Right, on that note... Good morning, DiC! Boyfriend and I are having dinner with my parents today. We’re still both sick, so it definitely won’t be a late one. Hope you’re all having a good day.

Loz has a bit of a journey ahead of him, and so does Daniel. Glad you’re enjoying it! Thanks for commenting.

Sorry about work, glad you had a nice dinner. Boyfriend’s getting better, I’m getting worse, as is the way of things. We’re having dinner with my parents tomorrow, so hopefully he’ll be even better and I won’t be too much worse. Heading to bed now. Night all!

Thanks for reading it! I’ve got another in the works as we speak, actually. Glad you enjoyed this one!

Hi, Def!

Michael’s good as friends go.