Thorn Wilde

Hey, everybody. Just got home from meeting a transmasc friend for a beer. They were telling me about microdosing of testosterone and stuff. Probably gonna blog about it when I've had time to think... Cause right now I have a lot to think about. Hope you're all having a good day!

And that, in and of itself, is kind of depressing, no? Almost like our culture was designed to produce unhappy people...

Morning, everyone. Man, did I miss an interesting conversation in here last night. Pesky time zones! Hope you all have a good day today!

Criminalise homelessness? WTF???

Just got home from a concert with my choir. Had to wear a dress for the performance, but it was okay. I mean, I was performing, anyway. Felt kind of like being in drag, lol!

I'm sorry you're in pain, but glad you're feeling better. Hope it continues to improve. ❤️

Ehehehe, I love Shawn! Super interesting and creepy scene with Evan! It would be interesting to find out what Evan and his spirits know about who or what Wolfgang is...

‘Fucking Nick! I can’t fucking believe he’d do something like that!’ Alan looked ready to punch the wall or something. His face was red. He looked livid. ‘Alan,’ Matt said helplessly. ‘Just . . . calm down, okay?’ Alan turned to him, frowning. ‘You knew about this. Didn’t you?’ Matt looked away. Meeting Alan’s gaze was difficult just then, but finally, he nodded. Alan’s outburst was expected, but Matt still flinched as he roared, ‘What the fuck, Matt? You went all this time, and

Matt gave a frustrated sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. Of course Alan had reacted this way. He was loyal to a fault and Dave was his best friend. And Matt didn’t want him to be any other way. He just hoped that their relationship mattered more to Alan than this. Alan and Matt have a fight, and it leads them both to think long and hard about how they actually feel about each other and what their relationship means.

Enjoy your vacation! Glad you managed to avoid the tornadoes at least. ❤️

Morning, everyone. I had every intention of sleeping until noon (cause I really need a full night's rest and I needed to sober up before bed last night), but the neighbour across the street is getting some work done on their property and the excavator woke me up. On the plus side, I am neither super anxious nor especially hungover, so that's a win. Have a good day, all!

Goodnight all.

Hey everyone. Had a couple friends over for dinner. Bolognese and wine followed by brownies, Irish coffees, and Cards Against Humanity. I won! I am officially the most horrible person in the room. Our guests have left now, so I'm gonna change into PJs and sober up before bed, lol.

So much this. As I always say, art is a dialogue between the artist and their audience. There's no right or wrong, just you and me, just reader and writer. My stepdad tells a story of a Norwegian poet or author (can't recall) who was doing a reading followed by Q&A. A person in the audience stood up and asked a question about a piece, sharing their own interpretation of it, and the author replied, 'I've never thought of that before, but you're absolutely right.' That story really stuck with me. That's why the kind of dialogue we can have here on GA is so meaningful.

Thank you, Parker. ❤️

Yeah, definitely. One of the best.

Thank you. I think it's probably relatable for a lot of people... At least I hope I managed to make it relatable.

i can’t put into words that you will understand how much it hurts and my pain is ignored i just want to be heard a cry for help, they say as if those who cry are unworthy the bleeding child not deserving of concern high functioning too good at hiding too accustomed to being okay so they don’t see but practically non-functional in the day to day failing at life when it rears its ugly head and the stress, it tr

I know what you mean, @droughtquake. I also have the, my friends are a lot worse off so what am I whining about thing. I try to remind myself that I don't know what it's like inside their heads and they don't know what it's like inside mine. It doesn't always work. And no offence taken. It's like the oxygen masks; help yourself before helping others.

Thanks @Ron and @Timothy M.. God, my brain was really running away from me last night... It's still really noisy this morning, but hopefully it'll calm down soon...

My brain's doing that thing, where it's just running away and I can't keep up and I feel anxious and sad and also kind of elated and excited about stuff. So I thought I'd try to just try and write a stream-of-consciousness thing. So, this is my brain on whatever the hell is wrong with me. Sorry about the wall of text. I'm super excited cause I've been reading comic books and I love the Young Avengers and why aren't Wiccan and Hulkling in the MCU? Almost out of comics, gonna have to find some fanfic and, oh god, they're so hot! Hot, hot hot! What was I doing? I have shit to do. Need to edit. Need to write. Why am I not writing? I should be writing. I'm a good writer. I think I'm a good writer. I put the words together and I'm good with the words and the grammar and the punctuation, the craft of writing, I'm good at it, but am I a good writer? If I was, wouldn't I be getting more recognition? No good thinking about it. Thinking about it makes me feel like I just want attention, like I'm just some whiny kid screaming, look at me! I'm not some whiny kid. Or maybe I am, and I really just want attention and I don't know it, don't realise it. Why am I thinking all this? Why is my brain so fucked up? Am I hypomanic? Am I having a mixed episode? Am I really bipolar? Maybe I'm not, maybe I'm just lazy and undisciplined, maybe I'm making shit up, maybe none of this is real and I don't deserve all the help and support I've been getting. Am I just making shit up? Is this pretend? Do I just want to be special, as fucked up as all the cool people in the world, the geniuses and the artists. I kind of wanted to be bipolar and not just some sad loser who occasionally got creative. Maybe I made it all up and now I'm living inside my creation and I'm just nothing. Maybe I'm not even trans. I could just be some delusional woman in men's clothing. Maybe I was never a boy at all, never have been, never will be. I certainly don't look like one. I'll never be able to pass, never, not if I don't transition medically, and since I'm so reluctant to do that, surely that has to mean something? Fuck, what even am I? And now I feel all whiny again. No one wants to be around someone like me and, oh my god, did I ever fuck up earlier today when my mouth ran away from my head and I outed my friend's mental illness in front of other friends. God, why would anyone ever want to be near me? I'm such a spaz, I always say the wrong thing and I'm a know-it-all, I'm sure everyone hates me. Like, maybe four or five people on this earth actually like me and the rest are just humouring me. Why am I like this? I don't want to go to bed, don't know if I can sleep, don't want to get up in the morning. Don't want to anything. Want to write. Don't want to write. My mind is going everywhere and it won't shut up and, fuck, I want to get off. Why is my boyfriend asleep? I need to sleep. Not sure how. Can I please just cancel tomorrow and spend the whole day reading comic books? Want more Wiccan and Hulkling, I'm excited about Young Avengers, they're so cute, oh my god! What was I doing? I've got shit to do.

Night everyone. ❤️

Oof, this is way too real for me this evening, lol! To repeat what others have said, though, you're not the least bit difficult to tolerate.

Hey everyone. Cold, grey and windy here. Editing and reading today, and then D&D tonight. Hope you all have a good day!

Hi, sean, hope you're well!