Thorn Wilde

So much this. As I always say, art is a dialogue between the artist and their audience. There's no right or wrong, just you and me, just reader and writer. My stepdad tells a story of a Norwegian poet or author (can't recall) who was doing a reading followed by Q&A. A person in the audience stood up and asked a question about a piece, sharing their own interpretation of it, and the author replied, 'I've never thought of that before, but you're absolutely right.' That story really stuck with me. That's why the kind of dialogue we can have here on GA is so meaningful.

Thank you, Parker. ❤️

Yeah, definitely. One of the best.

Thank you. I think it's probably relatable for a lot of people... At least I hope I managed to make it relatable.

i can’t put into words that you will understand how much it hurts and my pain is ignored i just want to be heard a cry for help, they say as if those who cry are unworthy the bleeding child not deserving of concern high functioning too good at hiding too accustomed to being okay so they don’t see but practically non-functional in the day to day failing at life when it rears its ugly head and the stress, it tr

I know what you mean, @droughtquake. I also have the, my friends are a lot worse off so what am I whining about thing. I try to remind myself that I don't know what it's like inside their heads and they don't know what it's like inside mine. It doesn't always work. And no offence taken. It's like the oxygen masks; help yourself before helping others.

Thanks @Ron and @Timothy M.. God, my brain was really running away from me last night... It's still really noisy this morning, but hopefully it'll calm down soon...

My brain's doing that thing, where it's just running away and I can't keep up and I feel anxious and sad and also kind of elated and excited about stuff. So I thought I'd try to just try and write a stream-of-consciousness thing. So, this is my brain on whatever the hell is wrong with me. Sorry about the wall of text. I'm super excited cause I've been reading comic books and I love the Young Avengers and why aren't Wiccan and Hulkling in the MCU? Almost out of comics, gonna have to find some fanfic and, oh god, they're so hot! Hot, hot hot! What was I doing? I have shit to do. Need to edit. Need to write. Why am I not writing? I should be writing. I'm a good writer. I think I'm a good writer. I put the words together and I'm good with the words and the grammar and the punctuation, the craft of writing, I'm good at it, but am I a good writer? If I was, wouldn't I be getting more recognition? No good thinking about it. Thinking about it makes me feel like I just want attention, like I'm just some whiny kid screaming, look at me! I'm not some whiny kid. Or maybe I am, and I really just want attention and I don't know it, don't realise it. Why am I thinking all this? Why is my brain so fucked up? Am I hypomanic? Am I having a mixed episode? Am I really bipolar? Maybe I'm not, maybe I'm just lazy and undisciplined, maybe I'm making shit up, maybe none of this is real and I don't deserve all the help and support I've been getting. Am I just making shit up? Is this pretend? Do I just want to be special, as fucked up as all the cool people in the world, the geniuses and the artists. I kind of wanted to be bipolar and not just some sad loser who occasionally got creative. Maybe I made it all up and now I'm living inside my creation and I'm just nothing. Maybe I'm not even trans. I could just be some delusional woman in men's clothing. Maybe I was never a boy at all, never have been, never will be. I certainly don't look like one. I'll never be able to pass, never, not if I don't transition medically, and since I'm so reluctant to do that, surely that has to mean something? Fuck, what even am I? And now I feel all whiny again. No one wants to be around someone like me and, oh my god, did I ever fuck up earlier today when my mouth ran away from my head and I outed my friend's mental illness in front of other friends. God, why would anyone ever want to be near me? I'm such a spaz, I always say the wrong thing and I'm a know-it-all, I'm sure everyone hates me. Like, maybe four or five people on this earth actually like me and the rest are just humouring me. Why am I like this? I don't want to go to bed, don't know if I can sleep, don't want to get up in the morning. Don't want to anything. Want to write. Don't want to write. My mind is going everywhere and it won't shut up and, fuck, I want to get off. Why is my boyfriend asleep? I need to sleep. Not sure how. Can I please just cancel tomorrow and spend the whole day reading comic books? Want more Wiccan and Hulkling, I'm excited about Young Avengers, they're so cute, oh my god! What was I doing? I've got shit to do.

Night everyone. ❤️

Oof, this is way too real for me this evening, lol! To repeat what others have said, though, you're not the least bit difficult to tolerate.

Hey everyone. Cold, grey and windy here. Editing and reading today, and then D&D tonight. Hope you all have a good day!

Hi, sean, hope you're well!

Not too bad. Ended up spending most of my day reading Young Avengers comics. Mostly for the gay, tbh, lol! I'm very much supposed to be editing... EDIT: But, I mean, look at these two cuties, can you blame me?

Hey, Hunter! How are you doing?

It's an important lesson to learn. As my ex-girlfriend says, self-care is healthcare.

Jeez, that's pricy! Honestly, I'm perfectly happy with what I've got. It's just nice to have something in my pants, lol! EDIT: I looked them up, and okay, they do look pretty awesome. I can definitely see the appeal.

I woke up super anxious, so I'm staying home from flea market today. Rang the head of my section to ask if they could make do, and there's a lady coming in today who wasn't there yesterday so she said they'll do just fine. Gonna give myself a slow day before the week starts and I have things again. Bet most of you are sleeping, but for when you wake up: Happy Sunday to you all!

I'm glad things are improving!

Just watched the Super Duper Cut of Deadpool 2. It was awesome. Paul bought the blu-ray as an early birthday present for me.

My packer is from Fleshlight. It's called Mr. Limpy, lol! It's one of the cheapest ones on the market, but it's pretty good. Actually, I should say packers, plural, cause I have two, but the first one I got was so much bigger than any flaccid dick I've seen in my life that I felt kind of uncomfortable wearing it. So I got a smaller one. But yeah, the really realistic ones are pricy af. One day, maybe...

Exactly!

You do come up with a lot of good stuff when you drink cider.

Agreed. I may do that nap thing, too.

May I just say that bargain hunters at flea markets are assholes. I get not putting things back where you got them, but when you put one shoe a mile away from its twin after trying it on, then you're just being shitty on purpose. You spend time making a nice display for the fancier items and after ten minutes it's completely obscured by random stuff. Today was exhausting. And there will be more of the same tomorrow... Hope you're all having a nice weekend, though! ❤️

You're strong, molly. Hang in there.