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Comicality

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  1. Comicality
    Wednesday - Well, THIS was a shitty day if ever I saw one. Ok...note to self for the next time I decide to skip out on school...MUST make sure that the classes I'm missing aren't having a surprise pop quiz! Shit! As soon as I got back to my Science class today, my teacher was quick to mention that she 'missed me' during yesterday's class period. And then she started handing back graded pop quiz papers to everyone else. Since I wasn't there, then I failed it. And that brings my gr
  2. Comicality
    Tuesday - Ok....this morning, I thought today was going to be a really fucked up day. I did. Everything seemed to be building up to this great disasterous failure that I'd be regretting for the rest of my life. But...just as the dark clouds rolled in and life seemed dismal and bleak...Brandon made it all better. And for the first time in like...'ever'...I feel complete. I'll definitely give you the play by play on what happened on that in a little bit, but first....let me get the little
  3. Comicality
    Monday - Ok...wait! I'm TOTALLY fucking lost on something here! Tell me if I've got this wrong, but aren't Sam and Joanna a done deal at this point? Do I have that wrong? Am I fucking going CRAZY here??? They're broken up! They're supposed to STAY broken up! This is high school! There are no long term romances here! Well....I mean except for me and Brandon. But that's TOTALLY different! What the hell is going on here??? When I got to school today, I see Kevin in the hallway, and he'
  4. Comicality
    Sunday - It's been a really weird day today. I don't know how to really handle some of the stuff that's going on in this house right now. I have to admit, I feel really guilty about the way I'm feeling right about now. It burns inside, you know? Mostly because I feel like a total heel for not wanting to deal with it. See....my mom has been really upset all day today. After the big announcement on Friday and me walking out of the house without a word yesterday...I think she thinks I'm mad at h
  5. Comicality
    Friday - My parents are getting a divorce.... :( There's no more guessing, no more missed phone messages, no more trial separation bullshit. They're getting a divorce, and there's nothing I can do about it. At least now I know why my mom wanted me to come home for dinner on Friday night. I wasted my afternoon time with Simon in the student center (More on that in a bit), and then came straight home like she asked me to. By the time dinner was finished, I heard the doorbell ring, and
  6. Comicality
    Thursday - Omigod...I can't believe it. I honestly can't believe it. He knows. Bobby actually knows about Brandon. At lunch today, Brandon and I went out to the side lawn for lunch to get some privacy...and mostly to avoid the HORRIFYING events of yesterday's lunch period!!! But somewhere during our conversation, he gave me the sweetest stare. You know, the kind when you can just SEE their love for you in their eyes? I swear...I nearly fell over when he looked at me like that! It was so
  7. Comicality
    Wednesday - You know....I thought that if you jacked off before you went to bed, then you wouldn't have any wet dreams. I could have sworn that was the rule! At least, that's what my cousin, Johnny, told me when I was 9 years old. Mind you, I had no idea what the hell a 'wet dream' was back then...or jacking off for that matter...but it seemed like an important thing to remember for future reference. Evidently, it didn't work. Because I found myself washing my boxers and sheets at 7 am b
  8. Comicality
    Tuesday - I had a few bouts of craziness today. It's the strangest thing, but I actually feel...'good'. I should be nervous and shaking and worried out of my mind. But...I'm not. I wonder if this good feeling is a set up for something awful. One of those 'fake' resolutions right before the last 30 seconds of the horror movie, when the monster comes back to rip the main character's heart out. Roll credits. Anyway, it might just be me being paranoid. At least, that's what I'm hoping.
  9. Comicality
    Sunday - What the fuck?!?! Do you know what happened today? My mom goes out grocery shopping for a few items for Sunday dinner...and for some fucked up reason she runs into my Science teacher in the store. Now, I personally can't see my science teacher being in a grocery store. Honestly...I can't see my science teacher being anywhere but at that desk in the classroom, in front of the blackboard, or in the teacher's lounge. The nerve of a teacher actually interacting with people on some kind o
  10. Comicality
    Here you will find the very private diary of Billy Chase. Occasionally updated as he lives his life as a closeted teenage boy. This is his life, feel free to peek in from time to time.
  11. Comicality
    Friday - Okaaaay...something...somewhere....got a bit twisted up while I wasn't looking. Things are supposed to be GOOD right now! Right? I mean...RIGHT? Ok, so things aren't BAD at the moment. I couldn't really complain that everything is fucked up. But...it's like...I'm almost on the verge of being really truly happy for what feels like the first time in my whole life. And for some reason, there's this one little last gap that's keeping the circle from being complete...and I just can't clos
  12. Comicality
    Thursday - This day has been so....sooo...sighhhhh! Have you ever been so in love with somebody that it just makes the whole damn world look like candy and gumdrops? Where it just makes you goofy inside, and you can hardly sit still because it tickles so much that you have to physically hold yourself with both arms to keep from slding out of your chair? That's exactly how I felt today. All that and more! My whole life is a dream, and I can hardly contain my smile anymore. It's like...'br
  13. Comicality
    Wednesday - Did something...um...go out of whack today? Did I suddenly wake up and realize that I'm not 'me' anymore? Because it seriously feels like I'm not living my own life anymore. In fact, everything that I thought I knew about myself was wrong. Everything that I thought I knew about the odds of being happy and being miserable have all been based on data that I was never ready to process in my head. I can't tell if my life is now officially over as I know it...or if it's just now starti
  14. Comicality
    Tuesday - Something is just...wrong. Have you ever had that feeling? That you were somehow just pushed off of the path your life was taking...and now that you're lost somewhere in the wilderness, you have no way how to get back to the main road again? That's how I feel right now. I wonder if anybody else on the Earth ever feels that way. I hope so. Because it can be an extremely lonely feeling, thinking that you're the only person on the planet who's too stupid to get things right. I know
  15. Comicality
    Sunday - I swear that this was the sunniest damn Sunday that I've ever had! I'm seriously grinning from ear to ear and beyond at this point! Ok, so I made....maybe...ONE little mistake! But it's the last time, I swear! I'm done with it all! I just...sighhhh....I saw Bobby again today. I didn't mean to make anything any worse....I just...I dunno! I was craving him soooo bad today! And then he called and... Let's just say that it was a very pleasureable mistake. Anyway, I woke up feeling
  16. Comicality
    Saturday - O-MY-GOD!!! I DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE THAT I JUST DID THAT!!!!! I didn't mean to....that is...I didn't PLAN on....Oh shit! Shit shit SHIT! I don't even know what this means now! Did I royally fuck up everything now? Or did I...like...make things better....or... Arrrgh! I'm so fucked up right now! Why did I have to DO that? Why??? Look, I'm only writing this down here to state my case to let the world know that this was NOT my fault! Ok? If anything....it's Brandon's fault fo
  17. Comicality
    Thursday - Ok....so....yawwwnnn... I finished my history paper. I did. I only got to sleep for 35 minutes last night, but I was determined to get it done. A few times, I literally fell asleep while I was writing, and had to start all over because I was scribbling a bunch of random 'nothing' on the notebook paper. God....I'm sooooo exhausted right now, but at the same time, I'm just happy with the fact that I finished. Seriously. I worked my ASS off on that paper last night! And despite all
  18. Comicality
    Tuesday - Ah shit...I can't even say that it was an accident. I did it on purpose this morning. I set my alarm for two hours earlier than I usually wake up, just like I said I would. I even went to bed EARLY last night, and I really wanted to get up this morning and put some time into my History paper. I just...I couldn't! I know, I know...I'm being a lazy fucking asshole right now, and I *KNOW* that it's due the day after tomorrow...but when the alarm went off I just couldn't get up. My body
  19. Comicality
    Sunday - Well...I tried to get a jump on my History paper, but I barely got through the research part of it. Sighhh...not that I could really concentrate on anything for longer than 30 seconds at a time anyway. I wish I could let this go, but....every minute of the day, the ache gets a little bit worse than it was the minute before, and I'm almost sick with the feeling of it. What does Brandon think about me already??? I mean...ARRRGH!!! Where is he? What he doing? What is he thinking abou
  20. Comicality
    Saturday - Strangeness. That's what today has been. Strangeness. It started with an early phone call, and went downhill from there. Or is that uphill? Or maybe it just went straight, with no hill at all...but it was raining pink lemonade....which equals strangeness. My mom had gone out to get some groceries for the week, so I was ripped out of a deep sleep by the annoying ring of that damn phone. I had to roll out of bed and pick it up. "Hello?" And it was my DAD, of all people. Needles
  21. Comicality
    Friday - Frustration always breeds more frustration. Confusion breeds more confusion. Why is it always the bad emotions that work that way? I'm not sure where I stand at the moment. Is what I did a 'good' thing? Or a bad thing? Or did it matter at all. I don't know. All I know is that....I truly bared my soul today. I exposed my heart to somebody more than I ever have in my whole stupid life. And he.....he just... Sighhh...ok, before I get into that, let me get the little shit out of th
  22. Comicality
    Wednesday - Have you ever had one of those days that was so 'up in the air', that it didn't seem to quite have any purpose in your life at all? No effect, no importance, nothing. I wonder if someday in the future, I'll be laying on my death bed, and regretting that I just let this day go by so.....'wasted'. Well...I suppose it wasn't completely wasted. Jamie Cross talked to me in the hall today. It wasn't anything special, but he remembers my name. So that's a plus. No invites to hang out
  23. Comicality
    Monday - You know, just when everything in life feels dismal and unfair, where nothing at all could possibly hope to fix it or mend the scars it leaves on you...some really awesome stuff takes place! The only BAD thing about it, is I feel really guilty about enjoying it! Because it's one of those 'bad for them, but good for me' type of things, you know what I mean? Let me explain.... First of all, whatever Sam and Joanna had been going through lately, it all came to a head today at seco
  24. Comicality
    Sunday - I...I almost messed myself up today. Luckily I was too chickenshit to try anything. Otherwise I might be writing this from a much more miserable state of mind. I hadn't really made any plans today. It was one of those mornings where you wake up and don't even wanna get dressed, much less go anywhere. But Lee called me on the phone this afternoon wanting to talk. Now, Lee loves to chit chat every now and then, but having him call me out of the blue was rare. He usually just sends m
  25. Comicality
    Friday - Ok...so...I wasn't quite sure what else to do. But I'm kinda winging this as I go along. I guess I'll worry about the consequences later. See...my dad called the house and left a message on the answering machine. He was asking for my mom specfically, and he said, "We need to talk about things..." I'm wondering if that lawyer guy called him too. Or if maybe he just found out about these mysterious 'papers' of hers. I didn't know what to do, or how in the hell I thought this was going
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