Headstall

I have amazing penmanship. It gets commented on still. So did my mother.

The Bookmobile was actually a bus, and it was in the same spot every Saturday from 8 to 4. To be frank, it was a rather poor area, and there was no actual library anywhere close, so having access to those books meant a lot to me. The first librarian was nice, but this other one showed up and was mean as hell. I was just a kid who loved reading. I can still picture her face... sort of. Ugh.

Okay... wasn't going to say anything, but I was actually writing, as in actually writing, not printing, before I started school. I remember my mother talking about my aunt(who babysat us during the day) who told her I was reading as a young child, not just looking at pictures. I don't know how young I was, but it was shocking to both of them. I started writing on my own, and that was another shock to them. My first year at school... I was five... in a little one room schoolhouse, the teacher saw my writing in a scribbler (what we called a little book of pages) and asked me to print something on the blackboard, which was actually on the side wall of the school. I don't think she believed it was my writing. Anyway, I wrote a sentence or something on the board, but I wrote it upside down... I didn't print it... and she later told my mother something was wrong with me. Of course my mom set her straight. I taught myself to write, and being left-handed, I had my hand turned so the page was upside down... and that's what I did on the blackboard. I'm not saying I'm exceptional, but I was an incredibly bright child according to all my relatives. Unfortunately, an unstable family life made any smarts I had take a backseat to surviving. When we moved up to Ontario, I used to visit a bookmobile and take out four books in the morning and read them, and then take them back by four when it closed, and take out four more so I'd have something to read until the following Saturday. I was probably seven or eight then. A mean librarian lady who took over stopped me from doing that. She said it was four a week... imagine discouraging a kid from reading... evil witch. So... I think I was reading as early as three... four at the latest.

No.

Well, good news for me. I am not getting cataract surgery. The doc says I wouldn't benefit enough from it, but we will keep an 'eye' on it. Had eye drops in and couldn't see much for most of the day. I'm relieved, though, and the other problem isn't serious yet. I see him again in one year.

Hey, Les! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. Glad you enjoyed this chapter... it certainly had some uncomfortable tension, just when things were going so well. Home is a place Lucas wants to be, and there is a conversation promised too. Hang in there, friend. Cheers! Gary.

Lol. It appears they are now. Maybe it was a harbinger of things to come, that they went from being calm and settled to running off into the distance. As Jubal says to Reid about the wildings... “A step forward and maybe a step back. Never can tell with them.” Sound familiar?

The TV Guide days are over, my friend. I could give you hints, but I won't I see your point about Lucas for sure. He's confused as hell right now, unsure of what this awesome friend of his will do. Jubal surprised him in this chapter, and I think he was truly hurt at being left out of the loop. It allowed him to imagine the worst, that Jubal will run. So yeah, they are both skittish. You can keep a side eye on Reid, but I don't believe he has any bad intentions. Billy? Hard to say where he is. Cheers, my friend. Stay patient.

Thanks, Darryl! yeah, the fear was real, and the danger was ever present. Glad that comes across in this story. Lol... you can thank me, and then smack me... if you do it nicely. I often cringe at how cavalier young LGBTQ+ people are about the rights we enjoy now. They hang by a thread, and should never be taken for granted. It can all go to hell any moment... That's why voting and awareness are so important. Thanks, buddy... appreciate the support.

True that. Amazon drives me crazy sometimes, especially when I ordered plumbing stuff during the pandemic. Don't remember ever being pissed off at Consumers. Ah, the good old days.

Hi, Sherye. Persecution is as old as time, and ugly as hell. Jubal is leery of the 'god-fearing' for a reason. There are a lot od god fearing folk, but there are some who live to judge others, thinking a book they interpret gives them the right. You're right about what Jubal needs, but his fears get in the way. Reid caused some damage, but I don't believe he intended to. I think Jubal will realize that once he calms down and takes a breath. Reid has been supportive of him while Lucas lay unconscious. Thanks for your patience, my friend.

Glad you could connect with this one. Jubal has reverted to his defense mechanisms, and it's messing with his thinking. Lucas may be confused, but so is Jubal. He doesn't know what to do, his inadequacies in communicating glaring, at least to him. Crowds take getting used to,,, so maybe it was too much too soon. The wildings will do what instinct tells them... and so far, that is how Jubal has operated. Thanks, Terry.

Yeah, it was definitely a painful scene. I wanted us all to feel that tension between these two men, both fearful of different things. Both hurting... and both not wanting to hurt the other. The town sees Jubal as a hero who saved one of theirs. He and Lucas also protected their community by killing the three Prescotts, so of course he/they are the talk of the town. Jubal wasn't expecting the crowd, and he handled it best he could, but he was out of his element. I expect you are right... Jubal needs some time to forgive himself... and maybe find a different perspective. We can hope, right? Thank you, my friend, for your support of this story and me.

We had a pickup depot close to our place too growing up. It takes me back as well. I'd forgotten all about it. I remember now I bought my mother a proper chandelier from Consumer's because she hated her dining room light in her fancy new house. She loved it, and it hung there until she sold the house 25 years later. Yeah, it was good quality stuff. I guess Amazon is the new Consumer's.

Hi, Dan! That's a good question. There might be two skittish men in this story. Lucas is certainly rattled and off his game. I think it's a safe bet that Reid would like to help, but can he? There's a question for you. Jubal is proving to be a hard man to get a fix on... not for us, because we know him, but Lucas, who does know him well, got pretty confused today. Even Jubal doesn't seem to know what he wants to do. At some point, I can tell you Lucas will be back on his own mattress... other than that... Thanks, buddy, for your patience. Hang in there.

Lol... all warmed up and ready to go, sir... we should be picking up speed any time now.

Mail?

Jubal would never accept himself as a hero, but that is how he's seen by those town folk. That thought would horrify him, because it would make him even more of a center of attention. Other than Vincent, I don't think he's had people in his life who tells him he's worth something. Maybe he'll start to listen when they do???

We can tell he has a pretty strong fear of towns, especially god-fearing ones. That crowd in today's chapter had him truly rattled, and he went from a guy who's stopped wearing a covering for his scars to one who was cringing at them being stared at. His anxiety kept going higher, and yeah, can we blame him? I wonder if this wasn't the first crowd he was in in a very long time. Kudos to him for trying, though.

Maybe. Are those wildings gone for good? That would not be popular symbolism, would it?

Yeah, Costco is probably closer to the old definition. Do you remember a store called Consumers Distributing? It was a catalogue store, and the catalogue was filled with so much stuff... everything under the sun. You would order from it and pick it up after it came in. Don't know what happened to it, but I used it for Christmas shopping every year in the seventies.

Thanks, centex! Glad you liked it. Jubal trusting himself is the crux of everything. He has to trust himself to make the decision not to run, to ignore the fears of a past that seems to have brutalized him. I think he trusts Lucas's friendship, but he can't trust what is in front of him. We all know Lucas would be accepting, but he doesn't, and I think that tells us he has been fooled before. You're right... the very last thing he wants is to lose this friendship with Lucas that he has never had the like of before. it means so much to him, but self hate is a terrible weight to carry. I believe your take on Reid is a good one. He's not a bad guy, and he likes Jubal. He did some damage today, but I don't believe for one second it was intentional. He might even have been trying to help, though it backfired bigly. And yes, Jubal couldn't care less about his gold coins. He is single minded in that regard... he would have given it all up for Lucas to open his eyes, and he would do it again. Being honest with ourselves can be hard, but until we do, there is no peace to be had. Jubal is honest with himself, but he is not in control of his fears. This is that crux I mentioned. He has to learn to trust he is worthy and has nothing to be ashamed of. Cheers, buddy, and thanks for this. Your support is truly appreciated.

Hello, mayday! I'm so pleased you felt Jubal's fears. This was meant to be an uncomfortable and tense chapter. As far as what happened to Jubal, you're right that I have teased some things out, but it is really Jubal's story to tell. Guessing is all we can do for now, so I appreciate your patience. It's really hard to say how far Reid and Lucas's conversations might go with regards to Jubal, but I think we can be confident Reid won't badmouth Jubal. Maybe Reid will point out more things to Lucas, things he might need to hear, because Jubal sure seems to confuse him... at least in this chapter. As much as he knows Jubal, he doesn't really have a complete fix on him, and that speaks to Jubal's reticence to reveal himself. You ask a good question, and I think the answer is it has always been hard for men to be open with each other. I wonder myself if it is a learned thing, or something ingrained/wired in us. I know I've encountered those walls, and am capable of them too. Are you and Kris right? Is home the answer? Certainly, it shouldn't hurt, but it is communication that is needed foremost. That can't happen the way things are right now. Barriers... great word. There are definitely barriers. Will Jubal run? I think today, he could, but if he lasts until tomorrow, not as likely. We'll see. Thanks and cheers! Excellent comment, my friend.