Krista

Yes, a good lesson. But it is still one learned just a little bit too early. I don't know how good I've made him really. I might have underestimated the batting averages some of these high school guys have going for them in the writing. I did a little bit of a research after it was brought to my attention that they were a bit low. Then I sneakily went back in and changed that rating to a lot higher... but now I'm thinking I've put him far too high up with that average that 'any' college in the country would drool over him. Sneaky as I am clueless, would I be a mouse that never makes it down the tunnel to where the cheese is, I'm thinking it is rather possible.

Yeah, they're talking. There were a lot of things brought to the table and fleshed out a bit. A lot was still left in the air too. But, at least they came to the table. Are they good for one another? They both seem to not know what they're doing, but they do enjoy the kissing...

Yes, Trace let him get it out the way Joel wanted. He didn't stop the tide of things by telling him to check his language. Sometimes the release is better than the words they used in doing so. When all you want to do is wash their mouths out with soap afterwards. They both seem a bit loose with small swear words here and there. Celia corrects them more, and yeah, if Celia was on her horse beside them, Trace would maybe cough and nod in her direction, or Joel would know better and not use some of his words of choice. And Trace didn't allow him to settle into old thoughts either, that would make the conversation more circular. He told him to calm down and move forward, it was so gentle that it might have actually worked this time? And, we don't know how stubborn Davin is... maybe he is a bit stubborn. Joel is too, though.

Yes, maybe in fiction. Anything done on your own terms, you have to be able to live through the consequences. Trace has promised to 'fight like hell' but a lot of what Trace would want to do, would be out of his hands. He can support him and accept him through it all, fight battles alongside him, but he can't protect him from everything. That's what I struggle with as a parent. The... "I can't take all the punches..." I would if I could. It doesn't do people any good to be sheltered either, though. Not knowing how the world works is a whole other set of struggles and hiding that from them doesn't do them any favors. It hurts either way.

Yeah, Gavin already shot that word right at him, didn't he? Although coming from him, it's not going to sting. The start of the conversation was circular, but that might be expected as the same frustrations were still needling away at Joel. They might still. Feeling like a burden doesn't really go away just because nice people say you're not a trouble. I say that just to be polite, when it was a bit of a bother. But at least what Joel has going for him, is that he had no other choice in the matter. He's a 'burden' because Trace couldn't live with himself if he left him standing on the bridge. There's still a disconnect there. But, maybe this talk put a lot of that to bed. Sometimes knowing you have people standing behind you, it might give you all the strength you need. Joel has to believe it though, that's the only way it will work.

The coach would probably get into a lot of trouble spending the budget funds for an unknown of that nature. And what number would he put on the damn thing? Joel gave him nothing, but his sizes. And...

Now the boy said that he thought it was a stupid idea, give him a little credit. Does that mean he's going to stop running? Who knows... one of these days, hopefully. I'm thinking that he is well off the ledge of that cliff, not knowing what he wants. Maybe a bit too far, to where I may need to apologize for that? And yes, very helpful in that discussion as well, but at least that discussion felt more normal for a teenage guy that might be over being fussed over about birthdays at least. They should have called and asked Cody, he would've given them more to work with...

I really liked this talk with Trace when I wrote it. I felt the impact of it when I read it over in the complete chapter and I saw the whole picture. How we learned the impact of Joel landing into their life really impacted them. It wasn't how Joel thought really. Where he saw burden, Trace saw miracle. Although he's said that in the past, maybe this time seeing and knowing the extent of all that, it will settle in to something more than just words being said aloud. I'm not sure Trace was saying that he needed to come out. Maybe thinking that some of his frustrations were due to him being 'tired of not being himself,' that doesn't really mean coming out. It may just mean getting back to himself and in a better place 'before' the bridge. And that he's finally safe to put more into himself than he might have been able to even before that night. That if it comes back and explodes all around him, that instead of being pushed out of the door with just the clothes on his back, that he's safe to come home and they'd fight for him. That the option is there and always will be. I personally wouldn't want Trace pressuring Joel to come out, he knows Joel isn't ready for that and it isn't a path that Trace has to walk, but Joel does.

Traffic buzzed by me more often than I thought it would as I walked along the ditch. Every now and then I had to step up onto the shoulder to avoid a muddy patch or brackish water. It wasn’t deep, nothing but flat ground was out here. No one stopped or slowed to ask who I was and where I was headed. I picked a random direction as I ran at full speed and didn’t stop until I was well off campus and out of sight of it. After stopping to double over and catch my breath, I was now sweaty and wished I

I think you gave Colin the best send-off of his original life. It was sad to see him love Harry who only had a flash of remembrance of him. The question hanging between him and you the author is an interesting one. One would think the easy answer, the one hovering in the back of his mind would always be, 'yes,' that he'd take it. There's this cliche thought of, "If I knew how this would end, I'd do it anyway..." but there is a burden with such a conviction that you touched on, because what we know he endured was short-lived and unrequited and there's no guarantee that a second chance would change any outcome. He seemed resolved to that being all he was ever going to get, but that was still a place where he wished to inhabit. So, the follow-up would, if you do not wish to alter history that is Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley, then you will have to give Colin a story that grows past Harry Potter. Which, it very well could have naturally if he was given the chance stolen from him to mature into himself a bit more. First crushes die messy. So, maybe Colin can survive both of those battles if you wish to continue. Otherwise, this was a nice end of his story, there is enough weight in his memories for him to say, 'no.'

Aww thank you, for saying the shoes fit a bit. It does put my mind at ease. And yeah, I shouldn't have said life long, since sexuality can be rather fluid for a lot of people. And we all have those odd crushes.. I mean bless him, but Ed Sheeran had millions of people that would fling themselves at him, but I never saw the appeal. And I'm not going to list my embarrassing crushes because they're god awful. I will always admit to Joey Votto though, my goodness.

And Auntie Marnie, who isn't related to anyone in the county overheard talk of a stray young boy walking along the roadside looking up to no good. Then she ran into her bridge club members Janey Lee and Rachel Plum and they discussed the possibility of hoodlums running amok all over the country. Only because they had never seen him around 'these parts' before based on the thorough description from Old Sherriff Ron, who has already been called and told about it, even though he's been retired for over twenty years. Yes... small towns.

I didn't know they outright paid, but it makes sense. I would.

That she does...

😮 Rude!

No one should be outed, not in any stage of their life to people they're not ready, or will never be ready to come out to. People tend to know who they can trust and who they can't with that type of information. I cannot stand people saying, "It is 2025 who the fuck still needs to be in the closet?" Lots of people. It may not be as bad as it was decades ago, but that doesn't give anyone a right to judge people who still feel safer and more relaxed not coming out to people they don't feel safe with. And yes, my friends have told me they would have stayed in the closet to keep friends that they cherished and lost in doing so. Because they loved them. They were outed, both of them and against their will. It was something that took them a lot of time to come back from, and neither of them fully came back from everything they lost. I'll never be on the side of that.

Yeah, maybe a fair warning just in the off-chance these two didn't get along. Which they don't really... but they're not sworn enemies either. If dinner was a reward for finding and bringing Joel safely home, you best believe Gavin would have him found and delivered before Celia had the first pot primed and ready to start cooking.

Yeah, he's just now seemingly getting access to being around people that are willing to accept him fully. He may love his mother, father, and older brother, but he did so knowing that he couldn't with the expectations that they'd accept him fully. It is going to take more than one conversation, one declaration, and a series of evidence and promises for that to sink in.

I don't think he'd harass Rissa, but I can't say that she wouldn't harass him. Lorianne does seem okay. She scares the hell out of him, but like the comments do me, I don't know if there is anything that doesn't scare the boy at this point? Who knows...

No, but maybe in time it can come out on his own terms... and when he isn't pressured. So far, he's either had his truth spoken for him, or he had to as a last resort out of fear of bad history repeating.

Thank you for this. I do not read a lot of poetry, I know very little about it. And yes, it may do him a little bit of comfort to read this poem. At the very least, it could guide him through some of his torments, to see that he's still strong, and can rise above things again. He does need to believe in himself.

It didn't take long for that to happen did it? One little glance towards Lorianne, or friendly gesture and there it was. Having to make jokes that didn't include him. Maybe being tired of that is some sign of growth? He still went along with it, but he didn't like it. He didn't want to settle in that 'easy' place. He's angry at the sameness. Maybe Roy does have a friendly face. And yeah, that talk with Coach Finn did overwhelm him. He wasn't as ready to have that talk as he thought he was. Also, maybe it would have went slightly better if Coach Finn 'made' him try out? The, "history," comment bothered him as well. He was given a spot solely based on what he is 'known' to be capable of doing. He had to work and prove himself out at Tempton, and he was put on a sudden pedestal with a team that he didn't know and in a mindset to where he couldn't possibly see himself being at all functional on the field, let alone expected to create similar successes when he was in a better place. I mean, if you're going to do that to the boy at least give him his number.

Believe me, I am well known for not titling things right. In fact, I think I made Wildthing title this one for me. Blame him, I know I'll be doing that after this comment. Thank you for an early gift. I've never had a reason to keep lying. As the lies never stuck to me my whole life, they were brought on by stupid moments that was better ended with an apology or better judgement to begin with. I don't know what it is like to feel like I'd have to lie about something about myself my whole life and being in the mindset that in order to protect myself, that's just how it has to be. So, for all of you that have had to do that... I've tried to write Joel in that light, but I've not had to wear those shoes.

Some people are just guilty by association and/or history hasn't been all that favorable with them. Roy probably hasn't ever been much of anything to Joel. But Jonny has, and public allegiances are rather weighty, especially in smaller schools where that's a lot more obvious. But, Joel also noticed Roy for an entirely different reason well before Jonny Lundst was an issue. So, there's that too. And, Wildthing and I had a very deep and long discussion about Joel's 'hardline' with his number. I must admit I took a lot of liberties with this based on my own experience. My number is retired at my school. No one else can wear that number, it is hanging in the rafters, and one of my jerseys is framed and hanging alongside the other retired numbers. I would not have given it up for anything. And yes, it is a number, but that number represented what I built, the standards I set, the example I was, and the level of excellence that I was able to achieve throughout the years I played varsity basketball for my school. I was given that number after I successfully tried out at the age of thirteen for the varsity basketball team, and I carried it for six years of my life. The only person I would have ever allowed to wear it is one of my children if they wanted to play basketball for my school. I went with it being his grandfather's number, to give some semblance of importance to him. But it is very much his number as well. It was the straw that broke him in that moment as it was something else that he never thought he'd lose, gone.