Graeme

It's a long weekend in most of Australia, so we're going to my sister-in-laws place in country Victoria. We're taking the motorbike, but my sister-in-law vetoed taking the horse.... I'm looking forward to it. We haven't gone away on a weekend for a long time.

You have a compromise in place. You've told him you're worried about it becoming an addiction, and he's said he won't let it get out of hand. The next step is really for you to work out at what point you really start to worry -- such as if he gets drunk twice in a month (is that the start of a trend?) -- and then discuss that with him. If he says that its not going to get out of hand, then he'll probably be amenable to working out now under what circumstances you need to take action. As a suggestion, if he gets drunk twice in a month without agreeing to it before hand (eg. you can probably exclude special occasions like a birthday from that count, because you had agreed ahead of time that he was allowed to get drunk), then that's a sign that things are getting out of control. Oh, and I would also suggest that if he's controlling things now, then you shouldn't start the above until he's eighteen -- he should be trying not to get drunk until then. These are only suggestions for you to consider. It is a compromise that allows him to enjoy himself in moderation while catering for your concerns. Discuss your concerns with him and work out between yourselves what's acceptable. DON'T tell him that this is what you want to do -- that's dictating, not discussing. You can propose something like the above, but let him consider it and make his own suggestions. Good luck!

Yes, I saw the reference and I had to smile. But I think that entire diatribe was a set of in-jokes. They helped develop Dex's character more, but also served as a bit of harmless fun. I'm a little surprised there wasn't a small reference to being tied up in knots with all the writing he had to do (Bondwriter) in there....

You're right that a part is due to fear of rejection, but a lot is simply that I'm very introverted. Some people are and some people are extraverted. I'm a listener, rather than a talker, except in situations where I feel comfortable. However, I'm also happy to be a listener, most of the time, so I don't feel I need to change what is essentially a core part of my personality. In my twenties, when I was single, I would force myself out of my comfort zone by going on holidays by myself. It made me mix, though I'll concede I loaded the dice in my favour (I went on a cruise ship, which meant immediately that I was sharing a cabin with other people, and sitting at a dinner table with another set. We were all starting our holidays at the same time, so groups hadn't formed yet -- I have a great deal of trouble breaking into existing social groups).

That sounds eerily like how I am. I cried at my grandmother's funeral, but I didn't think it touched me very much before or after. I was upset when I got the phone call that my father had died, and was upset when the stupid taxi driver didn't know where I had to go to catch the bus I had booked (I had ten hours to get to London to catch the flight home that I had booked that morning), but I didn't really cry until I was at the funeral, and afterwards I felt distant, like it didn't really touch me. Even my father-in-laws funeral a few weeks ago didn't affect me that much. Robbie -- you sound just like me when it comes to relationships. That's not necessarily a compliment. I've always had trouble connecting to people. I seem to be able to do it okay on the internet, but in real life I generally have to have people connect to me first.

A good chapter -- filled in my lunch break nicely We know have the information to complete a lot of the picture, but there is still the final denoucement to happen. I also noticed a few other possible confusions and confrontations that may occur. 1. What is behind that bricked up wall at the book store? 2. What happens to Chris when he turns 18? 3. Are Chad's parents going to cause problems? 4. How will the Peidmont/Thaddeus/Eric situation get resolved? I can't believe that it won't require the boys to do something stupid, dangerous, and maybe even blond....

Now this is interesting: Judge orders Hilton back to court The city attorney appears to want the sheriff held in contempt for releasing Paris Hilton. Stay tuned -- more on this tomorrow when Paris Hilton fronts the judge again.... assuming this article is accurate.

Mark.

I've read stories of 70+ and 80+ grandmothers going to college. I don't think you're too old to try. Completing your high school education is probably the toughest part, and that's mainly because the things you're supposed to remember from earlier years is largely forgotten. You should find that being older, you're more likely to concentrate as you have a better appreciation of what it really means. Good luck! There are a number of people here with good math (or maths) skills, so don't be afraid to ask for help. Helping across the internet is difficult, but we may be able to assist. You'll still need to do the bulk of the work, though....

From what I heard on the radio this morning (my time), she was let out into home detention on medical grounds. Apparently, she got a rash....

No, it hasn't been annoying. Sometimes discussing hypotheticals helps clarify things in the mind of both the asker and answerer.

It seems that too many people still think that rape is a crime of passion. Occasionally it is, but most of the time it is a crime of violence and control. Attractiveness has little to do with it. I'm glad the guy was prosecuted, Matthew.

An interesting theory. On this basis, I would be less superficial than other gay guys, because I don't generally associate with (known) gay guys. However, it may be a sampling error -- where gay guys with similar attitudes group together. I have heard stories about gay guys who avoid the gay district in Sydney because they find the whole scene very shallow. They prefer to be "regular guys" living out in the suburbs, because that's where they are most happy. I can't confirm these stories because I no longer know any gay guys in Sydney whom I can ask.

For the record, that may be the law in the USA, but that's not necessarily the case if the photograph was published in another country. If the server in question was hosted in Australia, for example, the law is not clear as to whether USA or Australian law would apply.... I'm probably wrong, but if a copy of a photograph is given voluntarily to another person by the original owner, then there are certain fair-use rules that apply to that copy.... Not that I'm trying to complicate the matter.

That is an area of speculation that I have no interest in pursuing...

Sorry, to disagree, but while I will concede that physical appearance can be and often is a motivating factor in starting a relationship, there will always be a point where it no longer becomes a significant factor. Given the appearance of some of the older married folk I know, physical attractiveness is NOT what is keeping them together. My mum remarried in her 70s (several years after my dad died). I sincerely doubt physical appearance had anything to do with her starting a relationship with her husband.

I'm in my eighth home -- at least as far as I remember. I was born in Dandenong, Victoria, but moved to Geelong when I was one. We stayed there until I was eight, when we moved to the northern suburbs of Melbourne. I stayed there with my parents until just before I got married, with one period of living by myself as I house-sat for a few months for a friend (before they got married). My first own home was again in the northern suburbs of Melbourne. We stayed there for many years until I had a transfer to the UK. I stayed in two rental places for a period of six months each, before returning to Australia. We lived with my wife's family for several months while we sold our previous home (we had tenants living there while we were away). We then bought our existing home -- the second one we've owned and the one that I want to retired at. A lovely 10 acre property where my wife can keep her horses and the boys can ride their bikes

I agree with both of you. Personality, character, attitudes, etc., are critical for sustaining a relationship -- be that a sexual or pure friendship relationship. However, physical appearance does have an influence in the initial stages of a sexual relationship (it is less important for a friendship relationship). After that point, the physical appearance becomes less and less relevant. It would be nice if we could jump straight past that stage, but I don't think humans are well designed for that. Having said that, there are always exceptions.

I think the question is begging the answer. The question asks only about reading erotica. There are a lot of stories around on the internet that are not erotica. I know that Nifty is listed as an "Erotic" archive, but even there, there are many great stories that are not really erotica. They are romances, or coming of age stories, or just dramas. Personally, I write largely gay fiction, but I've never written any erotica. I write about relationships between people and while there may be sex between the characters, I've never described that in the stories and at this point in time, I don't intend to do that in the future. Erotica, by definition, involves sexual tension and probably sexual release. You can write to leave the detail to the readers imagination, and I think that this is often the most effective way because there are only so many ways to describe how part A fits into hole B. Erotica without sexuality isn't erotica. On the other hand, sexuality doesn't have to play much of a part in other genres, such as science fiction, drama, action, horror, mystery. Even with romance, the sexuality doesn't have to become erotica. There are many, many stories that are romances that I wouldn't call erotica. What I find can be tragic is the author that puts in an erotic scene because he/she thinks it is needed for the readers to be happy. I can think of one good historical story I really enjoyed that had a massive sex scene about 3/4 of the way through the story. The author had commented that readers had asked for more sex. I sent him an email saying I disagreed with those readers and I thought that that scene really detracted from the overall story. Up until that point, all sexual encounters were talked about vaguely, and I thought that had been perfect. Enough detail to tell the reader what was happening, and then leaving the rest to the readers imagination.

Happy 16th Birthday!

Actually, being "told" is not what love is. Words are easy -- too easy. If the actions match the words, then that's love (at least I think it is). The words are good, but it is the actions that are important.

My motivation was because I had involvement with two completely separate relationship issues occur on the same day. Yes, yours was one and it made me reflect on all the lessons I learn back in 2004 when I went through the same thing as you. By itself, I probably wouldn't have started this thread, but the other one made me realise that there are a lot of people out there that still have trouble with relationships and what they mean. I was hoping to get a range of opinions and comments, and I've been very pleased with what's been said. Most of it has had me nodding my head as I recognise the truth in what's been said. To clarify, my interpretation is that we are talking about degrees of trust. Using an example, I trust most people I meet to be honest, fair and reasonable. If I learn otherwise, I try to remember that. However, there are not many people I meet in real life that I would trust with the information that I'm gay. Most of them don't need to know it, so that isn't a problem, but there is an extra level of trust required for me to give out that information. Similarly, there are only a few people that I would trust with access to my bank accounts. The common factor is that in both cases a betrayal of that trust hurts a lot more, and hence a higher level of trust is required. This is what needs to be "earned".

My understanding is that insurance companies will insure you for almost anything where they can quantify a probability. So, insuring for alien attack, end of the world, being struck by a meteorite and the Second Coming are well within the realms of what they may do.

This is what I was talking about when one partner compromises themselves out of existance. It is what should be avoided, because that's an unhealthy relationship. Compromise doesn't mean forgiving a partner's mistakes, accepting another culture or accepting the flaws in the partner. It can, but it doesn't have to. The degreee that each person in the relationship is willing to compromise is up to them, but they also have to maintain their own sense of self-worth. Compromising in a healthy relationship should not be subjugation of yourself for your partner. Bending, not breaking, is what is required. The degree of bending is a personal thing. Using myself as an example, I tend not to be a fussy person. In many areas, my wife has stronger opinions than I do (I'm talking about simple things like furniture, linen, clothing, etc.) As a consequence, I usually just follow her lead, rather than asserting myself. It may look like I'm henpecked (I probably am ) but it is more that it isn't a big deal to me. On the other hand, when it comes to voting in elections, she has her strong opinion that I don't always agree with. We've often voted for opposing parties, and we both know this -- but it isn't something that becomes a heated topic. We know we have differing opinions, and we leave it at that.