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strained musings of an open mind

Entries in this blog

 

Killing your babies

It is weird to revisit stories written. Kind of like wondering down the street you used to live on as a kid. There are a lot of memories bound up in the words. The gloss of nostalgia is tempered with the clarity of experience.   Its hard to say what my aim was with the stories I wrote. I do know that if i were to write them today they wouldn't be the same. Who knows maybe there is yet still another draft or two living inside of Living in surreality. Decimate it to the basics of the story, and

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

resurfacing

Ive heard its best to pick up where one leaves off.   It makes sense, but it was never a philosophy given to writing. Especially when there is a prolonged gap. You just can't get back to it. The rhythm changes, any cadence established gets lost. You can try, Im sure, but the fracture of time will stand like the grand canyon in the story.   Plus I know I write better now then I did two or three years ago. I am however not sure any of the characters are as good as some I have left here sitti

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

Who do you pray to...

Who do you pray to when you need just one miracle? I'm afraid god will no longer do. We have a contentious relationship he and I. Plus I wasted my one good miracle prayer on him years ago. I remember, I prayed for a lego set, a stupid child who prayed for a lego set, said he'd never ask for anything again.   I've asked for things since, better things. Great people, and they have all been unanswered.   I'm getting desperate here. I can't keep watching the good ones leave.

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

long time, no post

I guess that is how things go...   Quick run down, My workplace caught fire in December. Don't know if I mentioned that. The rebuild process has been slow and cumbersome, yay for city governments. While it has been being rebuilt, the business was sold.   I bought a new car, a 2010 VW Jetta. Some say it suits me... I don't know if that is a compliment or whatnot.   A week and a half after buying said new car I "interviewed" with the new owner, and by "Interview" I mean I listened to him ext

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

checking in

for the record, I don't have gay-dar I have asshole-dar and its working like a mother-f**ker.   perhaps I should explain, then again I really dont have the energy.   long story short this guy has been coming into my work (when it wasnt burnt) and ordering a sandwich from the subway and he'd sit and eat and we'd look at each other in off moments and what not. I passed it off as whatever. Sure he was/is good looking but, I dunno life doesn't work like that for me. Anyhow ran into him on a site

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

here is a petty annoyance for you....

Meat markets. Sorry its not what I come here for, sure telling another person they are good looking is cool. But having to read about a person slobber all over themselves is just... not cool. If you want to slobber over yourself take it to a pm. That's what they are for.   This place has gotten more and more like a strip bar and its kind of off putting.

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

craptastic!

I've been trying to register for my spring semester for the last 2 hours. The website has been down... this all just figures.

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

for the best

We have an odd relationship you and I. It was fun in the beginning, flirtatious and ever so drawn-out. Remember the hours I spent exploring you? I do. I thirsted for whatever you were willing to offer up. You offered up a lot, in the beginning.   These last several months

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

pointless, yet amusing...

So, with an extreme lack of anything to do lately and owing to the fact it was completed, I have been rereading Dom's In the Fish Bowl.. Saw an ad that I found particularly amusing, mostly because it is so off target its too funny.   cougarlife.com   I shouldn't be surprised about this, nevertheless too funny.

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

WTH?

How is it Christmas again? Who said that was okay?   Things have been good. Plugging away at school. I missed the deadline to apply for a TAG (Transfer Admission Guarantee). Which is okay I guess because I didn't think I was going to have the credits required for that by next Fall. Instead I find myself applying with out the guarantee. This is scary, considering the filing period for the application closed on the 30th. However, it seems UCR and two other UC campuses are still accepting transfe

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

thanks

To everyone who has found their way into my life, and into my thoughts. We may not have the opportunity to hang out as much as I'd like to, but know I'm thankful for having met each of you.   Hope your day, and the season, is as amazing as we deserve.   Steve

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

dreams & clipped ...

Dreams are interesting...   Last night I had a dream that has been influenced by recent difficulties at work. The man has been on us to reduce payroll, after complaining about the 10% increase in fiscal 09 over 08 (Let's not mention that the 10% increase was his crazy raises to all hourly employees...) anyhow, The secodn relief graveyard guy took the brunt of this. He was laid off.   Last night I dreamt that the Boss was demanding another head and somehow we got the idea to line all the emp

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

Oh dear lord

So there is a tauntaun sleeping bag over at ThinkGeek.   I dunno what to say... its eyes are embroidered open. it has a smile... In the movie they cut the things open to sleep inside of them. They cut them open and slipped into their fishy looking innards.   If I was a tauntuan I wouldn't be smiling at the prospect...   oh yeah one other thing these guys forgot, the tauntauns died of exhaustion prior to the whole cutting and slipping in incident.   Bonus it has a lightsaber shaped zippe

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

number three

sorry but this is just wrong somehow...     also someone get me the hell away from my blog mkay?

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

addendum -n

post #2 today...   normally I wouldn't but this is somewhat annoying.   I was having a bit of a back and forth with Nephylim today (You can check it out here) We had a few back and forth posts about expressing ones opinion and what not. and thats all well and good. but as she pointed out in a post the thread was getting a lot of negative reps. More clearly my posts were getting a lot of negative reps.   This is just all well and funny. Nothing in any of those posts was out of line but all

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

partly cloudy with a 10% chance of piss...

I lurk around at a number of websites. Here and a few that have to do with Apple (I must be a masochist) anyhow I have been annoyed as of late because all it seems like anymore is people just bitching for the sake of bitching. One of the Apple websites isn't so much pro-Apple as it is anti-Microsoft. There was a article today about the new Google Chrome OS and how dispite the abject failure of network appliances in the past this new "thing" is going to further hurt Microsoft and drive them into

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

It's it... confessions of a supposed serial pessimist

Ive been quiet lately, out of fear of sounding like a wet rag or something   lol in truth nothing really has been happening that has been noteworthy. Ive been meeting guys for coffee and what not. Nothing comes of it, most fail the initial inspection and find themselves categorized securely in the friends/acquaintance column.   Speaking of, I got a text Friday night semi inviting me to a Halloween party because the guy didn't have anyone else to go with and would not know anyone else there.

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

luck... fate... whatever...

It's a very fickle thing...   It takes me a while to fancy a guy, inevitably by that time he's probably gone back to an ex-boyfriend or lives on the other side of the country. I've almost come to expect such conditions to the point where I start talking to a guy I wonder what the end game will be.   I dunno what else to put here. I started five times, but end up censoring myself every time. Interesting really when it gets to the point where watch what you do and or say. lol I should do that

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

What's in a voice?

Ive always hated mine. Perhaps this stems from childhood when all I ever heard when I answered the phone was my mothers name. People ( relatives more directly. relatives I saw every weekend) couldn't seem to discern me from my mother over the phone.   It continued well after my balls dropped (puberty for those of you who are not as crass as I am being at the moment.) with sorts of people calling me ma'am on the phone and what not.   I even had someone here point out that it may be the issue.

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

Broken Squeeze Toy

It was shaped like a Turkey leg and was a most unappetizing gradient of orange and yellow. I remember it smelled sweet of soft vinyl, the way a Madam Alexander doll does. Like any chew toy, it made the most horrendous of squelches when ever it was squeezed and released. Christy however, wouldn't settle for that. As he did with almost every toy he ever got, he chewed at the weakest part until the squeeze was rendered useless by a larger hole...   I remember the first time I saw him, it was moth

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

Twitterpaited. (this has nothing to do with brief updates)

I thought this was supposed to happen in spring?   Oh its not me mind you, rather my sisters. One is all stupid for one of the guys working on the freeway, the other ... well the other is just stupid, but more on that in a moment. Im kinda happy for my older sister, she is into this construction guy, he seems to be into her, in that whenever he is in the station he watches her, no matter who he is dealing with. The two of them went to lunch yesterday, it went well, he asked if she would be wor

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

Smashed

Went to Knotts Scary Farm last night. If you are ever in the area around this time of year you should really go. Tons of fun with people all dressed up in costume and masks running around scarring little girls. Its perfect. I just wouldn't go as it gets closer to Halloween. The place gets too jammed with people and its hard to move.   ON the way there I said hi to friend a few times, in the way that you look in the direction of their house and say "Hi" but not actually say hi. Just a nice way

shadowgod

shadowgod

 

A Moment in Fall

This game is bust. How can one possibly play a game where the rules are so obviously skewed in the other direction. It is always the same. You like one person, they like someone else, and the person they, in turn, like yet a different person all together. How do you get ahead with out some basis of mutual attraction?   Then again maybe it is just me. Perhaps I prefer that which I can never achieve. That is a scary thought, much less a scary preoccupation; to never be satisfied with what you ca

shadowgod

shadowgod

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