seakinklets

Whoops lol, I got the line from chapter 1 where he said he wanted a 5th mixed up in my head. I stand by what I said tho

Extremely standard and predictable love story so far, but with that title drop I'm actually re-interested in what could happen. Getting in deep with the mixed feelings that surround his relationship with his dead wife, and how that compares to the love that had began forming(that he didn't realize) even before she passed? Now that sounds interesting and unique. This series started WILD, since I'm 23 and the idea of having 5 kids and wanting more is INSANE to me. Hearing he'd had 5 kids and not a single blowjob was also wild, and I didn't think it would come back up. I really hope this goes more in depth with character feelings, and we focus primarily on Kyan's feelings(and Perry's ofc) rather than mostly plot like previous stories. I recognize wanting basically therapy transcripts is asking a lot, but I can't help but hope for some serious depth in terms of getting into the serious nitty gritty of Kyan's feelings.

NGL, I completely forgot about this story, but I am glad to see it back. Might have to reread if youre gonna be updating it regularly, to get refreshed.

The mechanics of Terik's planning board and the cost seems completely out of left field, considering she apparently has infinite lightning storm powers and I assume teleportation for objects. Combined with Vincent not choosing to lose his magic, and Mason being the one to kill Stephan because of Terik, if Vincent hadn't trained at all and got killed immediately it would have made no difference in the outcome of the battle, meaning the 3 books of training was effectively pointless in the end. He doesn't even keep his magic, so it's not even theoretically useful in being an EC agent or anything like that. Stephan didn't need to be weakened by Vincent, or really at all since Mason snapped his neck even through his shadows with a full bracelet. The Divine aspect was also anticlimactic. This rare and unknown aspect just lets you get possessed by gods when they decide to possess you? How is that an elusive aspect of magic? I've been worried how the ending would land with the meandering of the third book and all the training and evolution of the first 2, but this just does not land for me. I've followed all 3 books as they were written, and I'm sure plenty of people will still enjoy this ending, but I hope my reasons why I think it was weak are clear. I always felt the main strengths of this series was the mystery in the world building and the plot, and while the world building was still pretty good I found the plot really fell through in this last book. I still think that a second revision going back through and probably shortening it to 2 books would make this a stellar series though. I wouldn't spend time on constructive criticism if I didn't think that the core of the work was good and that there's potential here. You've made a really good serialized story here that could be edited and revised into a book series I'd happily buy.

So for the final battle, Vincent loses, and is now going to win because of literal divine intervention in the most direct possible way. And because they were so evenly matched despite years of differences and every advantage Vincent had, if he had trained harder and focused more he could have won legitimately. Seeing the "gods" and their incompetence was nice, but I really don't know if it's possible to make this fight not ultimately feel like an ass pull after 3 books building to it.

Some of the phrasing is a bit confusing, I thought Nora was Christophe's daughter at first because of the way it was written. I'm also confused why Tani would think Kirion would know Lani would end up with the woman from Durante's line. Unless I'm missing something, Lani's mom had no connection and he would have had no idea the two families would cross paths

"Viscous bitch" I believe you meant vicious, meaning aggressive. Viscous means thick and sticky, and would more accurately describe, say, cum. Although "resistant to flow, sticky, tenacious" aren't necessarily inaccurate, and imagining Shivay's mom as a pile of slime was funny.

Oh my god, magic phone sex

Team Alinn, cause that's a way better name :3

As much as I find your dialogue the weakest part of your writing, this was a really good chapter. Plot and worldbuilding continue to be an amazing part of your stories, but this is maybe your best emotional scene so far(in my opinion). I do wish we lingered on Dirk, really got in deep with the pain and anger; Him laying naked screaming till his voice breaks at the injustice and anguish, ya know? But that kinda contrasts with the general pacing of moving at a brisk jog.

Quite a good chapter, but you might want to read back over and revise it. There were a number of typos and either missing or extra capitalization. If you want someone to read through your work for grammar editing and such feel free to pm me

Honestly although ny comment about summarizing everything instead of just showing us last chapter still stands, this one was leagues better. Very simple but enjoyable seeing the two have a nice date and chat, got to learn a little more about them too!

The worldbuilding was interesting, and generally I dont mind stopping for exposition dumps... Except when most of the story is exposition dumps. "Reilly learned how Sebastian became Alpha of the pack. Sebastian learned how Reilly and Kellan had survived on their own. They each garnered a new respect for the other and by the time Reilly fell asleep he was feeling much more comfortable with the whole being mated thing" These are two main characters. Them growing close seems important. We got Reilly's backstory being told to us THROUGH someone else, and here we don't even get Sebastian's? This story is almost entirely telling without showing, but this is really the most egregious example that just really took me out of the story. I like lore dumps, and I think the worldbuilding is fine, I just wish things were happening in between the dumps. Things we got to see and experience, rather than have the plot summarized.

Interesting, I like the kinda anthology structure with each species so far. My eyes glazed over a bit with all the proper nouns during the meeting but I imagine we'll explore each one later. I do hope you're setting up for showing off the wide breadth of human cultures.

37 kids tried to lift 600 lbs and not a single one said it was impossible? Jared is certainly called smart and interesting but he hasn't really done anything so far that would warrent that. I suppose studying the kids before would count, but that's basic test taking skills there. If this was an intentional set up to show the values of this society and how simple things like that have become considered exemplary then that fits in well with the good worldbuilding.