Bondwriter

The action worked well on me; there's enough mystery to keep the reader wondering during the first stretch of the story. Gave me the same claustrophobic feelings as George Romero's trilogy or Albert Sanchez Pinol's Cold Skin. For the rest, most of the clever things were told above. Nice job.

Talk about a beginning! It seems it's the very first part of the first book of a saga that will go on and on. Definitely makes ma want to know more.

Just to let you people know. The British Mind-Controlling Wonder has yet another story out. It's called Dear Robert, and it's an epistolary story. I think Nexis should definitely post his stories here in the eFiction section, it's really weird to find them in Nifty's authoritarian section, which I'm NOT dissing, though 90% of the stuff doesn't appeal to me, but this particular story is one more evidence that they are rather subtler than most of the chow there.

Maybe Brian suffers from a respiratory problem as he's playing the trumpet? This chapter does not hide the problems both guys have to face. Maybe the way Brian has Chad changing his mind over Mrs Sampson is a bit over the top. Whereas some really nice kids do exist, if Aaron and Brian could be shown having (some minor) flaws, it would enhance the moments when their goodness really matters.

Same as Graeme and Steve. Do not bother with (very) small details too much. Chris is tipsy, so there's no obligation for him to notice what's going on. Or is your question a way to tease us poor readers who just want to know what is to happen? (eg Ethan just above) If Eric is shaky, could he be suffering from some withdrawal symptome? What drug is he hooked to anyway?

The story's nicely moving along. Could Jeremy and Charlie possibly develop some relationship down the road? On the coffee conspiracy front: did you know there is a Gio coffee table? And a Gio's Coffee outlet in Bangkok? We're still on the trail, Jack, so watch out!

Darn, coming fifth takes away all the smart things to say. Really weird reading this 2 days after Ups and Downs, which has some similar setting. BUT, the fact that there is no romance with TJ makes it all the more interesting. Not exactly heartwarming/ feelgood in essence, but following Ethan's transformation and growing up makes it really nice.

A nice long one-shot frame. Very cinematic. I thought of Wim Wenders' Wings of Desire, with the author taking up the part of Damiel. Not shying away from harshness, but trying to show many facets of people's lives.

I really got into this story. The Jacob/ Fyr - Kale is a nice duo, and their relationship has indeed ups and downs. It doesn't linger on squallid episodes taking place in the streets, which some could see as a flaw, but it seems it's heading more towards really how this couple of teenagers may deal with fitting in a harsh world, not only living on the street. These guys are not to be messed up with, which gives a few nice episodes when others try to go on a little gay-bashing. There are flaws that could certainly be worked out with the help of an editor. A story to look out for.

There are ways to get around it without being explicit. I'd trust you to be able to cope.

Uh... To need to go to the bathroom at some point? (To use the American euphemism)

OK: first, what do we learn about Eric? He has superpowers to find them in the desert without owning a vehicle (apparently, since we can't know if he didn't park next to the Jeep.) Or he got a ride from his cronies. In any case, how has he gone on performing criminal activities such as drug dealing (actually, this is the first time we hear about him peddling drugs, though by now if he was selling radioactive waste to terrorists, we wouldn't be too surprised, would we?) He's nervous, as CJames pointed out by highlighting the added line. So he could be frightened of his accomplices; in which case, if they gave him a ride, why don't they help him out in disposing of Steve and Chris? If they need the password, they'd all be there, with a laptop to make sure they get the good one... And once they get it, make sure they'll never be bothered anymore. Maybe he's in a hurry: some deadline (drug delivery?) is coming up, and Eric needs to clean things up before he beats it. The most puzzling thing, and maybe where we've been misled by CJ's relentless "industrious tyke" chanting, is Eric's possible number one position in the crime ring. What if when he was in the "custody" of the Piedmont sheriff, he actually managed to get control of the guy (he might know a few dirty little secrets about him). So there is no doubt left as to Eric's evil side. I can't believe he's being watched by Thaddeus/ PS as he 's taking care of Steve and Chris, and he's willing to let them die. Were he watched from far away, there's always a way to let a little slack in the rope so they might escape after a while. But apparently, he's willing to have the boys grill in the sun. With CJ's gloating over reality not being what it seems, we should really try to outwit him by drafting a possible scenario of what's going on behind the scenes. A secret passage in the bookstore; Thaddeus hijacking the LVPD computer (or is there a mole in the LVPD?); Eric putting up a porn website hosted overseas; Eric in the drug business; the Piedmont sheriff willing to kill Chris (and Steve). How does this all tie up together?

A Happy Birthday to You!

I'm glad villains in fiction screw up, otherwise they'd win. You're right, he blew it and was careless. And though he avoided the clich

Don't worry, CJames. I doubt Jeremy will go around telling everyone what happened with Charlie. Yes, he has THREE cups, and then declines one that's nicely offered. Something about being wired already. There's definitely something brewing here. No average male can keep his peter in his pants; it has to be removed several times a day for the release of some basic urges. As for Gio being unfaithful once again, let's no jump hastily to unsavoury conclusions: maybe he just needs his hair removed too. Up to this point he just rang the buzzer.

Happy Birthday, Kurt!

Pie rather than cookies. The Lemoureaux are addicted to starch! I like the way this one moves things forward. And I always admire fictional characters' ability to defy the laws that govern us poor mortals. See the sequence: 1/ Wake up 2/ Engage in activities of a sexual nature 3/ Shower 4/ Get scalded and jump around in the nude 5/ End cleaning up 6/ Go and have breakfast 7/ Go and have coffee at Birna's... Note the narrator sticks with the characters at all time! There's one very unglamorous activity I'd have had in # 2 (or 3 at the most). But I'm not a fiction hero.

Alas, not yet! On my reading list for later on this week. Your spoiler warning should have given me a hint. It must have been posted at awesomedude before. That's OK, I'll have forgotten by the time I read it!

You got to read chapter 8?

Phew! The hearing went well! A really nice feelgood chapter. I cannot imagine the drama had Brian's parents kept acting as they did just after the accident! The romance is really sweet (as it has been from the beginning actually).

I think the first mention was in the credits you gave me over beta-reading Moving On. But of course, I could have remained the anonymous beta-reader... Yeah, plus they didn't take any guns. Bug repellant cannot help much when facing a bobcat, can it?

The story's back on rails. I love the skin care stuff (widely emphasized by the "smart" ads ) Certainly lots of things that can happen in this crazy environment (and still lots of issues that haven't been addressed.)

My guess would be it has to do with the Spring Anthology. But it might be postponed a bit from what Kitty said.

I just hope you will not out my last name as you did with my first one. And yes, my last name ends with an -e. But there are many other elements making it worthy of lots of respect. Case closed. (If you ever escape once you've been made into my personal servant, this new free man status will allow you to release it to the world. Wait until then though Talking cats, besides releasing toxic waste, and getting arrested by British superheroes in pink tights, can scratch your legs too. Or give you allergies. OK, call for new blood. Your first name is not Jack. You are in no way acquainted with CJames' gang of beta readers (acknowledged or anonymous)/ editors/ zeta readers. You're in no manner on CJames' (lucrative) payroll. You're not a goat. You're not an echidna. You have never posted in this thread. You think it's intimidating, since the same people seem to be talking with a huge knowledge of the subject. You may easily get at their level! It's easy and it's fun! Join the gang! You'll be more than welcome. Read For the Love (best and most entertaining method) or read the thread (hope you've got aspirin or any substitute under hand) and leave your comments. It will bring good things in your life, bring back your loved one and the wheels of fortune will turn your way. If you have answered "Yes, it is", "Yes, I am"or "Yes I have" to any of the questions above, keep giving your precious input, and lobby hard to get more people to post into this thread.

Reached chapter 39. Why did I shy away from it in the blogs in the first place? I would have liked it as a serial. Great story. I'm not sure it will need that much rewrite. It reads well as it goes. A few stitches here and there, maybe, but I'd advise against playing around too much with it.