LeeSA

Exhibits.... I like that, he is presemting them in his own view of them, but they are not art. It would be interesting to see, indepth, how Brad navigates his anger and emotions when he has such a disconnect with himself.

Brads first instinct is to hurt first and by doing so he thinks he is protecting hinself add to that the ongoing assumptions and there ya go pain and hurt ten fold, sad

I don't disagree with what you have said at all. I think however that Lyns first betrayal was of himself. Could he have helped that? Probably not given his structure of upbringing. And while it might sound harsh he didn't couldnt deal so he created a fascade. He has to rip the bandaid off and address it first. He has to get to the point where he can explain his POV and acknowledge that there is/was a cause and effect for all of them. He needs to be accountable to himself first. Yes he had hidden his deepest hurts, but in that, he has to accept that he cant truly share himself wholly as he wants to. He cant give only what he sees and his best to anyone because it is a lie. He has to choose now not to be defined by his past. While no one might be lying at this point they are affected by the ongoing ripple of lies and faulsehoods that have held them together. They have no choice but to individually react within the singular structures they created. As for Brads attempts at an apology... your right... He need to do his own growing to actually be able to articulate why. At that point he wanted to say sorry because he felt bad not because what he did hurt his friend. Honesty, accountability and courage. Possibly some therapy and especially cognitive therapy for Brad.

Also wanted to add, just cause I cant help myself, some people have things happen in their lives that they never address, they take it to their death beds at times. They dont go back and seek out past loves for closure, past hurts to mend or things not said. Families hold their secrets close and never open doors to the light. So if these three can actually finally be open and honest with themselves and each other that will equal an amazing ending.

Lyn really believed that Alex and Brad were working within his time line. This speaks to his absolute blindness to understand anything beyond his own desires, plan and goals. He had a plan and he was sticking to come hell or high water irrespective of Alex and Brad. Couple of things that stood out for me, Lyn was going to tell Brad "I love you" he had planned the three words carefully with an out which tells me he was going into it too say the words more than express his deepest feelings. He had planned for any needed clarification based on Brads reaction. So he wasnt really committed to sharing "his" feelings. The closer to the dorm he gets the more fractured his thinking becomes and he is curious as to Alexander and those looks. If he was going to tell Brad he was in love with him then nothing should have prevented that. If he was certain as of his feelings as opposed to continuing with his plan. There is an inherant selfishness in that. He wanted what he wanted how and when he wanted it. He just didnt factor Alex in and how you can grow to love someone despite yourself. Brad while misguided in what he said slightly hit Lyn in his most vulnerable spot. He has tried for years to hide his family and their lifestyle because he felt the shame he remembers comments and slights over the years from others and has put everything into that staying hidden. He felt shame and wanted to never feel that in his adult life. So he wanted reciprocity from Brad while still hiding himself and the shameful parts of his life. You cant hide who you are and try to share yourself at the same time. These three are carrying so many secrets and so much hurt it is impossible to be on the same page at all because if it. Of course Lyn ran, he had a plan and Brad shattered that, should he feel hurt yes. Should he take ownership of his part, yes. I am hopeful that some kind revelation hits at that airport. Or that Brad and Alex go to confront him on neutral ground. I could talk about Alex and Brad at this point but wont. I am too focused on Lyn...

Ouch .... low, Brad actually when there.

I dont think I could stop reading if I tried. Kinda invested, have to say. I feel the position he is in. Its almost easier to loose yourself in a busy place. I guess I am waiting for Lyn to really take control of his inner most feelings and bring them out, lead with them...good and bad.

If he runs again I may just have to stop reading..... I want him to face it all head on.

Absolutely. I know I have repeated (hopefully not to the point of annoyance) that Lyn was raised being shown he was not good enough unless he appeared a certain way to others. Enter mother. Self worth/self esteem were, not only, not nurtured as he grew up it was quashed in favour of his mother needing to survive and look a certain way to do so as were her prevailing thoughts. How was he ever supposed to think he was worthy of giving and receiving love? So if you think of Lyn as someone who believes he is unworthy of either of those things he would never risk actual rejection ie Brad. Lyn was back then, as it seems they all were, incredibly fragile. Always trying to keep two steps in front of falling to pieces. Hadn't thought of it like that before just focused on the behaviours etc. So thank you @Cane23 for provoking yet another thought I had not considered.

Well here Lyn sits. If I consider his POV only....I think the 8 years in between are going to be significant. Lyn has gone on to not be able to, or want to maintain an intimate relationship. He has made his name as a successful lawyer and by all accounts is excelling at it but doesnt let himself share that with anyone. He ran from the argument years ago and took parts of his friends with him just not in the way he thinks or thought. Its like he borrowed some of Brads recklessness, one night stands and FB arrangements and Alexanders ability to make the toughest choices without realising it. He changed as a person from their friendship. He is sitting in an airport, running because facing the truth is hard. He is still in the wrong head space to own his actions. He feels betrayed but has not looked at the fact that his actions have caused similar feelings. He ran years ago not because of anything Brad or Alex did but because of his own (in) action. Fear avoidance and change. @Cane23 is right any relationship in any variation would have failed back then. Good things fall apart so better things can grow. We have had honesty and vulnerability from Brad and Alex. For all Brads faults I am glad he decided to invite them both to the wedding (if there is one). Brad has chipped away at himself with stupid choices becoming raw and fragile hence the anger and frustration. Alex was honest and stood his ground in the face of potential rejection and allowed himself to feel utter dispair. They have both chosen to blow it all up. Their whole lives to find out if they move forward alone or together as friends or nothing more than the pain of the past. They had to look inwards to see what was important to them. Although Brad just keeps hitting stuff against the wall till it breaks, the effect is the same he/they need answers and clarity. Now its Lyns turn to decide, face himself and them or live locked in his own world of success in his career, money and status (in his chosen field) everything that is truly superficial, just like the life his mother created and remain alone or fight for real relationships, love intimacy and honest authenticity. His own perfect imperfections as well as theirs.

Well said, all of it. They all had the possibility of freedom and none of them took it. I had to sit a little while and consider that. None of them could make that choice because they were not brave enough to be themselves in whatever capacity they individually needed. In every way all of them avoided "self". Its really very sad.

Not that I put much stock in Zodiac signs cause apparently I'm supposed to be an asshole but I have to admit that cracked me up. 😂

Agreed, Lyn does what Lyn usually does and sees things that are happening in front of him in the manner that he can process within his ideal. He moves the possibility of any responsibility too, how to fix it. When I consider the conversation/conflict about moral absolutism (keep in mind my understanding of this as a concept is limited) I come up a little short. Yes it is only part of of the arguement that Lyn heard, but when Brad asks "so moral absolution is lazy? While I can see why that would come up but between the two, I cant help think that they are all avoiding they grey in their own way. Lyn believes in his own set of morals, right or wrong, so is Alex stating that Brad is not willing to learn "Lyn" as opposed to something else more simplistic?

It is a great chapter to see exactly what Alex was saying about Lyn being the perfect friend versus a good friend. Lyn as he has always done, trying to solve the issues but only half heartedly. Image over resolution with total absolution of his part in anything that affects the three of them, he just wants to fix it. All the more reason for him to study and be a dependable person for his friend. What I find surprising is the way that Lyn continues to choose to see Brad and Alex. He even presents his own interpretation of each as a defense. Lyn makes assumption after assumption and while there is come confusing stuff happening its confusing to Lyn because he has always put Brad and Alex into personality categories. Lyn has never seen that he was/is the link between the two. Brad and Alex would more than likely not be friends at all otherwise. I think Brad is incredibly apathetic in this chapter. He knows big changes are coming, hence the motive of saying he may have a chance with Lyn etc. I would guess that he knows that once they graduate he may loose contact with .... what has bee a source of love, security, consistency and dependability. The future looms....and to ensure Lyns Alex traded his. Then has to sit and listen to Brad say he might feel more that friends for Lyn. I'd be pissed off too.

I have met a few Brad's in my lifetime. So very much a feeling of pass me the shovel or pen and paper. Mind you given my head if I burried him id want to dig him up again just dive into the way he functions. Metaphorically speaking. So yep that bad.

While I dont particularly like Brad's character, still think he's an arse, from a clinical POV I find him a little fascinating. Lyn is very familiar to me and Alex is for me understandable, but Brad gets under my skin. I go back and forth between wanting to pick his brain apart and drop him in the middle of the country and see if he makes his way back to civilisation.

Your welcome 🙂 and me too.

I think your right about that..... they need to be free from it all. Apologies re the other, guess thats what I get for replying at 3am. 🙂

😂 exactly but what if he has to literally tear himself apart to rebuild something? Blow it up or force the issue maybe that is his motive.... force the truth out of Lyn and Alex not realising that to do that he has to be vulnerable himself?

I do get that and I did silently acknowledge her comment, and have tried not to use the word codependent 😂 but is that a form of love in Brad Speak? Not sure I can answer that unless we know more about his whole story

His character really resonated with me which is why I chose to comment in the first place othewise I just quietly read believe it or not. I see so much of myself in Lyn. So thats how I read him I suppose. I actually appreciate the difference in your comments, they trigger a thought or further consideration for me. If you think about your mirrors for a sec, its not a different language, its a language they understand when no one else does. I hope they see it eventually

So much to consider but I still feel like Brad needed the reassurance and the adoration that Lyn supplied and needed that feeling from someone formative in his life versus any legitimate form of love in return. If he didnt have Lyn providing the pedestal then who would Brad be? Brad had/has no idea and in the questions that he doesnt want to ask or answer you get his behaviours. I wonder if there will be a story of Brads 8 years and they journey to the wedding. It would be fascinating. He is broken and because he is, thats all that he can give while he hides his truth, much like Lyn and Alex too. I was considering after reading your comments about passive love and so on that these 3, were fractured souls who found each other and inside of that their bond solidified because they all inherantly knew they were hiding from themselves and the world. They behave like magnets. A little too close and you can feel the pushback but they needed each other.

Ok so 3rd attempt.... Lyn will feel like he has a right to feel angry with Alex....however Alex made the choice based on his knowledge that Lyn would decline to offer. Alex also knew the chance of it going wrong later down the track. So my answer is, no he doesnt. Not really. Lyn needs to own his part in how Brad and Alex treated him. Why, because HE tirelessly showed them everyday a version of himself HE thought they wanted. Blame his mother for that one. Only visible perfection would be acknowledged, then all that is wrong in the world would be right. Lyn thought he wasnt good enough so strove for perfection. Believing thats what was seen. He did himself wrong and Brad and Alex by extention. Dont get me wrong his chatacter resonates with me, the self reflection is going to be tough and I hope he gets there. He gets to choose as an adult now his walls ate cracking but he has to look at himself and own the choices he made. Brad and Alex treated him the way he let them cause he was hiding his truth or authenticity. He cant be angry at thatm for tha, thats on him. Every action has a reaction.

Oh bugger me I forgot the next is a memory chapter....😂

So like others I have read through a couple of times, walked away came back and scribbled loads of notes. You can say that they all had masks, hidden feelings family issues, potentially trauma but this is where Lyn has to make a choice, run or stay. I hope he makes the right choice. I am not going to delegitamize Brads confusion and feelings that he thought existed then maybe they did, maybe he was clinging onto hope and unconditional love from Lyn? Nor am I going to say what Alex did was ok, it wasnt. Doesnt matter how you spin it was manipulative on his part. Brad and Alex have a commonality, they saw Lyn and cared about him anyway. They made stupid choices but they had their own baggage and they were young looking for their own place in the world where they could live without fear. Fear begets fear. What Lyn has to face is his own choice to ignore his gut, ignore what was staring him in the face. He knew about Alex and Brad on some level and he was his own master. He chose to ignore every truth in front of him then ran. Believing the lie he told himself to get through everyday. Not Brad not Alex. Him. He lived and breathed control over his life. Hes said it time and time again. Brad and Alex finally showed some backbone and faced a couple of truths head on, good on them. Stand up and deal with it. Its ugly but its bloody real. Truth hurts, its a bitch that will hold you up and slap you down at the same time. Biggest surprise for me was Luke having the balls to be honest with Bella. May not have pure motivations but at least he is standing up. Is it Saturday yet?