LeeSA

I do get that and I did silently acknowledge her comment, and have tried not to use the word codependent 😂 but is that a form of love in Brad Speak? Not sure I can answer that unless we know more about his whole story

His character really resonated with me which is why I chose to comment in the first place othewise I just quietly read believe it or not. I see so much of myself in Lyn. So thats how I read him I suppose. I actually appreciate the difference in your comments, they trigger a thought or further consideration for me. If you think about your mirrors for a sec, its not a different language, its a language they understand when no one else does. I hope they see it eventually

So much to consider but I still feel like Brad needed the reassurance and the adoration that Lyn supplied and needed that feeling from someone formative in his life versus any legitimate form of love in return. If he didnt have Lyn providing the pedestal then who would Brad be? Brad had/has no idea and in the questions that he doesnt want to ask or answer you get his behaviours. I wonder if there will be a story of Brads 8 years and they journey to the wedding. It would be fascinating. He is broken and because he is, thats all that he can give while he hides his truth, much like Lyn and Alex too. I was considering after reading your comments about passive love and so on that these 3, were fractured souls who found each other and inside of that their bond solidified because they all inherantly knew they were hiding from themselves and the world. They behave like magnets. A little too close and you can feel the pushback but they needed each other.

Ok so 3rd attempt.... Lyn will feel like he has a right to feel angry with Alex....however Alex made the choice based on his knowledge that Lyn would decline to offer. Alex also knew the chance of it going wrong later down the track. So my answer is, no he doesnt. Not really. Lyn needs to own his part in how Brad and Alex treated him. Why, because HE tirelessly showed them everyday a version of himself HE thought they wanted. Blame his mother for that one. Only visible perfection would be acknowledged, then all that is wrong in the world would be right. Lyn thought he wasnt good enough so strove for perfection. Believing thats what was seen. He did himself wrong and Brad and Alex by extention. Dont get me wrong his chatacter resonates with me, the self reflection is going to be tough and I hope he gets there. He gets to choose as an adult now his walls ate cracking but he has to look at himself and own the choices he made. Brad and Alex treated him the way he let them cause he was hiding his truth or authenticity. He cant be angry at thatm for tha, thats on him. Every action has a reaction.

Oh bugger me I forgot the next is a memory chapter....😂

So like others I have read through a couple of times, walked away came back and scribbled loads of notes. You can say that they all had masks, hidden feelings family issues, potentially trauma but this is where Lyn has to make a choice, run or stay. I hope he makes the right choice. I am not going to delegitamize Brads confusion and feelings that he thought existed then maybe they did, maybe he was clinging onto hope and unconditional love from Lyn? Nor am I going to say what Alex did was ok, it wasnt. Doesnt matter how you spin it was manipulative on his part. Brad and Alex have a commonality, they saw Lyn and cared about him anyway. They made stupid choices but they had their own baggage and they were young looking for their own place in the world where they could live without fear. Fear begets fear. What Lyn has to face is his own choice to ignore his gut, ignore what was staring him in the face. He knew about Alex and Brad on some level and he was his own master. He chose to ignore every truth in front of him then ran. Believing the lie he told himself to get through everyday. Not Brad not Alex. Him. He lived and breathed control over his life. Hes said it time and time again. Brad and Alex finally showed some backbone and faced a couple of truths head on, good on them. Stand up and deal with it. Its ugly but its bloody real. Truth hurts, its a bitch that will hold you up and slap you down at the same time. Biggest surprise for me was Luke having the balls to be honest with Bella. May not have pure motivations but at least he is standing up. Is it Saturday yet?

Before I consider making a comment about what the hell happened...I wanted to say that these three men are human.... so very human, perfectly flawed, smart and stupid, scared, brave and fragile, all at once. And that is all down to @Laura S. Fox wow.

I was trying so hard to avoid the clinical but alas, now I can not 😁. I agree partially with the tendencies that some people with ADHD have, where I move away slightly for Brad is in his need for tactile interactions, they have been a constant throughout. While I will be careful to state that a lot of mental health terms are often "umbrella" terms. Brads sexual disihibition leads me down a different path altogether. He misses social cues regularly and has adaptive surface behaviours, often requiring him to be the center of attention. He seeks that out, being the most social of the three and his need to present as a most likable fun character. Brad has issues with drinking and makes very poor and unsafe choices, showing a disconnect with himself. Whether that presents as sexual, social or personal risk taking speaks to something a little deeper, I think. As does his consistent need for validation from Lyn. Could one theorise about the potential for trauma response in Brad, yes. He doesnt feel safe alone which translates to him feeling vulnerable and at risk...when alone. Dyslexia, entirely possible, under diagnosed and more prevelent than most people think. But his lack of ability to focus could also come straight from trauma. Again not wanting to speak too specifically or state anything potentially triggering for readers, physical or sexual abuse is not off the table in his pre teen years. Perhaps this is the motivation for getting married to Bella. If she is not around Luke is. Negating the need to look inward.

Who knows what secrets will spill out in the coming fall out in the past and the confrontation coming in the present. I agree Brad is not an idiot and has always known how Lyn feels. He makes stupid choices sometimes but he has to see people to know how to manipulate them.

Yes Brad is vulnerable when he is alone with Lyn and his guard is down... drinking has its perks. I wonder if his need to be with someone is because the questions he asks or is faced with are too hard to answer and he cant distract himself. The loudest person in the room is sometimes just the loudest person in the room, choosing ignorance over self discovery or self reflection. Maybe he is bisexual maybe this is his way of trying to understand more of who he is. Maybe he prefers people see him as the easygoing happy go lucky person who is unfased by social cues. Maybe its easier for him that way. Puts his reckless self indulgent behaviour in a new light. He can distract himself when he is not alone and we all know self reflection is worse at 3am. Lyn agreeing to not tell Alexander or anyone else about this means that Brad can maintain his self delusions and/or avoid his own questions. What he doesnt realise at the time and neither does Lyn that this further cements Lyns feelings from unrequited to brotherly. Not that Lyn would see it that way, yet. Brad also knows or understands the dynamic that ties Lyn and Alex together and is acknowledging he cant compete with that. It does not change my opinion of him much, however, he did become less two dimentional. On some level Lyn saw Brads behaviour as needy and not necessarily in a positive way. Respodning as he thought he should. It was the least he could do.... right? But while he was holding Brad he was thinking of never getting into the position of need versus want. Lyn wanted to avoid needing anyone to avoid the potential for hurt. Kinda sad but Lyns jealousy of not being the one to catch Alex was sweet even if he deflected for self preservation.

Well that is a very interesting development indeed and makes sense ....

Well that explains that then....

Happy New Year to you also..... To everone here, from where ever you hail, may the new year be filled with kindness and prosperity

I dont see Luke as very mature so considered it to be done out of a childish need to prove a point to "everyone" including Lyn that he is a part of the story for Brad anyway, staking a claim, wanting to show that he could have something Lyn couldnt. Just immature. Cant say my opinion is very high of him. Cant remeber how old he is in years though. But as @Doha said it may not be his place even if I want him to just spit it out.

Just a perfect interpetation

Luke should he strikes me as immature. Lyn.... i just want him to bloody speak up. They all need to. So yep, i get the frustrating.

People are entitled to their privacy, yes but doesnt that end when one of the parties involved chooses to manipulate a situation, involve others, in this case, Lyn out of a petty sense of entitlement and jealousy just to create drama?

I sincerely hope Brad did see a legitimate moment of intimacy and affection. I think Luke saw it too, they both had reason to closely monitor Lyns movements and that may well have sparked Lukes reaction.

Well in my sleep addled brain. Bella is not stupid. Of course she knew always has known. Why she would choose that kind of committment is her choice I guess. Perhaps men are not her choice and there is familial pressure. Who knows. I cant actually see a wedding happening to be honest. I love Lyn, but if that man doesnt start to open his mouth and speak, putting himself first when he is ruminating stressing and struggling with something ie the beach blow, always worrying about other people, their level of comfort or hurting someone elses feelings.... I understand the struggle but fuck me.... As for the other two, they deserve each other. May all their sandy adventures be..hmm chaffing. Right, the rest is sweet, love Alex and Lyn together, but clearly not enough to deminish my growing clinical need to lock them all in a small room and make them talk.

Well that makes absolute sense. I was tired as hell a second ago.... 😂 now, not so much. That they each have a vested interest in maintaining certain delusions in the other. You can see the outcome of not being able to maintain it/them in the present for all three of them. In the past Lyn saw Brad as his hearts desire, saw him as warm, caring and engaging the life of the party, Lyn has mentioned many times about how Brad interacted with him when they are/were alone and that was at that time Lyns perception of intimacy. In the present lyn sees the same attributes in Brad through a different lens and feeling the impact of his behaviour as at times mean spirited, dishonest and selfish. So as Lyns lenses adjust he can see and accept Alex in a new and deepky intimate light. Lyns fear will come from him having to face his own delusions, walls and the person he stoically chose to presented. As they all did believing at the time that that was the right path. If you dont deal with something you dont really lose anything, by avoiding each other meant they didnt have to face the possibility of loosing themselves or each other. Am so looking forward to the initial fall out in the past. So maybe fear will be the catalyst? They know that change is coming and have no idea how to deal with it....so they dont? For 8 years. It is co-dependency .... for who are they without each other. Love your comment @Cane23

These three have not learned to communicate at all part of that is because they cant while they are trying to maintain there masks or secrets whether they understand that/them or not. It takes effort to maintain the delusions. I find the interaction between Lyn and Alex very sad, @Cane23 is right, Lyn saw his pain and chose something Alex would see as a considered gift, a metaphore even. It also shows the depth on connection and understanding between the two. Alex knows that Lyn is not ready to see it yet, but he loves Lyn, deeply loves him and will wait for Lyn to catch up. Brad providing the opportunity in the present and Alex knew his time had finally come. Sad and very sweet. He accepts Lyns differential between him and Brad and that interaction gave Alex a tether to hold onto and he held on. He weathered a marriage chosen by his family I am certain. That he made the decision to do that to benefit Lyn (assuming his family bought the house) is mind blowing. To choose the wellbeing and welfare of Lyn over his own is beautiful and tragic. As for Brad well, he doesnt think anything through so why would he suddenly start then. Does he say something to start discord, I dont think so. I dont think he wants Lyn he just wants to maintain his percieved importance in Lyns life. Just feel sad and found i had to remind myself of the HEA. I do look forward to the answers coming though.

What an amazing chapter, hot and oh so sweet. There were so many truly intimate moments between these two this chapter, Lyn is slowly learning how to communicate together, they both are. The only place that there was an elephant was in Lyns head, but thats very Lyn. He has come a ways but still has a lot further to go till he balances out. Okay, you always see right through me. It is that. The thing is, we’ve barely reconnected. What if we don’t work out? Are we going to go back to being strangers? I don’t want that.” A deeply vulnerable moment from Lyn where he admits how he felt "abandoned" 8 years ago and the years in between as well as his "fear" of that happening again. It hurt him deeply at the time. So much so that I am wondering if he still doesn't know the truth behind the reason why....yet. When Alex asked “Who fucked you, Lyn?” I don't think he was asking for reassurance that they had had sex I think Alex was asking a deeper question. Who fucked you..."up?" who hurt you so badly that you shut yourself off all together? Why the years of walls, hiding from your feelings and choosing to not see what was in front of you? That is a question that Lyn is yet to answer for himself which is why he still has a long way to go. He knows the answer and I have a suspicion that he will eventually say it out loud and I also suspect that it will be part of the present day conflict that will help bring about resolution. I will even go as far as to say Lyn will yell this information at Alex and Brad and render himself speechless for a minute. Don't know guess we will find out soon enough. “Alexander,” he asked in a soft voice, “you didn’t pine for me all this time, I hope. Again Lyn know's on some level the answer to this question, his tone indicates that above all else and Alex is aware that he knows. He further proves this when he ends the statement with I was a Jackass way to often then.“I’ve practiced self-restraint without encountering even one smidge of challenge" is a very important line because Lyn is admitting out loud that he is choosing Alexander over all others including Brad. He is acknowledging in a backwards way that it was always Alex that challenged him, equals that are/were confident to disagree and love each other anyway. Alex always treated Lyn as an intellectual equal and was his friend despite knowing the truth behind Lyns financial situation. Lyn didn't see himself as being worthy of that at that time. I would like to think that, yes, for Lyn it was very much was a case of the orgasm led to the epiphany. There have been hints along the way, Lyn thinking sex with his friend was not supposed to feel like this or be this good. So he was walking towards that acknowledgement in those moments with Alex. This is the first time Lyn is having sex with love and feelings attached where there is reciprocity. To even go there in his head, to admit that Alex knows him that Alex see's him is monumental. All of Lyns fuck buddies were needs based only. Having an emotional and sexual connection with someone he loves (even if he can't name it yet) shows just how far Lyn has come. No pun intended. There have been lots of comments along the way that Lyn was a competent and considerate FB. He didn't want more, couldn't let himself have more so didn't. The romantic in me wants to think that he was, in his deepest heart waiting for Alex. Brad was the easier scapegoat. Hope everyone had an amazing Christmas. Happy Holidays.

I have an overwhelming sense that Lyn is holding fast to denial.... in respect to his father that is not a bad thing, he is a man that gets what he wants when he wants it. Lyn knew that his father was dangerous and morally so. He saw that a long time ago. In their conversation he was interviewing Lyn, ascertaining his worth in how Lyn behaved.... I think when his father asked him "Who's your daddy" he was referencing if there was any part of Lyn that would share that information with anyone else, wanting to know if Lyn had an alternate story that would be believable if anyone asked because that is what Lyn chooses to believe. Lyn doesnt want the money and has to use it for good meaning he saw where or how it came about and his moral need for something good to come out of its existance. It is also Lyns own lack of self worth. He thinks he is not deserving or worthy. Despite what his mother did for money she worked for it. Poor choices but they were hers and that I am guessing is how Lyn chooses to see it. She didnt as far as we know want the father involved. Lyn was her payment and she wasnt giving him up. However.... when you grow up knowing that as a child you are unwanted it changes who you are. Lyns mother made that choice for him, we can only assume that his mother knew that a relationship would be to her loss and Lyns detriment. I guess Lyns refusal to acknowledge his father as his father was his way of keeping the power and denying his father any leverage. Lyn asks Least were done right. After his father uses the word son Lyn shuts the door as he sees it, in a permanent way. As for the identity of the annonymous benefactor.... it seems like a very Alex thing to do. Alex knows that Lyn wont want to be indebted to him anymore than he is already. Brad would have told him about the check and Alex would know that IF Lyn used it it would still not be enough. He would potentially have to give up on law school Alex wouldn't want him to do that as he has feelings for Lyn that he doesnt want to fess up to yet or perhaps he doesnt understand of himself yet. Too many half spoken or hidden truths for these three.

Not impossible, if you go with the theory that money moves in similar circles. Perhaps it is a name he is familiar with... but to consider the context of his statement.

Have to agree about the house, it has Alexander all over it but I eagerly await your analysis