LeeSA

What an amazing chapter, hot and oh so sweet. There were so many truly intimate moments between these two this chapter, Lyn is slowly learning how to communicate together, they both are. The only place that there was an elephant was in Lyns head, but thats very Lyn. He has come a ways but still has a lot further to go till he balances out. Okay, you always see right through me. It is that. The thing is, we’ve barely reconnected. What if we don’t work out? Are we going to go back to being strangers? I don’t want that.” A deeply vulnerable moment from Lyn where he admits how he felt "abandoned" 8 years ago and the years in between as well as his "fear" of that happening again. It hurt him deeply at the time. So much so that I am wondering if he still doesn't know the truth behind the reason why....yet. When Alex asked “Who fucked you, Lyn?” I don't think he was asking for reassurance that they had had sex I think Alex was asking a deeper question. Who fucked you..."up?" who hurt you so badly that you shut yourself off all together? Why the years of walls, hiding from your feelings and choosing to not see what was in front of you? That is a question that Lyn is yet to answer for himself which is why he still has a long way to go. He knows the answer and I have a suspicion that he will eventually say it out loud and I also suspect that it will be part of the present day conflict that will help bring about resolution. I will even go as far as to say Lyn will yell this information at Alex and Brad and render himself speechless for a minute. Don't know guess we will find out soon enough. “Alexander,” he asked in a soft voice, “you didn’t pine for me all this time, I hope. Again Lyn know's on some level the answer to this question, his tone indicates that above all else and Alex is aware that he knows. He further proves this when he ends the statement with I was a Jackass way to often then.“I’ve practiced self-restraint without encountering even one smidge of challenge" is a very important line because Lyn is admitting out loud that he is choosing Alexander over all others including Brad. He is acknowledging in a backwards way that it was always Alex that challenged him, equals that are/were confident to disagree and love each other anyway. Alex always treated Lyn as an intellectual equal and was his friend despite knowing the truth behind Lyns financial situation. Lyn didn't see himself as being worthy of that at that time. I would like to think that, yes, for Lyn it was very much was a case of the orgasm led to the epiphany. There have been hints along the way, Lyn thinking sex with his friend was not supposed to feel like this or be this good. So he was walking towards that acknowledgement in those moments with Alex. This is the first time Lyn is having sex with love and feelings attached where there is reciprocity. To even go there in his head, to admit that Alex knows him that Alex see's him is monumental. All of Lyns fuck buddies were needs based only. Having an emotional and sexual connection with someone he loves (even if he can't name it yet) shows just how far Lyn has come. No pun intended. There have been lots of comments along the way that Lyn was a competent and considerate FB. He didn't want more, couldn't let himself have more so didn't. The romantic in me wants to think that he was, in his deepest heart waiting for Alex. Brad was the easier scapegoat. Hope everyone had an amazing Christmas. Happy Holidays.

I have an overwhelming sense that Lyn is holding fast to denial.... in respect to his father that is not a bad thing, he is a man that gets what he wants when he wants it. Lyn knew that his father was dangerous and morally so. He saw that a long time ago. In their conversation he was interviewing Lyn, ascertaining his worth in how Lyn behaved.... I think when his father asked him "Who's your daddy" he was referencing if there was any part of Lyn that would share that information with anyone else, wanting to know if Lyn had an alternate story that would be believable if anyone asked because that is what Lyn chooses to believe. Lyn doesnt want the money and has to use it for good meaning he saw where or how it came about and his moral need for something good to come out of its existance. It is also Lyns own lack of self worth. He thinks he is not deserving or worthy. Despite what his mother did for money she worked for it. Poor choices but they were hers and that I am guessing is how Lyn chooses to see it. She didnt as far as we know want the father involved. Lyn was her payment and she wasnt giving him up. However.... when you grow up knowing that as a child you are unwanted it changes who you are. Lyns mother made that choice for him, we can only assume that his mother knew that a relationship would be to her loss and Lyns detriment. I guess Lyns refusal to acknowledge his father as his father was his way of keeping the power and denying his father any leverage. Lyn asks Least were done right. After his father uses the word son Lyn shuts the door as he sees it, in a permanent way. As for the identity of the annonymous benefactor.... it seems like a very Alex thing to do. Alex knows that Lyn wont want to be indebted to him anymore than he is already. Brad would have told him about the check and Alex would know that IF Lyn used it it would still not be enough. He would potentially have to give up on law school Alex wouldn't want him to do that as he has feelings for Lyn that he doesnt want to fess up to yet or perhaps he doesnt understand of himself yet. Too many half spoken or hidden truths for these three.

Not impossible, if you go with the theory that money moves in similar circles. Perhaps it is a name he is familiar with... but to consider the context of his statement.

Have to agree about the house, it has Alexander all over it but I eagerly await your analysis

Not sure that the check and the person who purchased the house are one in the same. Mostly I think because Lyns father apparently considered $15,000.00 enough. So I think despite his current abscence Alex and his Grandfathers or families investment company is behind the house. Not totally sure Lyn will like that but as I said its just a thought. If Alex went to his family about helping Lyn it may have triggered questions from them he was not ready to ask of himself or answer. Perhaps there were stipulations made by the family like "if we do this, you will do this". But not toally sure. I also dont think that that is the last appearance of his father in Lyns life.

Humans are messy and more often so is sex literally and figuretively and that is what made it so perfect. Hot. Lyn didnt or couldnt stop once he truly let go of his feelings. In his previous topping sessions with his FBs or one night stands he remained in control, there were no feelings involved just sex. Alex gave Lyn permission to let go the reins and just feel be completely in the moment and I think that is why Alex did not stop him. He knew he was witnessing another of Lyns walls and fears fall away. When Lyn says sex with Alex isnt supposed to feel this good I think he is really admitting to himself that their connection and feelings are the reason he loves it, just in a typical Lyn way. What I like the most about where the chapters are going atm is that you can see the growth in Lyn. The fact that he said yes to Alex shows that he is letting go the fear of the unknown.

I am gonna go with the hope that Alex very much wanted that to happen and he let Lyn claim him like that so he could get to the boyfriend part which was very sweet. It is a bit of a cringy statement though.

I am gonna go with the hope that Alex very much wanted that to happen and he let Lyn claim him like that so he could get to the boyfriend part which was very sweet. It is a bit of a cringy statement though.

I get the self protective reframing in the brothers referrence but I think Lyn learned his lolalty in the face of adversity from way before now, he stayed loyal to his mother to the end and beyond. She was his family, he just put Brad in the "brother" zone because he on some level sees Brad as lovable fuck up? Sweet but makes your teeth hurt after a while. Thats what I think anyway.

Assumptively speaking re the therapy and Alexanders struggles be it emotionally or physically, the funeral could be seen as catalitic for several reasons. Alexander was initially present for Lyn and backed away/ran when part of Lyns world fell apart, so did Alexanders ability to continue to keep his feelings in check. So perhaps he made a common choice and ran but only so far. No clean break, keeping Brad in the know so to speak. Fear is a harsh master. Unfortunately what the three of them fear they create. Betrayal even in its smallest measure is bitter. Lyn was never going to be able to see past class divide, not back then, it was how he was raised, the "haves" and "have nots" and how the have nots at times, survived. He had to survive Alex did not (as Lyn saw it) Ahh @Cane23 Who would have thought enjoying ice cream would be so complex. One to share and enjoy such a simple moment and the other to realise that a similar moment is too sweet. Or sour.

Theories of an overworked brain and I am glad they are not related 😂

Such an eloquent way to say that Brad is a gaslighting asshole. But I expect no less. 😃 and I appreciate it. I guess my take on the mask thing is a little different though cause I think Brad defelcted blame and hit below the belt so he didnt have to face his own demons so to speak or let his mask go at all. We need your mirrors cause he needs to look in it, at himself. I bet he is scared, when your alone the only person you have left to deal with is yourself.

Sooooo so true, just bloody speak.

Well I give it a crack but I did just finish a very long shift so forgive any errors. I could simply say that Brad is an ass but that doesnt explain much... take your pick of the popular terms .... narcassist, gas lighting, deflection, tranference but, transference is something in this instance they are both guilty of which happens where there is no honest communication past or present. Brad did not break any masks he actually held it in place by deflecting the issue back onto Lyn making it about him...phrases like you wouldnt understand or incomplete sentences are him avoiding the truth making it all about Lyn and the past to avoid his present problem, baiting a hook and dangling it enough to confuse Lyn and throw him off center. Gutless coward. We know he has balls but fuck me he has no back bone. A thought did occur to me as I read this chapter as it is Lyns POV, Brad commented on Lyns perfect image of him, acknowedging, the pedestal that Lyn put him on but he put Lyn on a pedestal too. When Lyn reacted or reacts in a way he doesnt or didnt like he kicked it out from under him. Asshat. It has been mentioned before there is a duality in Brad, the part that Lyns loved that is helpful supportive and caring and the other part of him that is manipulative self centered and callous. Does Brad understand who he is? Maybe he does or does he just not understand how to reconcile all of who he is and burst the image he wants people to see of him. There is also the image of himself that he has that comes from other people in this case Lyn who puts him on a pedestal with his consistent adoration. Who is Brad without that? Mind you Lyn should not have attempted that conversation until he was sure about the reasons he was doing it. He has two reasons, he is hurt and he doesnt want for anyone else to be hurt by Brads actions. In truth I am not exactly impressed with his efforts either, sad really that it took Brad 3 seconds to manipulate the conversation leaving Lyn reeling. He really should have decided which issue he was addressing and gone with that. He should have realised that the conversation he should have had, stemmed from his own hurt and would have naturally crossed into Brads cheating on Bella negating the need to bring both issues up seperately. These guys need a healthy dose of honest communication. The truth hurts and life is messy and they have all avoided that with such passion over the years it is astounding. Going back to a comment @Laura S. Fox herself made in the previous chapter, saying a intimate relationship could never happen between Brad and Lyn did spark a new theory for me. Theres a shock... I did fleetingly wonder if there is a familial link between Brad and Lyn. But maybe I have been at work for too long. 😂 Hope that at least makes some sense.

Where do I begin..... 🤬😂

I can see that, the not wanting Lyn to know, worried over his reaction. I still think that if Alex considered the potential effect that an outright offer would have made he would have also considered if Lyn found out later the money came from him and his potential reaction to that. I think Lyn would see that as deception. Lyn is not going to like it no matter who gave it too him. Im still going with someones guilt in a pay off situation which still leads me to Lyns birth father. Now that Lyns mother is gone so it the buffer between this man and Lyn. That being said I cant wait for my theories to be disproved or otherwise.

I would have thought that Alex, if he was going to give Lyn money he would just do it...in person, cover the cost of something substantial for him. The Chauffeur gives off a slimy enforcer type vibe as @Doha mentioned. He has helped Lyn in the past so why hide it now when it is most important? As for how Alex will take the new living arrangements .... all things indicating, not well, for any of them. As for poor Alex... he who hesitates...You see a difference in the past Alex and present Alex as though all of Brads acts of impulsive, ill planned and unsafe actions pushed him into not letting this present opportunity with Lyn go or letting Brad bulldoze his way through again. Alex knows how Brad behaved in the past and continues too behave in the present, his unknown variable was/is Lyn. @Laura S. Fox said lots of background on Brad, should be interesting.

Interesting.... more questions less answers. A check from a "stranger" a stranger that knows that his mum is dead and of Lyns existence and what she did for a living... My guess, and of course I have several possibilities... but Im going with his birth father. I am hoping that Alex will talk Lyn into keeping the money he will need it going forward. Kinda thinking that Brad will tell Alex about it if Lyn doesnt. I think it would bug the shit out of Lyn not being able to confirm who the stranger is and why they did this. Given Brads personality it is understandable that he and his parents offered Lyn a place to stay without addressing the elephant in the room. I feel like Brad did give Lyn an opportunity to say it out loud that he was in fact in need of the money, but now it is all just too much for Lyn. Would Brad have considered what living in the same house would would actually mean though or the consequences given their complex relationship, noooo. But they are not familiar with any of this situation. So that should be interesting.

It is his own mess but at the end of the day, in his own way Brad is scared mostly of himself. Of course I also think there is the elements of cowardice and manipulative behaviour that make it hard to see he really does care. He keeps messing up and continued to do so for 8 years culminating in an upcoming wedding. If we get there.

I am not surprised that Lyn is in such a state deciding what to do. He was an advocate is an advocate personality. That shows through in his relationships. He cares/loves despite the flaws people have be it is mother Brad or Alex. I think if Lyn lies about whats going on he will loose part of himself. Its hard not to put my own need for truth no matter the outcome to the side, have to say. For Lyns sake he needs to be true to himself and it is vital that that happens in the present cause i dont think it did in the past. Who knows maybe Brad will admit it himself, he has been careless numerous times. As for Alex personally id say bugger the wedding and just hide myself away with him. When he is alone with Lyn he is becoming more secure in sharing feelings. Despite not actually acknowledging the love they share out loud yet its in his every move but so is his fear which makes him vulnerable.

Well said all of it. I still struggle with Brad, have known a few Brads which colours my own perception of his behaviour but as I was reading through what you wrote it made me think that as humans or Brad in this case, we seek in others what we need in ourselves? He needed the stability of Lyn, his consistency his support and emotional compass. My question would then be why he has not developed these necessary traits? He certainly doesnt seem to have developed this as he grew older? I didnt think of it until I read what you said, its almost like he hides because he has NO IDEA who he is. If you dont know who you are you cant give yourself to anyone. He does love Lyn but maybe he doesnt loveor know himself?

I have to agree ot is a sad chapter and Lyn has lost the instability of his parent for whatever she was good or bad she was present. They do unite and it feels intentional based on a foundation consistency. I have wondered who is now to come out of the woodwork. Death does that, brings people previously in the shadows to the forefront. And while my theories run wild in my head I do think Lyns controlled nature will overtake him as he grapples with the financial changes that come when a parent dies. Lyn will be hurting and that hurt will be built upon. He had an idea of what love should have been and made the best of it because he was too young to change it. Now, your right, it will colour the way he sees things and his running almost becomes inevitable. More often than not when someone dies as humans we forgive the bad and remeber the good. But the bad Lyn may forgive he will carry forever. What ever is coming he is going to run away from as that is easier than truly dealing with it and potentially loosing both Brad and Alex. Its better to maintain his version of untarnished memory and feelings than to loose a love twice more. At least in the memories he has love..I hope that makes some sense. As for Lyn potentially not being the bridge between Alex and Brad anymore ..... I wonder if that that will or may be a bit purposeful on Lyns part?

I think that the story itself reinforces the idea that "friendship" means something different for everyone based on their own feelings about the other person. As much as Im not a fan of Brad and some of his behaviour I believe he cares about Lyn deeply. As Alex said he has heart. Misguided at times but heart none the less. Brad isnt malcious just struggles with his own feelings and is careless Not one person will be the same with every person they interact with so why one person likes another will always vary.

Love this and agree 100%. It is sad that some of the comments have made you feel that way. @Laura S. Fox said it herself. DNF. Enough said. I admire anyone who can even attempt to write much less pull together a captivating story.

Bless Lyn he still thinks the intimate joking with Aex is just that, a joke. He says what he feels in the moment then justifies it as temporary... he feels safe and happy in the bubble they have created. He can feel their connection emotionally. He still calls Alex a demon but it is almost like it has taken on a pet name feel that committed couples use. The interactions with Brads parents are interesting, the level of recent knowledge, and no mention of the ex wife. Im not sure what to make of that, maybe the ex wife is known to the family? As for Luke well immature brat comes to mind. He certainly seems to have resentment towards Lyn and Bella I suspect for similar reasons. As for wanting Lyn to know and whether Brad knows he sent the text, I dont think Brad has any idea. Luke is a child which is different from Brads self distructive nature. If as @Seraph28 suggested Brad is attempting to sabotage his own wedding he truly is an idiot and a coward. The situation feels a little familiar, Brad is intentionally deceptive towards Bella. I think part of Lyns anger comes more from the fact that he has already been on the receiving end of Brads carelessness and deception in the past and that is very clear now. He was in the dark, yes partly by his own choice, but in part cause Brad was and still is hiding. Lyn described the way Alex said love as round and rolling off his tongue and nice to hear because he felt validated in the feelings he cant repress anymore. He also described his feelings for Brad as a sharp square brittle box. Fragile and painful the opposite of how he feels when he is with Alex but that is the only time he felt something he thought was love. I want Lyn to tell Bella she deserves to know if she doesnt already. Lyn has made choices with half bits of information or truths as they all have but I think he is almost done with the hiding. On a human level The truth good and bad, if kept hidden with always create the downfalls. Bella deserves to have a choice. Brad needs to man up and Luke needs to grow up.