LeeSA

What a beautiful chapter... and I agree with previous comments about the vulnerability of both Lyn and Alex. That moment where Lyn actually gave in and looked in the mirror is so important. For someone who has hidden from himself and from others his whole life for so many reasons to actually see himself is no small moment. To finally see himself even for a fraction of time as someone worthy of love, affection, passion, desire and respect is huge. To willingly let that hold, go and be in that moment was beautiful. I think Lyns reluctance to deal with Brad is about a couple of things. Yes the hurt of the past and illusions they have all held onto. The bitterness of time wasted and true words not spoken. Mostly I think Lyn wants to remain in the perfect calm he feels in that moment. Where he feels at peace. Within the tenderness and intimacy, Lyn is ackowledging I have seen you and I let you see me, I chose that. No one else gets what I gave you. The strength that Alex has to have held onto to wait for Lyn emotionally is what Lyn sees and loves. All that being said Lyn has to reconfigure how he sees himself and how he will let others not just Brad, see him. Once he leaves that room that moment he will never be the same again. Lyn was asking himself the questions to which he has the answers, always has had, but now, hopefully he takes the newer feelings of someone who deserves to be seen and openly acknowedges the answers to himself. Then he may be strong enough to confront Brad.

The cold shower was because I had to go to work and believe me when I tell you its the wrong kind of environment for me not to be 100% ahh present, a cold beer before work also a no go 🤣

Amen to that

Oh the mirror..... perfect. Though I need a little longer to articulate my thoughts Ill start with wow and maybe a cold shower.

Runs quickly through all potential possibilities for outcomes ..... hmm suppose I just have to wait. 😁

Eventually Lyn was going to approach his sexuality the way he approaches everything. He studies, overthinks and misreads how others or in this case Quinn and Joe see him. So he approaches the scenario the only way he knows how. Methodically and experimentally. Personally I think its normal for someone who is curious to need to feed that curiosity. He is 21 so he doesnt have all the answers nor has he let himself experiment with anyone physically away from Brad and Alexander. He tries so hard to not be noticed by the majority he fails to see people notice him anyway. He doesnt want the attention so doesnt know how to respond to it when it comes. Very Lyn. Good on him I say. What I find more interesting about this chapter is Lyns subconscious acknowledgement of his truer feelings. You would have thought that if Brad was truly the object of his desires he would be the feature of his dreams. But Lyns heart wants what it wants and its not Brad. Brad just continues to be, in Lyns mind, unobtainably easy and is not clocking his growing attraction to Alex in an open way. Brad is not going to like that Lyn has done this..... in fact I reckon things are going to start to go downhill the more that Lyn finds his feet in his sexuality even if he is not out out. Perhaps that is why he has not confirmed for Brad that he is gay. Alex aint gonna like it either just sayin and Lyn is going to have to navigate two very unsettled friends, though for different reasons when they both find out.

Why? Realising that makes me sound like a kid, but Im curious as to your thoughts.

I am not sure he is neurodivergent in any way least I dont read him that way. I think he chooses to ignore social cues cause they dont fit in his walls. It is amazing how much he can explain away or ignore using his self imposed view of himself. Interesting take on his character though

I am not sure you messed it up at all. I think for some of us that Lyns character is easy to relate to and as such its easy to inflect maybe, impart our personal bias. I for one believed that if he tried it he would never do it again as he avoided any deep emotional connections .... no pun intended. Although the romantic in me says maybe he just wanted to wait for his true love.

The humiliation that Lyn feels is two fold, he feels humiliated by the situation with Brad and Luke however I think part of his humiliation is in his own actions. His own acceptance that he created his delusions and continued to breathe life into them on a daily basis. Constructing and controlling his entire life in ways that other people clearly see as 'adults' not in college, but as adults is a failure and Lyn will see that as humiliation. I guess I am waiting for Lyn to say something along the lines of ..... I did this to myself ..... I continued this structured approach because I was scared. Once he gets there, I am hoping that then he can fully connect with Alex.

Personally I am thinking not the first time. I think we may read about that soon and I think that once Lyn realised the vulnerability in the act he avoided it. Because his heart was elsewhere.

I have to admit I read the chapter and pondered for a while. Hot yes, but there is a lot missing. And yes it has to do with the fact that they are fucking. It was what Lyn needed at the time however I feel like there isxgoing to be a sense of incompletness to the act itself for Lyn and Alex until as @Cane23 pointed out their emotions are aligned. Lyn has constructed his whole life around hiding himself, he avoided bottoming because it is vulnerable and in a sense he has still managed to remove the vulnerability from the act. The emotions or reprecusions of his life choices are all there for Lyn to see but whats worse is the overwhelming feeling those emotions create and he is not ready to deal so he fucks it away. Pushing the focus away from his emotions and into the physical. It will be interesting to see how he responds as the feelings are not going to go away anymore. He cant delude himself anymore and that is a very scary place to be. Lyn is also going to have to face the fact that HE chose his own delusions and self imposed restrictions because he was scared of the potential outcomes. Yes he has masks and walls they all do but Lyn is the only one resposible for maintaining his. Chapter left me feeling a little sad again but hopeful that when Alex and Lyn do connect with heart mind and soul it will be stunning.

Couple of things struck me in that chapter.... Quinn already new Lyn's name and he did not fight back with Brad and the friend stood by until towards the end. It was a verbal stouche and a bit of chest beating over Lyn. It is clearly apparent now that Brad very much had feelings for Lyn and he was not open to sharing. The identity of the guy that Brad was walking away with from Lyn when he was sick is not clear. It may not be important but that fight between Quinn and Brad felt like there was a level of familiarity between them. Brad is impulsive and a drinker so he may have mentioned Lyn when he was drunk? While sewing his oats so to speak. The very last part Lyn commented that Brad was his shield against the world, against being seen as anything other than a nerd always safe more from his own thoughts and feelings. Prophetic and sad.

It is a very territorial moment but if Brad has chosen to be terratorial, right or wrong he will protect his closest relationships. I am glad he intervened though as Lyn was going to find himself in a very interesting position befire much longer.

Sound and articulate, I like. I struggle with Brad the most. When I considered all your above points I did settle some stuff in my head. Fear is always going to be a powerful motivator for all of them and they have different versions of taking down their walls. Your right he has proved time and time again he knows how Lyn feels about him. Using your theory of trusting Brads body language I wondered if he wanted to get caught.... why else would you be on the phone at that particular moment, is he continuing his distinct recklessness and not completely considering the potential outcomes. Perhaps Brads style of taking down his own masks/walls is a little more sledgehammer like. When it blows apart completely you can deal with it then. I guess his end game is hard to see. I just cant get my head to a place where he will be the bigger person and support a relationship for Alex and Lyn. His current behaviour is having the opposite effect if he wanted Lyn back for himself. Certainly makes for an interesting outcome of the argument

@Cane23 can I ask why then you think, as most of us do, that considering Brad had both male and female partners in college and the present, why would he not have crossed that line with Lyn? Especially knowing that Lyn had "feelings" for him back then? And....I get the mirroring between the blow jobs, yes Lyn wants to ground himself in his new reality which is good just cant fathom Brads motivation? Why accept and continue to accept sexual benifits from Luke? If he is recreating the trio of the past it didnt involve that level of intimacy between him and Lyn and Luke is a poor substitute at best. Ohhhh hang on, what if he was totally clueless as to how Lyn felt about him in the past, he was not the brightest crayon in the box. I have always thought he knew how Lyn felt and used that to his benefit but didnt consider if he didnt know. Is there any possibility that Brad had feelings that he thought Lyn wouldnt reciprocate?

I have to agree @Geemeedee I love reading the comments just as much as the story, I think everyone knows characters IRL that they can relate to the trio which colours the way we individually see things. Their characters are the most relatable maybe. Flawed. Imperfect and true and I think the best that @Laura S. Fox has written. @Nahrung So many academaically intelligent people have the common sense of a gold fish. Its part of their charm I suppose. Personally I think we see the inteligence first in some people and fogive the rest. My dad always told me to aim for being "well rounded" I never understood that as a kid cause I was a kid but as an adult I think he meant that develop physically emotionally and academically. So happy average I am.

Exactly

Maybe Lyn is thinking along the lines of why he was avoiding his feelings for Alexander and their attraction back then and now. So instead of dealing with the emotional side he jumps ahead to the good part so to speak. Not the best motivation but Im with you Im kinda hoping Alex stops him. Less punishmwnt motivated more avoidence motivated maybe, of himself. Lyn would be devestated learning that his farce is truly that. A true physical representation of his own messed up head. A big reveal indeed just not to us I suppose.

Colour me shocked... not. I sincerely hope Lyn has his shit together enough to address this shit in the present time line... I can almost hear Brad saying ... "its just a blow job, Bella is too stressed and a guy has needs" in the impending conversation or argument with Lyn. Of course Brad knew how Lyn felt back then, manipulators are not stupid. I personally wish to revoke all previous comments of remaining hopeful re Brads behaviour. Aint gonna happen. Once an ass or rather a lying cheating manipulator...As for Luke may he choke on sand. Being intentionally cruel is simply showing his character. Although I am interested in how @Laura S. Fox is going to make any of that seem ok.

What I find particularly interesting is that this chapter seems to highlight well, Lyns inability to read emotions of any sort, especially his own. When he said to Alex "I wasnt jealous" he lied to himself again...He was jealous cause he still thinks Brad is his crush but the fact he needed to look and then look again means that he was looking at the situation from a different angle. Not just trying to work out who Brad was with but who Brad, in Lyns mind, has replaced him with. He was looking at Brads friendship with someone else as what he wants and missinterprets that. I think it gave Lyn the first flicker of self acknowedgement of his place in Brads life and still missreads them as romantic feelings. The same applies to his interaction with Alex he cant see Alexanders actions as anything to do with genuine concern cause he cant acknowlege his true self or his own behaviour of feeling sick and waiting in the cold for "his crush" as ridiculous behaviour. He was unwilling to acknowledge that he let himself be manipulated again. Lyn is not letting himself be who he is if you like.... he wants love affection and physical closeness and intimacy with a man but hides it believing if he continues to crush on "straight" Brad he doesnt have to deal with it at all at college. As for Brad, this chapter certainly shows him to be a manipulative arrogant asshole. Offered his jacket I mean really after bludging his degree and having fun instead if making an effort what a huge gesture. Insert eye roll here. So he fucking should. Brad and Alex have never liked each other. This chapter made it hard to hold onto hope of Brad doing something genuine in the future.

Its far too early here for such teasing 😂

Well now that just opened up the possibilities about the cause of the argument. I have thought that given Lyns personality that he would be the one that runs but I have been conflicted about the tipping point for him at that time. I am leaning towards him blaming Alex for "something".. and Brad being the one standing there thinking what the fuck? @Laura S. Fox cant wait, but can. I think ...

That makes sense Lyn has always hidden who he was so how can he truely experience anything? Yes his walls are all about emotions, how can they not be his emotions were discarded from his childhood onwards. As for Lyn projecting his brain elsewhere yes it is BS but until he can see what he needs to do it is his norm. He can lose himself in waffle, its Lyns version of the easy road. I had to read your line a couple of times before it finally dawned on me why you worded it that way. "Could you steal what I took from him". When I re read that line post work brain your right nothing to do with any gal...a vague allusion to Brad recognising what Lyn did not persue in college because of him? Not with another man or Alex. Heart, Lyns heart. As for Brad I continue to struggle, I am trying to keep an open mind and am waiting for the epihpany that is suggested by @Laura S. Fox in regards to the reasons for his behaviour and so on but if something profound comes up I suspect that it will make him seem more manipulative. Though on re read, the moment where Brad first walks up to Lyn and Alex sitting at the table he creates a bridge between the two of course not having a verbal confirmation of Alex and Lyns growing reconnection. I think he would be well aware from watching the two of them that things have evolved. Alternatively you could also see it as his recognition of the same and an attempt to get in the middle again of the two of them?

As for the actual chapter ..... Lyn is growing now that he has let go of his crush on Brad, he left the security of the same feelings/excuses for years behind and has started to move on. About time. I loved the fact that Lyn needed to feel where his colar was to ground and center himself. Alex has given Lyn space to let go a little and for a controlled person like Lyn that is a very powerful aphrodisiac. It did occur to me that Alex is not there for the frienship of two mates, he is there for Lyn. Lyn finally accepted that he wants to move forward with Alex and the carefree manner of his self admission caught him off guard. He had to acknowlwdge on some level his feelings for Alex were pre existing. Very sweet. They are almost tender their intimate behaviour. Bella and Lyn do seem very similar this chapter anatomy aside. All I can hear in my head is @Cane23 and his mirrors. I still feel like Luke is going to mess something up big time cause he maybe missinterprets his feelings for Lyn. NO idea what to make of Brads comments re stealing girlfriends in the past. His and Alexanders interactions continue to be very stunted or cold. Maybe Brad had layered intentions in inviting them both? Firstly with the intention of bringing Lyn and Alex together again where they should be and then to resolve the past so they can all move forward? I dont know? It seems I have far to many theories.