LeeSA

@Cane23 can I ask why then you think, as most of us do, that considering Brad had both male and female partners in college and the present, why would he not have crossed that line with Lyn? Especially knowing that Lyn had "feelings" for him back then? And....I get the mirroring between the blow jobs, yes Lyn wants to ground himself in his new reality which is good just cant fathom Brads motivation? Why accept and continue to accept sexual benifits from Luke? If he is recreating the trio of the past it didnt involve that level of intimacy between him and Lyn and Luke is a poor substitute at best. Ohhhh hang on, what if he was totally clueless as to how Lyn felt about him in the past, he was not the brightest crayon in the box. I have always thought he knew how Lyn felt and used that to his benefit but didnt consider if he didnt know. Is there any possibility that Brad had feelings that he thought Lyn wouldnt reciprocate?

I have to agree @Geemeedee I love reading the comments just as much as the story, I think everyone knows characters IRL that they can relate to the trio which colours the way we individually see things. Their characters are the most relatable maybe. Flawed. Imperfect and true and I think the best that @Laura S. Fox has written. @Nahrung So many academaically intelligent people have the common sense of a gold fish. Its part of their charm I suppose. Personally I think we see the inteligence first in some people and fogive the rest. My dad always told me to aim for being "well rounded" I never understood that as a kid cause I was a kid but as an adult I think he meant that develop physically emotionally and academically. So happy average I am.

Exactly

Maybe Lyn is thinking along the lines of why he was avoiding his feelings for Alexander and their attraction back then and now. So instead of dealing with the emotional side he jumps ahead to the good part so to speak. Not the best motivation but Im with you Im kinda hoping Alex stops him. Less punishmwnt motivated more avoidence motivated maybe, of himself. Lyn would be devestated learning that his farce is truly that. A true physical representation of his own messed up head. A big reveal indeed just not to us I suppose.

Colour me shocked... not. I sincerely hope Lyn has his shit together enough to address this shit in the present time line... I can almost hear Brad saying ... "its just a blow job, Bella is too stressed and a guy has needs" in the impending conversation or argument with Lyn. Of course Brad knew how Lyn felt back then, manipulators are not stupid. I personally wish to revoke all previous comments of remaining hopeful re Brads behaviour. Aint gonna happen. Once an ass or rather a lying cheating manipulator...As for Luke may he choke on sand. Being intentionally cruel is simply showing his character. Although I am interested in how @Laura S. Fox is going to make any of that seem ok.

What I find particularly interesting is that this chapter seems to highlight well, Lyns inability to read emotions of any sort, especially his own. When he said to Alex "I wasnt jealous" he lied to himself again...He was jealous cause he still thinks Brad is his crush but the fact he needed to look and then look again means that he was looking at the situation from a different angle. Not just trying to work out who Brad was with but who Brad, in Lyns mind, has replaced him with. He was looking at Brads friendship with someone else as what he wants and missinterprets that. I think it gave Lyn the first flicker of self acknowedgement of his place in Brads life and still missreads them as romantic feelings. The same applies to his interaction with Alex he cant see Alexanders actions as anything to do with genuine concern cause he cant acknowlege his true self or his own behaviour of feeling sick and waiting in the cold for "his crush" as ridiculous behaviour. He was unwilling to acknowledge that he let himself be manipulated again. Lyn is not letting himself be who he is if you like.... he wants love affection and physical closeness and intimacy with a man but hides it believing if he continues to crush on "straight" Brad he doesnt have to deal with it at all at college. As for Brad, this chapter certainly shows him to be a manipulative arrogant asshole. Offered his jacket I mean really after bludging his degree and having fun instead if making an effort what a huge gesture. Insert eye roll here. So he fucking should. Brad and Alex have never liked each other. This chapter made it hard to hold onto hope of Brad doing something genuine in the future.

Its far too early here for such teasing 😂

Well now that just opened up the possibilities about the cause of the argument. I have thought that given Lyns personality that he would be the one that runs but I have been conflicted about the tipping point for him at that time. I am leaning towards him blaming Alex for "something".. and Brad being the one standing there thinking what the fuck? @Laura S. Fox cant wait, but can. I think ...

That makes sense Lyn has always hidden who he was so how can he truely experience anything? Yes his walls are all about emotions, how can they not be his emotions were discarded from his childhood onwards. As for Lyn projecting his brain elsewhere yes it is BS but until he can see what he needs to do it is his norm. He can lose himself in waffle, its Lyns version of the easy road. I had to read your line a couple of times before it finally dawned on me why you worded it that way. "Could you steal what I took from him". When I re read that line post work brain your right nothing to do with any gal...a vague allusion to Brad recognising what Lyn did not persue in college because of him? Not with another man or Alex. Heart, Lyns heart. As for Brad I continue to struggle, I am trying to keep an open mind and am waiting for the epihpany that is suggested by @Laura S. Fox in regards to the reasons for his behaviour and so on but if something profound comes up I suspect that it will make him seem more manipulative. Though on re read, the moment where Brad first walks up to Lyn and Alex sitting at the table he creates a bridge between the two of course not having a verbal confirmation of Alex and Lyns growing reconnection. I think he would be well aware from watching the two of them that things have evolved. Alternatively you could also see it as his recognition of the same and an attempt to get in the middle again of the two of them?

As for the actual chapter ..... Lyn is growing now that he has let go of his crush on Brad, he left the security of the same feelings/excuses for years behind and has started to move on. About time. I loved the fact that Lyn needed to feel where his colar was to ground and center himself. Alex has given Lyn space to let go a little and for a controlled person like Lyn that is a very powerful aphrodisiac. It did occur to me that Alex is not there for the frienship of two mates, he is there for Lyn. Lyn finally accepted that he wants to move forward with Alex and the carefree manner of his self admission caught him off guard. He had to acknowlwdge on some level his feelings for Alex were pre existing. Very sweet. They are almost tender their intimate behaviour. Bella and Lyn do seem very similar this chapter anatomy aside. All I can hear in my head is @Cane23 and his mirrors. I still feel like Luke is going to mess something up big time cause he maybe missinterprets his feelings for Lyn. NO idea what to make of Brads comments re stealing girlfriends in the past. His and Alexanders interactions continue to be very stunted or cold. Maybe Brad had layered intentions in inviting them both? Firstly with the intention of bringing Lyn and Alex together again where they should be and then to resolve the past so they can all move forward? I dont know? It seems I have far to many theories.

Hmm ok well think of it like this... I knew a kid in high school, I assumed he was gay as did everyone else, I was 13 at the time, I just went along teasing him calling him horrible names and so on for two years while still calling him my friend. Not my proudest moment. I admit I treated him horribly and to make it worse he was my friend in a trio of friends. We had a terrible argument as kids do when we were 15 because he liked my other mate, while I had a crush on him on, but wouldnt admit it. I can list the things I felt at that time as an adult, but as a kid I put a wall around them, boxed that shit up so tight you would need a jack hammer to find it. Fast forward 20 years and I bump into said friend. First contact was ok, polite no veiled comments. We caught up again and old hurts filtered through in our conversation while still being polite. The next time we caught up I knew what I had to do. I came out to him, I lived out by then but he didnt know that. I Apologised for every word I used toward him, for every moment I made him feel shame. I also had to admit I was jealous and scared of being gay and loving, as passionately as kids do. So you absolutely can have have half truth conversations with people. When you create hurt you have two choices you can man up or you can run away. One of the hardest moments of my life was to admit that I was an ass and a bully. I chose not to run again, but fuck me I didnt couldnt consider the possible outcomes of my actions, though it was something i had NEVER forgotten, him or my behaviour. The boxes dont open in one big rush of information it is in bits and pieces so it staggers the memories making it easier for the human brain to cope with the chemical onslaught it creates. Alex Brad and Lyn all know their truth they are just yet to open the whole box. They have been pretending, yes but it cant go on forever if they want to stay in contact. We are witnessing the slow leaking of feelings betwèen them all.

Suppose that is better than my fire idea ... but still a wothy consideration

A child for Alex and potential half siblings for the man he is in love with 😮, I sincerely hope not, I would be gutted. Call me hopeless for the HEA. Lyn is a control freak in survival mode, but plank of wood works sometimes too.

Of course the above was supposed to mention @peter rietbergen that the impossibly beautiful men and suits, money and charm are just there to remind us to look deeper. Just not at H or V...

If you met a Veronica or Harry in person you would lock them in a room and walk away never to return. Initially I did think about setting the room on fire too but that seemed extreme. Vile. But I am still reading and still hopeful. I think its cause River has a backbone. Gotta love that.

Is it Tuesday yet? .... or rather Wednesday for me.... so close yet so far. Withdrawls oh yes.

Good point it is avoidance, then maybe he was aware prior to turning up at Lyns unannounced? Processed a little before turning up. See thats what I mean by the shift between them all, Brad trying to keep up the old dynamic. We know the memory chapters led up to the argument and you have spoken about mirrors a lot made me wonder what of the past will be reflected into the future and will that "argument" have to happen again, but with a different outcome.... if thats the case I wonder if we will actually read that in the memory chapters or not. Guess @Laura S. Fox only knows.

Well said @Cane23 i guess i saw some stuff a little differently though. Lyn and his room and yes it kept in a way that is different from the chaos that surrounds him. Personally I believe that what you think you create, the external is a representation of what Lyn thinks is required to "fast forward" through the BS. Ordered, structured, calm, uncluttered. If people see nothing they ask nothing so he doesnt face anything and the BS is avoided all together. That and I feel it is also a bit of a visual show to his mother that while he plays her game he does so to get through the crap, that he is nothing like her. On a Subconcious level. Exactly how long has Brad known where Lyn has lived and he chooses now to turn up? He also shows no reaction to Lyns home. It was a nice change of pace to see him unconcerned about the house of his supposedly well off friend, that being said he had no reaction at all. Only to the room which made me suspicious. Overall this chapter may have slightly improved my thoughs on Brad, maybe. @Cane23 you said that Brad and Alex have family pressure thats active loud and so on, I dont disagree with that. I think though, that because Lyns mother is not pushing in a similar manner that the other two encounter, I dont think that its much different. She wants others to see that everything appears to be perfect, yes? .. what does she then actually think her life looks like if she needs the delusion to begin with? If she wants Lyn to appear perfect then what does she actually think of Lyn and how do you think that would make Lyn feel. For her none of it is good enough. So.... then Lyn has to live in a world where he is consistently shown he is not good enough just as he is, you need to fake it up, glamour money and society are whats important, not Lyn. Also happen to think she is far to selfish in her own fantasy world to expect anything too deep from Lyn. It does feel like there is a shift between the 3 of them..closer in some ways and further apart in other ways. What ever drives them apart feels like it started forming in this and the previous memory chapter. Maybe Brad is seeing something very different when it comes to Alex and Lyn. He laughed off Lyns question about Alex giving him the address pretending to be hurt, maybe he was maybe not but Lyn is giving off subtle clues I think. Then at the very end Brad asked Lyn about Alex....that felt very intentional.

See now I am waiting, verbal pitch fork ready with Brads name on it. Maybe two others that come to mind.... Lyn probably just deserves a little plastic fork though just cause he is oblivious for the most part.

I agree, though I think that the "social test" will be harder for Lyn and yes Alexander understands this. Lyn has had a lifetime of living the performance so to speak, thanks to his mother, and not addressing the fear he holds onto or the reasons why it exists in the first place. Private steps are much easier. And herein lays the problem. Lyn has lived his life a particular waycand knowlingly hidden it from people he cares for. I think the struggle will really begin now as he not only has to face Brad and speak his truth but he has to face himself. Its not just about his sexuality its a whole lot deeper than that. If he wants a relationship with Alex he has a lot of work to do. In the grand scheme of things 5 days is not a lot of time to do that. There is beauty in the mundane for that is where commitment lives.

Perfectly imperfect even

"You are punishing me, " Alexander said promptly "You're just not aware of it " Aside from the belt play I think maybe @Laura S. Fox was alluding to the waiting and wanting of Lyn that Alex has done over many years as the punishment. Least thats how I read that part. Perhaps the belt was less literal punishment more performative? Lyn went in wanting the upper hand and what he got instead was another representation that he belongs to Alex now. Whats more he liked it. He just might want someone to be strong enough to take the lead. At least sometimes.

Now that I am not ahh... quite so angry... I get what your saying, I do. I also see the bigger picture I suppose. I think the tenderness that you see is borne out of fragility and not care or love. Lyn goes along with the "game" for different reasons than Blanche. It is those reasons that make their relationship toxic. Blanche had a guiding role as a mum and royally buggered it up. Young Lyn cant possibly know how all of that makes him who he is. Your right he is scared. Deep down how can he not be the only parent he had interactions with manipulated him horribly and continued to do so. Back then anyway. Lyn has been conditioned not to challenge his mother. Lyn giving her loyalty and support keeps the peace and she uses that.

Ill admit I went for a run after I wrote that. I was angry and a little triggered i suppose. It is an all to realistic behaviour for some. Sad so sad.

Woefully sad chapter. A mother who sees so much.. reads people to elevate her financial status or try to...has some very interesting narcisistic traits. Its the only way I can fathom how she is treating her son. And a son who shares part of that delusion because it is easier than the alternative. For that whole scenario to be played out for Alexander.... Lyn's walls his inability to be open and honest with anyone... Waiting for his next moment of being discovered and humiliated is not normal. How else can he deal with the situation but get defensive and angry with Alex to bring it to conclusion. The last bit where Lyn and his mum are walking to the car.... upset me. If a parent thinks that it is ok to expose their child like that to the cruelty of others and expect equal game play for fucking money. Wow just wow. Now I want to smack his mum upside the head. Maybe court appointed therapy. Something. 🤬