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Phantom

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  1. Phantom
    Ugh. The past few days have not been fun at all. My back's been acting up since Thursday after Physical Therapy and the muscle relaxer they had me on was not helping at all. Instead it started to make things worse up until yesterday where all the excitement happened.
     
    I've been on this med for just over two weeks now with no effect so the doctor ordered the dose to be raised a level. Well that was last Monday. Since then I experienced all the wonderful side-effects the medicine could offer (dizziness, nausea, lack of balance, and some other 'fun' effects that I won't get into). That is until yesterday when I was at home going downstairs I got hit with a wave a dizziness to the point I fell and went down a few steps before stopping. Now the fun didn't stop there because I also happened to be carrying my tablet as well.
     
    Well, you know what they say about applied force, gravity and tablets right? Mix them together and it never works out well. My tablet was no exception and needless to say I was a little more than angry once I recovered from my fall. I ended up having my roommate drive me to Best Buy to get a new tablet (my only portable workstation and link to the world when traveling or in my room or at school cus duh. Digital Textbooks). It was a good thing to because I was ready to call my doctors office and leave a scathing message for them to call me back and get me off that damn med.
     
    Well today arrived and I called since I felt calmer and better then I did yesterday (a morning sitting outside having a cup of coffee and reading the news in the sunlight seems to have that effect on me). The nurse who took down my info called me and literally 10min later my Doctor called and was very concerned when I explained what happened (RIP Tablet) and now has me tapering off the med and put me on a new med that should do better.
     
    Well I hope it does and this time I'm not going to take any chances. If I don't like the med I won't wait until something happens to tell someone, I'm gonna dame well say something then and there. So. The moral of the story is, if a medicine makes you feel icky, tell someone or something bad could happen.
     
    PS: Screw You Gabapentin... you owe me a new tablet...
  2. Phantom
    While I was MIA from Gay Authors (Stupid life events getting in the way) I took a lot of technology classes offered by Microsoft and CompTIA to keep myself up to date on current technology and what not. Because of this I ended up changing my college major from a BS in Information Technology heavy in the security field to a B.S.Ed Career and Technical Education/Business, Computer, and Information Technology Education Program (Long winded title for Information Technology Teacher). I'm still attending Community College primarily to get my core courses out of the way and doing a transfer to Temple University. Well that's the program I'm in but could change depending on what other colleges are offering with a program like that (my academic advisor recommended that particular program). To sum it up at age 29, I finally know what I'm going to do in life and complete this goal, become a professional student and then a Computer Science teacher.
     
    The prospect of going through this program and becoming a teacher is very exciting but at the same time, very nerve wracking. I know I'm getting practice by teaching basic computer use workshops but still the idea of working full time as a teacher in a Primary or Secondary school is very harrowing. I know it's something that i want to do but at the same time I wonder if I can do it. I guess time will tell and I hope it tells me that it's what I am meant to do (As the saying goes, If you enjoy your job you never work a day in your life).
     
    On a final note, the main reason I was MIA for a bit from here was mainly because I was going through physical therapy for my back due to an injury I got. It got to the point that I could barely move or bend without serious pain affecting my back and knocking me through a loop, Two CAT scans, and most recently an MRI, later I was referred to a Pain Management Clinic run by Penn Medicine and now am going through more treatment for my back. As it turns out the injury I had that caused discs in my back to get screwed up and also land me with two cysts in my inner spinal column that are pressing on the messed up discs. This time around I'm getting steroid shots in my back and doing intensive aqua physical therapy in the hopes that we can fix my back without getting invasive since the next step would be back surgery to correct the problem.
     
    Wow. This turned out to be a long blog... but hey Caver Lector (Latin phrase for reader beware haha)
  3. Phantom
    So I'm back after an extended soul searching, life reaffirming, dealing with government idjits period (and brain searching, seriously if anyone finds my brain please tell it to come home!! My skull's getting cold and lonely) I've decided to come back to a community that's been there for me in the past and continue to lend my support for Gay Authors.
     
    In the time that I was gone I noticed that a good friend of mine has passed away and I was sadden to see the post about Trebs. He was in so many words that Jiminy Cricket to me and helped me through so much when we first met on GA. I'm sad to know that he's gone but I know he's still around because this site he helped to make is here and providing people with a creative outlet, social forum and a place to just be yourself.
     
    Other than that I've got nothing new going on. I'm still dealing with government idjits trying to get disability for my back (which if you do or don't know is completely messed up from a past incident) and working with the EEOC on a claim I filed against an employer for discrimination. I've started back to school part-time and, drum roll please, will be teaching a computer course twice a week in the fall for those who need to learn how to use one or refine their skills (as a volunteer... seeing if teaching is for me).
     
    Oh and I'm still in school... going for my BS in Information Technology and, if I think it's for me, becoming a Computer/Technology teacher for either high school or on a community college level. Then again, who knows where the tides of life take us.
     
    Eric
  4. Phantom
    Well, I've recently upgraded both my laptop and tablet to Windows 8.1 (well, 8.1 update 1 but as we all know it's a service pack so nice try Microsoft) and I'm finding that I'm liking the revision that they did. It brought back more of the desktop experience which is what a lot of people like and missed with the original Windows 8. So to me Microsoft, with the latest update, turned it into Windows 7 with a brand new start menu interface.
     
    Now don't get me wrong I am by no means a Microsoft fanboy but I will give props where props are due. Over the past couple of years I've used all three desktop operating systems (Linux, Windows and OSX) and two major mobile systems (Android and iOS) and have found pros and cons with them all to which this blog is about (I'm feeling super geeky today haha). So this blog is going to be all about the desktop operating systems:
     
    Windows Pros:
    Most common operating system used and allows a seamless transition in terms of knowing how to use it, from one computer to another IF they're using the same version of Windows
    Going from desktop system to a mix of cloud and desktop (one drive)
    Most software and peripherals are designed with Microsoft in mind
    Heavily used in large corporate environments, medical fields and government areas
    Heavy integration now with Office 365 and Windows to make it seamless
    Many MANY games are designed to be used with Windows
    Has its own App store for windows compatible software

    Windows Cons:
    Unless you have a good Security Software system you're more susceptible to viruses
    Does not play well with other operating systems unless you know how to 'make it work' (heh Tim Gunn reference)
    Media store (like iTunes, Amazon or eMusic) is just plain horrible. Even naming it zune just shows how bad it is (and for those who don't know or even heard of Zune, it was a media player that Microsoft made to compete with the iPod and its now dead but the name lives on UGH!)
    Heavy and professional music editing software, while able to work on Windows doesn't play well at times and many professionals prefer to use Apple for that reason
    Internet explorer, one of the worst internet browsers to exist in my opinion, and should have never been allowed to exist (if you have it I implore you to use Google Chrome or Mozilla Firefox!)
    Has its own App store for windows compatible software running in the Metro/Start Menu interface

    Apple Pros:
    A very stable system needing very little attention and extremely user friendly
    At the forefront with a lot of new technology and ideas
    While security software should be installed, it's not as susceptible to viruses like windows is
    Excellent and pretty much designed for editing media such as movies, pictures and music
    Safari proves to be a pretty good contender for a built in web browser
    Excellent built in media player with access to iTunes (one of the most popular places to buy and purchase media)
    Uses Sandbox to prevent non-signed applications from being installed unless it is directed by the user
    Has its own App store for apple compatible software which can be installed on any apple computer that is linked with your apple ID

    Apple Cons:
    Uses a lot of peripheral technology which makes a lot of things incompatible with other operating systems until they are released (e.g. Thunderbolt, lightning connector, 30pin designed only for iPods and tablets
    Not a lot of software compatibility between the two and cannot run windows applications without either having a OSX compatible release or running or running Bootcamp or inside a virtual machine
    Until apple started using Intel, it was nearly impossible to get any windows applications used thanks to the PowerPC processor they used instead
    Apple's version of office leaves much to be desired with when compared to Microsoft Office
    Heavy integration with iCloud with provides Windows users and Android users a portion of the power that it provides those with out iOS devices or OSX
    Uses it ownership of iTunes to market the latest and nicest apps on the Apple App store
    Cannot easily change your apple ID
    Not a lot of games are compatible with Apple but most gaming companies are fixing this

    Linux Pros
    Follows the Free and Open Source Software (FOSS) doctrine which allows users with the heavy tech knowledge to go in to the actual operating system, tweak it to their needs or improve it
    Uses a community based ideal to allow people from all over the world to use and modify it easily
    Easier to set up for server applications (many companies use enterprise versions of Linux to run websites, servers and backbone infrastructure to allow communication between all operating systems using the SAMBA suite (open source implementation of SMB protocols)
    Just like OSX, it is not as susceptible to viruses and malware but still like I mentioned its always good to have a good security software system enabled
    There is a variety of 'flavors' to use for the interface. Everything from graphic oriented to minimalist design
    Some companies (like Dell and HP) offer it as an alternative to Windows and offer support with it as well
    Offers app stores on some Linux systems that contain the FOSS

    Linux Cons
    Most software used by OSX and Microsoft are not compatible with Linux unless use an emulator like WINE and even then it might not work
    Updates and security fixes depend on the different Linux flavor you use and how often it can be updated
    Some companies have chosen the path to offer two types of their Linux product, one that is entirely FOSS and the other that costs money due to proprietary drivers that cost money to include to play various media, drivers and other items.
    Some streaming media companies do not support Linux (Netflix is one example) while some do (Hulu and Pandora are the two that I know of)
    Cross-compatibility with documents and media sometimes result in either corruption or messed up formatting.
    Integrated media sales platforms are either non-existent or provide a very limited selection (best one to use is either amazon or eMusic)

    So as you can see there are many pros and cons to the various desktop systems while my lists provide a brief glimpse into the pros and cons, of them it is by no means a comprehensive list and I could be wrong on some points so if I am or you have something to add, please feel free to add your comments in this blog. I also want to add that the next blog will deal with Android, iOS and Windows mobile operating systems which should be just as interesting if your technosavvy.
     
    The last thing I add, because there are people who feel strongly about the systems individually, I do not want flame wars appearing in the comments. Any that do will be deleted and reported per the GA rules. One final point if you have questions or need help with something with any of the systems listed above please let me know by contacting me at phantom.586@outlook.com and I'll help you best I can. I do this for a living as a band 1 technician for a very big company (which means help desk and troubleshooting).
     
    Cheers and thanks!
     
    Eric aka Phantom
     
     
    **edit to add: Thanks to an anonomyous reader for pointing out errors and edits that I missed **
  5. Phantom
    As you may or may not know I've been absent from GA for a bit and recently came back and not only re-connected with people but am making new friends in the process.
     
    Awhile back I was working as a youth support specialist for at risk (read really really super bad) youth. At first the job was good and I was able to work with some but as time went on, the general trend of the kids changed. About a year into the job I was involved in what we call an intervention where we have to basically get an out of control kid back under control using Safe Crisis Management Techniques (basically different holds we were taught by an instructor to prevent a child from hurting themselves) where I was injured pretty bad. The kid that was out of control managed to get me off balance and threw me back into a metal water main where it messed up my back pretty bad. Fast forward four months and I was back on the job but was assigned to a different unit.
     
    This unit consisted of shelter kids, the type that run away or were picked up by the police. Needless to say it was different then the type of kids that I worked with and unfortunately let my guard down. There was a kid who was picked up by the police and dropped off with us and that's where things went bad. The kid was quiet and followed our instructions until the time it came for us to search his belonging for contraband. At I was about to the kid pulled a knife on me and told me to get away from him. He slashed it at me a few times before I managed to knock it from his hand and get him restrained using a physical intervention.
     
    After that I started to have severe panic attacks, depression and flashbacks so I went to see a counselor about it where I was diagnosed with PTSD. For those who don't know what PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is, it's a condition brought about by a traumatic event and can change you in ways that you wouldn't imagine. For me I get flashbacks if I'm in a certain type of area, I hear radio chatter on a walkie talkie, someone comes up from behind me and surprises me and other things. These flashbacks always make me see and hear things that happened at the youth detention center. Other times it sends me into a major panic attack that can sometimes require medical intervention. The other symptoms that's happened is that I hate being in crowds unless I have someone I know and trust with me, I can't be in a locked building unless I know I can get out because I have a key or something like that. The worst of it is I have a hard time meeting new people face to face because I don't know if they're dangerous or not.
     
    Even with all of that I still am the same person I've always been; sarcastic, funny, intelligent and willing to help someone in need. I came back to GA mainly because I missed interacting with the people here and learning from everyone no matter where in the world they are. I find it relaxing and well... therapeutic in a sense but most of all fun.
     
    So now you know why I vanished for a bit and came back. If you ever want to ask questions or anything let me know I'm always willing to talk and provide people with insight with a personal PTSD and anxiety.
     
    Cheers!
  6. Phantom
    Well it's nice to see new faces here on GA and after taking time away for a multitude of reasons, I gotta say I'm looking foreword to re-connecting with people.
     
    I've taken some time to write, take pictures and get centered and healthy again. A couple of trips to the ER, a new chronic but manageable diagnosis, work being crazy and volunteering with LGBT youth tends to make life extremely crazy.
     
    Today, I had a seizure which is something that hasn't happened to me in God knows how long and it kinda reminded me to slow down and reevaluate myself. After meditating on this I realized how this helped put things back into perspective with what was and wasn't important to me and for some reason, it made me think of GA and how I've been missing this community of weird, exciting, funny, snarky, bitchy, evil and angelic group of people.
     
    Well time to fly because well, I feel re-encouraged to write again!
     
    Eric
  7. Phantom

    Blueberry Iced Tea...

    By Phantom,

    Yes. Blueberry Iced Tea, I made a batch when I got home from work and I'm letting it sit overnight so it'll be a nice yummy treat for tomorrow.
     
    Well if you haven't noticed my last status update, I got dumped by the army medic I was seeing and it was very disheartening to experience and deal with, but I'm working through it (and did some retail therapy... I got a new pair of Oakley Whiskers ).
     
    I'm starting back to school in the spring, figured I'd delay by a semester since I just started my new job and I'm still working on getting used to it and working with the clients (who knew a bunch of teenagers who've been in trouble with the law would be such a pain?).
     
    Also I'm in the market to buy myself a Chevy Cruze (which is gonna kick butt!!!) because my current car is on it's way out (lord help me).
     
    Hrm.... what else.... nope can't think of anything!
     
    Keep it real!
  8. Phantom

    Defying Gravity

    By Phantom,

    Today I decided to defy gravity, and well it hurt. I fell down...
     
    But in all seriousness I found that being unemployed has given me time to work on things that seem to have crept up on me. I've been focusing inward on myself and doing some reading about Freud and Jung, two of the psychologists who seem to make some sense to me in terms of people and the like (hard to explain and for me to do that would take all day). Unfortunately all this reading has lead to a decline in my social life and my time on GA. I still lurk around but not as much interaction as I used to.
     
    I figured today I'd take a break from reading so much and go into Philly where I'll explore a bit (the roomie is going as well, but he has a function to attend so he's dropping me off) and just have some fun, I think.
     
    Onto a different topic...
     
    For all of you who never moved, let me tell you it's hard as hell. Between getting a car registered, inspected, car needing repairs to pass inspection, changing address and getting mail forwarded to your new place, finding new doctors and all the like, it's not as hard as meeting new people and making new friends. It's been hell and thankfully I have two great roommates who are helping me to acclimate to the area (although the one drives me INSANE sometimes) it's still not the same as it was when I lived in New Jersey, where I could call a friend to go hang out, or go to the bar and talk with some bar buddies. Here it's different because it's a fresh start and the like, but it's starting to get to me.
     
    I put on a mask sometimes and make it seem like nothing bothers me at all, that nothing gets to me. Sadly this is a bad way of dealing with things because it does get to me, like a knife to my soul. I miss my friends in Jersey and although I talk with them, it doesn't seem the same. I've been reconnecting with people I went to school with out here, but it's still not the same. I guess lately all I want is to make some friends and be the person I was in Jersey, but it's just not working out that way. The worst part is that my outlet to deal with all of this has taken a hit as well, my writing and photography hobbies.
     
    Whenever I got stressed out, I would write or take pictures but now, I can't do either. It feels like my mojo has left me and it sucks. I'm working on it, but in the mean time all I can feel is like shit and sometimes I just feel lost. So I guess I will just work on it some more and from there, make peace with everything and just start fresh, although at my current rate I'll be 80 heh.
     
    Oh btw, the worst part of everything is that the A/C in my car died, I needed new tires AND it needed an oil change/tune-up. Fun times because that just ate away at my non-existant funds. Hope I get a new job soon... that might help bring me out of my funk.
     
    Eric
  9. Phantom
    Two new addictions have come to the surface in my life... 1) Lemmon pound cake from Starbucks and 2) Three Region Blend coffee from Starbucks...
     
    So yea it's crunch time and it's becoming a hassle to get things done at work before finishing my last day tomorrow, getting things packed up that I have left before I finally move in Officially on Sunday, getting all my stuff together to make life easier when I go to get my car registered, plates for it, inspected and also to get my license. On top of all of that, I'm having to search for any receipts that I may have gotten during my move time, for tax purposes of course, and last but not least trying to write.
     
    I found myself dipping into some really bad depression and anxiety feelings, ones I haven't had in quite awhile, and last Wednesday it came to a head and I had my first panic attack in years, well three years 8 months and 12 days to be exact (I keep track of all my attacks so when I goto the doc it makes life easier to explain things). It happened at work as I was making (ironically) a doctor appointment for one of my clients and I felt it start to come on.
     
    Now as some of you may or may not know, the panic attacks I have are about 100% different from ones people normally get, and this time it kind of freaked my coworker out when he saw me. I was visibly shaking (not slightly shaking but what looks like a tonic-clonic seizure), my speech was slurred, and I couldn't focus. He came over to me and took my pulse which was racing and grabbed the blood pressure cuff which we have and tested it, 70/50. Luckily he kept a cool head and asked me what was happening. I finally managed to tell him to get my bag and he got it. I took a med of mine and it helped to calm me down and get things back to normal. I called our AD and let him know I was leaving work for a medical issue and he was fine with it, and I then drove home (not my smartest idea since the med I took was Xanax). Once I got home I took the one I'm supposed to take after and attack and just passed out.
     
    I talked about what happened with mom and she said it's normal for people to go through this and that she's surprised I held off for so long given that I'm moving, job hunting, leaving NJ, leaving people behind and all that stuff. I made an appointment with the doc who just gave me refills on my meds saying I don't need an adjustment that it's amazing I've kept this at bay for so song.
     
    I also found out from him that the reason why I haven't been so anxious is because I'm channeling my fears, anger and happiness into writing and photography. Granted I'm not ready to show you what I've done so far but suffice to say, I'm working on a few things...
     
    Also I think my Starbucks addiction is helping to keep these demons at bay
     
    Eric
  10. Phantom
    It's official... In two weeks I'm moving to PA permanently and I'm scared. I can't focus on anything nor can I get anything done...
     
    I've been trying to distract myself with reading but it's not working... I've been talking to people but I feel like I'm being annoying so I stopped... I've only been talking to people I care for but it's not working...
     
    It's scary to move away from your parents but I feel like I'm not doing anything right... I feel as if I'm creeping back to my dark aide again and I'm really really trying not to...
     
    My friends and family noticed this with me... That I'm sleeping more and I'm being more of a bitch than usual... I hate it so I'm just taking time for myself...
     
    I'm trying to feel better but I can't feel it... Ugh... I hate writing blog entries like this cus I feel like I'm just being an emo wreck... But I gotta get it out so it doesn't eat away at me...
     
    Eric
  11. Phantom

    A Little Project...

    By Phantom,

    Technology is always changing, sometimes for the better, sometimes just to drive us all crazy.
     
    Thankfully there are people out there who know how to work technology to the benefit of all, and today I'm going to explain what I'm scheming, I mean working on.
     
    Thanks to a friend of mine and really good author, I'm going to try my hand at making eBooks using a story of his and see what he thinks (he's really picky with the way he wants things). I'm going to be using two ways to do it and write down the instructions to get both ways to do it, one using Pages (Apple Word program) and MS Word (the more commonly used one).
     
    My goal is to get the experience to make and work on ePub books to be used on devices like computers (using Adobe Acrobat or Adobe Digital Editions), Nook eReaders, Kindle eReaders, iOS products (iPad, iPhone, iPod touch) and anyway else you can use an eBook. Also I want to work on making PDF formats for those who are used to Acrobat Reader.
     
    Honestly I'm really excited turning words into magic like this and am really looking forward to this little pet project of mine
     
    Any author out there have any questions, feel free to contact me because I think this is a really exciting turn of events
     
    Oh and if you could, please take the quick poll at the bottom so I have an idea of what people think, formats they're used to and the like.
     
     
    Lets make some magic
  12. Phantom
    Yesterday I found out I have 4 impacted wisdom teeth that need to come out stat. The dentist told me to make an appointment with an oral surgeon and when I did, I let my job know that I would need to take time off for recovery. I was told off the bat that I was not covered under FMLA and would have to put in an unpaid absence and that they weren't certain if I would get it. When I heard that, I was at a loss for words and began to research it and my employer found a loophole with using my anniversary date of when I was hired full time (June 2010), not the day I actually started (December 2009) as the 12-month period in which I can apply for it. So, with a surgeon saying I need surgery and need time off for recovery, I'm in a bind.
     
    Should I be denied (my employer has denied unpaid time off for people in worse situations then mine) not only would I have to wait until June before I hit 12 months, I would also have to wait an additional 30+ days to apply and hear back from my employer before it is approved. When I contacted my doctor, the earliest date that far out would be in July or August. If you calculate it all, it comes out to 4 months of undue pain before I can get my wisdom teeth surgically removed.
     
    So, I'm off for a bit, disappointment is really draining, especially when you're at work.
     
    Eric
  13. Phantom
    It's March and while most people think of March Madness or Lent or Mardi Gras or St. Patricks Day, it's an important month for me and the clients I work with. As some of you may or may not know, I work for Arc, but a chapter in NJ (not gonna get specific as people might stalk me ) and I happen to work with the month this awareness is all about. I honestly think it's important to bring awareness to the men and women I work with only because no one really thinks about them.
     
    I work with a wide range of clients and I enjoy each and every moment with them because I feel like I'm doing something good, and also because I always learn something new from them. It's rewarding in so many ways and even though it drives me insane sometimes, I really hope that I make an impact with them.
     
    I also happen to like this because it helps to bring awareness with what goes on with the clients I work with. Awhile back the Governor of New Jersey, Mr. Christie, wanted to raise the Cost of Care that my clients pay each month from 75% to 90%. The self-advocacy groups and I know my union fought tooth and nail to prevent this because it would've hurt our guys terribly. I remember writing letters to all my state representatives arguing against this and shot off a letter or two to Christie himself. Needless to say they fought against this and won and that was a really proud moment for this.
     
    Another thing that I've been witness to was The R-Word Campaign, which was to strike the word "Retarded" from all laws and such in NJ and they won.
     
    A lot of times people ask me what it's like working with those people and I usually see red when I hear that and immediately correct them. They aren't second class citizens, but human beings, and I've realized how much people forget this but I'm glad my clients correct people when they're around because some of the things my clients say is just hilarious. I remember one time I was with a client food shopping when someone came up to him saying that he was a special person. He looked at the lady and said "Lady, I'm developmentally disabled, not stupid so stop talking to me like a toddler." The woman turned bright red and apologized and walked away.
     
    Any who I feel like I'm rambling and gonna head out. If you wanna know more about this, feel free to ask me or look up Developmental Disabilities Awareness month.
     
    Loves!
     
    Eric
  14. Phantom

    New Addiction....

    By Phantom,

    I'm sad to report I have a new addiction, and it's one that's going to be a bugger to quit. I've been doing it for most of today and on and off for the past few weeks. It's driving me insane and hopefully doesn't progress even further. What is this addiction you may ask? Well, I'll let you all know since the first step to quitting is acknowledging your addiction.
     
    I'm addicted to scrabble.
     
    Save me.... saaaavvvveeee mmmmmeeee.....
  15. Phantom

    Schrödinger's Cat

    By Phantom,

    Schrödinger's Cat
     
    This is a commonly used idea in regards to describe a paradox in which a cat is placed in a box with a vial of poison with a hammer held overhead. A radioactive isotope is used to fray the hammer's string holding it up and once it breaks, if it does, the cat exists in two phases, living and dead because the box holding the poison and cat are opaque. The two planes of existence are only broken when one supersedes the other by intervention of another plane of existence.
    The reason for this brief quantum theory is simple, it's what I feel like anymore. I feel like I'm in two existence's at once, living a dual life. I know the reason behind it, because I haven't found a job in the Greater Philly Area, so I'm living in NJ on my work days and down in Philly on my days off.
    From what I can tell, it's normal to feel this way when doing what I'm doing, but honestly, it's the only option for me. When I was doing some reading and I came across this example, I found it funny really because I discovered how a quantum theory can easily describe life in general. I'm the cat, existing in two planes of existence, waiting for something to bring me out of the existence.
    Fun times no?
    Well, in other news I'm still alive and healthy, which is good, and going through the motions at work (I've been leaving a sticky on my cubby that says "I QUIT!!!" and in small letters below it "until tomorrow"
    Any who back to work for me... take care!
    Eric
  16. Phantom

    Bye bye moto droid...

    By Phantom,

    Well I ain't gonna miss it anytime soon, my droid phone. It's been acting up and not hanging up on calls when I end them, and the screen was messed up as well as in it wouldn't read my touches right. Maybe I gave it a bad touch... But who knows and who cares. I hate android... Well moto droid.
     
    So I went out last night and replaced it with, yes an iPhone on Verizon. I LOVE it. I got all my old apps from the iPad on here (that are compatible) and I also got a few new ones. It's faster then my coworkers iPhone 4 (she's on AT&T) and she blames the phone and how old it is, but that's a different conversation altogether haha.
     
    So I'm officially mac'd out. I have a Mac desktop, laptop and now phone. Life is good... Except for the bill ;p
  17. Phantom
    Furniture? Check.
    Electronics, files, other important stuff? Check.
    Massive bills paid off? Nope.
    New job? Nope.
     
    It's hard moving from one area to another, and right now I'm stuck in transition between one and the other. I've been attending certification classes for my current field, but they mean a whole hill of beans because most jobs want me to have at least an associates degree with the certifications, a bachelors without. So, I'm looking around still at different agencies and hospitals and such to do what I want to do with my job, and as much as it's a stress living in two places, it's kinda fun really. Mom and Dad annoy me? I'm at my place with my roommates. Roommate and bf annoy me? Back to the parents I go
     
    The one job I was hoping to go for fell through because of the degree requirements, but thankfully Mike (the HR guy) said he'd call me as soon as he found a position in the organization, but he also said to keep looking around because there's a large amount of agencies with varying requirements that I might be able to get in to. So I'm still looking and the bf is looking as well by asking around. So to all the GA peeps in eastern PA, know anyone who's looking for a Direct Care/Support Professional?
     
    On another note, the state of NJ is a bunch of morons. I got a letter in the mail saying my license is to be suspended in a month due to no medical forms being sent in per the agreement to get it back. I got it on a friday so I can't call and bitch them out tomorrow and tell them that I called for an extension due to medical insurance issues preventing me from seeing a doc and that I asked for one and another set of forms for the doctor to fill out, but never got them. I think they're looking at suspending my license to make me pay $200 bucks to get it back.
     
    Asshats.
     
     
    On a third note, Verizon Wireless FINALLY came out with the iPhone 4 this year, but no I didn't get it. My credit cards (thanks to the move) got a good workout anyway with the move and purchases (new laptop, furniture, etc) and since I'm trying to pay off my debt, I figured I'd wait to pay off my debt first before getting it (i'd have to get it out of cycle for my contract). Besides the way I figured it out, I can keep my phone until my contracts up, go with the new every two and get the newest iPhone.
     
     
    Well. I'm off, I just got off work and I wanna chat with mom and see how she's doing. For as much as she drives me insane, I still like talking with her. Kinda.
     
     
    Eric
  18. Phantom

    Bit of an update...

    By Phantom,

    Where to start? Oh yea... my cars a hunk of junk and I got iced in last night... woo...
     
    I'm just about moved in now, all I have left is to transfer my car insurance and the rest of my clothes, books and files and I'm all set. Last night I went out and bought the last thing I wanted for my move, which is fun. I got myself the new MacBook Air (128gb HD). I've been loving every minute with it and now I'm working over to switching to entirely MobileMe and leaving google for the most part. It's not that I think google is horrible, but I like consolidating things into one company so it makes it easier to yell at people if something goes wrong
     
    Tonight is gonna suck because I'm gonna be working from 3-11 and I'm already physically exhausted today.
     
    What else what else. OH! I forgot that I purchased Office 2011 for Mac so I'll be writing soon (that and since I spent so much money I need to stay put at home and chill there for free and build up my savings again. My credit cards took a major hit).
     
    Anywho I'm sitting at starbucks drinking my drink and getting ready to head to work.
     
    Lord save me.
     
    OH and hope you guys enjoy my joke of the day status updates and no I'm not making them, I run across them on the internet
     
     
    Eric
  19. Phantom

    It's My Life

    By Phantom,

    It's a good Bon Jovi song and says a lot about what I'm feeling right now and what I'm dealing with.
     
    As you may or may not know, I have an overbearing mother who thinks the world revolves around her and everyone should drop what they're doing at her beck and call. I'm not being over dramatic, but honest with this statement. I'm in the process of moving to Pennsylvania and finding a job (and I have a few leads that I'm following up on) which is taking up most of my time. I also have a lot going on at work that I'm trying to accomplish so that hopefully people won't freak when I'm gone and someone can come in and pick up where I left off (which will be kinda funny to see). Tomorrow I'm getting furniture for my room in the house I'm moving into which is going to be fun! The reason why I bring this up is because she called ranting and raving at me while I'm at work all because I wasn't going to be at the parents tomorrow or Wednesday to help her out around the house. As she put it, I'm putting my friends and life ahead of my family. I told her as calm as I could, I would apreciate if she would just let me know when she needs me more then three hours ahead of time so I can see if I can work things out, and not have to drop everything at the last second which I'm finally putting my foot down and telling her I can't I have plans.
     
    Now for the other part. I'm not happy with what my boyfriend did the other night to me. He had a friend that he works with who came over and ended up staying the night (the friend got to shit faced to drive home). This wouldn't bother me with the exception of the fact the boyfriend hid our relationship from him and I had to sleep in another room because the boyfriend didn't what his friend to find out he was gay and in a relationship because he could loose his job (he works in a secular position in Philly for the Archdioceses there). The boyfriend knows that I don't like to hide who I am and the like especially my relationships. So that night hurt worse than anything because while the friend knew I was gay, he only knew that I was a gay roommate that lived with the boyfriend. So I'm still trying to be nice about the whole thing because I do understand where he is coming from (he has a morality clause in his contract), it just kinda made me think of what it would be like in the future and how often I would go from being a boyfriend to a gay roommate.
     
    In other news I'm going furniture shopping tomorrow!!! Yay me
     
    Well, I'm wrapping things up at work and heading to Philly tonight.
     
    Take care all and K.B.O (that's what I'm doing)
     
     
    Eric
  20. Phantom

    Getting better

    By Phantom,

    Well, I'm getting better in both the physical and mental sense of the word. I've gotten things under control at work which has lowered my stress level and also my anxiety level of trying to get things done in a short time. I'm doing better also with job hunting and getting my things ready to move to the burbs of Philly PA. I talked with my doc and he gave me some advice on how to work things out and how to start with things and he also gave me an insight into what's going on in my head.
     
    He said that I'm the type of person who internalizes things to a larger extent than most people and while I know the way to work around that and how to help other people I have to learn to take my own medicine as he said because that is very important with what I want career wise (be a psychologist). So I worked out a plan on what to do and I'm following through on it.
     
    I've started writing but not as seriously as I used to (between work and the like, I just don't have the energy that I used to). I've taken my items in eFiction down and saved them to my computer where I will rewrite them and post them again. Instead of frequenting the bar like I have been lately, I'm going to frequent Starbucks instead so basically it's going to be things like that.
     
    Also I'm getting rid of google chrome and switching back to firefox. Is it relevant to me and my mental health? Nope. I figured I'd add a bit of tech into the mix
     
     
    Eric
  21. Phantom

    Depression and Anxiety

    By Phantom,

    Weeeellll....
     
    If you suffer from depression, or know anyone who suffers from depression you know how much of a pain in the ass it can be to deal with and get under control. Couple that with having an anxiety disorder and you got yourself a bowl full of fun. Why am I talking about this you may ask? It's simple lately, I feel off my rocker lately and I've been doing my best to deal with the situation, but I just can't get a hold on it. It feels like trying to hold sand in your hand without letting any of it blow away during a hurricane, and trust me, that's hard.
     
    My sleep cycle is screwed up worse then an episode of Jerry Springer, my moods are more erratic then Anne Heche's sexuality and this is all while I'm awake for the 10 hours and not sleeping for the 14. Oh and if you think this is bad? Try dealing with this crap while your asleep and dreaming about things. GOD. I've had crazier dreams for the past few weeks then I think I ever had, and they're all weird.
     
    I'm a firm believer that you're dreams are an extension of your subconscious trying to work out issues that your conscious mind just cant deal with and well, if my dreams are any clue, I have more issues right now than a subscription to the New York Times.
     
    I'm trying to make light of this because it's helping me to smile a bit, and I hope that soon I'll get back on the straight and narrow. Until then, I'll be somewhat fine. Just don't bother me
     
     
    Eric
  22. Phantom

    Work stuff

    By Phantom,

    A few day's ago I got a call on my way home from seeing Joe that one of my residents passed away unexpectedly. Not a good call to get when you're driving down I-195 at about 75 miles an hour (okay I was speeding so sue me). Thankfully I had the peace of mind to pull over right away and calm down before resuming my trip home.
     
    When I got home I told mom what happened (she worked with the same client when she was at Arc) and told her how I was feeling, which is hard to explain, but I tried. I told her I was really sad, angry, confused, baffled and upset. She said that it's normal especially when you work with someone as much as I have and helped them just as much.
     
    Well, here's where it gets a bit more fun. I've been going for the past few weeks to Robert Wood Johnson Medical school, namely the Elizabeth Boggs Center on Developmental Disabilities and taking some continuing education credits on working with those that have Developmental and/or Intellectual Disabilities, and taking courses on behavior assessments, mental health support and a few more classes that I have yet to take but am registered for. Well, when I went into work yesterday I was asked to do some extra work with the guys, namely to do a Functional Behavioral Assessment (aka a FAB) for 9 clients (A FAB usually takes about 3 hours).
     
    Well, it's stressful to do one, let alone do 9 of them, and on top of grieving for my client myself, I'm still managing to get my paperwork done since we have state inspections this month, talk to the clients as needed to help them and help some of the staff. Pretty much we're in Crisis mode since this happened. Oh and to top it all off, we're short staffed, so work really isn't fun right now.
     
    I'm dealing with all of this the best way I know how, playing some video games, writing a bit and drinking lots and lots of Starbucks (and doing the usual thing of calling Joe or my mom or someone when I'm really just down in the dumps).
     
    I'm gonna miss my client, even though I worked with him for almost a year, I've known him for over 15 because my mom brought me to this program when I was younger to introduce me to the guys and show me that those who are developmentally or intellectually disabled may need a bit more help with things, but are amazing in their own way, and this client was amazing in so many ways.
     
    He's in a better place now and I'm certain of that and every time I go in to work, I remind myself of that because it makes it easier to get through the day and have a smile on my face and be strong for my other clients. It's hard as hell, and it's gonna be rough, but I'll do my best for their and my sake.
     
    Basically if I seem spacey or short tempered, you know why (and writing this blog is helping because it's helping to get a lot off my mind).
     
     
    Eric
  23. Phantom

    Cataclysm Dec 7th

    By Phantom,

    Lord. It was only time before I found a new addiction to mess with me <.<
     
    I just pre ordered Cataclysm for World of Warcraft and won't be heard from for at least a week... sad really...
     
    Any who My back is killing me of late so this is what the doc ordered... a lot of R&R when I get home so I'll be laying down and playing this (I'm gonna roll a Worgen!!!!)
     
    Hmmm what else... oh! Expect another sneak peak soon with my story
     
     
    Eric
  24. Phantom

    Chaos

    By Phantom,

    It's been chaos for the past week or so, and it's been getting to me. I've been going hardcore style with school trying to finish up my MCSA certification and work full time (rather 50+ hour weeks). It's been stressful but what can I say, I've gotten used to it.
     
    What I haven't gotten used to however is the self-centered additude that I've been experiencing with my mother. Lord knows I love her to death but lately she has been driving me up a wall. Monday night was the last straw however and me and her got into it BIG time. She knows that I've been working and doing school work and also helping around the house as much as I can, but she told me that I haven't been helping her at all around the house and that I needed to cook dinner.
     
    This wouldn't have been a problem, but if you take into account the fact that I had to fast for 12 hours to get blood work done, had an appointment at my school with my professor, ran errands for me and her and came home to study, well, you get the picture. She told me to get dinner started and that she would finish it up. This, of course, is after I told her that I needed to study. So sue me if I get grumpy and snippy with her, and tell her exactly how I feel.
     
    This started a huge argument between us, with her accusing me of being ungrateful and a self-serving asshole. I of course retaliated telling her that I'm trying to work full-time, get school work done and run errands for her and sue me if I want not even 5 mintues where she doesn't have me doing something for her. Thats when she starts yelling at me that I'm ungrateful after all she's done for me, being there when I was sick, letting me live at home rent free and the like. Well, I lost my temper and finally told her that when I came home it was like being at work and that's why I don't stick around as often and I stay up late when she's in bed because then I get some peace and quiet.
     
    She started carrying on and well, I left the house. I drove to where I will be living and stayed with the roomates for a bit. I came home today to pick up some things that I left at home for work and bolted out of the house. I texted mom saying that I was working today 3-11 and that I would be working tomorrow 8-8 (staff conference and some coverage hours due to a gap in subs for my program) but we would talk and lay thing down on the line because, as I told her when I called her before, we need to have a talk.
     
    She agreed and she did say that she was sorry, but that it was mostly my fault for storming off. I just bit my tounge with that remark and said that we would talk tomorrow, which I'm planning on doing. I also talked to my roommates and they gave me some advice on what to say and take things because they were both in the same position that I'm in at one point. So pretty much, I know what'd going to happen and like I'm going to tell my parents, I'm going to be gone until Tuesday next week because we both will need time to think and cool off, because the talk will be one hell of an argument.
     
    Lots of love
    Eric
  25. Phantom

    SitRep

    By Phantom,

    Lot's been going on, and it's been taxing really...
     
    As some of you know I'm moving to the Philly Area around December if all goes well, and right now I've been working on jobs and the like, I have a few promising leads and should be able to get one (The one organization I applied for seems to really like me...).
     
    I've also applied for the Fall 2011 semester to goto MonCo (Montgomery County Community College) and am getting a start on my loooong trek for my doctorate in Psychology. It should be interesting, but fits in well with what I'm doing now, where my strengths lie, and the like. I'm excited for it and it should be fun and hard but I'm up for the challenge
     
    I've been slacking on my writing but once I get the general theme down, I should start posting my story soon... and also the blogisodes (the snippets I'm posting in my blogs) should keep you shivering with anticipation....
     
    Well off to another day at work. Should be fun.
     
     
    Eric
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