Thereafter - 1. Chapter 1

 

I love moments like these. My eyes took on the world as it was blessed by the skies above—rain. Having finished my history assignment, I sat in an armchair in front of a glass-paned window. I didn’t merely sit, I slouched—made myself comfortable while I watched the view outside. So surreal.

 

My room overlooked the school grounds. Raindrops on green grass. It sounded almost poetic, at least to me. Strange though that I didn’t see anyone walking in the rain. My fellow college students had no sense of... adventure anymore. Most probably sat in front of computer screens, lost in cyberspace. I’d like to think that there were some, like me, who wished they were part of the spectacle outside.

 

It was odd how vividly memories came back when least expected. I snuck outside while it was raining when I was... nine, no, ten. Yes, I was ten and I quietly made my way to our backyard. I regretted the action when Mom found out—her son, sopping wet—but while it happened, I was happy. Raindrops cascaded down my face and seeped through my clothes. I’d never felt so free, never experienced anything so exciting. Too bad I’m not a ten-year old boy anymore.

 

“Have you seen anything so amazing?”

 

My lips formed into a smile. Without looking at the guy standing beside me, I said, “Hi, Craig. In answer to your question, yep. Every time it rains.”

 

He sniggered. “It was a rhetorical question.”

 

I kept my eyes fixed outside. “Oh. So how long have you been standing there?”

 

“Long enough.”

 

“Long enough to know I’ve wasted about an hour staring outside or long enough for you to question my sanity? I’d agree with either.”

 

He sat on my bed. “I wouldn’t call it wasting your time as you seem to be enjoying yourself. And I won’t question your sanity... anymore. I decided long ago that you’re a nutcase.”

 

With a sigh, I got up and lay on the bed beside Craig. “Thanks buddy. Glad to know you think so highly of me.”

 

Craig followed suit. Both our legs hung down the edge of the bed. “What’s a best friend for?”

 

I gently hit his chest with the back of my hand and Craig reacted with a whole body jerk. We laughed loud and hard. Afterwards, we lay quietly and stared at the ceiling.

 

“Tell me again why we’re staring at the ceiling? If this is a game, I want to make sure I win,” Craig joked.

 

“Ha-ha, funny.” I guess this is the reason he’s my best friend. He’s hilarious and everything seems simple to him. Too simple. I wished I could be more like him. “You’re coming to the party later, right?”

 

The bed trembled when he shook his head. “Afraid not. I have an exam early tomorrow. You’ll have to go solo tonight. Not that it matters, you’ll never be alone at a party. Everyone loves you.”

 

“Not you,” I said before I could consider its implication.

 

With an audible thud, his head bumped into mine. “That’s not fair, Alex. How can you even say that? We’ve been best friends since we started college. I went with you to all those parties before. This one time that I can’t, you’re making me feel guilty about it? How could you?”

 

I rubbed the spot where his head made contact with mine. Ow. “I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t mean to be ungrateful. It’s just, you know how I feel about parties. You’re the only one who makes them... bearable.”

 

“Then why do you go?” He sounded irritated.

 

“Because I’m expected to,” I whispered.

 

It was his turn to sigh, loudly. He turned on his side to look at me. Brown eyes with thick lashes. “That has always been your problem. You’re expected to? What’s up with that? When’s the last time you did something for yourself?”

 

My mind flashed pictures of my ten-year old self bathing in the rain. “I’ve told you bef—”

 

“Wait, mind if I give it a go? I’ve heard this speech so much, I’ve practically memorized it. Do you mind?” A lock of his black hair fell down his face as he gazed at me questioningly.

 

I rolled my eyes.

 

“Since you don’t mind...” He cleared his throat. “I’ve told you a thousand times, Craig. You have four siblings, so you won’t understand. I’m an only child, so I’ll have to compensate for brothers and sisters I don’t have. I have to make my parents happy, make them proud of me. I need to not only do what my parents’ expect of me, but those of others as well. Just to be fair.”

 

He’s not kidding. He did memorize it. “Fine. My voice is not squeaky like that though.”

 

“I don’t squeak.” His voice cracked at the opportune moment. Our eyes met and we relapsed into laughter.

 

When the hysterics passed, he said, “Alex, you do know this isn’t the way to live, right? How can you be happy?”

 

“I’m not miserable. Far from it. I have lots of friends. I go to parties. I don’t spend my nights crying in bed,” I pointed out to him.

 

Craig’s eyes bore into mine. “True. But are you happy?”

 

No, but I’m not going to admit it to your face. “Look, if you can’t come tonight, it’s fine. Forget I asked.”

 

He sat up straight with his back to me. “Sorry, Alex. I really need to study or I’ll fail for sure.”

 

“I already told you it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll be ok on my own.” I hope.

 

*************************

 

Even with my eyes closed, I knew something was wrong. For one thing, my head hurt. I had too much to drink, at least it felt that way. I wanted to puke.

 

I slowly opened my eyes. The effort alone indicated I had a wild night. The room spun so I closed my eyes. Filling my lungs with air, I tried again. Everything’s moving. I shook my head. Bad idea. Pain coursed through my skull and I gripped handfuls of hair and pulled.

 

When the aching stopped, the wobbling subsided. Where am I? I dragged my semi-responsive body out of bed. My pants dropped to the floor as I stood on jelly like legs. Looking down, I noticed I had no shirt on. What’s going on?

 

Leaving the pants behind, I used the walls for support as I made my way to the washbasin with nothing but my boxer briefs on. I turned the tap on and stuck my head under the running water. The cold water cleared my head a bit. After what seemed like a couple of minutes, I straightened up and looked at myself in the mirror.

 

Water dripped down my chest and back. I brushed away wet brown hair from my face using my fingers. Bloodshot green eyes gazed back at me. The mirror reflected the confusion I felt. What happened? I arrived at the party, then what?

 

Careful not to make any sudden movements, I looked around the small room. Except for the bedside table, chair and television, the room was barren. How did I end up in a hotel?

 

I moved to the side of the bed where I noticed my shirt sticking out from underneath. With nothing else to wear, I put the shirt on which smelled of perfume, sweat and alcohol. The resulting odor made me want to throw up. Stumbling, I returned to the washbasin and emptied the contents of my stomach.

 

Feeling much better, I picked up my pants where I left them. As I put them on, the trash can caught my attention and I faltered at the condom wrapper inside. I had sex last night? That would explain why I was in a hotel. But with whom? A girl?

 

My body dropped to the bed. I should be happy. Sleeping with a girl, any girl, would make everything okay. It would make me straight, wouldn’t it? No more beating myself up for being attracted to guys. But I knew it wasn’t as simple as that.

 

I brushed away from my mind the thought that I might have done it with a guy. No, if I did have sex last night, it was with a girl. Definitely. I checked the inside of my underwear and saw the precum or semen stains. Am I imagining it or does my penis look wornout from use?

 

Stretching my hand, I groped for my wallet, keys and cellphone from the side table where I spied them earlier. My breath caught as I checked the money in my wallet. Relief washed over me as I counted off the last dollar. At least I’m certain I didn’t hire a hooker. Dangling the keys in front of me, I bit my lower lip. Great, the keychain’s missing. Craig’s gonna be pissed.

 

I treasured the tennis racket keychain that Craig gave me as a gift. Now it’s gone. The loss distracted me from my worries and confusion.

 

This was all Craig’s fault. Really? Okay, so he didn’t make me drink all those glasses of brandy, whisky, vodka and gin, but if he had come to the party, he could have declined the offers for me. I wouldn’t have ended up here, wherever this is.

 

I scanned the room one last time, hoping that something would jump out at me. What happened here? Why couldn’t I remember? With trepidation, I stepped out to the unfamiliar corridor. As the door closed, my eyes noted the number two hundred seventeen painted in fading red color on its front. A moment of indecision on whether to go right or left rooted me to the spot. Feeling foolish, I moved to my left, but doubled back as I hit a dead-end.

 

After the winding stairs down, I leaned against the wall to steady myself while clamping a hand over my mouth and nursing my stomach with the other. When the dizziness passed, I shuffled to the front desk where a bearded man in his late thirties met me.

 

“Yes?” he said in a semi-friendly drawl. He looked like he hadn’t showered for a couple of days, but his teeth were astonishingly white.

 

“Erm.” I stopped, even my voice sounded like shit. Swallowing, I grimaced when I tasted bile on my mouth. Great. “Uh, yes. Um, I want to checkout, but I seem to have misplaced the key.”

 

Seeing him frown, I added, “I was at room two hundred seventeen.”

 

While scratching his beard, he opened a ledger and skimmed its contents. “No need to worry kid, it has all been taken care of. I think,” his attention moved from the ledger to a wall full of keys, “yep, the key for two hundred and seventeen’s here.”

 

“Do you... um.... I mean, can I... have the name of the girl... I was with last night?” The open ledger stared at me invitingly, but I forced myself to ignore it.

 

“Girl?” His brows furrowed, but it was quickly replaced by a malicious smile which was also reflected in his eyes. “There’s no name written here, but I remember it was a guy, not a girl.”

 

What the bearded guy said sobered me up. A man? A sudden flash of memory of a half naked guy left no doubt in my mind. Backing away from the front desk, I turned around with the intention of running away, but stopped on my tracks. I walked out of the building with pretend calmness.

 

As I hit the sidewalk, my body gave in and I crumpled to the gutter. What had I done? What do I do now? What would my parents say? A lot more thoughts plagued my mind, but the most pressing shouted at me. I’m gay! All those years of suppressing that part of me ruined in one night.

 

*************************

 

The dormitory loomed over me as I stepped out of the cab. I dreaded having to explain to Craig where I’d been if he asked. Hoping he wasn’t in, I opened the door to our room. All worries drained out of me when I saw his closed bedroom door. That meant either he was out or sleeping, but since it was some time before noon, I decided it was the former. Looking forward to cleaning away last night’s memory with a shower, I excitedly opened my bedroom door. My jaw dropped when I saw Craig lying on my bed while whistling a familiar tune. As soon as his eyes landed on my face, he jumped out of the bed and came toward me.

 

I averted my eyes as I consciously straightened my grimy hair. “Craig, what are you doing here?”

 

“Waiting for you.” He extended his hand to me, but I backed away from his reach. “When I came back from school, I thought you’d already be here. Sorry—”

 

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m good. Had a little too much to drink so I crashed at a friend’s place. You don’t know him. A high school friend who just happens to be at the same party. Such a surprise to see him there.” I hated having to lie to Craig. Sidling pass him, I took off my clothes except for my underwear and chucked them in the hamper. A towel was wrapped around my waist before I faced him.

 

Confusion showed on his face. Oh no, he suspects something. How? What do I do? “Craig, nothing bad happened to me. Really.” I let a fake smile appear on my face. “Let me shower, take some medicine and rest for a bit. You’ll see, I’ll be back to my usual boring self.”

 

His questioning eyes regarded me with intensity. He opened and closed his mouth many times before he finally voiced his concern, weighing each of the words he spoke. “You crashed at a friend’s place, but... how?”

 

The strong need to know emanated from him, but I couldn’t make myself tell him what happened. If I ignored it, maybe it would go away. A big maybe. “I want to shower and rest for a bit before my next class. Do you mind if we talk about this later?”

 

Hurt and sadness replaced his bewilderment. Looking like he couldn’t make sense of his thoughts and feelings, he closed the door behind him without a word. Left alone, I allowed myself to shed some tears, but before I could enjoy the relief that comes after a good cry, I wiped the tears and went to the bathroom for a much needed shower.

 

*************************

 

When I returned from school, I expected Craig to bombard me with questions. I played out the scene in my mind and prepared vague answers for things he would probably ask. To my surprise, he barely acknowledged my presence when I arrived at our dorm. He knew I was lying, I could feel that he did. Though my heart wanted to do something about the situation, I knew I didn’t have it in me to tell him the truth. It was fortunate that I couldn’t remember what had happened the previous night, but that was just an excuse. Despite the memory loss, the fact remained that I had been alone with another guy in a hotel All clues pointed at me having sex with him.

 

Pushing away all worries from my mind, I lay on my bed and closed my eyes. Sleep dragged me into its bosom almost instantly. At first, darkness engulfed me, but a face appeared out of nowhere. No matter how I looked and squinted, I couldn’t place who it was, although there was something familiar about him. As he approached, my heart thumped so hard against my chest. I expected to push him away when he leaned to kiss me, but I surprised myself when my arms wrapped around him. His scent tickled my olfactory nerves and I found myself intoxicated by his smell. With my lips against his, a strong feeling developed from deep within me and spread throughout my body, the feeling of being free. Suddenly, the dream twisted and I was a ten-year old kid again and the mystery man turned into the rain.

 

When I opened my eyes, a decision formed itself inside my heart. I wanted, no needed, to feel free again. My entire being yearned for it and I knew there was only one way I could do that, I had to find out the identity of the guy in my dream.

 

*************************

 

The search for the mystery guy was easier said than done. I couldn’t do it openly as I wasn’t prepared to come out yet. The only thing that fueled my need to find him was the prospect of feeling free again. So after one week of nothing, I didn’t give up on my quest. He’s someone from school, my gut feeling told me.

 

Time passed by and with it came the realization of the bondage people’s expectations had on me. Where before I found every reason to satisfy what was expected of me, nowadays I felt its suffocating grip. On the outside, I was the same. A good son, student and tennis player; an all around good guy who didn’t say ‘no’ to anything. The difference came from within; every bit of me wanted to break out and... and... run like crazy under the pouring rain!

 

Despite all my efforts to keep my... dissatisfaction to myself, I knew that I was slipping and people started to notice, including Sean, my sort of rival.

 

“What up, Alex?” He appeared with a grin from behind a row of lockers. Slumping himself on a bench, he watched in amusement as I fumbled to dress myself.

 

Thinking that he’d lose interest, I ignored him as I collected all my stuff and pushed them at once into my gym bag.

 

“Good match, Alex.” I didn’t look at him, but I noted a weird tone in his voice. Malice? “You’re in good form, but your backhand needs a little work.”

 

Unlike before, I didn’t feel bad that he won. I found that tennis didn’t define me anymore. Just because I excelled in it didn’t mean I should let it rule my life. “Congrats, you deserve your victory.”

 

“Right.” His intonation reflected his disappointment. Without looking at him, I saw him get up from the bench. “Anyway, is your friend... gay?”

 

I stopped halfway through zipping my bag. Is it possible that he knows the identity of the mystery guy at the party? Sean was there, that much I remember. With my eyes focusing on him, I noted the momentary unease that crossed his face, but which he tried to hide. “What are you talking about?”

 

“Your roommate, Craig, is it?” He gazed at me in question, but I didn’t give him the satisfaction of answering. “Ok then. He’s been seen hanging out with Kurt. You know all about Kurt, don’t yah?”

 

Everyone knew Kurt, the only out gay guy in school. While I didn’t see anything wrong with Craig hanging out with him, I couldn’t help but blame myself for this sudden turn of events. My relationship with my roommate had been on rocky ground since the day after the party. What’s wrong if he seeks the companionship of others? “So? What are you trying to say?”

 

“Nothing, of course.” I couldn’t place his expression. It almost seemed like he wanted to ask me something, but couldn’t decide how to say it. “It’s just that... Never mind.”

 

Frowning at him, I slung my bag over a shoulder.

 

My brows furrowed at the momentary hurt I spied on his face before he turned his back on me. What was that all about? Shaking myself, I exited the locker room and made for the cafeteria.

 

I welcomed the unusual emptiness of the cafeteria. As much as possible, I tried to avoid crowds. The more I shut off myself from them, the better my chances of not being pressured into anything. Scanning the almost empty tables, I spotted Craig with... Kurt? Without thinking properly, I beelined toward them and only realized my foolishness when both peered at me in shock. “Hi... Craig. Mind if I join you guys?”

 

He stared at me with disbelief in his eyes. I couldn’t blame him, we hadn’t spoken to each other for a week, avoiding the other in our dorm all the time. After a few minutes, he continued to look at me, but still hadn’t said anything. After a silent sigh, I sat down.

 

Growing uncomfortable at Craig’s gaze, I focused my attention on eating. Discomfort settled on the table, but I pretended not to notice it. Every food I placed in my mouth tasted bland, but I chewed with faked gusto. At the corner of my eyes, I glimpsed Craig standing up, but I did nothing to stop him. I breathed more easily when I couldn’t sense his presence anymore.

 

A chuckle reminded me that I wasn’t alone at the table. I was taken aback when my eyes landed on Kurt’s face. There was something familiar about him, a weird feeling that told me he was someone important. We studied each other, my mind telling me not to take my attention away from him. The fact that he was sitting seemed relevant. When my mind found a memory involving him, I almost slapped a hand against my forehead, but caught myself before it was too late.

 

The color of his eyes made my heart beat faster. He had the same eyes as the guy in my dream. “You were at the party.”

 

My breath caught when he smiled. He’s attractive, that’s for sure. “I’m surprised you remember. You were so drunk that night.”

 

His dimples appeared whenever he chewed and I found myself drawn to them. I have to know if he was that guy, but how? Ignoring all the worries which sprung in my head, I decided to dive headfirst into unfamiliar territory. “I can only recall bits and pieces, but I know you were there.”

 

He regarded me with interest. The knowing smile on his face, did it mean something? “We sat at the same table.”

 

That explained why I remembered him, but was that all? Flashes of my dream came to me with Kurt’s face replacing that of the mystery guy.

 

“I found your keychain.” His simple announcement brought my little world into a stand still. It’s him. As we looked into each other’s eyes, I could feel the beginnings of a smile on my lips. “Did your friend give it to you?”

 

Friend? Who is he talking about?

 

Noticing my confusion, his expression turned into a small frown. “He didn’t give it to you? But he said he would. Maybe he forgot?”

 

“Who?” I tried to mask the strain on my voice, but Kurt’s obvious unease told me I failed. Frustration gnawed at me, I thought I’d found him—the guy in my dream.

 

“I think his name is... Sean.”

 

*************************

 

Noticing a familiar short blond hair going inside a white SUV, I quickened my steps toward the school parking lot. The sound of the engine coming to life reached my ears as I gently rapped the car’s exterior. Through a side-view mirror, I saw Sean looking at me with a frown on his face.

 

I approached as he rolled down the window. “What do you want?” he asked while staring straight ahead.

 

It had taken me two days to muster the courage to confront him, but I suddenly felt at a loss for words as I gazed at his hardened expression. My silence made him turn his gaze on me and to my surprise, his face faltered. Perhaps he noticed my indecisiveness?

 

“Is everything ok?” The gentleness with which he said the words threw me off. His face showed concern, or am I imagining it?

 

When he gripped my arm, I blurted the word ‘keychain’ in my panic. His hand shook as his hold on me tightened. I saw the shock on my face mirrored on his.

 

“Get in,” he said, almost pleaded. He let go of me as he returned his gaze straight ahead. His features further surprised me. I had never regarded him as I did now. To me, he had been nothing more than my rival at tennis, the person who made my life... difficult. But as my eyes roamed his face, I felt a sudden and unexpected attraction.

 

After I got in, he steered the car out of the school grounds and down the streets. We drove in silence which we both seemed to welcome. Just because he has my keychain doesn’t mean he’s that guy. What did it mean then?

 

It was a while before I noticed we had stopped. Looking around, I found that we were in the parking lot of a tennis complex where citywide competitions were organized.

 

“Do you remember this place?”

 

Baby blue eyes met mine when I turned to him. I almost felt like drowning as the surge of emotions overwhelmed me. Sifting through various memories, I considered what in particular Sean wanted me to remember about this place, but nothing came to me.

 

In a dreamlike voice, he said, “This is where we first met.”

 

Here? My eyes scanned the place while images of Sean flashed in my mind, but I couldn’t get hold of my first memory of him. It seemed like he had always been there, a constant presence whom I considered as more of a competitor than a friend.

 

“I don’t expect you to remember.“ A sad smile crossed his face and I found myself thinking how unfair I’d been to him all these years. “We fought against each other on this complex for the first time when we were freshmen. You won, of course, but you ran to me with a big grin on your face and said ‘That was fun, let’s do that again.’ Despite losing and a whoping shout fest from my coach, I was happy. The need to have a tennis match with you again was so high, I just had to transfer to your school the next year.”

 

His words juggled up my memory and I began to remember. An instant attraction at a younger Sean started to take root from deep inside me the moment I laid eyes on him, but as the match began, the attraction was forgotten. He was a force to be reckoned with in a tennis court and with every swish of the racket and plonk of the ball, the need to match the grace of his movements fueled me to a surprising victory.

 

Our eyes met and Sean nodded his head slightly. “You remember, that’s good.” Before continuing, he averted his gaze while sighing. “Our matches since then were never the same. I think you saw me as your rival so much that you always misunderstood my efforts toward a friendship. I... like you Alex.”

 

My heart skipped a beat and I drowned once more in the blueness of his eyes. Consistent to my dream, Sean inched his face closer to mine and my eyes closed on their own as our lips met. It felt like the kiss lasted for an eternity, but probably only a couple of minutes in the real world. When he broke the kiss, my eyes snapped open as confusion bubbled inside me. He inched his hand closer to mine, but I moved it away from his reach.

 

A little put off, he groped inside his pocket and when he pulled his hand out, my keychain rested on his palm. He offered it to me, his hand trembling. “I just wanted something of yours with me, but I think it’s better if I give this back to you.”

 

I took the hand he offered in both of mine and closed his fingers round my keychain. “Keep it, Sean. Think of it as my promise that from now on, we’re friends. I’m sorry for treating you like that in the past. The pressure from coach and people’s expectations made me focus on winning the game and not enjoying the matches. I just realized that recently.”

 

He wore a bittersweet smile while thumbing the keychain in his hand. “Yeah, I actually noticed that. Though you’re sad lately, you seemed more... at peace.”

 

Out of all the people, I didn’t expect Sean to notice. But then again, I always disregarded his presence as less important than that of everyone else. I should stop doing that, he deserved more from me. “Sean, I hope this won’t affect our new friendship, but I can’t be with you. I’m... not ready.”

 

“Maybe it has nothing to do with your readiness and more to do with the fact that I’m not the person you want,” he said in a soft voice. “A kiss says a lot and while what we shared earlier filled my heart with so much gladness, I couldn’t help but notice your unease. I’m sorry, I just wanted to try something out before it was too late. At least I can say to myself that I fought for my feelings. I can live with that.”

 

Before it was too late? “What do you mean?”

 

“I saw you leave with him the night of the party. How could I not? My attention was on you all throughout that night. The way you looked at him, I know it too well. It’s how I gaze at you.” Clasping the keychain in his hand, he turned to me, his eyes full of sadness and wanting.

 

“I’m sorry.” I lowered my eyes as I couldn’t bear to watch the pain my question would cause him. “Who did I leave with that night?”

 

“Craig.”

 

*************************

 

I knew in my heart it was him, I just didn’t listen. The habit of giving more importance toward other people’s wishes than my own had taught me not to listen to my heart. All the clues pointed to him. Kurt’s eyes seemed familiar because they were the same brown color as that of his. The smell of the guy in my dream, it was his perfume. An entry of a call to his phone number the night of the party I noticed much later on. Even his weird behavior the morning after confirmed we were together that night. Just wish it’s not yet too late. I could say the delay was the rain’s fault, but it was a part of the plan I could do away with. The preparation took time like coming out to my parents which I set and postponed a lot of time, but I eventually did and to my surprise, they understood. I wasn’t the disappointment I thought I was.

 

With a smile on my face as I turned away from the window, I made my way to Craig’s room and knocked. He opened the door with a surprised expression on his face.

 

“Hi, Craig. You wanna take a walk with me?” I tried to be as calm as possible despite the nervousness I felt inside.

 

“Outside? It’s raining.” He studied my face before he closed the door behind him. “Ok, let’s go.”

 

We walked side by side in awkward silence until we reached the front door of the dormity. Without a sideways glance at him, I stepped out and into the rain. I closed my eyes and let myself get soaked. Just as I remembered it.

 

It was a while before I realized that Craig was calling out my name. Turning to him, the first thing I noticed was the worry on his face as he beckoned me to him.

 

“Alex, what do you think you’re doing?” he shouted. “Let’s go back upstairs before you get yourself sick.”

 

“I’m sorry.” The rain hid my tears well. Meanwhile, Craig’s expression turned blank. I hope I’m not too late. “What my mind forgot, my heart remembered. At first, I listened to my head like always, but I’ve learned to follow my heart because of you. Right now, it’s my heart talking to you, asking you to give me another chance.”

 

After some hesitation, he stepped into the rain and wrapped his arms around me. More tears flowed from my face, but a different kind. Tears of happiness.

 

“God, Alex, I almost gave up on you.” As his eyes roamed my face, his brows furrowed. “Why are you crying?”

 

“Because I thought I’d lost you.” The comforting smile on his face made my heart beat faster. “Craig, I think I love you or at least it feels that way to me. I’ve never been in love. Sorry it took me this long to say it.”

 

“Hey, it’s ok. I think I love you too. Been feeling this way for a while.” He placed his lips on mine—the kiss in my dream. “When you told me that ridiculous excuse of sleeping at a mystery friend’s house, I thought that was your way of telling me that what happened to us at the hotel was a mistake. I didn’t realize that you had no memory of that night.”

 

“Sean helped me remember.”

 

He looked at me in silence for a while then moved his face closer to mine and made our foreheads touch. “Remind me to thank him later.”

 

We stayed in that position for some time, our bodies moving to a music only the two of us could hear. His sudden intake of breath broke the spell of the moment. “About Kurt, we’re not—”

 

Chuckling, I said, “Don’t worry, I know. I asked him about it and he told me that he’s just helping you with Statistics. Apparently, you flunked a certain exam.”

 

“Guilty. How do you expect me to concentrate on that exam considering the events that happened before that?”

 

“Hey, don’t blame your dumbness on me.” That earned me a knock on the head. Ouch. “Craig, what exactly happened that night?”

 

His cheeks flushed. “We didn’t go all the way if that’s what you’re worried about. Not that we didn’t try, but... Anyway, you’ll be happy to know that I didn’t take advantage of you.”

 

“So you say.” Another knock on my head. “Care to explain how we ended up in a hotel room and why you weren’t there when I woke up? Come to think of it, how did you wind up at the party?”

 

“What is this, an interrogation? And why are you asking me? I thought you had everything figured out.” With twinkling eyes, a half-smile appeared on his face. “Ok, to answer your questions, I was there because you asked me to. Do you have any idea of the horrors I had to endure when you called up drunk as hell asking if I could come get you? Finding a cab at midnight is no small task, just so you know. After I dragged your drunken ass out of that party, the cab I rode in to get there had gone and despite trying for thirty minutes, I still couldn’t get one. Since it started to rain and I didn’t want you anywhere inside that party again, I half-carried you to a nearby hotel. I was gone when you woke up because I had an exam that morning, remember? As soon as my exam was finished, I rang your phone, but it was turned off and when I called the hotel, they said I just missed you so I decided to wait for you in your room.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“That’s all you have to say for yourself?” He shook his head as the grin on his face widened. “Do you think we should get inside?”

 

I pecked his lips. “What for? Don’t you just love the rain?”

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