Damphir - 14. Chapter 14

“What do you mean poison?”

“Sit down Sartorian. If you stop storming around like a crazy man I’ll tell you.”

“I don’t want to listen; I just want to go to him. I want...”

“I don’t care what you want Sartorian.”

It is never a very good idea to stand in the way of a vampire in a rage, even if that rage is not directed entirely at you. Fougue didn’t care. He was disturbed enough by the events of the last month and it wasn’t going to get any better in the immediate future. Sartorian in this mood was trouble and the house would be upside down for days, maybe more.

“What?!!”

“Sartorian, we’ve been friends for a long time, a very long time and I know you as well as anyone does. I would like to think that during the time he has been here I have come to know Glory too and I don’t care what you think or do to me for saying this but he is far too good for you. He’s everything you’re not. Despite everything he has been through in his life, he’s gentle, sweet and forgiving. Given time he will even forgive you I’m sure.”

“Me? What does he have to forgive me for?”

“You have to ask?”

Sartorian grumbled and half turned away. “We’re not talking about what Glory thinks of me Fougue. You’ve just told me that he’s been poisoned and I want to know...”

“I know what you want to know and I will tell you if you will calm down enough to listen to me. You are far too chaotic to be anywhere near him right now. He needs calm and quiet and that is what he’s going to get. If it means keeping you away from him then so be it.”

“This is my house Fougue and you will not prevent me from going where I wish in it.”

“It’s true,” Fougue said patiently, “it is your house and I am sure that everyone you entertain here is suitably impressed and grateful. However, it would be wise for you to remember that it was you who asked me to come here and take care of them for you... to take care of you too if I remember. Either you want me here and are prepared to trust me... or you don’t.”

“You wouldn’t leave.” Sartorian snapped, but with an edge of doubt creeping in. “You’re my friend. You’ve been with me for far too long.”

“Yes, Sartorian, far too long.”

Sartorian glared at him for a moment then sighed and sat down heavily. “You’re right, of course. You’re always right.”

“And you never listen.” Fougue’s voice was far gentler and he smiled at his friend who looked exhausted. “I know you love him Sartorian, but...”

“Love him? Who said I love him? He’s nothing but an inconvenience, has been since I first set eyes on him. He’s thrown the house into a state of chaos, turned everything and everyone upside down and drives me half insane. I can’t be in his presence for more than half an hour without wanting to rip his throat out and... and... I would give up my life for his if I had to.”

Sartorian’s head sank onto his hands, his shoulders slumping. “I don’t know what to do Fougue. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about him. One minute I want to take him into my arms and hold him close, to look into his eyes and tell him I love him... and the next minute I want to rip out his heart. He makes me crazy.”

Fougue smiled. “That’s love for you. And you don’t make it easier for yourself by fighting the inevitable. You don’t want to admit that there is anything in this world that compels you and so you fight the impression, even though you know you can’t. You’re too proud and stubborn... and so is he. He won’t beg or weep or try to hold on to you. You confuse him and he doesn’t know where he is with you. If you let him he will open like a flower to you and the moment you accept his love... openly willingly and unconditionally... then you will be complete and stop feeling this terrible pressure you’re putting yourself under.”

“Thank you Fougue but when I want advice on my love life I’ll ask you. I’ll deal with Glory in my own way. If... if he...”

“He’s going to be alright, Sartorian. They drugged him heavily to stop him fighting them. The drugs created a strong compulsion in him to obey and, along with pain and confusion coupled with comfort and affection made him gradually forget who and what he was and become wholly what they wanted him to be. I believe that he was happy and well treated at the end but you know how strong he is, how much fight there is in him. That, and the things they were expecting him to do made it impossible for them to stop drugging him.

“The drugs, unfortunately were toxic. They aren’t meant to be used long term and would inevitably have killed him eventually. If he had been wholly human, were or fey he would be dead by now.”

“Dead? If they’d killed him I would have...”

“Sartorian... listen to me.”

“I'm sorry. You see? He drives me crazy.”

“Well you’re going to have to deal with that, and soon. He needs you now.”

“Is he very ill?”

“No. He’s weak and in pain but in a few days he’ll be fine. It’s after, Sartorian. It’s when he remembers what happened to him, what they did to him. He’s going to need gentle handling and not the craziness he’s had from you so far.”

“I’ll try Fougue. Are you sure he’s going to be alright?”

“I’m sure.”

Again his shoulders sagged and this time Fougue put a hand on his shoulder kindly. “Things will work out as they will. Even the great Sartorian has to bow to destiny.”

Sartorian’s head snapped up, his eyes blazing. “I bow to no one and nothing. Take me to him.”

Shaking his head but with a smile on his lips Fougue did not so much lead as trail Sartorian to his room where Rover was anxiously watching over a sleeping Glory.

“Where have you been? You said you would only be a few minutes,” he accused Fougue. “I was scared.”

“Why? Has he been in pain?” Fougue asked concerned.

“No. He’s just been sleeping but I was afraid that something might happen and I wouldn’t know what to do.”

Fougue smiled and patted his shoulder. “You worry too much.”

Sartorian ignored them both and simply stood at the edge of the bed. Suddenly he whirled on Fougue his eyes blazing. “You are sure Fougue? Swear to me that he’s going to be alright.”

Both Fougue and Rover drew back a little at the burning intensity in his voice. Fougue nodded. “It will take time and you are going to have to learn to be patient but he will recover completely.”

“When?”

“In his own time Sartorian.”

“When will he wake up?”

“In his own time Sartorian.”

“That’s not an answer Fougue,” he growled.

“It’s the only answer you’re going to get,” Fougue growled just as strongly. Rover beat a hasty exit.

The voices sound a long way away and they’re too indistinct for me to be able to understand any words. However, I do recognise the voices and it confuses me. The last thing I remember is sitting in the trailer with Master and the world ending... although that might be a dream. Come to think of it the whole of my life feels like a dream. Or is this the dream. Maybe I’m still there. Maybe I fell asleep... again. Maybe I’m not really hearing the voices.

Come to think of it this really has to be a dream. Of course. Glory you are so stupid sometimes. For one thing if this wasn’t a dream you would be able to wake up and for another thing you wouldn’t be hearing that voice, that... He wouldn’t be here; he couldn’t be here and even if he could be he wouldn’t. He hates me. He told me he hates me. He hurt me and he... he... I hate him. I don’t want it to be him but... but I...

“Sar...”

Weird. My own voice is a long way away too, how did I manage that. Ohhhh I’m sleepy. That’s a way good idea. Whichever bit is the dream then if I go to sleep maybe when I wake up I won’t be dreaming and everything will work out. Mmmm...

“Hmmm...” It’s so warm and comfortable. Surely I’m not usually this warm and comfortable. And I can smell something, something really, really good, it’s making my nose twitch. Is it worth opening my eyes for? Maybe. Oooh that was a good yawn. I wonder if it’s warm out there. If I stretch and it’s warm it would be heaven, but if it’s cold it won’t be good.

“Glory.”

Uh oh... someone calling me. Now I’m going to have to go out in the cold, but if I pretend to be asleep maybe they’ll go away, although they never go away. Oh well, maybe I’ll get a few more minutes out of it. Oh the glorious warmth and comfort. “Mmmm.” I can’t help but purr and yawn again.

“Glory, can you hear me?”

Well that’s a stupid question. Does he think I’m deaf? I’m pretty sure he knows I’m not. Actually I’m not entirely sure that I know who he is. I kind of do but... he couldn’t be here could he? I mean he was from before and this is now... but is it now? I mean of course it’s NOW but which now because I kind of remember a very confusing bit just before the now that it is now and I’m really not sure whether it was a dream or not. But if it was a dream and now I’m awake would I still be hearing the voice and if I’m not awake then...

“Glory...”

“Rover, go away.”

“Glory.”

Why does he sound so pleased? He’s never been that pleased to see me before... well maybe he has but... Wait a minute. Rover? What...

“What the hell are you doing here? Aw.” The light hurts my eyes and make them a bit blurry but it’s absolutely him, no doubt. God I’m tired. My head hurts.

“Glory, you’re awake.”

“Of course I am. I don’t make a habit of having conversations in my sleep. What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with ME? Do you remember me?”

“Remember you? Have you been eating bad meat again? Of course I remember you; why wouldn’t I?”

“Oh Glory, Glory I’m so glad you’re okay. I’ve been so worried.”

“Woah.” Shit, what’s the stupid mutt up to? If he squeezes any harder he’s going to snap me. It’s making my head hurt more. “Rover,” I manage to gasp. “I can’t breathe.”

Crazy dog, now he’s dropped me. Why is he looking at me like that?

“Are you alright? Are you getting sick again? Should I call Fougue? Let me... let me...”

“What are you talking about?”

“You... you couldn’t breathe.”

“That was because of you, you idiot. You were squeezing the breath out of me.”

“Oh. Oh I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It’s just so great to see you awake, we’ve been so worried.”

“Worried? What have you been worried about?” Okay, so I’m out now, I may as well let myself stretch. “Mmmm.” There you go, and another yawn and... Aw, that hurt. I feel like I got run over. Did I? No, that’s just silly. Sitting up against the soft fluffy pillows I can see the room, the warm fire, the comfy chair. And then...

“Did I hear Sar?”

“Don’t you remember what happened to you Glory?” We both speak at the same time.

“Remember? Remember what?”

“The Circus, Glory.”

Oh fuck “Oh FUCK!” It all comes crashing back. I remember. “I remember.” I’m shaking. Why am I shaking so much... and I’m crying too. I shouldn’t... My headache explodes behind my eyes and I feel... I feel...

“Oh Glory, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean... Oh fuck...”

It feels good, his arms around me... anyone’s arms around me. I can rest my head on that big chest and feel safe enough to cry. I remember. Oh God, I remember. Some parts are like a dream but I remember and it hurts.

Crying never did anything for me. It leaves me sniffing, headachy and looking like a car hit me. Rover doesn’t seem to mind.

“Va... Valentine...”

“We know. He’s lucky Sar didn’t kill him.”

“Sar?” My ears are really pricking up now. “He... ca... he was... he was... angry with him?”

“Angry isn’t the word for it. He was scary. He came in to the lounge looking... calm and that’s really bad with Sar. That calm is bad. He told Valentine to follow him and disappeared. Pixie followed them but they came in here and he locked the door. Pixie said he heard a lot of banging. None of us have seen Valentine since.”

“He didn’t... he didn’t...” I might hate Valentine but I don’t want to think of him dead and I really don’t want to think of Sar doing it.

“No, of course not. Sar handed him over to the Council. What happens next is up to them. What he did was...” Rover shudders and holds me closer.

“It wasn’t so much worse than what Sar did.”

“What? Are you crazy? Sar would NEVER do something like that to you.”

“Yeah? Right.”

“He loves you Glory.”

I think I am going to explode. Does he have any idea ANY idea at all? Sar loves me? Loves me? HAH. “Yeah right. Rover, he hates me. He’s told me he hates me, told me I don’t know how many times. He’s told me he loves me too, and then raped me. So tell me how that was different to what they did to me in the Circus? At least then they drugged me and made me think I was happy.”

Rover pulls away and looks at me. There’s something strange in his eyes, something that makes me frown. But I shake my head. “You don’t know...” He takes a breath and holds my shoulders firmly. I don’t want to look at him. I’m so tired. I don’t want to deal with this. I want to go back to sleep.

“Glory, you have no idea how much I hate to say this. There’s nothing I would like better than for that to be true. But it’s purely selfish. I’ve never made a secret of what I feel about you. I want you and I’d do anything to have you except... except get between you and Sar.”

“There is no me and Sar.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. He hates me and I hate him just as much.”

“Are you sure? Are you really sure?”

“Rover, you’re crazy and you’re making me feel crazy too. Just drop it.” Doesn’t he see how uncomfortable I’m feeling? Not only is Rover saying... what the hell he’s saying about himself, and I suppose that wouldn’t be too horrible, not too horrible at all... but the things he’s saying about Sar is making me feel... “Just drop it.”

“I could drop it. I could pretend it isn’t there but that won’t make it less so Glory.”

“Since when are you the philosopher? Just stop Rover. You don’t know what you’re talking about and it’s starting to piss me off. Whatever you think, there is nothing between Sar and me except mutual disgust.”

Slowly Rover gets off the bed and walks over to the window, staring out. He’s so still for so long. I’m tired of this, tired of all the drama; tired of ending up in bed feeling like I’ve been under a steamroller, tired of my feelings being as battered as my body... I’m just tired. Lying back on the pillows I find they’ve lost their comfort. Suddenly there is nothing about this place that is comfortable at all.

“He’s hardly moved from this room for three days.” Rover’s voice makes me jump, I hadn’t expected it. He sounds so... sad. “He kept fighting with Fougue. He’d sit and stare at you for ages and then get up and shout and Fougue. ‘How could he be sure that you were going to be okay? How long before you were better? When would you wake up?’ Sometimes I thought he was actually going to hit him, but Fougue never flinched. He just kept saying... ‘I know how much you care for him Sar, but you’re not doing him any good winding yourself up like this, you’re not doing anyone any good. Go and take a walk and don’t come back until you’re calm’. Then Sar would storm out and Fougue would pour himself a Brandy.

“When Sar came back Fougue would leave for a while and Sar would sit and stare at you again, holding your hand. Sometimes, when he forgot I was there, or thought I wasn’t watching or listening he would kiss your hand or whisper to you. I don’t know what he said but it made him cry.”

Bloody hell, Rover is crying. I’ve never seen Rover cry like this before. It’s crazy I know but it’s hard to imagine that such a mountain of a man could cry.

“What’s wrong?”

“You can ask that? Did you listen to a word I said?”

“I...” Well I did listen, kind of but...but... the truth is that the words he spoke were so out of my frame that they didn’t really register. I can’t imagine... “I can’t... I don’t believe it.”

“Are you calling me a liar?” he growls, his eyes glowing.

“No, not exactly,” I have to be careful because I really don’t think I could handle him losing it right now. I’m feeling kind of fragile.

“Not exactly? Why would I say that? Tell me, knowing how I feel about you, why would I say that about another man? Why would I destroy any hope I might cling to? Wouldn’t I be trying to drive a wedge between you, not kick it away?”

“I... well... I... I just can’t...”

“Look at me Glory,” he commands and I can’t help myself. Now more than ever, after my time in the circus, I just can’t ignore the voice of command. It’s almost as if my instinct takes over and there’s nothing I can do about it. That’s something I am going to have to work on. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love him.”

Is he crazy? Me love Sar? Yeah right. As if. Of course I can tell him that I don’t love Sar. “I don’t... I...” What the fuck? “No... no I...” Don’t I? Do I? As I stare at him in utter horror Rover smiles a sad little smile.

“No... I can’t... I can’t love him.” It’s just all too much. I can’t handle it. I can’t take any more. I feel Rover’s arms around me, the only thing stopping me slipping into the black hole that’s opened at my feet. I’m sobbing again and this time I don’t know how I am ever going to stop. It can’t be. It just can’t be. I don’t want it. I can’t stand it. He hates me. He’s always hated me. He raped me... well kind of. I can’t love him. I just can’t.

My head hurts, my eyes hurt, my throat hurts and I can barely see. I feel like crap. But... but there’s something... something. A little flutter in my stomach that means... what? Am I HAPPY that I love him? Am I GLAD that he sat by my bed for...

“Wait a minute.” I lift my head and stare up at Rover. “You said Sar has been here, with me for three days.”

“That’s right.”

“But... but I... Came back yesterday didn’t I? I flew here with Pixie yesterday?”

“It was three days ago.”

“I’ve slept for three days?”

“Kind of.”

Why is he looking so uncomfortable? What is he not telling me? “What...?”

“You were ill... um; I presume that you probably still are which is why you’re so emotional.”

“I m not emotional. Um... anyway... what do you mean ill?”

“The drugs they gave you at the Circus to stop you fighting them poisoned you.”

“Shit...” I remember the medicine and I remember how it made me feel and I remember that headache I was getting, it was just like the one I have now... only I think this is worse. Suddenly the room lurches and I feel sick. “I feel sick.”

“Is that metaphorical or physical sick?”

“Both.”

“Okay... um... are you going to chuck?” That is the funniest thing I have ever heard. I can't believe it. I can’t believe how funny it is. Am I getting hysterical? I feel hysterical. The whole situation is so surreal.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. What’s that smell?”

“What smell?”

“Food.”

“Food? What are...?” Rover looks confused and amused at the same time.

“I’m hungry.”

“Goddamit that bloody cat only ever thinks about food.”

“I can’t help it but I’ve been asleep for three days and now I’m starving.”

“It’s only pizza and it’s probably cold now.”

“Pleeease Rover.”

It’s the most wonderful pizza I have ever eaten. And the fizzy lemonade is the most wonderful fizzy lemonade I have ever drunk. I lie back with an incredibly contented sigh and forget about everything for a while, immersing myself in the moment. The soft, pillows, the good, food, the warmth, the presence of my best friend in the world.

“You’re my best friend in the world Rover.” I purr with my eyes closed. I feel drunk. Can you get drunk on lemonade? I’m sinking back into the pillows and I just keep sinking. I feel Rover take the glass from my hand and manage to pull myself back to smile at him.

“I think maybe you should go back to sleep now you’re looking a bit spaced out.”

“Mmmm. Is all the pizza gone?”

“There’s just one small piece left.”

“Can I have it?”

“You’ve had three already.”

“Neeeeed pizza.”

Rover hands me the last piece of pizza and then puts his arms around me, supporting me while I chew and purr and stare at him with eyes that are growing progressively heavier and cloudier. I smile happily at him and he returns it with a tender smile of his own and starts scratching my ear.