Pitch Perfect - 8. Chapter 8: Truth and Trouble

At first all he could do was stare blankly back at her, then he turned looking into the shop. ‘What did she just say? She didn’t… no, she couldn’t possibly…’

Because if Addie had known he was gay, why hadn’t she ever brought it up? Maybe during one of the conversations they had growing up talking about who they liked, where Lucca was forced to stumble over answering before awkwardly changing the subject. She might have thought to mention it during a late night study session, or one of their long walks, or, really, any other time but now. Chatting outside a coffee shop on a cold afternoon with people walking by hardly seemed like the ideal scenario.

Unfortunately, it was already happening. Addie simply said it was time for the blind date she had mentioned; then she pointed behind the counter to a guy. Now she was still talking and gesturing back into the shop, as Lucca stood motionless. “I think you’ll really like him, he’s witty, and cute too.”

It was partly his fault, he figured. He should have known she was planning something; it was suspicious that she asked him here to study for Math- her best subject. “Addie, What the hell! Did you have to bring it up like this, a little warning would have been nice, you know?”

“You’re right,” she conceded, which was surprising. “But, you have to understand something. I know you. I’ve known you were gay for so long, and I’ve waited years for you to say something. If I left things up to you we’d both be senile before you said anything.”

Lucca blushed, he didn’t want to admit it; she was probably right. “How did you know?” Addie looked unsure of what to say, but he decided to press it, “C’mon, there must have been something.”

“I guess,” she sighed. “It’s not like it was noticeable or anything, I just pay attention.” He thought there would be more, but Addie seemed to think the explanation was enough and stopped talking.

“To what,” said Lucca frustrated. Was the fact he was gay so transparent?

“We don’t have time to talk about everything now. I promise I’ll tell you everything later, okay?”

He considered it for a second. It wasn’t that he minded Addie knowing. He felt angrier about being surprised with the information, and being put up to a date. Even being mad at her, he knew she would never tell anyone, he trusted her. Everything she had said left Lucca feeling shocked and vulnerable though, and he wasn’t used to it.

He just nodded, giving in. He knew it was useless since once she had her mind made up Addie could be unbelievably stubborn.

“So… who is this guy?” Lucca asked causing a large grin to break out on his friends face.

The guy, named Sam, was apparently good looking, friendly, smart, hardworking, and any number of other positive adjectives Addie could rattle off. All was forgotten, though, as he made his way to the counter; Lucca could barely remember his own name as he walked up to the brunet. Standing there in front of him Lucca introduced himself shyly, sure of the fact his face was ten shades of red.

“Hi Lucca,” Sam drawled, his voice warm. “It’s nice to meet one of Addie’s friends, I’m Sam.”

“About Addie… how do you know her?”

Lucca glanced back at Addie who was obviously trying hard not to scrutinize every interaction from across the room.

“She came in for a coffee and we wound up talking,” said Sam drawing Lucca’s attention back behind the counter.

Now that he was paying attention Lucca noted how good-looking Sam was. He appeared several inches taller- probably around 6’1, and had a lean muscular build from what could be seen behind the white button up shirt and black apron.

While taking him in Lucca saw Sam swallow and his eyes lingered on his neck. The skin there was a beautiful golden-tan as if he spent a lot of time out in the sun. ‘I wonder if his skin is the same color everywhere.’ Slowly, Lucca traced the lines of his neck to his jaw line and then to the brown curls swept behind his ears. His eyes roamed to Sam’s face where he watched as he wet his full dark pink lips with his tongue. ‘Oh my god-‘

“Like what you see?” The voice broke through the haze forming in Lucca’s mind.

He felt his face burn; ‘Crap,’ his starring had not gone unnoticed. “I..uh..I…” Lucca struggled to come up with an excuse. It was hopeless- he had been looking. Lucca just nodded and dropped his gaze down.

To his surprise he heard a chuckle and he looked up to see Sam’s friendly smile. “I’m sorry.” Sam laughed again into the back of his hand. “I never meant to embarrass you, it was just pretty obvious you were checking me out. It’s fine. I mean…um, I think you’re cute too.”

Lucca grinned in return feeling both mortified and relieved. Being able to look at a guy worrying about the reaction was pretty nice.

“So, how did she convince you to come meet me?”

That question made him pause- but in the end he decided to be honest. “I had no idea I was meeting you. We were supposed to be doing calculus homework.”

Sam laughed, but a second later his mood turned serious.

“Do you mind, then?” He asked his eyes probing Lucca’s for some sort of conformation. “Being set up is kind of awkward, I’d understand if-“

“No,” Lucca broke in. “I don’t mind. I mean, not as much as I thought I would anyway.”

Lucca ordered a coffee and they continued to chat for a few minutes before being interrupted by a few real customers. Before their conversation ended they had exchanged numbers and made plans for a date the following Friday.

Back in the driver seat of his car Lucca could still feel himself beaming. His stomach felt alive with little butterflies. Was it was crazy to feel so excited after meeting someone for the first time? ‘No? Well, maybe a little.’

He had completely forgotten about Addie until his passenger side door opened and she slid into the brown leather seat beside him. “Sooo? What do you think, he’s pretty cute, right?” She bounced with obvious excitement. Lucca was almost caught up in it, but there were still other issues to talk about.

‘She has no idea how lucky she is that I actually liked this guy. She’s still not getting off the hook easily though.’

“Addie…” Lucca had a warning tone in his voice; he knew she would understand what it meant.

“Okay,” she turned buckling herself into his father’s old station wagon. “We can talk in my room at home.”

“You mean you walked here?” Lucca questioned himself more than her and looked around the parking lot in vain. ‘Yep, no car.’ When his gaze returned to the girl in his car she had her shoulders slumped over and had a deep frown on her face.

‘I guess I could go easy on her.’ Throwing the car into reverse, Lucca uttered the only thing that was said between them the whole ride, “I do like him.”

In Addie’s room Lucca grabbed her desk chair and pulled it over so he could stretch his legs on the bed. Addie sat hugging a blue flower shaped pillow while leaning against the headboard with a thoughtful expression on her face.

“Well?” Lucca asked neutrally, most all the anger he’d felt already gone. It was impossible for him to stay mad at her, he knew how well meaning her actions were. Now he was just wondering if he had been acting obviously gay for years without knowing.

“Well, the truth is, I liked you.” Addie hid her face in her hands while admitting this. Maybe it was something that should have been apparent, but Lucca was truly surprised. In all their years of friendship he’d never noticed her acting any differently. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him, ‘Shit, what if she’s liked me this whole time? What would I do then?’

Addie stopped shielding her face daring to look to his expression, which was one of shock. “No, Lucca, no. I don’t like you now. It was only for about a month our freshman year of high school.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. ‘But wait, that doesn’t explain anything. How did she know I was gay?’

“Matt,” Addie blurted as if reading his thoughts. “I liked you, and remember we all had freshman English class together? Well, every time I looked over at you, you’d be looking at…”

“Matt,” Lucca finished for her. So, not only had she noticed he was gay but she had also known, for three years, his feelings for Matt. Suddenly he felt jipped; all this time he’d been struggling alone he could have been leaning on Addie for support.

“I thought about brining it up, but the timing was never right. I figured maybe you weren’t ready, and then your mom.” Addie stopped shooting him a worried look but he just nodded along. “You’ve just been so depressed recently, so I thought maybe if I could find you someone that would break the ice.”

“Alright, I understand.” Lucca really did understand to an extent. Dealing with him over the past few years had to have been difficult, but even so he didn’t want to get into a discussion about his mom or Matt at the moment. Today had been pretty good, and he wanted to focus on something positive.

“What can you tell me about Sam?”

A relieved smile came over Addie’s face and she jumped into the story of how they had met, explaining why she thought they might actually be a good match.

***

Lucca sat on his bed watching the phone on his small mahogany desk. He picked it up punching in the numbers for his house. They still hadn’t run into each other, and he wanted to apologize to get it over with. For the first time since he was a kid he really wasn’t craving Matt’s presence. Deep down he knew there were still unresolved feelings he had for him, but maybe everyone’s first love was similar. Lucca wanted to move on, and at the sixth ring he began to question whether he would ever get the chance.

“Hello.. Lucca?” Matt picked up speaking breathlessly into the phone. Despite himself Lucca felt a surge of joy at hearing his voice. ‘No, stop it. He’s not gay, he doesn’t like you,’ his mind scolded.

Before he could answer Lucca heard angry yelling from the phone receiver. The noise was partly muffled but he still caught bits and pieces of it. “Son of.. why did you……. dammit… that’s the last time you…….” An ear shattering bang could be heard and then a few seconds later Matt was back on the line.

“Sorry about that, Lucca.”

“No problem,” Lucca said although he wondered about what was going on. From outside his window he heard the loud bang of a front door slamming and then a car started.

“So, what did you want?” Matt asked somewhat tentatively.

“I just wanted to apologize for what I did to you when you came to pick me up the other day.”

“Okay…” Matt said obviously wanting for more.

“It was wrong of me to leave you there without saying anything.”

The expected anger wasn’t there, but Matt still seemed distant. Lucca thought he sounded disappointed when he asked, “Anything else?”

“I’m really very sorry. Can we please just go back to how things were?”

The phone line was quiet for so long it seemed a likely possibility Matt had already hung up.

“Lucca…” The word came as a sigh.

“I understand, it’s okay- forget I called. We were never really friends anyway.” Lucca hung up the phone cursing. Of course he was asking for too much. Their relationship had been deteriorating for years, and this last incident was the final straw. Not being friends would be easier for both of them.

From the start their relationship never made much sense. Lucca was studious, and quiet; Matt was the opposite. If they hadn’t grown up as neighbors there would be nothing connecting them at all. He told himself that, but he knew despite the lack of common ground between them they did have one thing going for them- shared experience.

The moment like had turned to love was not one Lucca liked to recall. Matt, dressed in a stark suit with tears dripping down his chin, giving Lucca a look of sadness- not pity like all the others. Even now it seemed like an important distinction. He thought it was unfortunate it was that particular image which stuck, but it was definitely the defining moment when Matt had become more than a simple crush.

Maybe it was the image that started the distance in their friendship. Being reminded of the funeral certainly wasn’t something he wanted. There was something more, though. Once he’d realized the ferocity of his feelings, it seemed wrong to pretend they didn’t exist. From that moment onwards Lucca knew being friends would never be enough for him. The real problem had always been him, not Matt.

Jumping up from his bed, Lucca went to his closet to change clothes. Sitting around going over the past was a bad idea. After changing into a pair of dark-blue jeans and tight grey sweater he made his way downstairs. His father was busy researching a story so he left a note for when he wandered out of the study.

Without any consideration he drove straight to Addie’s house. She wasn’t home, he found out from her mother- she was at The Perfect Cup. Briefly he thought about going to meet her, and quite possibly Sam, but decided against it. ‘Wouldn’t it seem weird for me to be there? We just met two days ago, I don’t want to come off as desperate.’

Sitting outside of Addie’s house he wondered what his next move should be. The last thing he wanted was to spend the night at home, in his room, alone. Warming his fingers on the heating vent in the car, he suddenly got an idea. There was one other person he wouldn’t mind spending some time with. It might be difficult to track down his number, but suddenly it seemed like a great idea.

That’s how an hour later- after going home, contacting the nursing home to get the number, then calling it to make plans- Lucca wound up ringing Jeremy’s doorbell. When he called, Jeremy had seemed to be in a sour mood, and he was certainly surprised to hear from him. After talking for a few minutes, though, they agreed to get together for scrabble and snacks. So there was Lucca on the front steps triple checking that he had the right address and holding a bag of Doritos.

“Hello,” said a teenage girl as she opened the door. She spotted the bag in Lucca’s hand and held out her own. “You really shouldn’t have.”

Lucca stared dumbly at her hand for a second until Jeremy came up behind her. “Beat it, Kellie.”

“Whatever.” The girl turned making her way up a set of stairs near the entrance.

“Hi,” Lucca said when they were alone together.

“Hi,” said Jeremy grinning. “Hey, don’t take this the wrong way, but, you were the last person I ever expected to hear from tonight. Especially since I never gave you my number.”

“I got it from the nurses,” Lucca felt the need to explain.

“I figured.” Jeremy nodded. “I guess I just thought… no, actually, never mind. I guess I was wrong.”

They walked into a large kitchen and the smell of chocolate chip cookies hit Lucca immediately. A scrabble board and plate of cookies were put out together on the kitchen table.

“I hope this is okay?” Jeremy gestured to the set up and then took a seat at the table.

“Yeah, it’s awesome,” Lucca said grabbing a cookie. Again, there was a certain ease that came with talking to Jeremy. He wasn’t sure what exactly to expect after the phone call, but the camaraderie they shared the weekend before was still there.

The first half of the game went quick and smoothly- for Lucca at least. He played QUINS on a triple letter spot during his third turn; Jeremy was left catching up for the rest of the game. After the game Lucca tried hard not to smile, he didn’t want it to seem like he was gloating since he’d won by almost eighty points.

“Go ahead, you can say it.” Jeremy was still in good spirits despite losing.

“Nah, you’ll get better. Just remember not to rub it in when you do.”

The game was put away and they walked to the living room together. Jeremy sat down on the plush carpet and pulled out an Xbox, so Lucca followed suit by sitting down next to him.

“Maybe I’ll actually be able to win at this.”

“I’m pretty sure you will,” agreed Lucca. “We don’t have any video games at my house.”

Picking up a controller he was about to ask what game they were playing when he turned to Jeremy, who was starring at him slack-jawed.

“How is that even possible?” Jeremy shook his head in disbelief. “I thought all guys our age played video games.”

For most of their school that was probably true. However, Lucca’s house was a little different than most. His father wasn’t poor, but they also didn’t have tons of extra money hanging around. There was that, and the fact that he and Robert just weren’t all that interested.

He just shrugged his shoulders. “I never said I haven’t played. Matt has a PS3 and Xbox at his house.”

Jeremy suddenly got tense and Lucca reminded himself that for some reason Matt was a sore subject between them. Without saying anything further Jeremy put in Call of Duty and they started playing in an uncomfortable silence.

Five minutes later things still felt a little awkward between them when Jeremy paused the game and turned to look at him. “Can I ask you a question?”

He really had no clue where this was going, but said, “sure,” anyway.

“Are you dating anyone right now?”

Lucca almost laughed, but Jeremy’s expression was deadly serious. He’d gotten this question so many times; guys were always wondering if Addie was actually his girlfriend. They couldn’t understand why she would turn them down otherwise.

“I’m not going out with Addie, she’s single.”

“No,” Jeremy said with a tight smile. “I just meant anyone.”

‘Why would he care otherwise? Maybe this is some kind of bonding thing?’ Lucca guessed that his date with Sam next week didn’t really count as ‘dating’ since it hadn’t happened yet, so he answered, “No.”

Jeremy sighed as he started the game back up. This time things between them seemed less tense. They played for a while longer until Lucca noticed how late it was getting.

“I should probably get going.”

After a thoughtful second Jeremy asked whether Lucca would like to stay for the night. Sleepovers were the kind of thing he had always missed out on as a kid. Addie’s parents would never let him stay even though things between them were strictly platonic, and Matt lived next door so it didn’t really matter. Those being his main two he wasn’t sure if he’d slept over some else’s house before. He felt elated just being invited.

“Yeah, let me just call my dad?”