Pitch Perfect - 12. Chapter 12: Second Song, Jumping Ship

Lucca felt his smile slip. At first he was so relieved knowing Sam was still happy to see him that he forgot his real, and more important, reason for visiting.

Sam stepped out of the room for a second to retrieve their coffee, leaving Lucca alone with his scattered thoughts.

Even after a week of thinking, he was still unsure if this was the right thing to do. It was obvious, even to him that something had to change. The cycle of feelings he had for Matt was becoming unhealthy and ridiculous.

The past week was definitely a wake up call; it had been unbearable for Lucca. After he’d closed the door on Matt, he felt confused, and that feeling was magnified a hundred-fold when he turned and saw Jeremy and Addie’s expressions. Not surprisingly, Addie seemed disappointed, but it was Jeremy’s look that caught him totally off guard. Lucca couldn’t understand the anger or brief flash of hurt he saw on Jeremy’s face before it was quickly wiped away with a fake smile. The rest of the night had gone well enough, though there was a definite underlying tension that none of them brought up.

Though everything seemed fine on the surface, it obviously wasn’t. Especially with Lucca, the whole situation left him feeling odd. Maybe Addie and Jeremy were over it, but even that brief interaction with Matt was enough to make him uncomfortable the entire week. He was dying to get rid of the miserable feeling in the pit of his stomach, and it was about time he did something about it.

“So, how do you take your coffee?” Sam called, pulling Lucca from his reverie.

“One sugar and milk.” Truthfully, he preferred the cup to be about half sugar- a fact he planned to keep between him and his father. The one time he’d tried that routine at Addie’s she’d given him an unbelievable look of disgust.

With all the questioning he’d been doing lately, Lucca was glad to feel the calm that came from being near Sam. It was so easy to get sucked into just being with him. While the feeling was nice, it made it somewhat more difficult to bring up what he’d come to say.

He was fortunate to realize a change needed to happen, but Lucca still debated whether telling Sam the complete story was the best way to go about it. In his head, Lucca worked it out; of course if he wanted a fresh start it was best to be honest. Sam had surely had feelings for other guys, he’d understand. More than that, he’d probably appreciate the candor.

Maybe the notion was idealistic… but the only thing Lucca knew for sure was that lying about it, even through omission, felt wrong.

Still, there was another nagging feeling, not in his head, but in his stomach. ‘What if this changes how he looks at me?’ It was a very real possibility; especially if he chose to believe what Addie had predicted would happen if he told Sam about Matt.

Sam walked into the room and placed a mug in from of him with a smile. Lucca reached out and took a small sip. It was sweet, really sweet; almost made the same way he would make it himself. Surprised, he looked up at Sam who was looking back with a smirk.

“Why? I mean… how did you know?”

Sam laughed warmly. “How could I forget that? Three sugars and a large shot of caramel.” Lucca wasn’t sure how to respond, had he ordered that way when they first met? He must have been distracted, normally he’d never admit to his crazy sugar obsession so openly.

“I made the other one the way you asked.” Sam gestured toward his own cup. “But like I said, you’re pretty hard to forget.”

Lucca felt himself go red at that. ‘Calm down, he just means your drink order, stupid.’

Despite what he told himself, there was a nervous buzz in the air after what Sam said. Lucca closed his eyes in an attempt to slow his heartbeat, and when he reopened them he realized all that work was a complete waste. Sam had shifted on the couch, bringing his face mere inches from Lucca’s.

In a brief close second, Lucca noticed things he never had. He’d known Sam’s eyes were brown, but never noticed the varying shades that made up intricate designs. And his eyelashes, they seemed impossibly long, how had he missed that? Before he had time to properly process this information, Sam cocked an eyebrow in question- as if asking permission.

The words wouldn’t come to him, not with so much nervous energy running through him. Instead, he found himself closing his eyes in agreement.

Any thoughts he might’ve had evaporated with their kiss. His mind was completely blank. The only things he could focus on were the softness of Sam’s lips and the slightly bitter taste that now seemed suddenly welcome. ‘Maybe I don’t need so much sugar…’ he wondered vaguely while slipping his arms around Sam’s neck, pulling him closer. It was a strange sensation, the tingling excitement that seemed to radiate from his tongue straight to the rest of his body. Lucca pressed into Sam eagerly, and after only a few minutes it was Sam who had to push away.

“Whoa.” Sam took a deep breath and pulled himself off Lucca to a sitting position.

Sometime during making out they’d wound up horizontal on the couch with Lucca lying under Sam. Lucca felt thankful for this, because when he finally open his eyes he felt disoriented. The outside world existed again.

“Yeah,” Lucca agreed, grinning. He sat up and leaned in to kiss Sam of his own accord until the other boy stopped him, more obviously this time.

“Umm… the coffee’s probably getting cold.” Sam looked away, biting his lip.

‘What the hell.’ Lucca was a little put off, but obediently grabbed his mug anyways. They sat quietly for a minute while Sam continued to chew his bottom lip and look thoughtfully into his cup.

Finally, he spoke, “Sorry about that, Lucca. It’s not that I don’t want to continue…I do, I mean… I really do, but I’m just not sure I could stop at kissing if we keep going. And we haven’t talked about anything else…” Sam looked up, gauging his reaction.

“Oh.” Even though he wanted to, Lucca couldn’t verbalize a more intelligent response. He hadn’t seriously considered what he and Sam might do next, but that was mostly because Matt had always been in the back of his mind. Now, thinking it over, Lucca confirmed the feeling he’d been having all week. This relationship was important and Sam was the one he wanted to be with. He was momentarily dazed by the very real possibility of what could happen, and what was happening between them.

“That makes a lot of sense, actually,” Lucca admitted. It was silly to realize it now, but he knew if they’d gone further he would have regretted it. He was just getting over his feelings for Matt, and he wanted to make sure what he had with Sam was sincere- ruled by feelings rather than hormones.

“I really like you,” Sam said honestly. “I know we haven’t been dating that long, but I’ve been thinking, maybe we could see each other… y’know... exclusively?”

“Like boyfriends?” By the time the question was out of his mouth he already knew how stupid it was. What was his problem tonight? At least Sam was a little off his game too, Lucca had sensed definite nerves when he’d asked the question.

“Yeah.” Sam smiled, seeming genuinely amused.

There wasn’t much to consider, really. The more time they spent together, the more right it felt. “Okay.”

A couple minutes later Lucca practically floated back to his car. His head was a jumbled, happy mess.

It wasn’t until the next day when his head cleared enough to remember something. He’d never told Sam about his past with Matt. ‘Maybe it’s no big deal. He did ask if I wanted to start being exclusive... My feelings are pretty much past tense anyways. I like Sam,’ Lucca reasoned with himself as he went from room to room visiting patients. After their conversation last night Lucca was positive Sam would understand- he was pretty thoughtful, and very considerate. Knowing Sam would handle it well almost made up for the fact that he hadn’t told him, but there was still a slight panic in his gut when he thought about lying. By lunch he’d settled it with himself.

They were dating, and that was that. Bringing up another guy would just be asking for trouble. Lucca plopped down on the big green couch in the break room to eat his sandwich. His decision didn’t exactly thrill him but he didn’t want to do anything to mess up his chances with Sam. He took a big bite of PB&J allowing his mind to relax. Zoning out, Lucca looked to his feet propped up on the edge of the table. His black converse were getting worn out, he should go buy new sneakers. ‘I’m sure Addie will be happy to have an excuse to go shopping.’ She had been using any excuse to get him out of the house recently, including studying for exams. Neither of them really needed it, they’d been at the top of the class since freshman year. Lucca knew she was trying to get his mind off things.

Not that he’d ever doubted it, but he realized again what a good friend Addie was. She was helping him get over Matt; she set him up on a date. ‘And,’ a voice from the back of his mind reminded, ‘she’s probably worried and planning something because your mom’s anniversary is in a few weeks.’ In two weeks, to be exact. Lucca tried to quickly shake away the thought. With his eyes lifted he noticed something, or rather someone, else.

Jeremy was sitting on a chair across from him with a neutral expression. Lucca hadn’t seen him since the last week, and even though they normally volunteered together on Sunday’s he was a bit surprised by his presence. ‘How did I not notice him come in? Or… was he here the whole time?’

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Jeremy nodded, but offered nothing else.

Okay, that was weird. Lucca had barely ever seen him without a friendly smile- this expression was too much. He didn’t really understand; he knew something had happened while they were watching movies- but what? Was an apology in order? Nothing he’d done that day seemed insulting, though even Lucca had to admit he could have done something unintentionally. He had been a bit frazzled by Matt’s appearance.

“Did I do something?” Lucca questioned, apparently aloud, because Jeremy shrugged.

“No,” he sighed. “Not really.”

Lucca frowned, Jeremy said no… but somehow it seemed more like a yes. They eyed each other for another minute until Jeremy asked, “Are you dating someone right now?”

‘Huh? Ugh..’

He didn’t want to lie, though telling the complete truth that he was dating Jeremy’s cousin was equally unappealing. He’d let Sam handle that. “Well… yeah.”

Jeremy nodded as if he was confirming something to himself, though what Lucca couldn’t be sure.

“What would you do if that person cheated on you?”

The question caught him off guard. ‘If Sam cheated on me…’ No, Lucca was pretty sure that wouldn’t happen. They hadn’t known each other long but Sam cheating just wouldn’t make sense. He seemed like a good guy, and he was the one who had asked to date exclusively.

“I don’t think that would happen.” Lucca shook his head, he believed in Sam.

“Hmm… let’s just say it did happen,” Jeremy continued, “What would you do?”

Trying to really wrap his mind around the issue, Lucca gave it some considerate thought. “I guess… I guess we’d break up. I don’t think I could be with someone who I couldn’t trust.”

“Yeah. That’s what I figured,” Jeremy said, his tone defeated.

“Were you cheated on?” Lucca wondered. It was slightly rude to ask, but he figured since Jeremy brought it up it was probably okay.

“I honestly don’t know.” Jeremy gave a heartbreaking grin.

To Lucca, Jeremy had always seemed sort of carefree; now, he was forced to reevaluate- Jeremy suddenly looked way beyond his years. The realization felt like a punch in the stomach.

There probably wasn’t anything he could do for him, but it suddenly occurred to him that maybe he should hug him or something. He did look on the verge of tears.

Before he reached a decision, Jeremy suddenly stood. “I have to go,” he said, his voice raw. If he stuck around, he would have seen Lucca give him a compassionate smile but by that time Jeremy had already fled the room.

…

Keeping in line with his goals, Lucca kept himself busy most of the week. The first thing he did was change his home arrangement. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that part of his obsession with Matt was based on routine.

Since Robert was away at school that bedroom empty. Lucca took advantage of this by moving in. All of Robert’s left over things were placed neatly in boxes and stored in his old room. Matt’s house was no longer just a short peek out the window. It was funny how something so small like a new environment changed so much. Lucca found it really did help; he was thinking of Matt considerably less. Although, that might have had something to do with the fact he was thinking of Sam much, much more.

It felt strange, thinking of him as ‘my boyfriend Sam.’ They had an after-school pre-work coffee date on Tuesday filled with flirting. The brief meeting left Lucca with more ideas about his ‘boyfriend.’ His mind often drifted to the mystery tattoos he had yet to see and where they might be. Besides taking care of the obvious problems that arose when he followed this line of questioning, Lucca spent a lot of time during the week studying.

At this point, it was almost guaranteed both he and Addie would get fours or fives on all their AP exams. So, on Thursday night when Addie half insisted, half begged that they take a break, Lucca readily agreed. The studying had already done its job. All week he thought of nothing except Sam and practice questions from his guidebook.

After making the mistake of mentioning his date the next night, and his obvious need of new sneakers, he was dragged to the mall two towns over. Addie had designs on what he should wear, and was putting up quite a fight.

“Don’t you want to be show stopping? I’m talking literally here, you could stop him in his tracks if you tried,” Addie’s tone was pleading; he had no idea why she was so invested in this.

“No way. I’m supposed to be there to see the show, not disrupt it,” Lucca argued.

“I don’t care about that,” Addie said. She held up an outfit and shooed him away. “Go try this on.”

Even though it seemed a little vain to purposefully be trying to overwhelm someone, Lucca was slightly excited by the fact that he might actually be able to do so. Sam liked him. He was attracted to him. They were dating. He grinned at the thought as he slipped the fitted green t-shirt over his head. Addie had matched that with a pair of nice gray cotton pants.

He’d rather die than admit it to her face, but it looked good. The green shirt was a perfect match for his eyes making them stand out even more than they already did. With his haircut, he actually looked almost… ‘cute,’ his mind filled in. Without any more complaint, he decided to buy the outfit. It was worth taking money out of his savings for.

However, by the time he was changed back into his regular clothes Addie was waiting for him outside with a suspicious looking bag. “What’s that?” Lucca asked eyeing her purchase.

“I bought the outfit.” Addie cocked her head to the side giving him one of her looks.

“I was going to buy the outfit!”

“No, you never were,” Addie said, and when he opened his mouth to disagree she continued. “I was planning this as part of your birthday present. You seriously need some new clothes, Lucca. None of your stuff fits right.”

“Well, thanks.” Lucca rolled his eyes. His wardrobe wasn’t really that bad. “Seriously though, it’s too much.”

“You only turn eighteen once.” Addie turned and started walking away, the conversation was over.

‘Oh well, I’ll just have to make up for it when it’s her birthday.’

Unpacking the bag later, he realized Addie had also bought him new black converse sneakers. She was really sweet, Lucca was glad to have her as a best friend. And, really, where would he be without Addie? It would be impossible to make it through the next few weeks without her.

Last year around this time Lucca had been a complete wreck. The final few months of his mom’s life were unbearably sad but the first year without her for his 17^th Birthday, he was alone. Robert had already gone away to school, and he wasn’t talking to Matt much. His father was around, but he knew that things were tough on him too and he didn’t want to impose. Addie was the one who’d saved him from losing it.

On the anniversary Lucca thought she was crazy, they went to the hospital where his mother had been treated. They went into the very same cancer ward, but instead of it breaking him down like he expected, the day was exactly what he needed. They spent the day visiting with kids and their families- reading stories and making art projects. He was satisfied to at least know it was something his mother would have wanted. She never liked people fussing over her anyway.

Sometimes Lucca worried a bit about whether he could give anything back to Addie in their relationship. She’d already been there for so much, helping him through the impossible. He wasn’t sure what he could do to repay her, but he knew they would always be friends. He’d find a way in the future to help her when she needed it… and if nothing ever came up then he could be there just in case, for support.

…

Getting ready for his date, he was surprised to find himself less nervous than the first time. More than anything Lucca was excited.

He put on the outfit Addie had picked out, mentally thanking her again. Maybe she had a point, none of his other clothes fit like these. Even his father noticed the change.

“Well, you’re looking quite dapper,” he commented as Lucca grabbed the car keys from the kitchen counter.

“Thanks.”

“Where you headed off to?” His father questioned while Lucca pulled on a scarf and coat.

“Date.”

“Sam?”

“Yep,” Lucca said, and let out one of the goofy smiles he was growing accustomed to lately.

“Hmmm,” his father hummed in approval, and picked up the magazine next to him to start reading. “Make sure not to be too late.”

Lucca made his way to the café as quickly as possible; he didn’t want to miss any of Sam’s performance. He was surprised when he pulled into the parking lot and saw that it was already so full. From the looks of it, the inside wasn’t any less busy.

Heading inside, he went straight for the back of the room. There were only a couple of chairs left. He settled in next to a couple of people who looked to be in their mid-twenties.

Lucca’s mind was racing; he could only half listen to the other people who played. When he saw Sam take the stage he waved, receiving a smile in return. Sam looked at peace up there, he moved naturally raising the microphone and sat down on the stool to start playing.

The first few strums of guitar were compelling. Sam had great stage presence; all the people in the café were suddenly focused on him. The room was quiet, so when Sam started to sing his voice came out crystal clear.

With the first note out of his mouth Lucca felt a shift. Sam’s voice was beautiful- to him, ethereal. Suddenly he was transported to a world of dualities. Lucca knew if he were to go deaf at this moment he would still be a happy man, and yet he could listen to Sam sing forever. He wanted to close out the world and focus on the sound, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. He’d never felt more rooted to the moment he was in. The feeling was overwhelming, and somehow familiar even though he knew he’d never experienced something like this before. Lucca couldn’t stop wetness that trailed down his cheeks because unexpectedly he was distracted by the intensity of the ache in his chest.