Ugly Davey - 2. Chapter 02 – It’s Like a Zoo in Here

Chapter 02 – It’s Like a Zoo in Here

“Well guess it’s just me and you Joshie,” I said as we pulled up into the parking lot of the mall.

“What are we buying Uncle Davey?” Josh asked from where he was sitting in his car seat in the back of my car.

“Just some things I need to get for work,” I replied as I got out of the car. I took a deep breath and once again asked myself what the hell I was doing. It had almost been a week since that conversation with Rick in my apartment, that meant that tomorrow would be my first day at my new job and I had yet to still plan out how to “look ugly”. The logical step seemed to be to go to the mall and buy a garish set of work clothes and maybe some huge thick-framed glasses to go with them. And I could always muss up my hair with hair products to make it look unkempt and then voila, you have a perfect Ugly Davey.

I still couldn’t believe that this was happening or that I was actually willingly going along with it. Just over a month ago I had been more than happy with my job as a PA to my old boss George McKenzie at his law firm. George had been an excellent boss and working for him over the past three years had taught me a lot. I would always remain grateful to him for hiring me, after all not many notable law firms were willing to hire a newly graduated student with little to no experience and only a degree in Sociology to his name. But George had seen something in me during my interview that made him believe that I had the capacity to grow into a brilliant employee. I had loved working for him, but over the past year his health had seemed to deteriorate from the stress of his job. So due to a lot of pressure from his wife, he finally decided to retire at the age of sixty-one, handing over his firm to the hands of his son while the couple went on the around-the-world cruise they had always dreamed of.

Though George had promised that I would still have a job at the firm, there was no way in hell I was going to work for his son, who unlike his father, was nothing but a homophobic bastard. George understood my dilemma, so before departing on his trip he had hooked me up with a job interview for one of his friend’s law firms.

Unfortunately a few days before my interview I received a frantic call from my mom that my dad had suffered a heart attack. So dropping everything I booked a flight out of Vancouver to Prince George to be with my family. Good news was that my dad had only a suffered a minor stroke and was already on his way to full recovery, bad news was that I had missed out on the interview.

I thought I had lost all hope of landing the job when out of the blue I received a call from a woman named Abigail Bronson. She claimed to be the current PA of the lawyer I was applying to be a PA to. According to her none of the other candidates for the job had passed muster and after looking at my application and glowing recommendation from George, both her and her boss had decided to call to ask if I would still be willing to come in for an interview. When I told her about my dad’s health and that I would not be able to return to Vancouver for a few days, she consulted with her boss and told me that they would be willing to hold the interview over the phone. After the interview, she seemed more than happy with me and congratulated me on getting the job. Abigail said she would be mailing out the contract for me to sign and that I would be starting my new job in two weeks time.

So here I was now, parked outside of the shopping mall about to do something that would probably end up costing me the job that I had went through so much trouble of landing.

I sighed and opened the back seat door to get Josh out of his car seat. It had just happened to be that this Sunday was one of those times during the month when Amy and Rick planned their bi-monthly weekend getaways. Every two months they would both go out on a romantic getaway by driving to another town or city. This time they had chosen to go to Penticton, BC about a five hour drive from Vancouver. They argued that this was how couples kept their romance alive, by going away somewhere without their kids in tow. That was how I was once again stuck babysitting their four year old son Josh, not that I minded much since Josh and I got along famously, helped greatly by the fact that he was probably the sweetest kid on the earth.

Holding Josh’s hand, we both walked into the mall and right into the hustle and bustle of numerous moms and their kids doing some last minute back to school shopping. We stopped in front of the doors, staring wide-eyed at all of the frantic movement happening inside the mall. Moms’ were pulling on their children’s arms, trying to get them proper clothes or school supplies. Children were pulling on their moms’ arms, trying to convince them to buy this laptop or that video game because it was “important” for school.

“It’s like a zoo in here isn’t it, Little Man,” I said looking down at the miniature replica of Rick.

Josh turned his big blue eyes to look up at me. “What are they doing Uncle Davey?”

“Probably just some last minute school supply shopping Little Man, after all school does start on Tuesday.” I looked around the mall and didn’t fail to see the irony that I too was here the last minute to shop for my work “outfits”.

“You should be glad that your Mom was smart and finished shopping for your first day of kindergarten weeks ago.”

Josh frowned at that. “Why do I hav’ta go to school now Uncle Davey? I’m scared, I won’t know anyone there,” Josh said with a sad face.

“You have to go because you’ll be turning five years old next month. You’re going to be a big boy now Joshie, but it’s OK if you’re a little scared. Everyone is when they first start school, but just think of all the new friends you will get to make, or the new things you will learn. Aren’t you excited for all of that?” I asked as we made our way Sears.

“Hmm yeah I guess,” replied Josh, still looking unconvinced.

“It will all turn out fine Joshie, I promise,” I said lightly squeezing Josh’s hand.

As soon as we entered Sears, I immediately became aware of the many eyes on us. I looked around and saw that most of the women in the store, from customers to sale reps, were all sneaking looks at Josh and me. Probably thinking about how to hook up with the single father, I thought while mentally rolling my eyes. I was no idiot. Though I wasn’t arrogant about it, I knew that I was a good looking guy and tended to attract attention from women and even men no matter where I went and that itself was one of the reasons that made Rick’s plan all the more difficult to carry through.

I had just set foot in the men’s clothing department when a young saleswoman rushed over to me, clearly staking her claim as to being the one who would help me.

“Hi there! Welcome to Sears, my name is Jenny. How can I help you today? Is this your son? He’s really cute! Are you looking for a new wardrobe? I know exactly what would make your already delicious body look even more luscious! Your height…”

I couldn’t believe how this women Jenny, as both she herself and her name tag proclaimed, could talk so fast and so much without even taking a single breath. She looked to be in her early twenties and had her blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. She was wearing a grey dress suit that showcased her slim figure. I knew I probably would have been attracted to her if I wasn’t gay since I tended to have a thing for blonds.

Josh pulled at my hand and I looked down at him. “What’s wrong with her Uncle Davey?” he asked staring at Jenny with wide-open eyes.

“Nothing she probably had too much ice cream this morning and that’s why she’s so energetic. Kinda like that time when you ate three sundaes and couldn’t stop jumping around. Remember?”

Josh processed that before nodding sagely. “I think you’re right Uncle Davey, I think her mommy forgot to teach her that ice cream makes you hyper.”

I chuckled before turning back to the saleswoman who was still going on and on.

“…and like oh my god I’m sure this shade of brown will look great on you and will help bring out more of the amber flecks in your beautiful eyes. Or you can also get that and pair it with…”

I let out a sigh of exasperation before trying to get her attention. “Um excuse me but I don’t want clothes that make me look good. I want to look ugly.”

That shocked her into silence. She stared at me as though I had grown another head. “Ugly?” she asked uncertainly.

“Yes, I want clothes that would make me look as ugly as possible but that are still appropriate to be worn in an office,” I replied finding her reaction amusing.

The silence stretched on for a few moments before she once again started talking a mile a minute. “Well, then you should totally get something really big and baggy that hides your toned physique. And I highly recommend going for loud and bright colors that would make you stick out like a sore thumb. Oh and maybe even shirts that have weird patterns that no smart male would be caught dead wearing, something with a big floral print. Oh and you can…”

Josh pulled my hand to get my attention again. “I think she’s crazy Uncle Davey” he stage whispered.

I couldn’t have agreed more.

To be continued…