Chapter 5 – Seekers of Truth

My alarm woke me from a strange dream involving Jeremy and the author of diary I started to read last night. As it faded, the only bits I could retain were of a horrifying scene with Jeremy in tears as he clutched his chest, blood oozing from between his fingers. The alarm sounded just as I watched the last breath fade from his body.

Suffice it to say, my face was very wet that morning.

Aaron knew something was up the moment I sat down at the table. The little bastard was very perceptive when he needed to be and he was on task this morning. “Theo… what’s wrong?” he asked worriedly and in hushed tones. Mom was in the kitchen working on breakfast. “You locked yourself in your room after dinner and now you’re waking up crying. What’s the matter?” It was nearly heart wrenching to see him so sad over me being upset over a dream.

“I’m okay, bud,” I said in as normal a morning voice I could muster. “I just had a bad dream that I remembered when I woke up. That’s all. And about last night, I was just in a little funk over how upset Jeremy was last night.” I sipped on some milk in front of me. “D-Did that upset you?”

He shook his head. “I know there are times you just wanna be… left alone. It’s just… I wanted to wish you a good night but I couldn’t when your door was locked. That’s all.”

“Thanks for thinking of me at least,” I said with a small smile. He returned it, albeit a bit brighter than my own.

“Alright, here you guys are,” Mom said as she sat two plates down full of eggs and bacon. “The stuff still on the stove is mine, but I need to run and go change. So don’t be stealing my food, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am,” both Aaron and I said at the same time. As soon as she was gone and her door shut, an eerie glint filled his eyes.

“So… do you, um, like Jeremy?” I nearly sprayed his face with bits of egg. I had to do all I could to swallow my food down. He just started laughing. “I take it that’s a yes?”

“Sh-Shut up…” I said while blushing.

“Do you know if he feels the same way about you?” My embarrassment faded as sorrow took hold.

“N-No, I don’t,” I said. “For now, I think he’s straight. But I don’t know one hundred percent. Until I hear the words, ‘Theo, I’m gay’ come out of his mouth, I just have to assume that I don’t have a chance.” Aaron’s face frowned up again.

“Is it really that hard for you to know without, um… outright telling him that you are?”

“Yeah, it kinda is,” I said. “It’s not like I can just scan a crowd and figure out that three of the twelve guys I just saw are gay. I’ve heard some gay guys can do that but not everyone can.” I looked him in the eye. “Chris has it easy. He sees a pretty girl on campus – BAM! – he can just walk up to her and flirt his little heart out if he wants. Me… I can’t do the same thing to someone I find cute or sexy without at least getting my bodily functions screwed up from the ensuing ass-kicking I would receive for that – unless I got really lucky.”

“I didn’t realize it could be that hard for you, Theo,” Aaron said sadly. But then he brightened. “I could, you know, help you out maybe. I mean, what if someone told me in my class or something that they’re gay?”

“Aaron, while I appreciate the thought, I wouldn’t like it if you outed anyone to me just to give me a chance at a boyfriend. It’s a bit disrespectful. I mean, it’d be like you outing me to that person – you need their permission beforehand.” He nodded solemnly.

“I know that, but I meant… like if someone did give me permission to tell you. That’s what I meant.” He tore into a piece of bacon. “I wouldn’t tell even you unless I had their permission. I try to make my word my bond.”

“Good idea, bro,” I said. “I’m sorry if I got a bit defensive. I just didn’t want you to have that burden. But thanks for the offer, in any case.”

“No problem, Theo,” he said with a smile. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I know buddy. I know.”

Mom came back into the room, dressed for work and her hair done up in a ponytail. She briskly walked to the stove and started inhaling her food. “Rinse your plates off and get ready for school. I don’t want to be late for work.” Her voice seemed a bit clipped but it was probably due to the time pressure she felt. Not wanting to add to it, I ran upstairs after doing what I was told, quickly brushed my teeth, and grabbed my stuff. Aaron and I were at the front door getting our coats as Mom walked out the front door. “Let’s go boys.” We all piled into the car and headed off towards school.

Aaron and I chatted about a few random things during the ride. Mom was unusually quiet. Every once in a while, I would glance at her and she seemed to have a permanent furrow in her forehead, like she was deep in thought. The last time I saw her this focused was when she was divorcing Dad. Once, she caught me looking at her and immediately the furrows faded. But she didn’t smile once that morning.

She pulled the car up and once again, we were about twenty minutes early to school. Until we found something for both me and Aaron to use to get to school, I might put some of my later classes’ work off until now. And what I couldn’t finish during this time I could complete in study hall. “Aaron, remain in the car for a second. I need to ask you something.”

“Mom, if you’re worried about me getting into a fight again for Aaron, I promise I’ll do my absolute best to not get into one. I really don’t like to fight, you know.” Her face once again furrowed.

“Fight? What are you talking about? When did you get into a fight?!” Both Aaron and I looked at each other before turning back to her.

“Um… we told you… last night at dinner Mom,” Aaron said. “Theo admitted to it because he saved me.” Her hand went to her forehead.

“Alright if you say so. Whatever. But still I need to ask you something, Aaron,” she said.

I turned to my brother. “I’ll be in the cafeteria, bud. Probably with Jeremy, alright? If you can’t find me, you can call me – phones are okay before the first bell.”

“Alright. I’ll come find you.” I slid out of the car, wondering what Mom needed to ask my brother. I know he wasn’t in trouble – he’s Mom’s “golden child” as Chris calls him. Both of his older siblings had their fair share of mishaps. Me with a few fights here and there, Chris with some not so hot grades. It’s not that he’s stupid, it’s just he has a harder time in a few of his classes than either me or Aaron. He always has had to study a lot longer and a bit harder than both of us to make up for his shortcomings.

I walked into the school and headed to the cafeteria. I scanned the tables and of the few students who were early, I saw Jeremy sitting in a corner, almost brooding but still saying hi to those that did to him, if not enthusiastically. At least he seemed better so far. As I approached, he had his phone out and started pushing some buttons. As I sat down, my phone started ringing. Jeremy looked over as I glanced at my caller ID – it was him! I started to laugh.

“What a coincidence,” I mused as I didn’t accept the call as he lowered his own phone. A small smile was on his face.

“That’s very odd, you showing up just as I decide to call you.” The grin got a little bigger. “You had your phone off last night. I hope I didn’t… um, upset you.”

“No, I just turned it off for a while because… I was a bit of a procrastinator yesterday and did my homework late. Normally I get it done right after I get home from school.” His eyes held mine as I spoke, lulling me into a trance. One where I wanted so badly to lean forward and kiss him right here, damning the consequences. He looked away for just a second, breaking the spell.

“Where’s Aaron? He’s not sick is he?”

“No, Mom wanted to talk to him before he got out. Which is strange because he never gets in trouble.” I smiled a bit. “I think my Mom’s acting a little strange this morning. Maybe PMS is kicking in a little early. I don’t know.”

Jeremy’s eyes widened a bit at my mention of her acting oddly. “Did you happen to tell her… about what happened yesterday with your brother?” He even leaned in closer, like my answer really mattered. I rubbed my eyes for a second.

“Um, yeah I-we did. And that’s why she’s being weird. Aaron and I told her exactly what happened last night and, luckily, I didn’t get into any trouble. So this morning when she mentioned wanting to talk to Aaron, I thought it was about that. So I told Mom I wouldn’t start any brawls today and… she acted like I never told her. She looked ready to tear my head off but Aaron naturally stood up for me and defended what I said.” Jeremy finally sat back in his chair and mulled something over. Something big, it seemed.

He stood up. “Come with me.” Slowly, I stood up and he walked past me and I started to follow, but stopped when I saw Aaron.

“Wait a sec,” I said and he stopped. “Aaron! Over here!” I shouted to him. As he got closer, the smile he had on his face earlier was gone. He looked really upset. “Aaron? Buddy, what is it? What’s wrong?” Jeremy came up and had a similar look on his face.

He sniffled. “…I-I can’t tell you.” Another sniffle. “M-Mom said so.” He looked into my eyes and I could see that his heart was in pain. Maybe for more than one reason. Like he wanted to tell me but he didn’t want to go back on his word to Mom if he had to promise her.

I stood up fully, a twinge of fear seizing hold. “Is it… about what I told you?”

A small sob broke from his lips. “I-I-I can’t say either w-way.”

I hugged him. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. If you can’t tell me, then you can’t.” I managed to calm my fears, thinking back on a year where Aaron played me perfectly and set me up for a surprise party for me. For my birthday. January was almost over and February was just down the road a bit. Meaning, the secrecy Mom was displaying was her way to start setting things up. I relaxed as I realized their little game.

But Aaron didn’t seem to relax at all. In fact, while I hugged him, he tensed a great deal. And he didn’t return it. Maybe he’s just upselling it really good this time. But a small part of me made me think that maybe he wasn’t.

“Both of you, c’mon. Theo, I need to tell you something. Something kinda big. Did you want Aaron to hear it?” He leaned closer to me, whispering in my ear. “It’s about my cousin.”

I thought about it. “I think he’ll be okay,” I said. I wanted to show Aaron I still trusted and believed in him, even with what just happened. And I wanted to show him that I would love him no matter what. Hearing me say that made him ease a bit, but was still wound up tighter than a pouncing tiger. I put my arm over his shoulders as we followed Jeremy out of the cafeteria. He didn’t speak except to the rare student in the halls at this hour and if he did, it was very brief.

We entered the library and he took us to a corner of the place that was set a bit apart from the rest and designated as a place for a brief chat if students needed to discuss things for projects while not disturbing the others in the library. He closed the door to the small room and locked it and flicked a switch to indicate it was occupied. He drew the shade over the small window in the door. “Jeremy, what’s going on?” I said, getting a bit spooked in his behavior.

He said nothing right away, pacing before me. I actually saw the color leaving his face as he thought things over. He finally stopped and indicated we should sit. Both Aaron and I did. “What I’m about to tell you both… may seem really odd. Like… Twilight Zone-spooky odd. But… I have no other explanation.”

“Wh-What’re getting at, Jeremy?” Aaron asked.

“That sophomore that threatened you yesterday? Remember him?”

“Y-Yeah… he was really mean. I didn’t do anything to him!”

“Well, I told Theo this yesterday – not sure if you were there or not to hear it – but that was a cousin of mine. A real asshole.”

“Yeah, I think I-I remember you saying that,” Aaron nodded slowly. He looked at me and as soon as he did, his face screwed up with an enormous guilt with something else mixed in with it.

“He’s gone.”

“What?” I almost shouted. “What do you mean, he’s gone? Did he run away?”

Jeremy laughed and it sounded almost forced. “If only. No… see I started talking to my dad about him, about the incident. In the middle of the conversation about my cousin last night – this was after you called me by the way Theo – an almost blank look crossed his face and he just… stopped. It lasted for like a second. He then asked me what the question was. As soon as I started on my cousin again, Dad had to stop me.”

“Why?” I asked.

“He had no fucking idea who I was talking about!” he nearly snapped, making Aaron and I jump in our seats a bit. His apparent frustration and possible anger faded. “I… I’m sorry guys. I’m just really wound up about this.”

“I mean this with no offense in mind, Jeremy,” I said honestly. “But… is there something wrong with your dad, maybe?” It did seem weird that the man would just totally forget a person in the middle of a conversation.

“See, I thought that too,” he said as he sat down across from me finally. “So, I started talking to my mom about him after that. She didn’t know who I was talking about. I started freaking out a bit at that point so I went to Karen. Even she didn’t know who I meant.” He stood up again, paced for a few seconds and stopped. He stared at me hard. “My sister, for all of Trevor’s faults, loves that kid to death. And she doesn’t know who he is?! I call fucking bullshit on that.”

I swallowed. A notoriously troubled kid in his extended family and everyone but Jeremy just… forgets him? “Wh… What a-about his… parents? Siblings?” I asked, almost fearful of the answer. Jeremy’s face paled.

“I-I didn’t ask Aunt Camille...” he mumbled. He stood up quickly and left the room.

“C’mon Aaron,” I said, gently tugging on his arm. He looked a little stunned but shook it off. “You okay? This isn’t too much for you?”

“N-No,” he said a little absently as we almost jogged to catch up to Jeremy. “I-I’m good. A touch spooked, but good.”

“I think I’d be more worried if you weren’t at least a little,” I half-chuckled. “I’m totally spooked now.” Aaron just nodded as we finally caught up to him. At the pace he set, it didn’t take long to enter the office. Sure enough, his Aunt Camille was behind the desk.

“Why hello again Jeremy,” she said with a smile. “How are your two charges?”

“They’re fine. Aunt Camille, I have a question for you. How is… Trevor doing? I haven’t seen him out of school in a while and was wondering… if he might want me to come over some time to catch up.” Her face seemed to look confused.

“Trevor?” She laughed. “Is this some kind of trick, Jeremy? You don’t have any cousins with that name in my family. What are you up to? Trying to get another one out of me?” I normally would’ve balked at an adult’s rather suggestive metaphor that… graphic, but it paled in comparison to what she just insinuated.

Trevor didn’t exist to his own mother.

Jeremy looked like he saw a ghost. “Um… sorry about that… I’m just still a little sleepy I guess. I-I meant Tyler.”

“Oh, you know Tyler is always wanting to see his big cousin. He still talks about you. All the time.”

“T-Tell him I said hi when you get home. Okay?” Aunt Camille nodded as the phone rang. She answered and the three of us left the office. We didn’t get far before Jeremy just sank to the ground.

“Can we prove, without a shadow of a doubt, that what we’re saying here is true?” I asked Jeremy as I crouched down. “I mean, we can’t get much h-harder proof that his own mother not knowing who he is. But I mean like tangible proof.” An idea struck. “Would you happen to know your aunt’s login information?” For the first time that morning, a small spark appeared in his eyes.

“I do,” he confirmed. “I need to make sure to use a computer she would use. Just so I don’t get either of us in trouble.” He mulled over some ideas. “I remember yesterday she used a teacher’s terminal in the library when we passed by it on our tour. She likes to talk to the librarian before she has to start calling all the houses of the kids that cut school.” Once again, the three of us made our way back to the library.

Once there, the library was just a tad busier than it was when we first arrived, but not by much. Time was running out for us to find out right now if Trevor was really just… gone. Winked out of existence. A small notion scratched at the edges of my mind but I didn’t have time to pay it any mind.

“How are we gonna do this?” Aaron asked. “We might get caught.”

“Right now, if everyone here is as predictable as I remember, Mr. Flowers is down in the office trying to flirt with my aunt. They’ll talk and dance around the issue before he comes up here. He’s usually never in here until the first bell.”

“Wow,” I said with a bit of amazement. “It seems you know what’s what around here.” Aaron nodded.

“It doesn’t hurt that I’ve been coming with my aunt to school for the past couple of years. My aunt is like three houses down from me. So there’s almost no sense in riding the bus. At least in the morning.” He started typing on the terminal and sure enough, an administration-type setup appeared on the screen.

“Is the whole school roster in there?” I asked. Jeremy nodded.

“Yeah, so… if I just… scroll to the Greenes…” he said. Jeremy started to bite his lower lip in concentration. I almost collapsed at how cute he was being. Is there anything this boy can do without being cute? Suddenly he stopped. “H-His name… isn’t in the main roster.”

“Try some of his classes. You know some of his teachers, right? Just to be sure.” He nodded absently as he went to one and pulled up their roster. Sure enough, there was no Trevor Greene listed. “Wh-What about some of h-his past classes? Like last year? I-I know my school district in Cali k-kept grades for any student that passed through their door for like ten years or something.”

“Th-Theo… this is really spooky,” Aaron complained. I draped my arm around him to try and console him. “H-He might’ve been mean, but… he shouldn’t just… v-vanish like this.”

“You’re right, bud,” I said. I saw Jeremy close down the windows and logged out. “What? N-No dice?”

He shook his head. “I went back t-ten years as I remembered h-having a few of his teachers. Nothing. I even tried his birthdate, part of his Social Security number – I didn’t know the whole thing – even tried looking by his God damn cell number!” Jeremy found the nearest chair and fell into it. “M-My cousin’s… gone.” Suddenly, that notion I had in the back of my mind fought a lot harder to be recognized and once it passed through my filters, my eyes widened. If no one else seemed to know a Trevor Greene…

Why did the three of us remember him?

I just simply fell flat on my ass, not even registering the pain my tailbone took. What in the hell is going on? Why did he just… disappear like this? And how are the three of us – three teenagers – able to remember him? I still can hear his angry voice in my mind as he bullied Aaron. The swear he unleashed in my direction when I interrupted his little “game”. The look in his green eyes when my fist knocked the wind out of him. The look of fear on his face when Jeremy confronted him followed by a mask of resentment and possible shame. I remembered all of it.

“Theo… what is it?” Jeremy said, bringing me back. He looked both worried for me and totally confused about Trevor. “Talk to me.”

“…H-How is it… we all remember Tr-Trevor when… no one else does?” A thought occurred to me. “Have you seen him since the fight?” Jeremy shook his head.

“H-He always comes in with Aunt Camille. Always. That’s what made this whole thing so screwed up! I was kinda shocked at that time to not even think of asking her then about it.”

“Have you tried to call him? His cell phone?”

“Goes to some Chinese restaurant delivery guy.” I looked at him. “I talked to the guy and wondered why I woke his ass up. I had to apologize to him. Three times.” I raised an eyebrow. “I tried again and then third time just punching in the numbers manually. I wouldn’t doubt if I couldn’t order anything from that place any time soon without fearing that guy spitting in my food.” I would have laughed if the situation didn’t feel so… ominous.

“What about his friends?” Aaron suggested. Both Jeremy and I looked at him. “I-I know it’s kinda a-a long shot, g-given his own m-mom doesn’t…” he trailed off and flashed me yet another guilty look before he bowed his head.

“I did try that before you guys got here,” Jeremy said. “They all looked at me like I was crazy. Told me I and Karen were the only Greenes they knew in the school. I just told them I didn’t get much sleep and they shrugged it off.” Jeremy looked sick. “I’m telling you, I’ve tried everything I can think of to make sure he’s okay.”

“Y-Yeah,” Aaron nodded. “I-I didn’t like him… but I wouldn’t want this to happen to him.” The first bell sounded, ending our conversation. “I-If it helps, I’ll see if I hear anything about him. I could imagine I wasn’t the only seventh grader he picked on. But… I guess I shouldn’t expect much on that, huh? I mean… if he really just… f-faded away like this.”

“I’d appreciate it Aaron,” Jeremy said with a wan smile. “If you hear his name mentioned at all, just go ahead and shoot your brother here a text.” Aaron nodded. “Alright. Let’s get you off to your first class little dude.”

We were all quiet as we headed towards Aaron’s class, lost in thought. It just didn’t make sense that he could fade away like he did. I mean, was this the work of some secret government agency out to make each and every bully disappear? It just seemed like so much work for so little payoff. I mean, they’d have to do what seemed impossible – delete computer records, erase people’s memories, shred any paper documents… There’s an idea to try. “Jeremy?”

“Yeah?” We arrived at Aaron’s class.

“Do you know what hospital he was born in? Was it around here?”

“Yeah, Aunt Camille has lived here since the dawn of time,” he tried to joke but it fell a little flat. “So I know where he was born – she told me a few times.”

“Maybe after school we could call over there and see if they have his certificate on record. You know, a hard copy or even just a copy of it.”

“We can try it, but… something’s telling me they’ll either laugh at me or tell me that it’s not on file.” He sighed. “Worth a shot though. It’s better than just… giving up. I mean, he is family.”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “You shouldn’t give up on family.” I watched as Aaron winced and said a quick good-bye to me before he darted into the room.

“Something’s going on with him,” I muttered.

“What?” Jeremy said.

“Nothing… just talking to myself.” Worrying about why Aaron all of a sudden was shying away from me didn’t seem all that important what with a missing kid out there. Maybe not missing, just… never to be. I hated both thoughts.

The day never seemed to get into focus. I felt like both Jeremy and I were just coasting all day. Even Aaron seemed more subdued than normal. I wasn’t sure if it was Mom or this Twilight Zone effect we’ve stumbled into, but he’s usually zipping along, blinding everyone with his smiles or getting the girls to gush over him if he pouts. He told me he doesn’t like the attention drawn to him when they gush and fawn on him – he just wants friends right now. I could understand that.

Before we all realized Aaron, Jeremy, and I stood at the front doors to the school as all the others rushed for their rides or to get on the buses. We nodded to Jeremy as he climbed into the bus, telling me he’d call the hospital and let us know what he found out. The two of us waited on a bench for Mom as more and more silence flowed easily around us.

His head was down and once again he looked upset. “I-I really wanna tell you… you know?”

“Hmm?”

“A-About what Mom and I talked about. But she made me promise not to tell you.”

“Well, you promised her that you wouldn’t so… even if I want to know, you shouldn’t tell me.” I thought that over. “I mean, unless it isn’t life-threatening to anyone. In that case you need to break your promise. I mean, if I told you me being gay would kill half the state, somewhere deep in me would want you to tell someone so I could get help.”

“That’s really not going to happen, right? I mean that…”

“No,” I reassured him. “The only thing that would make me want to kill half the state is if I went postal. Me being gay really doesn’t have to do with that. It was kinda a bad example.”

Aaron looked at me, the emotional turmoil gone for at least a second. “I think I get it.”

“So, I mean only you can be the judge of what you think someone telling you is okay or not.” I leaned into a wall. “Here’s a better example. You know getting abused is wrong, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, what if Ian had come over to you one night and you saw him all battered and bleeding, because Mr. McKennan or maybe even Shane just liked to abuse younger children? That you made him tell you but then he made you swear up and down that you wouldn’t rat out his dad or brother. What would you do then?”

Aaron thought hard about it. “I would probably ask either you or Chris, honestly, what I should maybe do. But if that’s not on the table, then… I guess it’d have to depend on some factors.” I raised an eyebrow, curious as to where Aaron might take this.

“Such as?”

“Well, what if I did call the cops and ratted out whomever – let’s just say his dad – did it to him. Who’s to say that, because I saved him from his father that Ian wouldn’t find himself in an even worse place? Like he and Shane got put into foster care. Ian gets taken in by someone that’s killed people for looking at him wrong and breaks his legs and just laughs at him. Was I right in telling the police on his dad?”

“That’s the biggest problem when someone tells you something like that – you never know the end result. Sure your intentions were good, but in the end… it wasn’t the right call. But in most cases, it usually is. Same example but this time, instead of being put in a bad place, Ian actually found a family that loves him just for who he is and lets him grow into the person he should’ve been with his dad. Wouldn’t you want Ian to at least have that chance? Given what you already knew?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. I heard someone say in class today that just because you know there a jackpot waiting if you roll the dice right, who’s to say that you’ll even get it, especially if you only had one roll to get it.” He turned away. “That sounded appropriate with what we’re talking about.” Before either of us could continue on this depressing debate, Mom’s car pulled up. Both of us climbed in to the car.

“Hey Mom,” Aaron said with some cheer.

Before I could say hi, she managed to cut me off. “Hey Aaron. How was your day, honey?” He flicked a glance at me for just a second before staring into her eyes via the rearview mirror. She was watching the road.

“It was okay. I had a pop quiz in English today. Some vocab words we were supposed to know.”

“How’d you do?”

“I think I did okay. But I don’t think I did as good like Theo did on his science test from the other day.”

“That’s great sweetie. If you didn’t do that good this time, you’ll study harder for the next one, right?”

“Of course Mom,” Aaron said. Suddenly I felt uncomfortable in the car. I think Aaron at least picked up on it. He turned to me to ask me something, but Mom interrupted him.

“Are there any clubs you’re interested in, Aaron?”

“Um… not that I know of. I don’t know what all the school has for clubs, especially for seventh graders. I think most are geared towards at least the freshmen.”

“There’s probably bound to be some clubs for the seventh graders there.”

“Maybe,” he sort of shrugged. There was a lull in the conversation.

“Mom?” I asked. I watched as her eyes stayed focused on the road, the smile she had while talking with Aaron fading fast. “Is… everything okay?” She didn’t respond. I felt a faint tightening of my chest. Something was different about her. I glanced at Aaron for a second and he looked really confused.

“Mom? Are you okay?” he asked. As soon as he spoke, the smiles and happiness turned back on.

“Of course, honey. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“J-Just wondering. You looked a bit upset there for a second.”

She sighed. “No, I’m fine. It’s just been a stressful day at the office. The last time I was this stressed was when your father wanted me to give him cash for his half of the house.” I kinda relaxed at that point. But not fully. Something was off about her and I just wasn’t quite sure if my deepest fears were being realized or quite possibly that it’s another coincidence. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt for now, but I’d have to be extra careful in what I say even if I think she’s not home.

The rest of the fifteen minute drive was quiet. She let us out at the bottom of the driveway before she peeled out. “Th-Theo?” Aaron asked as I started for the house. “A-Are you…okay?” I didn’t stop walking.

“No… I-I’m not.” I walked up to the house, kicking at the gravel. “I-I’m really not.”

I only stopped when I heard crying come from behind me. Slowly, I turned around and saw Aaron on his knees, looking totally defeated.

He slowly brought his head up and looked me in the eye, tears nearly freezing on his face in the bitter wind. “I-I-Is it me? D-Did I do something?” He hiccupped. “Wh-What did I d-do?!”

I sauntered over to him and crouched down. “Aaron… it’s not you. I promise. I don’t think you could hurt me like this if you tried.” I put a hand on his shoulder. “Mom on the other hand…” Instead of allaying his guilt, it struck him ten times harder. He tackled me in a hug.

“I-I-I don’t kn-know what to d-do, Theo!” he bawled into my shoulder. “Please d-don’t b-be sad!”

I just hugged him until he calmed down, not totally sure why he got more upset. I figured me telling me it was Mom would make him at least neutral. But it just made it worse. “Aaron? If you can’t talk to me or Mom about this… we can call up Chris. Maybe he can help you.”

He sniffled a bit. “M-Maybe he c-could. But… in order f-for him to help me, he’d n-need to know about… a-about you.”

“About me being gay?” Aaron nodded. I sighed. He stared into my eyes, almost doe-like and I couldn’t resist the stare. For a kid that’s only a year younger than me, he’s really good at that. Was I ready for Chris to know? Would he hate me if I told him? So many questions that I wish I could have a more definitive answer to before I told him, but I guess I could never have all the answers relating to it. I sighed.

I stood up, helping him in the process. “Okay, I’ll tell him. Then you can talk to him.”

He hugged me again. “Thank you so much, Theo! I can’t really talk about everything but all I know is if I talk to Chris and I really can get him to help me, then he needs to know about you like that.” He rested his head on my shoulder as we walked towards the house. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but… I-I’ll be a mess if things stay the way they are and I can’t talk to someone about it.”

“No, I get it,” I said. “I-I… I think it’s time I tell Chris anyway. Although, I kinda wish I could see his… oh! Maybe I can Skype him or whatever and tell him. I wanna… almost need to see his reaction.”

“That makes sense,” Aaron agreed. “We can do it on my computer so then when you’re done, I can talk to him without me distracting you from homework.” I unlocked the house.

“Go ahead and get it set up. Maybe send Chris a warning text, telling him it’s important.” I smiled. “No one can say no to you.”

“Aw, what’s that supposed to mean?” Aaron giggled.

“Nothing, bud. I’m just gonna grab a snack and a soda. Then I’ll be right up. You want anything?”

“Just a soda, maybe,” he shrugged.

I went into the kitchen as he bounded up the stairs to his room. Opening the fridge, I pulled two Mountain Dews off the door and grabbed an apple from the drawer. Once armed with sugary substances, I followed up after Aaron. I entered into his room.

“Stop fiddling with it little dude!” I heard Chris’s laughter coming through the speakers of Aaron’s computer. Sure enough I saw his face on the screen. “It was fine until you had to ‘fix’ it– Wait, stop!” Aaron froze. “Up a little. Little more…” Aaron slowly tilted his webcam as instructed. “There! Stop, now don’t touch it! Hey Theo… the little dude said there’s something kinda urgent you both need me for?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said with a slight nod, suddenly nervous. I handed off one of the cans to Aaron and sat down in his vacated chair. He stood behind me and put a hand on my shoulder.

Chris’s humor faded away. “This looks kinda serious. It’s not Mom, is it?”

“That’s for Aaron to tell you, I think. I’m only here because there’s something… I need to tell you so he can ask you something.” Chris just nodded. “Are you a-alone right now?”

“Actually yeah. Chad and the folks had to head out for something – I think it’s in regards to his little sister?” Chris shrugged. “I probably should’ve paid more attention, but I was, uh, studying.” He laughed a bit as he raised a textbook that was just on the desk. I saw something slide out and Chris started to blush a bit.

I smiled a bit. “Right… ‘studying’… Anatomy one-oh-one?”

“Fuck you,” Chris laughed and all my humor faded. Chris realized I stopped laughing so he did too. “Theo? You okay dude? Unless it’s the cam, you look kinda pale.”

“I-I might be,” I said as I started to shake. I felt Aaron’s hand squeeze my shoulder. The gesture helped way more than any words would have right now. I watched as Chris’s eyes darted to Aaron before back to me, but he didn’t say a word. “Chris… I-I hope I don’t disappoint y-you or anything. And know that I still love you and all. I hope what I-I’m about t-to say w-won’t change a-anything.” I took in a breath. “A-And that, no matter wh-what… you’ll stay on c-cam? Y-Your reaction… wh-whatever i-it may be… it’s im-important to me.” Slowly, he just nodded. “I-I’m gay, Chris.”

I wanted to close my eyes, veer away from his possible rant. I mean, at this point, the worst he could do is just close down the chat and never talk to me. But he didn’t. He didn’t even move, like I was afraid he’d do, even though he promised he wouldn’t. He looked a bit shocked, but not so much as I really anticipated. Slowly, he just rubbed his face and looked straight at the camera, into my eyes.

“Damn, I wish that part of me was wrong, but only because I know what you’ll probably have to go through.” He sighed and I think I slowly exhaled since I told him. So far, so good. “Theo… I don’t care. You’re my brother… family. I made a promise to myself that I’d stick by you two no matter what. That I wouldn’t pull a Dad. That includes this. I love you, Theo. Unconditionally. Even if you’re being a pain in the ass for, say, nearly burning my eyes out with that spicy shit you and Shane used on me.”

“I-I-I wanted t-to tell y-you face t-to face,” I said as I felt the tears stream on my face. I wanted to hug the shit out of him right now. “B-But things… kinda st-stepped it up. Chris… it means so much to me to hear you say what you did.” I wiped at my eyes as Aaron draped his arms over me and gave me a hug. I did what I could to return it. “I-I just have the best brothers ever.”

“I wish I was there, bro,” Chris said as I saw him wipe as his eyes. “This whole long distance thing sucks ass right now. If you were still over at the old place and you told me like this… I’d have driven my ass over right this moment to make sure you fully understand that this doesn’t change anything.”

“Wh-What did you mean… you wished that part of you was wrong? Did you… d-did you know already?”

“Well yes and no.” Before I could ask what the hell that meant, I saw him raise his hands in a calming motion. “Whoa simmer for a sec, Theo. No, you see, I wasn’t the one that thought you were around here. Chad thought you might be.” He got closer to the camera on his end. “Look, I was told I could say this, but if either of you spreads this around, especially to friends around here like Shane or Ian, I’ll fucking kill you both, alright?” We both nodded. “Chad’s gay. He told me when we were sixteen.”

“Really?” I asked, a bit astonished. “Chad?” I looked up at Aaron and he just kind of shrugged.

“I know, right?” Chris half-laughed. “Around graduation for us, Chad said he’d been watching you. At first I thought he meant… well, you know, and I was ready to fucking murder him, but he stopped me. All he meant was that he thought he was seeing a few early signs that you might be gay.”

“He knew I was gay when I was eight?!” I shouted. “I didn’t even know what a dick was at eight years old!” Chris started laughing really hard.

“Ah, shit… I really wish I was there, dude. I’d have tickled you until you peed yourself for that.” I snorted.

“You’d be the one cleaning it up.”

“Anyway,” he said with a shake to his head. “He just was telling me that it might happen and he wanted me to make sure that you were safe. He has a soft spot for you, I guess. Wanted to make sure that if Mom or Dad found out that I’d look out for you.” I tensed when he said that.

“Chris… are y-you telling m-me… that…?”

I watched him sighed heavily. “Look. I have something I need to share with the two of you, but this must be said in person. I can’t do this over the Internet like this. Or on the phone.” He glanced at his phone. “I’ll be able to take an extended break the eighth to the twentieth.” I bit my lip.

“Will that… if I un-understand you h-here… interfere w-with any–”

“I could give a flying fuck if I was dating Taylor Swift and she told me I had to be present for V-Day. That’s your birthday. Your day. Sure, it may be widely recognized as the day of love and all that happy crap. You know me better than that, man.” Yeah… my birthday is February fourteenth. Whee.

I was relieved to hear that reassurance. “I-I know. I’m j-just… vulnerable r-right now. E-Every reassurance h-helps.”

“Would it help to say that I still love you, Theo?” Aaron said quietly.

“Of course it would, bud!” I said as I patted his hand.

“Alright, if that’s all you had to tell me, Theo, then I guess it’s Aaron’s turn.” I saw Chris put his hand on his monitor. “D-Don’t do anything stupid Teddy. I don’t like to admit this, but… I need my little Teddy Bear. Thoughts of you and A-Rod there keep me going when I want to give this shit up. I’m doing this for you two.” He raised his textbook again, indicating school. My eyes watered with renewed vigor. I almost melted at the use of the nickname. He used to call me that up until fairly recently. Of course only in private. That’s the biggest reason I hate being called Teddy – only Chris is allowed to. Just like I’m the only one that can call him Toph or Tophi.

“B-Bye T-Tophi,” I said as I stood up. “Th-Thank you. So much.” I repeated his gesture before I hugged Aaron – I really needed one – before I snatched up my apple and soda and left the room. It felt good to know that I had both of my brothers in my corner if shit hit the fan. So good. Those two were some of my bigger hurdles. Dad, if I could get a hold of him again, I’d just tell him over the phone and just hang up on him. Now I really only had one huge one left – Mom. I definitely wasn’t ready to try and jump that one any time soon, especially with the way that Chris implied that Mom or Dad wouldn’t take the news well. Maybe he’s a bit jaded in regards to them… maybe not. Only when I tell them will I find out.

Once in my own room, I felt it was time to revisit the past. I started to wonder who this M. K. person could be. I could easily surmise that the K probably was Mom’s maiden name – Kester – but even that wasn’t a certainty. Maybe this house was built by a Kester and the rotten room that it was built around was a different family altogether, coincidentally with a different K last name. I just stopped thinking about it for the time being – maybe while Jeremy and I at some point research Thaddeus Kester we could delve deeper and see if we know what’s going on with this mysterious M. K. guy. I rubbed my forehead and pulled out the diary.

8th of September, Year 1832

My confusion grows by the day! I know not what is wrong with me. But there are more important matters to discuss. Namely, Mother has injured herself two days prior. She had fallen after stumbling over a stone sunk deep in the earth whilst walking with Father in the wood. She fell forward and Father was unable to stop her. Now they are both worried. Mother seems to be very agitated. Even William cannot seem to calm her. He is usually better at it than Father. My brother has a gentler approach than he; he even admits it and just tries to do what is needed. William had gone off to Scranton by horse to see if he could fetch a doctor, to make sure baby Michael would be okay. Both parents insist it to be a boy! A younger brother! What joyous news… if not mired in this potentially catastrophic event. What good will naming the child bring if he cannot survive the trauma? I already see it in Mother’s eyes. She fears the worst, as do I.

The hope still remains strong, though. Maybe Mother did not fall as hard as she remembers or that baby Michael is protected or a myriad other thoughts. Just that all of us Kesters are praying that he was spared the pain of the fall. Mother swore it should be her pain to bear, not her child’s.

Even with the heavy hearts we all have these days, my heart feels heavier yet. As I said, confusion will not leave me! I know not what to do about it! I fear it will be my undoing. Once while recently in Clark’s Summit, I heard rumors of one of locals being a Sodomite. I had to inquire as to the nature of the word and I was in no short order told a person of reprehensible behavior; one that was disgraced by God Himself. How the man had been found in chambers… with another man! The worst of it was… I glanced for but a moment around and saw… him.

His eyes were as emeralds. His hair was as silken gold; perhaps as such by the gleam of the Sun. No matter… my eyes could not leave him. It took much courage and wisdom to turn and nary stare at him. But as my eyes left him, they willed themselves to return to him! He ensnared my vision, captivating my very being! But… either by curse or blessing, I had to depart. I ne’er learned anything about him. His name. His home. As I rode away, my senses betwixt me; I felt his eyes upon me but I have no proof of such!

My heart grows weary with the memory. I must put him out of mind… or risk being cast out as a… Sodomite. I wish no ill to my family with such slander. I am but a fool… only fifteen years of age. I feel this to be a test from Him. I must pray twofold to rid myself of this wickedness. I want no harm to come to my family; we are injured enough.

No more for this day. I will it from my mind. Away!

I heard a light knock on my door. “Theo?” It was Aaron. “Time for supper.” I felt my eyes had been closed for a bit but the words I read before it danced in my head. The possibility of losing a brother? How sad… Once again, I locked the diary up and headed down for dinner. Something tickled in the back of my mind, telling me to be a little wary of things as they come my way for some time.

I felt a storm on the horizon. But I didn’t know its source.