The Only One - 1. The Only One

Jesse stared at his reflection in the mirror. Today should be the happiest day of his life and it would be if it wasn’t for the cloud of deceit hanging over his head. He should have told Mike his biggest secret a long time ago, and now was definitely not the time to be thinking about it, but he couldn’t help it. He was supposed to marry Mike in less than an hour and now he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to go through with it.

How could he when Mike didn’t even know the type of man he was planning to marry. Sure, many couples had secrets, but he doubted that many of them carried around a secret of the magnitude that he had been hiding from Mike during their three year courtship. A knock sounded on the door and he was almost grateful for the interruption of his thoughts.

“Come in.” Jesse glanced briefly at the door before turning his attention back to his reflection. He straightened his tie and simply just fidgeted as he struggled with the weight on his broad shoulders. A hand fell on his shoulder and he met the blue gaze staring back at him with his own green one.

“You doing okay?” Thomas squeezed his shoulder and then turned Jesse to face him. “I just saw Mike, he’s probably almost as nervous as you are.”

Jesse smiled at the mention of his fiancé’s name, but his expression quickly sobered as he remembered the secret still festering inside him. After that, chances were that Mike would no longer be nervous, but that was only because he would probably be running for the hills.

“He’s taking it a lot better than I thought he would. I had really thought he might at least postpone the wedding after you told him.”

“I haven’t told him yet.” Jesse swallowed and forced himself to continue. “I’ve been trying to, I just haven’t been able to find the right time.”

“Jesse! There is no right time for something like this! You have to tell him, and tell him all of it!” Thomas was the only person, save himself, that actually knew how he had spent those first few years after leaving home.

“I know that! Do you think I want to marry him without him knowing? God, I’ve been trying, but every time I thought I was finally going to be able to come clean, he’d bring up something about the wedding.” Jesse dropped his head. He knew that placing the blame on Mike wasn’t fair, but it was easier than admitting the truth; that he was a complete and total coward.

“I won’t tell him,” Thomas frowned, “because it’s your secret to tell, but you really need to tell him before you say ‘I do’. Hiding something like this is no way to start your marriage.” Thomas shook his head, a sad smile on his face before he turned and walked out of the room, once more leaving Jesse to his thoughts.

“I can do this,” Jesse muttered. He didn’t have much of a choice, he had to do it. It would be wrong of him not to.

His mind made up, he left the room, his sense of dread growing stronger the closer he got to the room that Mike was using to get ready. Only a hundred feet and he’d be at Mike’s door. His steps slowed the closer he got until he was barely moving down the hall. He stopped in front of the white door and forced himself to lift his hand and rap his knuckles against the wood. He still hadn’t decided what he was going to say when the door opened, long before he was ready for it to. He looked up into Mike’s turquoise eyes and felt tears spring to his eyes.

“Jess? You okay?” Mike reached out and pulled him into his arms. “Not getting cold feet on me, are you?”

Jesse shook his head and let himself revel in Mike’s comforting embrace. This could very well be the last time he’d feel Mike’s arms around him and he wanted this moment to last as long as possible. He didn’t know how much time had passed before Mike pulled away, but it wasn’t enough and all Jesse wanted to do was climb back into that safe haven and forget that he had something to tell the man he loved. Something he should have told him a long time ago.

“We need to talk.” Jesse had meant those words to sound stronger, but they came out as barely a whisper.

“Now? Can’t it wait until after the ceremony?”

Jesse shook his head and turned to shut the door behind him before leading Mike deeper into the room. He glanced around and his gaze settled on the couch pushed up against one wall. He moved over to it and sat down before patting the spot beside him. Mike really should be sitting for this one.

“What’s goin on Jess?” Mike sat next to him and reached out to rest a hand on Jesse’s knee. “You’re starting to worry me a bit.”

“I just…” Jesse took a deep breath. He could do this, he had to do this. Mike deserved to know what kind of man he was marrying. “I need to tell you something. Something about my past that I should have told you a long time ago.”

“Jesse, we’re getting married in,” a glance at his watch, “forty-five minutes. Are you sure this can’t wait until we’re sitting on the beach in Jamaica?”

Oh, how he wished it could. He wanted nothing more than to tell Mike that it could wait, but it would be a lie. Mike needed the opportunity to decide if it was something he could handle, and it was only right to give him that chance before they tied the knot. He simply shook his head, again.

“Then just tell me, it can’t be that bad, can it? You know you can tell me anything.”

Jesse felt his resolve crack and steeled himself for the scene he knew was coming. How could Mike understand what it had been like? Was there anything he could say that would make his soon to be husband realize how hard it had been for him. That time in his life was one that he didn’t like to even think about, let alone talk about. None of that mattered though; this was something he had to do. He took Mike’s hands in his and stared into those beloved eyes.

“You already know that I left home the day after I turned eighteen, I never hid that from you.” He breathed deeply. “What I’ve never told you was how I put myself through school. I felt like I didn’t have any other choice, and while I’m not happy about what I did, there’s nothing I can do to change it.”

“I thought you had a college fund that you got when you enrolled in college.” Mike looked confused and Jesse couldn’t blame him.

He had said about a college fund, but he’d never said how he came by the money for that fund. He’d scrimped and saved every penny he could from the time he was sixteen, but when he left his parent's house, it simply hadn’t been enough.

“I did, to a point. Mike, you know I love you. I want to marry you more than anything; I just hope you still want to be with me after I tell you that…” Jesse looked away, he didn’t want to see the look of revulsion that he knew would be in Mike’s eyes when he heard the secret that Jesse had guarded for so long.

“Tell me what? God Jess, nothing could be bad enough that I wouldn’t want to be with you anymore. Just spit it out already and let’s get married.”

Jesse clung to those words, wanting nothing more than to believe it, but he knew better. He closed his eyes and steeled himself before looking straight at his fiancé and blurting out the truth. “I put myself through college by,” he paused, swallowed, then continued, “selling the only thing I had that was of any value.” He watched Mike’s brow crease then smooth out and sighed. He really didn’t want to use that word, but he was going to have to. “I sold my body. I was a prostitute.”

He waited for Mike to say something, say anything, but not a single word passed his lips. Instead, he just kept looking at him as though he hadn’t just dropped a massive bomb.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? What I did?” Jesse stood and paced back and forth in front of the couch. “How can you just sit there when I just told you that I sold myself to get through school? How can you even bear to look at me? Aren’t you going to say anything?” He would have kept pacing, but Mike suddenly stood and once more pulled him into his arms and ran his hands soothingly over Jesse’s back.

“Relax, Jess. I already knew.”

Jesse stiffened and jerked free, his gaze searching Mike’s. He started shaking when he read the truth in Mike’s eyes. He’d already known. He’d known what he had done and had still wanted to marry him. How? Why? He didn’t realize he’d whispered those words aloud until Mike answered him.

Mike’s gaze darkened for just a minute but then went back to the turquoise Jesse knew so well. “How I found out isn’t important, what is important is that I was just waiting for you to tell me.” He shook his head. “I was beginning to think you’d never tell me.”

“And that was okay with you? Me keeping something like that from you?” Jesse stared at him. “How could you be okay with that?”

“It hurt.” Mike closed the distance between them. “I won’t lie and say that it didn’t, but I knew you had to have your reasons. Besides, that was before I met you.”

Oh shit. He knew, but he didn’t know all of it. What would he say when he found out the full truth? He would freak, how could he not. Jesse averted his gaze, unable to look Mike in the eyes. This was going to be even harder than he thought.

“It was before I met you, right?” Mike waited for him to answer but he couldn’t. He couldn’t get the words out and he watched horrified as Mike took a step back, creating distance between them. “Jess?”

“I’m sorry.” Jesse’s voice came out as a choked sob. “I am so sorry.” All he could do was watch as Mike walked over to the window and looked out, his back to him.

“How long?”

Jesse couldn’t answer, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to, even though he knew he should. He stayed quiet and waited, willing Mike to look at him. When Mike finally turned to face him, he took it back. Mike was pissed and Jesse wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment.

“Damn it, Jess. How long after we got together did you finally quit?”

“Six months.” His voice broke and he cleared his throat before repeating himself. “Six months. I wanted to quit sooner, but it was harder to get out of than I thought it would be. It wasn’t even that I didn’t want to quit, I did; it just took time.”

“I asked you to move in with me at six months.” Mike’s eyes were shuttered and his entire six foot frame was ramrod stiff. Jesse wanted to walk over and soothe him, but being as it was his fault Mike was hurting, he couldn’t do that.

“I know. I wanted to tell you so many times, but the time just never seemed to be right.”

“Yeah, I can see that. There’s probably never a good time to tell your soon to be husband that you cheated on him for the first six months you were together. A half hour before our wedding is the perfect time.” His voice was coated in sarcasm and Jesse flinched at the anger directed towards him.

“I’m sorry. I know it was wrong of me and it’s no excuse, but we hadn’t even agreed that we were exclusive until you asked me to move in with you. It was just a job to me, a way to support myself.” Jesse cringed at the pathetic whine to his voice. He didn’t blame Mike for being angry, hell, he was angry with himself, but he didn’t want to lose Mike over it. He’d do whatever it took. He started to walk towards Mike and stopped when Mike held up a hand. “Just tell me what to do to fix this.”

“I don’t know.” Mike turned his back to him and took a deep breath and when he turned back towards him, Jesse felt like crying at the pain he could see in his eyes. “I need to think.”

Jesse could only watch as Mike walked to the door and, without looking back, walked out. He had expected it and even deserved it, but it still hurt like hell. The only consolation he had for the moment was that Mike hadn’t said to call the wedding off. He’d said he needed to think, but Jesse seriously doubted that fifteen minutes would be enough time. He had to do something and set off to find Thomas.

***

Nearly an hour after Mike had stormed off, Jesse was standing staring out the window in the conference room of the hotel where they had planned to get married. He hadn’t heard anything from Mike and was getting increasingly worried that Mike had decided not to go through with the wedding.

He could hear people talking behind him but didn’t try to make out the words. He honestly could care less what they were saying; all he wanted to know was what was going through Mike’s mind at the moment. At least Mike’s car was still there, so he hadn’t gone far. He turned to glance around and the people mingling and sighed when there was still no sign of Mike. He’s put it off long enough, he needed to tell everyone there wouldn’t be a wedding today. He turned back to the window and his breath caught in his throat at the sight of Mike staring back at him, his tux coat draped over his arm. Mike inclined his head towards the door and with a glance back at their friends and family gathered in the conference room, Jesse slipped away. His heart was heavy as he slipped out a side door and came face to face with Mike.

“I am sorry.” Jesse searched Mike’s eyes for any sign of what he was feeling.

“I know you are.” Mike sighed. “You didn’t send everyone home?”

“No, I couldn’t. Not until I knew where we stood.” He gave up trying to figure out what Mike was thinking and simply asked. “Where do we stand?”

“I knew when we got together that you were no virgin. I wasn’t sure I could accept that I wasn’t the only one in your bed the first six months we were together.” Jesse opened his mouth to reply, but Mike stepped forward and settled a hand over his mouth, effectively silencing him. “That was two and a half years ago, and while I’m not happy about it, I can forgive you for it.” He pulled his hand away from Jesse’s mouth.

“Are you sure?” Jesse didn’t dare to hope. He wanted to be with Mike with every fiber of his being and was afraid that maybe he was imagining what he was hearing.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I may not have been the only one in your bed, but I’m damn well going to be the last. Just promise me, no more secrets.”

Jesse stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Mike’s waist and nestled close, his head tucking up nicely under Mike’s chin. He felt Mike tense but breathed a sigh of relief when his soon to be husband relaxed and wrapped his own arms around him.

“No more secrets. And just so you know, you’re the only one I want in my bed.” Jesse closed his eyes, thankful that he had a man who didn’t hold his past against him, even despite his bad judgment.

“Then I guess it’s time we go get married.” Mike pulled away and when Jesse looked up at him, Mike dropped a fleeting kiss on his waiting lips before taking Jesse’s hand in his and leading him back into the conference room where their friends and family were waiting.