The Diary - 1. Chapter 1

I woke up and saw my boyfriend writing in a book. His diary! “Can I read it?” I asked him, teasingly.

“No, you cannot.”

“What do you mean 'no, I cannot'?” I whined, slightly mocking him.

“I hate when you whine so much. It’s the most unsexy thing ever.” He shot right back to me, tongue sticking out.

“It’s really not a big deal!” I shot back.

“Yeah it is. It’s my diary.”

I flopped onto Pandora’s bed and sighed. “Whatever.”

“What are you mumbling about now?”

“I was just commenting on how ugly your ass is.”

“You weren’t complaining last night.”

Last night was our Prom, we’re seniors in high school. Our dumb school, in their infinite wisdom decided to have our Prom in May, so we still had a month or so left of school. Everyone hates it, it’s so dumb. Last night was magical, though. We slept together for the first time in our six month relationship, both of us virgins.

“Come on, let’s get some breakfast. Mom and dad won’t be home for another few hours.” Pandora told me, grabbing at my wrist. His tug at me pulled me back into reality.

“It was really nice but kind of awkward for your parents to let us have the house.” I commented. We got dressed and I following him down the stairs to his kitchen.

“You’re telling me. I almost said no, out of principle!”

My face scrunched up, the thought of losing the opportunity for last night to happen.

Pandora sat down at the kitchen table and began to read the newspaper. I followed him and started cooking us breakfast. At first glance, you’d think that our positions were reversed, he was the guest in my house. If we were ten years older, we’d look like a married couple, too. Hopefully we reach a point in the future where that’s true.

But really, we’re just incredibly comfortable with each other. We were born two days apart and have known each other all our lives. Luckily, the community we live in is really tolerant and welcoming, so we faced no issues with coming out and being together. We both came out to each other first, basically at the same time. But we both decided that it was for the best if we didn’t jeopardize our friendship. I don’t regret that decision. I mean, it’s less time that I’ll have in my life to feel this closeness with him, but it wasn’t right at the time and if we rushed it then, we might not be here now.

I was so deep in thought that Pandora had to shake my shoulder.

“Hun, the bread popped two minutes ago and you’re burning our breakfast.”

I snapped back into reality for the second time this morning and went into damage recovery mode. After a few minutes of scrambling around, trying to save as much of the food as possible, I had our plates on the table.

“Not my best, but edible, I hope. You try first.” I teased him, while taking a bite of the slightly overcooked scrambled eggs.

“Something on your mind?” A look of concern was in his eyes. “Maybe about last night?”

“No, no! Last night was... It was... How do you put something more amazing than words can describe into words?”

A huge smile crossed his face. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. It seems you did almost as much as me. I’m thinking... maybe if we eat quickly, we could go for another round?”

I didn’t even reply, I just started shovelling down my food. He did the same and we were back upstairs, sans clothes in five minutes flat.

---

It seemed like it was only a blink of my eye, but seven times later over the next two days and it was Monday morning. The alarm was blaring for me to get up to get ready for school and I was alone. With a sigh, I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for school.

A few years ago, the house beside Pandora went up for sale. It’s a bigger house than the one we had, but after a lot of talking, my parents decided that they would try to buy it. Luckily, there was no bidding war or anything. The day I found out that I was going to be living next door to my best friend was the happiest day of my life. It was dethroned by the day that Pandora asked me to be his boyfriend and that was dethroned by Friday night, after Prom.

We walked to school together, like every other day since I moved. The only thing that’s changed is that in recent months we’ve held hands while we walked. Our community has been very supportive, it’s amazing. For the first few weeks, people would slow down, honk their horns and give us thumbs up! Only once did someone race by and try to hit us with some eggs. School has been amazing, too. A few guys tried to bully us, but they became social outcasts. It was funny when one of them came out. We’re kind of friends with him, but he’s still a bit of an asshole.

We don’t have all our classes together, though. Which isn’t a bad thing, because even though he’s my better half and completes my soul, I still need some time away. Here I was, sitting in AP English, not listening to the teacher lecture on about some book that we read earlier. It’s a good thing I was an English whiz, so I could afford to have some daydreaming time. Slowly my thoughts turned to the diary. I wonder... what’s in it? Why’s he being so secretive about it?

I looked over to my right, and a great friend of mine, Jane, was sitting there, intensely taking notes. Jane and I started out as just tutor buddies (me tutoring her), but even though she’s a girl, she grew on me. We’ve been good friends all the way since we started high school. We’ve had some rough patches, but like any worthwhile friend, we’ve always gotten through them. It made me smile the first time that I saw her and Pandora alone. They’ve really taken a shining to each other, too. She’s a solid friend and a good person.

“Psst... Jane.” I hissed in her direction.

“Jeez, what do you want?” She hissed back.

I glanced up, to make sure the teacher couldn’t hear us. He had stopped writing on the chalkboard, looked back to see who was talking. He couldn’t determine where the whispers were coming from, though, so he turned around and kept writing and droning on.

I reached into my bag and tore off the corner of an old test. I hastily wrote, “Pandora has a diary???” on it and passed it to her.

She looked at it, cocked an eyebrow and thoughtfully wrote her reply. She slipped it back into my hand. Stealthily, I read what she had said. In beautifully curved letters she said, “This is the first I’ve heard of it!”

I looked at her, this time I was the one that cocked an eyebrow. She just shrugged and went back to taking notes. With a sigh, I decided to listen to what the teacher was saying for the first time today.

---

“Tell me a secret.”

“I don’t have any secrets from you, you know that.” Pandora responded, a touch of concern in his voice.

It was Friday evening and we were hanging out at my house, doing our homework. He was using my computer to do research for our history essay. I was sprawled out on my bed, working on the calculus homework. We were both as naked as the day we were born, of course.

“Okay dokay, if you say so.”

“No, don’t fucking dismiss me like that.” The hurt was clear in his voice.

“Come on, dude. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Now you’re the one lying and keeping secrets. Come on, what’s going on?”

I sighed. I really didn’t want to tell him, it’s supposed to be a non-issue. It wasn’t really any of my business anyways. But at the same time, he was right. I am the one keeping a secret and lying to him about it. Finally, I resigned myself to my fate, “Fine, you’re right. There is something on my mind. It’s about your dia-”

“What the fuck, dude? I told you it was mine and not to read it!” He stood up in anger.

Uh oh. I probably should have started by asking him not to be mad. Pandora isn’t a saint, by any means, but he rarely swears. He doesn’t care if I do, so I pretend I’m a sailor, but it’s just not something he does. To swear twice, so quickly, especially the f-bomb, I knew he was upset.

“I didn’t! I promise!”

“I don’t know man. When you were over on Wednesday for Mexican night, I was in the washroom for a pretty long time. Maybe you sneaked a peak or something.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the mental imagery. “Dude, way to remind me of your most unattractive moment, ever. The noises coming from there... and the smell. Oh god, I’m not sure if I can ever touch you again!”

His face of stone began to crack, too. Before he knew it, his face was plastered with a huge grin on his face. “You still want it.” He flaunted, shaking his ass.

I motioned for him to come over, as I repositioned myself on the bed, resting my head on my pillow. He lay on top of me and pressed his lips against mine. After a few kisses and some tongue action, I broke to tell him, “I love you and I respect you too much to go through your things, especially if you don’t want me to. The other day was vile and we’ll never speak of it again, but you’re still the hottest thing to walk this planet. Now, kiss me.”

“Yes, sir!” Was the eager reply.

---

The next couple of weeks flew by. I’ve tried my best to forget about his diary, and for the most part, I succeeded. Jane never mentioned it to me again, which is a bit weird, but helpful. Our relationship bounced back, as expected, and grew stronger with each passing day. We were both in crunch time mode for our final exams, so we didn’t have much leisure time. Jane would study with us for English stuff, but most nights it was a party of two. But without the party, it was all work, all the time. We both want to get into the same, respectable university.

Things were going well, stressful, but very well, until the second week before exams started, in History. Pandora was sitting with his friend, Jackson, helping him with a World War II review. I was sitting at my desk, alone, working on the World War I one.

“Hun, do you mind passing me the textbook? I forget which date Dieppe was and need to check.”

“Sure.” I replied, reaching into his bookbag. We shared a locker and it wasn’t uncommon for one of us to borrow the other’s things, or go through the other’s bag. I started rummaging through, looking for the textbook when I noticed it. There was Pandora’s diary, in his bookbag, resting against his History book! My mind immediately went into overdrive. The gears were spinning rapidly as I grabbed his textbook. I got up, as calmly as I could, and walked over to him and Jackson.

I smiled at Jackson, glancing at his page. “Oh, no, Jackson. It’s a common mistake that the attack on Pearl Harbor happened on December the 8th. That would have been the time in Japan. For Hawaii, it was the 7th still.”

“Oh, cool. Thanks dude!” He replied back, genuinely relieved.

“No sweat, man. Here, Pandora, enjoy your textbook.”

“Thanks. You didn’t have any trouble finding it, did you?”

His question threw me off. Was he trying to tease me, or something? “Naw, you’re messy, but not that messy.” I teased back, quickly returning to my seat.

I heard Jackson ask Pandora what that was about. I could see Pandora hesitating for a moment, then leaning in to whisper to Jackson. Both their voices were hushed, and they were leaning in very close. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I knew it was about me. They kept looking at me from the corners of their eyes.

I leaned back in my chair. With my pen in my mouth, I stared into the chalkboard, my mind pondering all the possibilities of what was going on.

---

“Where are we going?” Pandora asked me, looking terribly confused and slightly concerned.

“The mall. I told you this, weren’t you listening?” I snapped back.

“Dude, it’s the weekend before exams start. Why are we going to the mall? We should be home, studying. Besides, you hate the mall!”

I continued driving in silent, ignoring him. After several more minutes of insanely uncomfortable silence, we arrived. Still without talking, I parked and started walking to the mall. I didn’t bother waiting for him, but he did run to catch up to me.

I walked through the mall, quietly, until I was satisfied with the spot. It was right in the middle of the mall and there was enough people around that I felt comfortable enough to go ahead with my plan.

“I have some questions for you.”

“Okay... Why are we here?”

“So you don’t make a scene.”

“That’s harsh, man. What gives?”

“Yeah, I was kind of wondering that, too. What fucking gives with Jackson the other day.”

“Oh, that. Man, that’s not anything you should be worried about. It’s no big deal. You’re overreacting.”

“Oh yeah? I’m overreacting! What about your DIARY being in your bag?” I was yelling now, getting really angry at his nonchalant lack of an answer.

“What the fuck dude, you just yelled that I have a diary in a mall full of people. Don’t be such a jerk.” His face had a hurt look on it.

My anger cooled, but I was still very upset. In a much quieter voice, almost in a defeated tone, I said “Well, it’s kind of a jerk thing what you’ve been doing to me. How do you think I feel?”

His brow wrinkled and he sighed. He noticed an empty table nearby and motioned for me to sit with him. We sat there for a few minutes, again in silence. It was still awkward, but not nearly as much. I could see he was struggling with something, probably trying to figure out how to put what he wanted to say into words.

“You know I love you, right?”

I didn’t say anything.

“Well, I do. Deeply. I know that we always do it together, but it’s a big one, so I was planning on throwing you a surprise birthday party. That’s what I was talking to Jackson about and that’s why...” He stopped, dead in his tracks.

“That’s why, what?” I asked, a hint of venom in my voice.

“That’s why I have a diary, to organize everything.” He took a deep gulp. It looked like he had just told someone something terrible, like their love one had passed.

I leaned back in my chair, unconvinced. “I don’t buy it. We always do it together. Besides, this year, both our birthdays are next week, when we have exams. We agreed not to do anything.”

“Well, the last day of exams, there’ll be a surprise party waiting at your house. I don’t want to ruin it for everyone else, so please try to act surprised.”

“I don’t have any say in this, do I?”

“Nope, and since I no longer have to make an excuse, please wait about half an hour before coming home. Thanks hun.” He kissed me on the cheek. “You hate malls and I’m not really a fan right now. Please let’s go home and study.”

---

The day finally arrived. Today was my surprise birthday party! The last of our exams was over, I aced it and was walking to the locker, on cloud nine. It was a great day.

“Oh hey.” Pandora greeted me, with a huge smile on his face. “Do you mind taking my bag for me? I have some stuff to take care of.”

“Sure.” I readily agreed.

“Make sure to wait half an hour!” He called out to me as he walked away.

Spending the next half hour in the school’s cafeteria was incredibly boring, but worth it. After what seemed like hours, finally thirty minutes had passed and I headed home. The entire way was a struggle. For a few steps, I’d try to be as slow as possible, as to not rush the surprise. But then the next moment, I was practically running, trying to get home as quickly as possible.

I turned the corner and saw my house. As I walked down the street, I got closer and closer to my front door. I noticed that there was no cars around. “Good,” I thought, “they’re smart enough to park around the corner.”

Finally, I was at my front door. With a deep breath, I opened it and stepped inside.

Silence.

No one was home.

“Hello?” I tentatively called out.

Nothing. No one was here.

Suddenly, I was overflowing with anger. “PANDORA!” I yelled.

I stomped up the stairs and slammed my door shut behind me. I slammed my bag down and threw his across my room. Tears started rolling down my eyes, the reality of the situation was hitting me hard.

“Why did he lie to me?” I asked no one is particular, thinking out loud. “I don’t understand him.”

I crawled into bed and curled up into a ball. I cried so much that I ended up falling asleep.

---

I woke up a while later. It was only a few hours, but so much had changed. It had started raining, but at least I felt better. My parents were home and it sounded like they were getting ready for dinner. I didn’t want to be disturbed so I opened my door and pre-emptively yelled down, telling them I wasn’t hungry.

I got back into bed, but didn’t hide under the covers. Why would he do this? I mean, it’s not like he could get away with it. Maybe his diary can shed some light on this.

“Damnit.” I cursed myself, “I don’t even have that. Wait, maybe he brought it to the exam.”

I searched his bag and found the diary inside. I held it in my hands, staring at it thoughtfully. This isn’t really something I should read. He was right in saying that it’s personal. But, I’m so confused and deserve answers. He obviously won’t give me them, but I need to find them out, somehow.

“I guess he doesn’t care too much about his privacy if he left it with me, right?” I chuckled to myself, trying to make myself feel better about opening it.

I stopped for a moment, and looked at the front cover. “Pandora’s Diary” was written in and it looked an awful lot like Jane’s writing.

“Weird.”

Slowly, I opened the book. With a deep intake of breath, I looked at the first page. I exhaled disappointedly when I realized the page was blank.

“What the fuck?”

I started flipping through, getting angrier and angrier as more and more pages turned up blank. It was a 150 page note book and I was staring at blank page number 149. There’s only one more pages, and if anything is written in this, it’ll be on it. Slowly I turned the page, it was blank.

“What the-”

Then I noticed it. On the last line of the page, there was something written.

“I love you, Nathan. Will you marry me?”

Stunned.

Absolutely, gobsmacked. Jesus, this kind of makes sense now. Pandora never handles this shit well. He was probably flipping out, trying to figure out what to do.

“Shit...” I kind of feel like an asshole now.

I reached for my cell phone and texted him, telling him to meet me outside, to talk.

My phone vibrated a moment later with his reply. He pointed out that it was piss pouring rain out and suggested that we talk later.

I politely thanked him for pointing out the obvious but told him that it wasn’t a request.

I put my phone down and started preparing myself. I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and washed the tear stains from my face. Back in my room, I noticed he had replied. He told me that he’d be right outside. I shrugged, thinking that the least he could do was wait a few minutes for me, and got changed.

I slowly made my way downstairs, both out of fear, anticipation and trying to avoid my parents. I opened the front door and was greeted by the torrential downpour. I could see a figure leaning against a lamppost in front of the house.

I slowly walked up. Pandora noticed me and started walking towards me. We met in the middle of my front lawn. I grabbed both of his hands firmly in mine. I looked him in the eyes and said, “Yes.”

“You mean...?” He asked, hesitantly.

I nodded, as I pulled him into a hug.