Awkward Moments in Religious History - 2. Kenny

"Adam!"

"Adam!!"

Adam got up from the rock he was leaning against and rounded on Eve. "What the hell do you want now? I can't get a moments peace around here without you harping on me about something!"

"Well excuse me Mr. Lazy Ass but the garden needs tending!"

"The garden always needs tending Eve, it's like massive! You have to chill once in a while too you know. Relax a little."

"Just like a man! Always thinking about how to get out of work. Well let me tell you something Adam, this garden ain't going to tend itself you know!"

Eve turned from Adam crossing her arms, "This is exactly what Kenny said would happen."

"What? Who's Kenny?" Adam was puzzled.

"No one, just a friend." Eve said smugly over her shoulder.

"A friend," Adam said incredulously, "we're the only two here!"

"Well he's not human!"

"Well what the hell is he?" Adam was getting mad.

"He's a snake."

"A snake! Have you lost your mind? You can't talk to snakes Eve. They don't talk!"

"Kenny does."

"Kenny does...." Adam mocked and turned his face skyward, "Dear Lord why did you send me a woman, when a man would have been so much easier to get along with!"

God made a mental note of Adams request but didn't answer just then, this was getting too good.

"Oh real mature Adam. You're just jealous I have a friend to talk to!"

"And where did you find this snake friend of yours?" Adam enquired.

"In the grass of course... Sheesh where else would I find a snake?"

Adams mood turned, and he put on a smile for Eve. Approaching her gently he reached out and took her hand. "You know what Eve," he said smoothly, "I know of another snake in the grass. And I think he'd like to meet you."

Eve's eyes brightened and she hopped a little in Adam's grasp. "Really Adam! Does he talk too?"

"I don't know baby, you wanna ask him?"

"Oh yes yes yes!" Eve's excitement was spilling out of her. "Please let me meet him Adam, pleeeeaassse. I really want another friend."

"Well I'm certain he's gonna wanna be your friend too sweetness."

"Well where is he Adam, I really want to meet him!"

"He's right here honey bear," and Adam lowered his hand bringing Eve's hand with it, and settled on his rising phallus.

Eve's eyes turned livid and she yanked her hand away from Adams groin. "Adam!" He never saw the slap coming and reeled back from the shock of her hand ricocheting off his cheek.

"Owww baby, what's the matter?"

"Man!" Eve turned and began to stalk away.

"Oh come on Eve, don't you want to meet him?"

Eve ignored Adam and kept walking.

"You can call him Kenny... if you want," he said weakly more to himself. "Man I'm never gonna get any now."

Adam glanced at the pride of lions that was watching the whole exchange. "What are you looking at?" he shouted angrily and stormed off as well, leaving the lions to chew their bean sprouts and lettuce wraps while watching him leave.