Awkward Moments in Religious History - 3. Here's Steve!

Adam shook his head in wonder as he watched the hyenas. They were playfully crouching behind the mounds of sand the meerkat’s had built up in front of their burrows, and every time one of the little weasels would surface, a hyena would gently pounce, pluck it's fuzzy, slender friend up in its mouth and bring it back to the hyena den, where their little ones would play with it.

That's friendship right there, Adam thought to himself, I wish I had a friend. Even Eve has a friend. It seems I'm the only one without a friend. "How come everyone has a friend but me, Eve?"

Distracted, Eve was looking over her shoulder at her bottom. "Does my butt look big to you? You think maybe I should work out a little? Maybe take a few laps around the garden?

"No baby, I like your big butt," Adam said but Eve heard the lack of enthusiasm in his voice.

"Come on Adam, you have me to be your friend," she purred.

"I know kitten, and you're great, you really are. These past weeks have been awesome since your arrival! But it's not the same, when you're off with Kenny and the hyenas are playing with the meerkats. Look over there," Adam pointed to a distant gathering of cougars all licking a deer. "See? Even the deer have friends to help them clean their necks, see how the cougars are all washing it?"

"Awwww... that's sweet," pined Eve.

"And I have no one," Adam stamped his foot and looked off in the distance brooding.

"Don't worry baby, I'm sure it will all work out. Here, have some bok choy." She handed him a stalk of the tasty vegetable.

Adam looked at in confusion.

"It's new." Eve said helpfully.

Adam?

Adam heard the Lord's voice reverberate through his consciousness, washing him in the glory of God. He turned his head toward the sky and answered out loud. "Yes my Lord, I am here."

"Right behind you!"

"Ohhhh man!" Adam shrieked and jumped in the air at God's voice behind him. "You really have to stop sneaking up on me like that my Lord!"

"You're a little tense Adam, so I brought you something that might cheer you up," and God pointed behind him with a nod. "Meet Steve… I whipped him up for you to hang out with." God said with a twinkle in his eye.

As Adam turned in wonder to meet his new friend, he heard Eve's breath catch even before he laid his eyes on the cause.

Steve was all man! 6 feet 2 inches of thoroughbred, he strode confidently through the clearing toward the group. Lean and gorgeous, his muscles rippled across his chest, perky nipples sat on top of bulging pecs, above washboard abs you could scrub a wart hogs coat on! And to top it off, his smile and piercing green eyes dulled the vegetation around them, and sat beneath a wavy head of blond follicles that even the cheetahs were jealous of!

He stopped before them, with hands on his hips and then just as dramatically threw his arms in the air and cried, "Ohhhh myyyy Goooooodddddd!!!" in a high-pitched campy shriek.

He approached Eve first. "Look at those curlth girlfriend, all natural ah huh! And those curvths," Steve ran his hands along Eve's form, "honey I hope you know how to uthe em cauth you got thum competithion!"

God, Adam and Eve stood there looking at Steve with their mouths hanging open.

"Oh my," God said absently, "I think I may have left him cooking too long in the petri dish!"

"Mmm Mmm Mmm and you muthed be Adam!" Steve proclaimed with a snap and eyed him up and down hungrily. "Love these," he gave Adam's arms a squeeze. Circling around behind him he ran a stray finger across Adams back and over his rear. "And this!" he finished coyishly biting the tip of the same finger between his perfect teeth.

He glanced at God standing next to Adam. "Hello Daddy," he winked seductively, forcing God to swallow uncomfortably.

Adam gave a little squeal as Steve slapped his butt cheek and then watched him move toward the lion pile.

"Oh and look atch youuuuu!" Your coat is tho luxurioth! I could just eat you!" Steve ran his hand through the thick mane of the largest cat, and rubbed himself along the Lion's back earning him a sour look from the king of beasts.

Eve screamed suddenly and Adam found himself catching her infectious and giddy mood and they both screamed and ran to meet their new friend.

"Okay... Well... Gotta go," God said, shaking His head in wonder, and was gone once again leaving the three holding hands and skipping through the garden.

So you see it wasn't just Adam and Eve after all… or even Adam and Steve. It was Adam and Eve and Steve… and isn't this just way better for the gene pool?