Barely Existing - 1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The sun had just come up, and the sky was streaked with breath taking shades or pink, blue and orange. Gavin pulled his back door behind him and made his way to the woods behind his home. His long legs encased in a pair of soft grey pajama pants, his torso and feet bare. With travel mug in hand, he headed for his favorite spot. It was a small area that he kept clean of debris with an outdoor chair facing the national forest that ran along the back of his property.

Gavin had purchased his home for location alone, at the young age of twenty-four. He graduated college, and thanks to his father’s parents, his college loans were no longer a worry. His parents didn’t understand his need to live so far out of town on his own, much less a property with so much land. They said it was simply too much maintenance for a single man and since he was gay, he didn’t need a family home. He didn’t exactly agree with their opinion, sure he was gay, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want a family, it only meant he wasn’t attracted to women.

His sister didn’t understand his need to spend so much time outdoors since he wasn’t what you would call athletic. Apparently it was weird that he found it comforting to just relax outside, rather than the couch in his living area. His ex boyfriend definitely didn’t understand it, and accused him frequently of cheating. In response Gavin offered to take Tim with him, show him where he went when he needed to be out, enjoying nature. Apparently, Tim was allergic to being outside and instead used the time to be with his other boyfriend.

Gavin could only explain to his parents he simply enjoyed the privacy and security his home provided. He didn’t have to worry about having his television too loud, or listening to his neighbor. The woods on his property provided a sense of peace to him, a calm feeling that washed over him every time he pulled into his driveway. He told them the truth; he just left one thing out. He didn’t try to explain that there was an empty void that ached in his chest and the only thing he found to ease it, was his home and the woods surrounding it.

When the realtor showed Gavin the property as a last ditch effort, something clicked, and he knew he had to have it. It didn’t matter he would now have a thirty-five minute commute to work, or he’d have to purchase a lawn mower and a leaf blower. When he stepped out of his car, his soul felt like he had finally come home. Shortly after moving into his home, when exploring his property Gavin found this special little spot and he was immediately charmed. So, he cleared out a small area, found and purchased his outdoor chair, and started his daily ritual of enjoying his coffee surrounded by nature.

Gavin worked Monday thru Thursday, four ten hour day. It was Friday, which meant his work week was complete, and he didn’t have to watch the time, he could simply enjoy his morning. It had been a rough week. They had a customer issue, or Gavin did at least, where the client complained heavily about the software not syncing with their device. According to the sales team, the client knew when the software was purchased it was not compatible with the device they wanted it on. Of course, this didn’t matter to their customer relations department, and the customer was always right. So customer relations bent over backwards trying to please the client, and Gavin was stuck working twelve hour days at the office, only to come home, log into his work computer put in several more hours. In four days, he’d achieved a sixty hour work week, and he was exhausted. His supervisor asked for him to come in over the weekend to continue working on the issue, but thankfully his team lead took his back and put an end to that real quick.

He finished his coffee, and then leaned his head back to study the green canopy above him. His eyes burned and ached. He didn’t fight it when his eyes closed, simply took a deep breath, and fell asleep. He wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep when a noise startled him. He jerked awake with a gasp and his hands tensed on the arm of his chair.

A rustle sounded then a snap echoing in the fresh air. An intense feeling over came him, like he was being watched. He jerked his head up and found himself face to face with the largest black bear he had ever seen, not that he had seen many that it.

The large creature stood about thirty feet away from him, staring right in Gavin’s direction. No matter how much he wanted to, Gavin found he couldn’t avert his gaze. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, wondering if the bear was going to attack. What felt like an hour was probably just a matter of minutes.

There was a lethal beauty to the bear. I wish I had my camera. The thought made him pause. Seriously Gavin? You’re probably looking at a four to five hundred pound bear and you want your freaking camera? He shook his head at himself and took a few deep breaths. He watched in astonishment as the bear sat down and tilted its head, studying Gavin. It didn’t move for a few moments, then it stood, grunted before turning and walking away. As soon as the beast was out of sight, Gavin did the same.

He walked home, his heart in his throat, jumping at every slight sound. He finally made it to his home; let himself in the back door. He set his coffee mug on the kitchen counter, and walked into his master bathroom. He quickly undressed himself, adjusted the shower temperature.

Since he had bought the house, he had updated it room by room, a little at a time. The bathroom had been the first to be done. He had radiant floors installed, under stone tile. He had a double vanity cabinet installed. The robin blue toilet had been tossed and a new one installed. The shower had been his last update, and in his opinion, the best. It was a large, tiled shower, roomy enough to fit at least four grown men. He had a wide, long bench added into the shower wall. There were two wall mounted shower heads. Under each wall mounted shower head, was a handheld shower head. In the very middle, he had a rain shower head mounted from the ceiling. It might seem excessive, but it was his dream shower, he had the money to pay for it, so he did.

Gavin stood in his shower, the hot water coursing down his body, head tilted down, his weight braced on arms against the wall, lost in thought. His brows were scrunched in confusion. He simply didn’t understand it. Bears weren’t exactly in short supply in the Smokey Mountains, but they weren’t nearly as abundant as deer tended to be. From what he knew, bears would either avoid humans, or attack if threatened. It boggled the mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about the bear’s odd behavior. Then it hit him. He rubbed the void in his chest. For the first time in his adulthood, the ache that plagued him had faded.

***********

It was Friday night, which meant a night out with his friends. The morning weighed heavily on his mind all day. As he dressed for a night out he knew there was something he was missing, he just couldn’t place what it was. He looked in the full length mirror on the back of his bedroom door. His jeans fit him well, or so he had been told. A slim fit black shirt with pearl buttons hung just to his pockets. His wardrobe tended to lack color. If it wasn’t black, grey, white, or red, it was a gift from his sister more than likely. He didn’t care much about clothes, as long as they fit, weren’t stained, and didn’t bear holes.

His sister teased him about his lack of fashion sense. She teasingly complained that it was fair she had a gay brother who didn’t have a lick of fashion sense. He of course wished her good luck shopping by herself the next time she needed a laptop or a TV.

With a last glance in the mirror, he ran his hand through his hair, picked up his wallet and keys and headed out the house. He had just made it to his small SUV when a pair of head lights turned into his driveway. There was still light outside, but barely. It was just enough for him to make out a huge red truck turning down his drive. Gavin leaned a shoulder against his vehicle, curious about his visitor.

Gavin’s SUV was parked in front of the garage at the side of the house, and watched a big man step out of a bigger truck. He pushed off the vehicle and took a few steps away from it, drawing the big guy’s attention.

“Hi. Can I help you?” He put a friendly smile on his face, but inwardly he was cautious. He wasn’t what you would call tall, coming in around five foot ten. His body was toned from jogging and swimming, but he was by no means bulky. Whoever it was walking towards him, was a mountain of a man. He had to be at least six foot six, and it looked like he had a good seventy to eighty pounds on Gavin. But as he drew closer to him, something happened in Gavin and he had no words for it, no way to describe it. He wasn’t even sure he knew what it was.

“Hey! I’m new to the neighborhood, just wanted to introduce myself.” In the quickly fading light, Gavin could see more of the large figure making its way to him. As he approached, Gavin’s heart started racing, and for the second time that day, he couldn’t discern if it was fear or exhilaration.

“Hi. My name is Tate.” Suddenly, he was there, right in front on him, holding a hand out in greeting. Gavin reached out shook his hand, and gasped at the contact. He looked down at their joined hands, then the mountain of a man in front of him and froze. Fuck, his new neighbor was hot as hell.