Footprints - 5. Chapter 5

Mothers.

They are cause and effect. Category one priorities. Corner stones and gunpowder. High priestesses and queens. Effective shoulders to cry on.

‘I hope she doesn’t freak…Hi Mom.’

‘Hi baby. How are you doing?’

‘Okay, thanks. Just fine. I’m sleeping over at a friend’s place tonight. I thought I had best let you know not to make dinner for me.’

‘Okay. You know the drill. Where and who is this person?’

The mother informed is the mother armed.

‘Basil. I don’t want you to worry. He’s just down the road.’

Irritation in her voice. ‘Address, buster.’

‘Mom…’

‘Address.’

He covers the phone with his hand. ‘Can I give her your address?’

‘Sure. Here’s a card of mine. The addie is on there.’

‘Mom, it’s 22 Shore Lane.’

‘Cool. And remember, if anything goes wrong, phone me.’

‘Will do. Thanks mom.’

Ending the call, he places the phone in his top pocket and relaxes his head against the back of the sofa.

‘She’s okay, as long as she knows where I am.’

‘Wish my mother was like that. How old is she?’

‘Forty two.’

‘Young. Hey, I’ve prepared a late lunch. It’s not much. Hungry?’

‘Famished.’

From the balcony the sea looks as if it’s directly beneath the house. An illusion. You imagine that Will is an illusion, yet he’s real, and he’s hurt. His heart seeks touch, and you want to touch it but it’s far better to be cruel than kind in this situation. You find his hand across the table and lift it to your lips.

‘A couple of days ago I would never have expected this.' Your voice is soft, your eyes downcast, looking at the fruit in your plate.

His hand is warm while yours is cool. ‘I have to tell you that I had seen you standing on the porch with your binoculars. I wondered what you looked like. From afar you looked sexy. I knew I just had to meet you.’

‘You planned on meeting me?’ You kiss his hand again.

‘Yes. I wanted to say howzit,’ he says.

‘I got there first.’

‘Indeed you did. And now that you’ve met me?’

‘You know how I feel. Need I explain it?’ you ask.

‘No. If you felt any differently you would have walked out on me earlier. I’m glad you didn’t.’

He pours himself a glass of orange juice.

‘No wine?’

‘Not right now. After a swim it’s the worst. I…I’ve been meaning to ask, what’s under the sheet on the easel.’

You had expected this. Curiosity is the prince of knowledge.

‘Just a painting. Unfinished.’

‘A seascape?’

‘Yup. And more.’

‘Can I see it?’

‘I don’t believe in showing my unfinished work.’

‘I look at all of your paintings on the walls and I can only imagine how beautiful it is, whatever it is.’

‘I think it’s beautiful. That’s why I’m painting it.’

‘When will you finish it?’

‘I think this one is kind of like…unending. It will be finished when it’s finished. I don’t know when that day will be. Does that sound crazy to you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Maybe that’s because I'm crazy…about you mostly.’

You walk around to his side of the patio table and lean in to kiss him, wondering if showing him the painting will upset him. Wondering if you will ever be ready to show it to him.

The doorbell rings.

‘You expecting someone?’ Will asks, adjusting the hardness in his trousers.

You shrug. ‘Nope. Stay here, I won’t be long.’

Through the peephole in the door you see it’s a woman. Her features are distorted through the peephole but she has shoulder length brown hair. You open the door.

‘Hi, can I help?’

‘I’m Will’s mom. Is he here?’

He looks just like her. A full mouth and now you know where he gets his ability to kiss so well. Green eyes, and a healthy looking skin, probably a non-smoker. She displays a lively smile.

‘Err…yes he’s here. Pleased to meet you…um Mrs...’

‘Catherine.’

‘I’m…I’m Basil. Please, come in. We’re on the patio, come through.’

She’s carrying a bag and places it just inside of the door.

‘Will, your mom’s here.’

Will swirls his head away from the ocean at the mention of his mother. ‘Mom? What?’

‘You don’t look happy at all to see me,’ she says, approaching the railing overlooking the ocean.

‘Well, I’m surprised that’s all.’

‘I brought you an overnight bag. You never sleep out. I thought I’d do you a favour.’

You smile. The woman is thoughtful, or outrageous. An overnight bag? This is a first. Will's jaw drops open.

‘Will, I think that’s awesome. At least you have clothes now,’ you say.

‘And a toothbrush, underarm deoderant , suntan lotion and a new swimsuit.’ Catherine says.

‘Can I get you something to drink, Catherine?’

‘Catherine?’ Will says with a smug smile. ‘First name terms. That’s damned quick.’

***

It’s a full, waxed moon and it’s brightness leaves a wedge on the water’s surface. Will turns to face you and in the candlelight you can see the happiness in his sparkling eyes. ‘Thank you,’ he says, touching your chin.

Taking his hand and placing it on your cheek, you respond quietly. ‘Why would you thank me?’

‘For a fab evening. Being you. Being cool with my mom.’

‘Your mom is quite a lady. I like her.’

‘I can see that she likes you too. Be prepared to see a whole lot more of her.’

‘I hope I do.’

‘Baz, hope you don’t think that I’m rude, but I’m bushed. Time for some shut eye. And you need to get up early for your jog on the beach,’ he says.

‘I’m tired too. It’s been a wonderful day. The spare room is ready, and if you want to shower – don’t worry, I won’t disturb you – there are towels and fresh soap waiting.’

‘I’ll shower in the morning. The spare room sounds cool too.’

The room is large. Painted white with a double bed and fresh linen.

‘Goodnight Will.’ The kiss is a quick peck on the forehead even though your heart is beating and you want to kiss him passionately. You can’t. You said earlier that you wanted to take it slow. Maybe this is too slow. There’s a tinge of sadness in his eyes as you walk away.

‘Goodnight Baz,’ he whispers.

The edge of your bed is the most comfortable position for you right now. Staring at nothing. Eyes watery. Sitting staring thinking how you have really fucked up by not inviting him into your bed and that this may be the last time you ever get to see him. Sitting staring thinking. Knuckles in your mouth. Crying. Heart pounding. It’s the way the cards fall and maybe, just maybe Will is too young for you young and ambitious and a star in his own right but that doesn’t make you any less. You don’t know how long you have been seated on your bed. It seems like hours. The tears have gone. The hollow feeling in your tummy has settled. By the time you reach his shut door, your heart is pounding again. You turn the handle and walk into the spare room.

The moon is shining through the open window, enveloping his bed.

But he’s not in the bed.

You look for him on the balcony. To your relief, he’s standing there, watching the ocean.

Naked.

You turn to leave and before you get to the door, he calls your name.

‘I was hoping you’d come,’ he says.

And suddenly you’re on the balcony with him, holding kissing touching his face crying wiping your hands over his chest and nipples, kissing his neck his eyes and ears.

‘God I want you so much,’ it’s a whisper but it comes from your soul.

The bed is only a few paces away and soon you’re on top of each other, kissing his chest, swiping your tongue down his slight treasure trail and softly kissing his hardness before fully swallowing it and all you can hear is his heavy breathing and his pleading for more.

And then you hear a sob.

You look up and find his eyes filled with tears.

‘What’s up? What’s wrong, Will?’

‘Nothing’s wrong. I’m just so fucking happy.’

That’s all you need to hear before merging your bodies as though you are one.

***

There’s something in the water. Something forgotten. Something that happens every year.

A swimming, weaving, lurching, swirling silver shadow, as tall as a 10 story building, and 1.5 kilometres wide that has a wake 10 kilometres long. Gannets and albatross darken the sky. Squeal, then dive like Kamikaze pilots, sending streaky plumes of water into the air as they dine off the tight, organised bait ball of

pilchard Sardinops sagax.

Sardines.

All swimming northward. All laying eggs that will return to the Agulhas bank to hatch the following year. Billions of them. They can’t be seen with the naked eye because they’re five kilometres offshore. Of-course, they’ve come closer to shore in years past, but then the conditions were right.

Dolphins round up the sardines into three-story tall bait balls. Suddenly the ball is punctured by several Dusky and Blacktip Sharks, King Mackerel, Geelbek and Tuna. The pilot shoal continues to move, oblivious of the feeding frenzy behind them while the females drop their eggs onto the ocean floor. One after the other, the bait balls are provoked and lanced.

You know the sardines come every year without fail.

But this year you haven’t been watching out for them. You’ve forgotten.

And the Dusky Sharks have strayed. Swimming in shallow water. Just off the beach.

Your beach.

***

After breakfast, William pulls on his black wetsuit and you help by zipping him up. He places his cell phone in your shirt pocket. You have no idea that black to a predator represents a small bait ball of sardines. You set the timer to 00:00:00, and, taking his hand, you lead him down the steps onto the beach.

‘Look. Gannets.’

The birds blacken the sky. You should have known, it should have come to you immediately. You’d be better off hoping to remember. Just a second of reflection, that’s all it takes. ‘They’re getting ready to migrate to warmer climes.’

‘There are thousands of them.’

‘One of the marvels of nature. Hey, help me with the canoe. I wanna be with you on this swim.’

‘Hope you can catch up with me,’ he laughs.

You pull the rear end of the canoe out of the shelter onto the beach.

Your cellphone rings. It’s Catherine.

‘We’re outside,’ she says.

‘Outside?’

‘At the front door. We’ve brought some goodies for a picnic on the beach.’

You cover the receiver with a hand. ‘It’s your mom. She’s here.’

Will raises an eyebrow. ‘What is she doing here?’

‘She wants to have a picnic on the beach.’

‘A picnic?’

‘That’s what she says.’

Will takes the phone. ‘Mom?’

‘Hi baby boy. We brought a picnic basket. Thought we’d watch you swim.’

‘We?’

‘Ruwan is with me.’

‘Ruwan? Ruwan! But he’s supposed to be at military college.’

‘Long weekend. He wants to see you. Are you going to open the door or do we bash it in?’

‘We’ll see you now, Mom.’

‘Who is Ruwan?’ You return the phone to climb the stairs to the house.

‘A friend. He signed up for military training. Last time I heard from him was about a year ago. He was determined to join the army.’

You unlock the door and welcome her with open arms. Ruwan stands behind her, carrying a large picnic basket, an umbrella and a blanket. He seems uncomfortable with the load.

By the time he’s inside, your impression of him is waxen, because, unlike you, he has a spring in his step, walks with his head held high and shoulders back. Confident. Controlled. Seems to have a positive self-image, ready to face problems head on. Holmean brown eyes miss nothing. He’s staring at the sheet-covered painting.

‘You’re an artist,’ he says, wringing his hands.

‘I am.’

‘I’d love to see the painting under the sheet.’

Will shoots a sudden glare at Ruwan. ‘Don’t be so nosy. He never shows anything until it’s complete.’

‘Just a peek.’

‘The next time you visit it will be complete. You’ll see it then. Shall we head off along the beach? Looking forward to this little picnic. Oh, and now that you’re with us, Ruwan, you can help carry the canoe,’ you say, leading the way down the steps.

You walk ahead of them, bags in hand. Every now and then turning to check on their progress. They’re talking. Not smiling. Not laughing. Will’s voice is tense. His words, terse. He quickens his pace and suddenly drops the canoe and turns to face Ruwan.

‘Oh, now it’s my fault that you had to leave! Get a life. No one forced you to do anything. Least of all me.’ Will’s voice is loud.

Ruwan drops his end of the vessel, glaring at Will. ‘I didn’t say that. I said you make it difficult for anyone to be near you, so I made a choice.’

‘You left because you didn’t want anyone to know that you’re gay and couldn’t face it. That’s the truth right? What better way to run away from yourself than to join the army. You couldn’t face yourself and so now you make it seem like my fault.’

‘I came back because I wanted you to see that I’ve accepted it.’

‘Why would you do that? Why now?’

‘You really want me to tell you the reason? In front of your mom and Basil?’

‘Yes. I want to know. I have nothing to hide from them.’

‘Okay,’ he drops onto his knees and looks out over the ocean.

You feel his loneliness and strain to understand where all of this is leading.

‘Because I fell in love with you, Will. But all you ever wanted was a platonic friendship. I knew you didn’t love me. So I left.’

Waves lap the shore. Sea-gulls and gannets cry overhead. Nature’s silence has a voice.

‘What?’

‘You never saw that one coming, did you?’ Ruwan says.

‘We were always friends. We never spoke about this. We never did anything to challenge that friendship.’

‘That’s why I was so scared. The day you came out to me, I wanted so much to tell you how I felt. But then I remembered that the only love of your life is swimming. Nothing and no-one is able to come between you and friggin swimming. You never looked at other guys. You never looked at me. We never went out. There were so many times I tried to get your attention. I came to one conclusion, that you are incapable of love.’

Taking Ruwan’s hand, they’re not shouting now, ‘I never knew. I am so sorry.’

You and Catherine are laying the blanket, within earshot.

‘Don’t be sorry. You can never be sorry for the way you are. I see how you look at Basil. I’m glad you’ve found love. I’m happy for you.’

‘What about you? Have you found anyone?’

‘There is a guy, at camp. We’re fond of each other. I think I may have fallen in love with him.’

‘Then I’m glad we had this discussion. And yes, Basil is a wonderful guy. I’m fond of him too.’

‘Hug?’

‘Sure.’

Tight hug. Too long. But, the moment of fear passes quickly. That moment when you thought Will would declare his love for his friend. A smile passes over your lips; there is something to learn about Will every minute.

‘You say you’re fond of him,’ Ruwan says as Will helps him up. ‘I think it’s more. I can see it in your eyes. You’re in love with him.’

‘Like you say, I don’t know what love is, but if what I’m feeling right now is love, then yes, I love him. From the moment I laid eyes on him. Maybe even before that.’