Geeks - 12. Happy Holiday

CHAPTER TWELVE: HAPPY HOLIDAY

The rest of the semester, underscored by the looming promise of finals, passed too quickly for Mikeal’s liking. Most of it was a blur of studying, either in the library, cuddled up with Adam in his apartment, Julie’s dorm room or one of the many coffee shops in and around campus.

Adam made a point to avoid talking about Mikeal's visit home for Christmas break. Mikeal had been unusually snappish, short tempered and moody the last few days and Adam was wondering if the stress of college was finally getting to him and if he would be this way every time the end of term rolled around. At any rate, he didn't want another argument like the one before Thanksgiving and much preferred spending his spare time distracting his boyfriend with much more enjoyable pursuits, most which involved a heavy amount of kissing and the removal of clothing.

The night before his last exam, Mikeal slipped out of Adam's bed once he knew his boyfriend had dozed off and padded naked to the couch, pulling the afghan off the back and wrapping it around his body. He approached the window, which showed glimpses of the studio complex and the shimmering lights that decorated the trees and windowsills outside in their Christmas glimmer.

He knew that Adam got uneasy when Mikeal got contemplative…Adam called it brooding. But Mikeal always had a need to quietly think about things at times, to ponder and reflect. It was just a part of his nature that boyfriend would need to at least respect, if not appreciate. Boyfriend. The thought went a warm bubble of contentment up through him. He liked it.

And there was the crux of his current dilemma. He had told Adam early on that he had loved him and had thought that he meant it. But now, what he was feeling was deeper, truer, more honest and powerful than anything he had ever felt before. And that made the holiday conversation with his parents even more essential and important than ever. Because Adam was a part of his life, a deep, vital part of his life, and if that part didn’t have his parent’s approval, that would make things…complicated.

He was broken from his reverie again by Adam, who came out to join him, resting his chin on Mikeal’s shoulder. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Needed to think,” Mikeal said.

“Mmm.” Adam yawned and nuzzled Mikeal’s neck. “Room in there for me?”

Mikeal unwrapped himself and let Adam slide up behind him, wrapping the both of them up in the afghan, Adam’s chest warm against his back. He felt Adam's finger trace a spot on his neck that he had kissed rather forcefully earlier and Mikeal wondered if he had a hickey.

“I didn’t hurt you back there, did I?” Adam asked. Mikeal could hear the undercurrent of anxiety in his voice.

“No, as I recall, I was the one who left scratches on your back.”

Adam chuckled and Mikeal liked the way it felt, how it rumbled against him. “Just making sure,” Adam said, pressing his face into Mikeal’s hair, breathing him in. “I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Mikeal said. “Calmed me down.” Mikeal sighed. “Sorry for stressing out so much lately.”

Adam pressed a light playful kiss against his ear. “You have a lot of stuff going on. You’re in the middle of your finals, which are about ten times harder than my most difficult class, and you have a boyfriend, and you're worried about what's going to happen at home. I can't blame you for being a little stressed out.”

“I’m not worried about what's going to happen at home.”

“Liar.”

Mikeal turned into his boyfriend’s embrace, pressing his face against his neck and shoulder, wrapping his arms around Adam’s waist. “I’m not going to lie to them anymore. And I’m not ashamed of what I am or how I feel. If they don’t like it, if they can’t understand that, then the problem is with them, not with me.”

A warm hand stroked his hair. “But you still love them, baby. And that’s okay. Even if they don’t understand, or don’t want to understand, you’ll still love them and that is okay.”

“But what if they don’t love me anymore?”

“Mikeal, I'm going to tell you something my Mom told me after I came out to her and my dad. You are more than this one part of you. This is just a piece of you that your family hasn’t seen yet. But you are still you. This doesn’t make you any less compassionate, or intelligent or loveable." Adam's arms tightened around him. "I don’t know your parents, but you do. They have loved you for years. Do you think they would stop now? Just because you are gay?”

“I don’t think so. I hope not.”

Mikeal let out a sighing, shuddering breath and Adam had to repress the sexy shudder that wanted to go through him as the warm, moist air danced over his exposed skin, his nipple puckering. “I’m just…I’m…”

“Scared,” Adam finished for him.

“Yeah.” Mikeal pressed himself closer and Adam hugged him tight, wanting to protect him, wishing there was someway he could chase that fear, that dread away. “I don’t think it is a good idea, but if you wanted me to come with you..."

Mikeal shook his head, drawing back a little. “No. No, I need to do this. On my own.”

Adam nodded a little. “Okay. But you call me if anything goes wrong, okay?”

Mikeal snuggled back in. “I hope it won't.”

Adam kissed him. “Me too.”

He took Mikeal back to bed and tried to erase his doubts and fears with kisses and caresses. He tenderly pressed his lips against the dark smudges that his careless hands had left on Mikeal's hips. He nuzzled and kissed Mikeal’s stomach until his boyfriend was shaking and trembling with a combination of laughter and arousal. Then the nuzzling turned into sensual kisses, the laughter changed to moans of pleasure, and Mikeal’s anxiety dissolved away underneath another pleasurable onslaught of his lover’s skilled hands.

* * *

Finals ended, school was dismissed and Mikeal and Adam reluctantly parted for Winter Break. Mikeal still wanted a few days of normalcy and to at least get through Christmas before dropping the bombshell on his family, but that wasn’t hard to do. The few days before Christmas were filled with the usual flurry of parties, cooking and entertaining.

His grades came in, excellent as always, and his father clapped him on the back and gave him the same speech about working hard and the value of academia that he had heard ever since he started school.

The more time that went by, the more Mikeal felt his resolve start to deteriorate again. Lily came home, sun-browned and beautiful as usual, with her husband. Hyacinth appeared the 20^th with David and Sophia, looking very pregnant. Mikeal finally sat down one evening, while his parents were out at another party and wrote them a letter. He would go in and read it to them, and then they could talk. That way, he wouldn’t stumble trying to find the right words and hopefully it would keep him from choking. He had gone through three rough drafts before he was satisfied. He was reading over his latest draft again when there was a knock on the door.

“Yeah?”

The door opened and Lily stepped in, leaning against the doorframe. "Hey."

Mikeal smiled. “Hey.”

She smiled, and glanced at the papers on his desk. “Homework? Over break?” she asked in mock horror.

Mikeal quickly flipped the page over. “Just looking over a few things. What’s up?”

“One of the fuses in the icicle lights that Mom strung up is out,” Lily said. “Do you know where she keeps the replacements?”

“Probably in the attic with the old decorations,” Mikeal said. He folded up the sheets of paper and put them away. He didn't want the ever-curious Sophia to wander in and find them, or God forbid, deliver them to her mother. “I’ll help you look.”

Seeing Lily standing there, it was again all too obvious how different his sisters were. Even though they were both blond, tall and pretty, Hyacinth never left the house without her hair perfectly coiffed, makeup immaculate and her outfit the cutting edge of class and fashion. Sophia often looked similar, always fully dressed with her hair fluffed, curled or braided. Lily had her hair up in a messy bun on the top of her head, wore no makeup and her sweater rose several inches above her wrists, probably an old one that she hadn’t had time to replace between her return from Africa and her traveling home for the holidays. Her husband, Reggie, was just as relaxed and low-key as she was. Lily had always been his “fun” sister growing up, more like an aunt, always returning home from college with fun gifts and treats for him.

She scrambled up into the attic with him. Mikeal loved the attic, the musty dusty smell of it, the heat, and the mysterious boxes piled high in the eaves and corners. His mother never let him spend a lot of time up here, claiming that the dust was bad for him. But he had always been eager to explore. He found the box for the lights and lingered up in the attic when Lily went back down. Curiosity pulled him and he started wandering through the attic, opening up boxes and trunks; some containing quilts and old toys, others containing junk and spiders. He found an old Coca-Cola light up clock and wondered if it still worked. He pushed aside a pile of empty suitcases and found another trunk tucked up in the corner. Unhooking the latches, he pushed it open, finding a couple of photo albums. He picked one up and opened it, seeing his parent’s wedding album. He smiled. How young they were! He continued to look, turning old pages with great care, picking up younger images of relatives. He slowed at one page. Marigold was there, flanked by people that he didn’t recognize. Were those her parents? Mikeal could barely remember them, just vague, barely there memories. He turned the page again. Marigold again, surrounded by whom he now assumed were her parents and another wizened couple. The man was in a wheelchair, but sat proudly, in full military dress, a woman standing next to him. He frowned, studying them. He didn't recognize them at all. He carefully peeled back the plastic sheeting. Flipping the photo over, he recognized the names of his grandparents, who he had heard Lily and Hyacinth refer to growing up. The two names he didn't recognize, George and Mary, he assumed were the elderly couple.

He put the album aside and pulled out another one. This one was full of photos of his sisters. A couple more of who he guessed were Marigold’s parents, playing with a young Lily. And that other elderly couple, the man holding Lily on his lap, the woman smiling next to him.

Mikeal picked the albums up and climbed awkwardly down the attic stairs, feeling slightly sick. Once he hit the cooler air of the house, he started to feel faint and dizzy. Shaking his head to clear it, he closed the attic opening and went downstairs in search of Lily.

“Lily?” he called.

“She’s outside,” Hyacinth called from the kitchen. Mikeal hesitated, and then entered the kitchen. Hyacinth was drinking a mug of tea and leafing through a magazine. She glanced up as he entered and saw the albums. “What do you have?” she asked, sitting the magazine aside.

“Um…I found these up in the attic.” Mikeal explained, sitting them down on the table. Hyacinth opened the first one and smiled.

“Mom and Dad’s wedding. God, look at how young they were!” Hyacinth exclaimed. She continued to turn the pages.

“I was wondering about those two,” Mikeal said, showing her the one picture. “Grandma and Grandpa?”

“Oh yeah,” Hyacinth said, nodding. “You probably don’t remember. You were little when they died.”

Mikeal turned the page and pointed to the unknown couple, with the man in the wheelchair. “This couple, the really old one, who are they?”

“Uh, let’s see…” Hyacinth squinted. “That’s great-grandpa and great-grandmama. They died long before you were even born Mikeal.”

“Are they Mom’s grandparents?”

Hyacinth nodded. “Yeah. On her mother's side I think. The ones on grandpa's side weren't there.”

"What did grandpa's parents look like? What did they do?"

"I don't know Mikeal, I don't remember them very well myself. I think they were factory workers. Maybe farmers."

"So great-grandpa was the only one who was in the military?"

"I think so. The others might have gotten drafted, but great grandpa was the only one who talked about being in the service."

Mikeal paused, looked closer. Even through the grainy quality of the photo, he could see that they both were light haired and definitely Caucasian. And Mary was hardly a Japanese name. Maybe Hyacinth was wrong.

"She doesn't look Japanese," Mikeal observed.

"Hmm?" Hyacinth asked turning the page.

“I thought great-grandmama was Japanese.”

Hyacinth frowned up at him. “What?”

“That's what Mom told me once.” Mikeal pulled up a chair and sat down. “Great-grandpa was a war hero, right?" He turned back to the page with the elderly couple. "I mean, you can see in this picture that he’s wearing a uniform.”

“Yeah…” Hyacinth said, sounding uncertain.

“And he took an Asian bride, like most of the soldiers did. So it must be that one of our great-grandparents from Dad's side-”

Hyacinth shook her head. “No, Mikeal. No. Great-grandpa was the only one who fought in the war. And he didn't take a foreign bride.”

“But Mom. Mom said-“

“Mom lied.” Hyacinth glanced around before giving Mikeal a sympathetic look and put a hand on top of his. “Listen, Mikeal. There are things that Mom and Dad haven’t told you. And…well, I think it is past time you learned the truth. If someone was keeping secrets about me, I would want to know them, wouldn’t you?”

Mikeal nodded, his throat dry. His stomach and chest felt tight, the way it did before a big exam.

Hyacinth sighed. “Mikeal, you are smart. Like really smart. Smarter than me, definitely. You have to notice that you look a little different. You don’t look like me or Lily. You don’t look like Mom or Dad. You don’t look like any of the people in the album. What does that tell you? What kind of conclusion do you draw?”

“That-That I'm-“ Mikeal felt his throat tighten and knew his voice was close to cracking.

“Hya!” Lily stormed into the kitchen, placed her hand on Hyacinth’s shoulder. Mikeal could see the squeeze of Lily's fingers and the wince that flashed across Hyacinth’s face. “What are you doing?”

“He has a right to know-“ Hyacinth ground out through gritted teeth.

“Not from you!” Lily snarled, snapping the album closed with her other hand. “This doesn’t concern you at all.” Lily glanced up at Mikeal and her stricken expression was more than enough to confirm that Hyacinth had been telling him the truth. “Mikeal-“ she started.

Mikeal jumped to his feet and ran from the room. His mind was curiously blank and he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing until he found himself standing at the door of his car, keys in hand. He wasn’t allowed to have the car at the dorm until his sophomore year, but his Dad kept it ready for when he was at home. Mikeal got in and slammed the door. He could see Lily coming out the front door, in her boots and coat, but ignored her, shifting the car into reverse and sliding out of the driveway into the street. By the time he made it to the interstate, the tears had started to come.

* * * * *

Adam was enjoying his time at home. The tree had gone up the day after he had arrived, his gifts were bought, wrapped, and placed under the tree. His current project was watching the kids while his parents were out, and preparing to cook the first of several batches of Christmas fudge, cookies, and pies. He lined all the ingredients up on the kitchen counter and taped the recipes on the cabinets under the hopeful gazes of his younger siblings, who were patiently waiting for a chance to lick a bowl or spoon that contained batter. He was teaching his sister, Lisa, who was nine, how to measure out the ingredients that he would need.

He didn't notice the knock on the door, focused on the task at hand, as his youngest sibling, and only other boy, slid from the stool and ran to answer it. A few moments later, a small hand tugged on the hem of his shirt. He handed the scoop for measuring out the cocoa to Lisa and glanced down at Josh, who was looking up at him with large eyes. His thumb was planted firmly in his mouth, something he still did when sad or worried. "What's up, little man?" he asked, resisting the urge to pick Josh up and give him a hug.

Josh pointed and Adam glanced over, a slow blossom of happy surprise opening his chest as he saw Mikeal standing near the doorway. Mikeal hadn't even called him to let him know he was coming over. He registered the tense lines of his boyfriend's face and his red-rimmed eyes a second later and his welcoming smile faded a little.

"Emily!" he called. Emily popped her head in the kitchen, her cell phone in her hand.

"What?"

"Watch the kids for a second."

"But I'm-"

"Now, Em."

She rolled her eyes and sighed, but entered the kitchen, pocketing her phone. Adam approached Mikeal casually, keeping his expression light.

"Hey baby," he said, hugging him. "This is a nice surprise."

Mikeal started to smile, but instead, several tears slid from his eyes and streaked down his cheeks.

Oh crap.

Adam wrapped a firm arm around Mikeal's shoulders and steered him towards the bedroom, sitting him down on the bed. He gave him a hug, and tilted Mikeal's face up, pulling off his glasses to wipe the tears from his cheeks. "So I'm going to guess things didn't go very well with your parents, huh?"

Mikeal chuckled weakly and shook his head. "I didn't even have a chance to talk to them about it. I..." He shook his head and wiped several more tears from his eyes.

Adam, puzzled and a little angry at whoever or whatever had driven Mikeal into such a state, simply folded his boyfriend into his arms again. "What happened baby? What's going on?"

Mikeal shook his head. "I can't. I can't."

"Okay, okay." Adam brushed Mikeal's dark hair back, trying to soothe him the way he might one of his siblings. "You're not hurt, are you? I mean like physically?"

"No." Mikeal answered dully. "I just…I'm tired. I'm so tired."

Adam laid down with him, hugging him and rubbing his back. When Mikeal's breathing had evened out and quieted, Adam checked his face and saw he was asleep. He knew that Mikeal worried excessively over things that Adam considered unimportant and was a little high strung and anxious...but this was weird. Mikeal had always been willing to talk when something was bothering him and now he was holding out on him. And he had driven all the way out here with no notice. Mikeal was many things, but spontaneous was not one of them. Whatever happened at home, it obviously wasn't good, but Mikeal had told him that he didn't talk to his parents about being gay...and he didn't have any physical damage...so it couldn't be that.

Adam was sitting at his desk, next to Mikeal, watching him sleep when his parents came back home. His Mom knocked on the door and Adam met her outside to avoid disturbing Mikeal.

"Your sister is in the kitchen, finishing all the holiday treats and told us that you were in here with a boy," his mom said, raising an eyebrow.

"You remember Mikeal?" Adam asked.

"Is that who it is?" his mom asked.

"Yes." Adam bit on his thumbnail. "He showed up here, out of the blue, no notice or anything, which isn't like him. He was upset and started crying as soon as he saw me. I couldn't even get him to tell me what was wrong."

His mom's face softened in concern.

“Is he okay?”

Adam shrugged. “He cried himself into exhaustion and fell asleep. I didn’t want to wake him.”

“Well, he can stay here if he needs a place, I guess,” his mom said. “His folks didn’t kick him out, did they?”

“He’s not out to his parents, that I know,” Adam said. “I was worried that he had come out to his folks, which he was planning on and that it didn’t go well, but all he managed to get out was that he didn’t get a chance to talk to them.” Adam grew pale. “I hope they didn’t die.”

“Try to figure out what happened and let us know if we can do anything. But he is welcome to stay here if he has nowhere else to go.”

“Thanks Mom.”

“Just make sure you follow the house rules. No sex.”

Adam felt his face grow warm. “Mom, that is the furthest thing from my mind under your roof, trust me.”

She chuckled as she turned to walk down the hall. “Good, let’s keep it that way.”

When he re-entered the room, Mikeal was lying on his back, awake, eyes red and his hair sleep tousled. He looked sleepy and vaguely confused. Adam felt another hard squeeze of affection seize him. He approached the bed and sat down, running his hand over Mikeal’s messy hair. Mikeal moved to sit next to him.

“Sorry for showing up out of nowhere,” Mikeal said. “I just…I really needed to be with you.”

“I’m not worried about you showing up,” Adam told him, hugging him. “You’re always welcome. I am worried about why you are acting like your world is falling down around you.”

Mikeal laughed. “I did come bursting in here like a right little drama queen didn’t I? Must run in the family.” Mikeal laughed again, almost doubling over. Adam didn’t like the slightly hysterical note that it carried.

“Calm down, baby,” Adam said. “What’s happening? Is it something with your family?”

“I don’t have a family anymore,” Mikeal said dully.

Adam’s earlier fear returned. “Why? What happened?”

“I-I think my sister just told me I'm adopted.”