Barely Existing - 10. Chapter 10

Gavin paced in front of the full-length mirror in his bedroom. He had never been so nervous in his life. It’s just a date. This is normal, he reassured himself. No! A voice inside of him argued back. This is different, it insisted. As much as he fought to deny it, the voice was right. The way he felt for Tate was unlike anything he had felt before.

He ran a trembling hand through his still-wet hair and tightened the thick grey towel wrapped around his hips. He paused at foot of his bed and stared at his cell phone. He picked the phone up for the third time, tempted to call Crys, and then tossed it back onto the bed. He resumed pacing. What the fuck is wrong with me? He was so tense and edgy that even the simplest task was impossible to comprehend.

Gavin sat on the end of his bed, looked down at his cell phone, and took a deep breath. With a sigh, he picked it up and fell backwards. His eyes focused on the ceiling fan above him and he watched the blades slowly rotate. He held the phone above his head and scrolled through his contacts before he stopped on the one he searched for. His thumb lingered above the green phone icon before he pressed it.

The phone rang several times before an out of breath voice answered. “Hello?”

“Hey sis.”

“Gavin! Hey. Sorry about that. I left the phone on the table while I hung the sheets on the line. I didn’t even check to see who was calling before I answered.”

“No, it’s okay.” Gavin bit his lip and wondered how he should proceed.

“What’s wrong?” Kayla asked, concerned.

“Nothing.” Gavin sighed before he relented. “I need help.”

“What do you need help with?”

“Ihaveadate.” He gushed.

Kayla laughed. “Okay, whoa boy. Slow down. You have a date? With?”

Gavin took a deep breath. “Tate is coming to pick me up in an hour and I don’t know what to do.”

“Tate’s taking you on a date?” Kayla said gleefully.

“Well, technically yes, but I asked him.”

“You asked Tate for a date?” Gavin frowned at the shock he heard in Kayla’s voice.

“Yes, I asked Tate for a date. Can we move on?” He rolled his eyes in exasperation.

“Sorry. What can I help you with?”

Gavin explained to her how nervous he was about the date. “I don’t know sis. This just feels…I don’t know, bigger I guess. It feels like more than simply a first date.”

“Okay deep breath bro. You need to calm down and stop stressing yourself out over it. You’ve known Tate for a week now and have spent more time with him than most people do when they go on a first date.”

“I know. I don’t know why I’m so nervous about this.” He ran his hand over his face.

“I do. You really like him. And you know what Gavin? I think he really likes you too.”

“You think so?” Gavin hated how unsure he sounded. He groaned. “Oh God, this conversation sounds so high school.”

Kayla laughed. “I’m serious Gavin. He stuck to you like glue the entire evening last Saturday. Trust me; whatever you are feeling for him, I’m pretty sure he is feeling it for you too.“

“Thanks sis.” He spoke softly.

“No problem. Now what are you going to wear and what are y’all going to do?”

“I have no idea what to wear. As for what we’re going to do…I thought we could go to the Italian restaurant I took you and Logan to. Maybe hit a bar afterwards.”

Kayla groaned. “Oh god I love that place! They have the best food. Shit. Now I’m hungry.”

“You better watch your language.” Gavin teased. “Peanut might be able to hear you.”

“Oh shut up.” Kayla laughed. “I’ll help you pick something to wear.”

“Thanks sis.” Gavin rolled off the bed and walked to his closest. He was surprised that she had a better grasp of what it held than he did. “How do you know what clothes I own?”

“I just do. Now grab those dark-wash jeans I bought for you last Christmas.” The silence conveyed Gavin’s confusion. “The pair that Crys likes.” Kayla clarified.

“Okay.” Gavin chuckled. Crys always seemed fascinated with his ass when he wore them.

“Hmm…okay, how about the dark blue shirt I picked out for you a couple weeks ago?”

“Alright.” Gavin pulled out the slim fit, short sleeved shirt and laid it on top of the bed near the jeans.

“Wear the steel and leather braided bracelet with it. I swear you wouldn’t have anything nice outside of your boring work clothes if it weren’t for me and Crys.”

“Your point?” Gavin grinned.

Kayla laughed. “Okay, your man should be there soon. Go get dressed. Don’t get too crazy with the hair wax and it won’t kill you to wear a little bit of cologne.”

“Okay, thanks mom.” He teased before he became serious. “I really appreciate it Kayla.”

“That’s what I’m here for. I love you, have fun and call me tomorrow.”

“Love you too.”

“Oh and don’t forget protection.” She yelled before she disconnected the call.

Gavin laughed and tossed his phone on the bed. He felt calmer than he had all evening. He nervously looked over the outfit Kayla had helped him select. He quickly dressed and clipped on the bracelet. He contemplated his hair in his bedroom mirror. Instead of styling the fauxhawk, he ran his fingers through it a few times until it was perfectly disheveled. He took a last look at himself in the mirror and nodded in approval.

He pulled on his favorite pair of All Stars and tucked his cell phone in his pocket before jogging down the stairs. With his foot on the bottom step, Gavin heard a knock at the door. Butterflies fluttered erratically in his stomach and an excited smile crossed his lips. He opened the door and his heart joyfully jumped into his throat.

Tate stood on the porch dressed in a simple, white button down shirt. He had the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a chunky silver watch on his wrist. His light blue jeans were faded and well worn. Tate’s smile mirrored his own and it took his breath away.

Gavin swallowed. “Hi.” He stepped back and opened the door wide for Tate to come in.

“Hey. Hope I’m not too early.” Tate stepped into the house and into Gavin’s personal space, walking him backwards. Gavin’s back hit the wall and his heart slammed against his chest like a drum.

Gavin swallowed and struggled to find his voice. “No.” He squeaked. He cleared his throat and tried again. “No, you’re not too early. You look… you look hot as fuck.” The words escaped him and his cheeks burned in embarrassment.

Tate chuckled and pressed his body against Gavin’s, effectively pinning him to the wall. Tate ground his hips against the other man’s and Gavin could not stop his moan at the contact. A responding groan echoed from Tate before he leaned down and kissed Gavin. Gavin’s mind came to a halt and his world narrowed to the man in front of him. Their lips moved together, the contact slow, gentle, and sweet.

“The things you say.” Tate’s husky voice sent shivers racing down Gavin’s spine. Tate wrapped his arms around Gavin and moved them away from the wall. He pressed a quick, tender kiss to Gavin’s lips. “I missed you.”

Gavin wrapped his arms around Tate’s waist and nuzzled his neck. God, he always smells so good. “I missed you too.”

Gavin pulled back and looked at Tate. “Would you like a drink?”

“Maybe later. We probably should leave if we’re going to.” Tate stepped away from Gavin and smiled. “Are you ready?”

Gavin grabbed his keys and his wallet off the table in the hall. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

“So, do you like Italian?” Gavin asked as they walked towards Tate’s truck.

“I love Italian.” Tate grinned.

“There’s a great place on the outskirts of the city. It’s a little bistro and the food is the best and their tiramisu is amazing.”

“Sounds perfect.” Tate opened the passenger side door for Gavin. Gavin moved to step up into the large vehicle but was stopped by a hand on his elbow.

“Just one more.” Tate whispered before he kissed Gavin. When they parted, Gavin licked his lips, searching for any lingering taste of Tate.

Tate cleared his throat. His green eyes glittered with lust. “So yeah, we should probably go.” He walked around the truck to the driver’s side while Gavin climbed in and shut his door. The interior was clean with leather seats and big rubber mats on the floor. The faint scent of coconut lingered in the cab, melding with Tate’s own natural scent.

Tate started the truck and pulled out of the driveway. Country music filled the cab. “Is this okay?” He asked, nodding toward the radio.

“It’s fine.” Gavin reassured. Country music was not his first choice but he did not entirely hate it.

“So how was your first week at work?” Gavin asked.

“Not bad. Actually, it was a little unusual.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I was hired for the Client Services department and I finished my online training for that position. Then Wednesday, I get a call from the higher ups asking if I would consider transferring to Technical Support.”

“How the hell do you move from Client Services to Technical Support?”

Tate laughed and shook his head. “I don’t even know. Some bull about my experience and education being more of an asset to the Technical Support team.” Tate shrugged. “Whatever. With the new job I won’t have to travel as much so that’s good news.”

“Yeah, but that has to be annoying. You finish training for one position only to be moved to another.”

“Eh. Oh well. So how was your week?”

Gavin groaned and let his head drop back against the headrest. “I’m telling you, something is going to have to change. I worked sixty hours last week and this week I worked fifty. I love coding but I’m tired of the overtime. I mean, I know there are people out there who work just as much, if not more, but I’m sick of it.”

Tate’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. “You worked sixty hours last week?”

Gavin nodded. He explained to Tate the customer issue only he could fix that had consumed so much of his time.

“Does that happen very often?” Tate asked.

“More often than I’d like it to.” Gavin sighed. “This week, for example, they were pushing to reach a deadline for a patch for the last release.” Gavin rolled his head towards Tate. “It’s not like this for everyone.” He reassured him, assuming that the amount of overtime concerned Tate.

Tate smiled at Gavin. “I’m not really worried about me.”

“Ah, don’t worry about me either. It’ll slow down soon. Then I should have a bit of a break before the next release is pushed again.”

The two men lapsed into a comfortable silence and country music filled the cab. Gavin glanced down at the arm casually resting on the console between them. The tanned skin stood out against the white shirt and was covered in slightly curled black hair. Unable to resist temptation, Gavin tentatively reached out and ran his fingers down the forearm.

He glanced up at Tate and the smile there emboldened him. His caress became surer and he gloried in the feel of the almost coarse hair against his fingertips. Lost in his exploration, he was startled when Tate flipped his arm over and he jerked his hand away.

Tate laughed softly, the sound almost silent. Gavin grinned in return. He traced a prominent vein down to Tate’s palm and paused. Large fingers waggled in invitation. Gavin slid his palm over Tate’s and laced their fingers together.

Gavin cut his eyes at Tate and marveled at the tender smile there. An emotion he was afraid to study filled him. He glanced out the window and looked around briefly.

“We’re almost there. It’s a right at the next light.” Tate turned into the parking area for the strip mall. “It’s at the end, on the left.”

Gavin chuckled as he climbed out of the truck. Tate had parked in a deserted area of the lot; the closest car was five spaces away. He grinned at Tate and bumped him with his shoulder.

Gavin thought back to the previous Friday. When they first met he drooled over his new neighbor. The sparks between them burned brighter than any fireworks Gavin had seen.

“How many?” A soft, masculine voice intruded on Gavin’s thoughts.

“Two please.” Tate answered.

The young man at the podium smiled politely. “Yes sir. Right this way.” He picked up two menus and guided them to a table tucked in the corner towards the back of the bistro. The tables around them were mostly empty.

“Is this okay?”

“Perfect.” Tate nodded. “Thank you. “

The host waited for Tate and Gavin to sit before he placed menus in front of them. Eating utensils and glassware already graced the small square table.

“Your server will be with you momentarily.” The young host smiled politely before he spun around on his heel and hurried back to the front.

“This is nice.” Tate observed as he looked around the restaurant. The amber lighting was soft and the walls were painted a similar, warm color. The bistro almost appeared to glow. Votive candles flickered on the table top.

“It’s a favorite of mine,” Gavin admitted. “You don’t really expect to find anything like this outside of the city.”

A waitress with dark brown hair pulled back in a pony tail approached their table. “Good evening.” Her high pitch voice grated like nails on a chalk board. “My name is Meaghan and I’ll be your server. “ Gavin mentally cringed. She took their drink orders, clucked her tongue and walked away.

Gavin and Tate looked at each other and chuckled. “What was that?” Gavin asked.

“That was…interesting.” Tate looked down at his menu and then back at Gavin. “Any suggestions?”

“I don’t think you could go wrong with anything on the menu. Everything I’ve had has been delicious. Is there anything you’re in the mood for?”

“Um, something with pasta and meat.” Tate answered looking over the menu.

Gavin laughed. “Sounds good. The chicken parmesan and the stuffed chicken marsala are my favorites.” He watched Tate scan the menu.

Tate groaned. “They both sound really good.”

“Well, I usually don’t finish all of mine so I don’t mind sharing.” Gavin offered.

“Are you sure?” Tate asked and Gavin nodded in response.

“I think I’ll get the marsala then if that’s okay with you?”

“I wanted the chicken parmesan anyway.” He smiled and both men closed their menus and stacked them on the table.

Meaghan returned with their drinks shortly after and placed them on the table. She picked up the menus after she took their orders. She clucked her tongue and walked away.

Gavin looked at Tate and grinned mischievously. He clucked his tongue.

Tate chuckled and shook his head. “I’m not trying to be mean or poke fun at her, but what is with that?”

“I have no clue. I’ve never seen her here before.” Gavin placed his hand on the table near Tate and Tate covered it with his own.

Gavin swallowed. “Can I admit something?” His voice shook.

Tate squeezed his hand. “Go for it.”

Gavin looked down at the table, his heart in his throat. “I know it’s only been a week and I swear I’m not trying to rush things between us.” He feared that what he was about to say would push Tate away. “I’m twenty-six years old and I’ve had a few relationships. But this,” he motioned between the two of them, “whatever this is between us, I’ve never felt anything like it before.” He paused only long enough to take a deep breath. “I kn-know I’m not explaining this right. I-I-I just…”

Tate gave Gavin’s hand another squeeze. “Hey, stop. I know exactly what you’re saying. I feel it too. It’s more than a spark or chemistry. It’s deeper.” Gavin’s breath whooshed out and his relieved smiled brought out dimples Tate had never noticed before.

“That’s it exactly. It’s all that and more.” His anxiousness came back full force. “I just need to know what you are looking for. I’m not trying to sound needy or rush us into anything. These feelings are strong and if you are looking for a fling, I don’t think I can do that.” Blood rushed to Gavin’s cheeks and he dropped his chin down, unable to meet Tate’s gaze. He’s going to run. This is our first date and here I am scaring him away.

Meaghan returned to their table with a serving tray and set it down on an empty table near them. Gavin and Tate’s hands returned to their laps and out of her way. She set their entrees and a basket of breadsticks in front of them. She smiled and clucked her tongue. “Is there anything else I can get for you?” She asked politely.

Both men smiled back at her and shook their heads. “Thank you.” They both responded. Gavin watched her walk away then turned to Tate. “She has a tongue piercing. Did you notice that before?”

Tate looked in the direction their server had disappeared. “Huh. No, I didn’t.”

He turned toward Gavin. “Back to what you were saying though.” Gavin gazed down at the table. “Can you look at me please?” Tate’s voice was gentle. Gavin hesitated before he met Tate’s green eyes. “You’re not rushing anything and you don’t sound needy. I don’t want a fling with you Gavin. What you are telling me you feel; I feel it too. I think about you all the time and trust me; I’ve never felt this way for anyone else before. I want to explore the possibility of us.” Tate placed his hand on the table, palm up, and Gavin tentatively put his on it.

“I didn’t think I was being subtle with the way I’ve been chasing after you since last Friday.” Tate teased.

Gavin laughed. “Well, I kind of got the idea that you might be attracted to me.”

Tate’s mischievous expression melted into something soft and gentle. “Baby, I’m more than attracted to you.”

Gavin’s face heated and his cheeks, forehead, and ears glowed fire engine red. “Okay, enough of this heavy crap. We’re men and there is food in front of us. It’s time to eat.”

Tate chuckled and looked down at his plate. “Wow, this looks delicious!” Both men dug into their food and Tate moaned. “This is fucking awesome!”

Gavin laughed and separated a small portion of his onto a bread plate for Tate. “Here try this.”

Tate took another bite and groaned. “Aww man. You were right. Best I’ve ever had.” Their conversation lulled while they enjoyed their dinner.

Meaghan returned to their table. “How’s it going over here? Everything okay?” She placed fresh drink refills onto the table and switched out their empty breadstick basket for a new one.

“Everything is great.” Tate reassured her. She walked away from their table and Tate looked at Gavin. “This is seriously good.”

“I’m glad you like it.” Gavin smiled. Amazed, he watched Tate polish off his food and the second basket of breadsticks. He chuckled and shook his head. It was like a car wreck, he couldn’t look away.

Tate looked up and saw Gavin watching him eat. He grinned. “I’m a growing boy.”

Gavin laughed. “I seriously hope not. You’re what, six and a half feet?” He slid the remainder of his entrée toward Tate.

Tate chuckled and pointed his fork at Gavin. “I’m six foot five…and a half.”

Gavin laughed. “Well, excuse me.”

Tate grinned. “You think this is bad? You should have seen us as teenagers.”

“Your poor momma.” Gavin teased.

With both plates clear, Tate leaned back in his chair. “There are four of us. Brad and Brandy were her first set of twins and Tavin and I were the last set. Out of all of us, Brandy was the smallest baby and even she weighed just under eight pounds.”

Gavin chocked. “How big was Brad?”

“Over eight, and he was the second smallest.”

“Damn. Sorry, but your mom deserves some type of medal after that.” Gavin shook his head. “No wonder that woman is a powerhouse.”

“Is it just you and Kayla?” Tate asked.

Gavin nodded. “It is; which I am extremely thankful for. My parents take the fun out of dysfunctional. As it is, Kayla has nothing to do with them.”

"I take it you’re not close?” Tate leaned forward on his elbows.

“No. I—.” Gavin cut off when he saw their server heading toward them.

“How was everything?” She asked as she picked up their empty plates.

“Fantastic.” Gavin said.

“Delicious.” Tate answered.

“Can I interest you in any desserts tonight?”

Gavin raised his eyebrows at Tate and waited for the man’s answer. Some part of him knew Tate would say yes and he wasn’t disappointed when he ordered tiramisu for both of them.

“Can I have a cup of coffee please?” Gavin asked with a smile.

“One for me too please.” Tate requested.

“Of course. I’ll be right back with those.”

Gavin looked at Tate. “I’m stuffed. There’s no way I am going to be able eat dessert.”

“It won’t go to waste.” Tate grinned and Gavin laughed.

“You’re a walking black hole.”

“I told you, I’m a growing boy.”

“How old are you again? I figured by now you would have stopped growing.” He teased.

“Pssht… I’m only twenty-eight. I still have plenty of growing left to do.” Gavin laughed again.

Meaghan returned with their coffee and desserts. “Enjoy.” She clucked her tongue and smiled as she dropped tiny plastic containers full of half and half on the table.

“So, what were you saying earlier about your family?”

“My parents and I aren’t very close. I talk to my mother on the phone once every other week or so, but I avoid visiting them when I can.” Gavin took a bite of tiramisu and swallowed. “Hmm. Yum. Anyway. Don’t get me wrong I love them, and I know they love me. They’re just really hard to be around. They’re the polar opposites of your family.”

Tate smiled. “Yeah. We’re all pretty close.”

“And it shows. Your family is great.”

“Can I ask why you and Kayla avoid them?”

“Well…I told you a little about my childhood and how my dad is now. That’s part of it. There’s also the fact that they think I’m some kind of kinky pervert because I’m gay. Or that it’s my fear of commitment. Apparently I just need to find the right girl.” Tate rolled his eyes. “They have all these stigmas about gay people. Some of them I’ve never even heard of before.

“No biggie though, right? Lots of families don’t accept their children being gay. It’s not just that with my family though. They’re extremely judgmental. If you go to church, you’re a bigot. If you don’t, you’re going to hell. If you are financially secure you’re a rich prick and if you’re poor you’re trash. It doesn’t matter what race, religion, sex, or nationality you are. If you aren’t exactly like them, they have some nasty or negative opinion about it.” Gavin shrugged. “Kayla is devoted to me and one day they went too far. She blew up, had her say, and then cut them out of her life.”

“Why haven’t you? If it’s so bad that your sister can’t tolerate them, how do you?”

Gavin sighed. “Honestly…I have no idea. I probably should.”

The conversation turned back to lighter topics and Gavin was relieved. They lingered over dessert and made it to a second cup of coffee when Tate noticed the server getting antsy. He pointed it out to Gavin and they both chuckled.

Tate motioned her over with a wave of his hand after they finished their coffee. Gavin looked down at the table and suppressed a laugh at the relief that flashed over her face. Tate passed her a card before she could pull out their check.

Gavin sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m covering the tip.” He tilted his chin up at Tate and silently dared him to argue.

Tate simply laughed. “Okay, okay.” He signed the receipt Meaghan had rushed back to them and shoved the extras copies in his pocket. Both men stood up as she dashed away. Gavin pulled out his wallet and dropped two bills on the table.

Tate looked down and raised an eyebrow at Gavin. “I’m not saying she doesn’t deserve a good tip, but you do realize you are leaving more than half our bill right?”

Gavin shrugged. “We’ve been here for hours and she’s been pretty patient. I figured the right thing to do would be to try to compensate her for any tips she may have missed out on while we were hogging up the table. Plus, she was really nice.” Gavin clucked his tongue.

Tate chuckled and nudged him with an elbow before reaching down to hold his hand. “She really was friendly and patient.” He agreed.

Gavin and Tate stopped near the front of the truck. “What now?” Tate asked.

Gavin grinned mischievously and grabbed Tate’s shirt in his fist. He walked backwards until he felt the truck’s fender against him.

Tate gazed down at Gavin in amusement. “What are you doing?”

“Well I know how much you like pinning me against things.”

Tate chuckled darkly and braced his arms on the hood of the truck. He leaned down and Gavin tilted his head back. The kiss was aggressive, full of heat, and short-lived. When Tate pulled back, his eyes met Gavin’s. The sun had long set and the only light came from the metal dusk to dawn light in the parking lot.

Gavin’s hands fidgeted on Tate’s chest and Tate caught them in his own. He pressed Gavin’s palms flat against his chest.

“What is it baby?” He searched Gavin’s eyes.

"I know you said you said you didn’t want a fling earlier, but is there anyone else? I mean I wouldn’t blame you or them. Look at you.” He spoke quickly and the words almost ran together.

“Slow down honey. Take a breath.” Tate paused. “Okay?” Gavin nodded.

“Gavin, there is only you. I only want you. When I said I wanted to explore us, I meant us as in you and me and no one else.”

Gavin’s relieved smile was short-lived. He ducked his head. “I don’t normally do this. I originally planned for us to go to a bar after dinner.” His voice shook. He wanted Tate and he knew what he wanted to do to and with him; he did not know if he was ready for it though.

“Don’t normally do what?” Tate asked, confused.

“Would you like to come back to my place?”

“That sounds great.” Tate kissed Gavin and then stepped away.

Gavin was riddled with nerves on the ride back to his home in the country. He fell silent when Tate turned onto their road and didn’t make a move when Tate pulled up by his house.

“I don’t expect anything, baby and nothing happens that you aren’t ready for. I just want to spend time with you.” Tate caressed Gavin’s neck with the back of his hand and Gavin relaxed. He was shocked and relieved that Tate had read him so well. “And maybe we can neck on the couch.” Tate teased.

“Neck? Really?” Gavin shook his head in amusement.

“Okay now?” Tate asked. Gavin nodded. “Great.” Tate rumbled.

Gavin’s house was dark when they walked in. He flipped on the living room light. “Make yourself at home. Why don’t you pick out a movie for us to watch and I’ll grab us something to drink?”

“Sounds good.” Tate replied

Gavin walked into the kitchen. “What would you like?”

“Do you have tea?”

“Yup.”

Gavin walked back into the living room. The overhead light had been turned off and only a lamp and the TV illuminated the large area. Gavin moved towards the sofa Tate sat on. Tate’s eyes were focused on him with a look reminiscent of a predator hunting its prey. Tate took both glasses away from Gavin and sat them on the coffee table.

“Come here baby.” He growled.

BIG, BIG THANKS to Valkyrie! She's amazing and I can't say how much I appreciate her help with Barely Existing! Thank you for reading. Any feedback is very much appreciated and I am grateful for any feedback left previously.
As a side note...Chapter 11 things get a little naught