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    1brokNangel
  • 1brokNangel
  • Author
  • 06/20/2014
  • 95 Words
  • 974 Views
  • 3 Comments
Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Walking Through Darkness - 3. Darkest Thought's

I'm sorry for another dark poem BUT after the day that I had I deserve to post this one , hoping to start a new poem book with my lighter style poems in it IDK when hopefully I can get to that this weekend (fingers crossed)so please just bare with me
thank you .
I can not say this enough but I REALLY do appreciate all of you who take the time to read and comment

Shadowy thought's drift through my mind,
I sit and wonder why my path in life seem's
so bleak , it just seem's to go from week to
week .
Lifes lesson's yet to be learned to many pass,
so what's my concern .
The scales of life are always stacked against
me - neither here nor there - what's wrong
with me ?
Problems to great , life to short , some thing's
I wish I could just abort - problem solved my
life ended.
How great for all if that's where it.....

Copyright © 2015 1brokNangel; All Rights Reserved.
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Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Mikiesboy

Oh now this one was very good. There was a rhythm here, which made it easy to read. You got your point across beautifully.
Try to watch using the same words more than once, in a short poem like this one. For example here:
life ended.....
How great for all if that's where it ended.
Maybe just as effective would be:
life ended.
How great for all if that's where it ....
Just a thought.. anyway, watch your grammar and the use of ellipses (... or .... at the end of a sentence).

  • Love 1
Lisa

Angel -- I don't know how I missed the rest of your poems! I'm sorry!!

 

This poem was definitely tragic. In fact, no offense to your writing because it is terrific, I did like Tim's ending better; it's definitely more effective leaving off the last 'ended'.

 

Your writing is beautiful, and your poems always evoke strong emotions in me.

 

I just wanted to point out some spelling errors in case you wanted to go back and fix them:
'thought's', 'seem's', and 'lesson's' don't take and apostrophe, but 'lifes' does. The words should be written: thoughts, seems, lessons, and life's because the first three words are plural, not possessive and not contractions, so there are no apostrophes. 'Life's' takes the apostrophe because it's a possessive word, in the case of your poem, 'lessons'' belongs to 'life's', as in 'life's lessons'. The same as Angel's poems -- the poems belong to Angel.

 

Also, with 'problems to great, life to short', the 'to' should be 'too'.

 

Anyway, sorry for pointing these out, but even though the poem is wonderful, it'll read better with the proper spelling. =)

  • Love 1
1brokNangel
On 11/27/2015 at 2:25 PM, Mikiesboy said:

Oh now this one was very good. There was a rhythm here, which made it easy to read. You got your point across beautifully.
Try to watch using the same words more than once, in a short poem like this one. For example here:
life ended.....
How great for all if that's where it ended.
Maybe just as effective would be:
life ended.
How great for all if that's where it ....
Just a thought.. anyway, watch your grammar and the use of ellipses (... or .... at the end of a sentence).

I took your advice and changed it, thank you for pointing out things that I didn't notice when I wrote this.

Thank you for reading.

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